RANCHO MUY FRIO (VERY COLD RANCH)

 

Welcome to the "Rancho Relaxo" blog for December. Well...this month's edition isn't terribly early or terribly late. It was started on time but this is Rancho Relaxo where....you just never know.

 Things aren't quite as hectic around here now that the weather has cooled down. We haven't had to break out the heavy jackets yet. But, it's almost too cool because it takes forever for the water in the chicken coop to evaporate. It's actually dangerous in there because water and waste make for ice-like floors. That ain't good! In any case, we haven't run out of things to do around here. There's lots to do what with family, church, computers, chickens, and challenges of all sorts. 

It hasn't rained....again....but, we are having some of the usual winter "high fog". That's a lot better than the "Tule Fog" that can get really nasty at times (especially in the mornings and evenings and along Highway 99). I've driven in fog so dense that you have to stick your head out of the car window to listen for oncoming traffic because you can't see them. Really....who wants to be T-boned by an idiot who blows through the stop signs at your intersection?! Thankfully, we've only had a couple of mornings with "regular" dense fog. 

Anyway, the Ol' Rooster and Ol' Hen just wanted to share what's happening here at our humble rancho (which doesn’t even come close to meeting modern industrial standards) nestled in the dang-near-close-to-being-truly-green foothills of the Sierra Nevada Mountains (come on rain!). Thanks for stopping in at Dirty Bird Central, the chicken ranch being run by two old turkeys.

Click on pictures to enlarge

I'm still not at all sure why we were recently targeted by a mass invasion of turkey vultures. Rancho Relaxo smells but....not that badly!

To the right is a view of northbound Interstate 5 coming down the last hill of the Grapevine. The San Joaquin Valley is barely visible in the middle of the picture.

Here's a shot of breaking out into the valley. To those of us who live in the San Joaquin Valley, it's a very comforting sign that we are getting close to home. 

This is another attempt at the Ol' Rancher's "awful ice cream art". I'm not sure if I'm just naturally awful at art or I'm a brilliant artist who uses great talent to skillfully make such awful art. This one is called: "The Really Cool Soul Singer"....who has many personal problems. I tried water colors but...they just don't taste as good. 

This is an early morning shot of one corner of a small cemetery near Rancho Relaxo. We came to visit Connie's parents' graves. You can tell that we live in the foothills.  

Tip O' The Day

You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose. But, 

you can't pick your friend's nose. (anonymous) 

And, now a word from our sponsor:

This issue of Rancho Relaxo is brought to you by “Gertie Gordon's Gladded Gibber Gobbers”. Now, these are the best “Gladded Gibber Gobbers” that money can buy! You cannot...I say...you cannot get better “Gladded Gibber Gobbers” anywheres! And, folks, they're made right here in the good ol’ US of A. You can get your bountiful supply of “Gertie Gordon's Gladded Gibber Gobbers” at the Wal-Mart, KMART, Speedy Mart, Save Mart, Quick Mart, Rapid Mart, and all those marts where those guys have them towels wrapped around their heads. Tell'em the Ol' Rancher sent you. You'll be glad you did!

Well, tie me kangaroo down, sport! It's December...again...so soon! Doesn’t that just make you want to head to Oberpfaffenhofen and dine on kartoffelpuffer?! 91.6 percent of the year is gonzo! If that doesn’t just put cracks in your plaster, it’s only 19 days until Christmas!! Moving along.

Chickening Report or Power to the Peckers

My girls, known as the "Dirty Thirty", are all happy and healthy. Their appetites are still voracious and they tear into their groceries like professionals. I can’t help but think that they are recent graduates of the “The Power Pecker  Academy”. It's a real free-for-all at feeding time. You'd think that they were fighting for the last layer pellet in town! It's a no-holds barred, knock down, drag out bar fight when the chicken chow is presented. 

Very often, some of the birds think that they can command my attention so that they can be personally spoon fed. They fly up on my shoulder and start demanding food by pecking me! They do get my attention but it's a messy matter when the coop isn't dry because their feet are thick with mud and it ends up being smeared on me. On many occasions, the ol' rooster wrangler ends up looking like the loser at a cockfight. So, it was with much joy in the air when Connie the Washer woman found the Ol' Ranchers coveralls. That was the end of muddy rancher days. 

The problem is that the coop is muddy and can’t dry out because of the cooler temps. It may be a really long winter if the floor of the coop can't dry out. A wet coop is not a good thing because it's slicker than snot on a Teflon frying pan in there. That means the potential for Olympic Coop-nastics is rather high (you've never heard of the "splits and sprawl" event?). No one around here is looking to pick up a gold medal for anything that's such a painful and scene-stealing scenario; it just isn't welcomed at all. There was already a "practice event" in that category some years ago. The Ol' Rancher went down hard and wrecked some body parts that took awhile to recover from. There are ample enough opportunities for an early death around here without purposely trying to set a record in a chicken coop. 

A time to be born and a time to dry or It is a good day to dry

Quite some time ago (which is longer than a while back, which is longer than not long ago, which is longer than the other day), Connie the Washer Woman’s big beautiful Maytag Bravos dryer decided that it hated her freshly-washed clothing. So, it just up and quit its job. The symptom wasn’t much different than what happened when Big Bertha started “long batching” (taking too long to dry things). The matter was just ignored for as long as possible. After all, it was almost summer time so Connie the Washer Woman, not being unionized, just hung her clothes on the clothesline out back in her drying yard. 

Not being one to hurry a project, the matter was ignored until….the day of reckoning. That day, of course, was when the weather turned cool three months later and was no longer hot enough to dry clothes. That’s when the plaints began and the matter could no longer be swept under the dead dryer. That's when Connie, the washer woman, looked me straight in my pretty brown eyes (she says I have pretty brown eyes) and said: "The clothes aren't getting dry and we're not going to the laundromat". Ah, a clue. Sooooooo, you know who was tasked with the repair: the Ol’ Wrencher was called upon. No problema....the repair kit was ordered from Amazon.com and the race was on. 

In fact, since all of the sensors were cheap, the entire sensor suite and new igniter were ordered. All were replaced so that the 5 year old dryer (a Maytag but built by Hobart/Whirlpool which now no longer builds a quality product) wouldn't be disrupting our wash days again. The dryer was disassembled, the parts replaced, and then reassembled and a performance check made. Good to go! We now have clothes that are dried quickly without headaches involved. Thankfully, there was no alien tech needed on this dryer project.

Home on the Range or Bake it again, Sam

Since we’re talking about recalcitrant appliances, how about a story about our early ‘50’s O’Keefe & Merritt gas range and how the oven stopped working. You probably remember O’Keefe & Merritt from all those game shows back throughout the ‘50’s and ‘60’s. I bet they gave away a thousand of those things! Anyway, Connie the Canner wears a number of hats at the rancho and Connie the Baker is one of them. So, you an imagine how difficult it is when you are a baker (she was never a biker except in the deep south) and you don't have an oven! 

All the usual suspects were analyzed and it was determined that the gas safety valve had outlived the previous owners and decided to follow them into eternity. No problemo, says El Wrencho, the appliance repair hombre. Of course, he was absolutely correct. It's not a problem to look up the replacement part. Since it's obviously a vintage and highly prized valuable work of art, the small valve replacement cost was a mere.....500 dollars (it took a minute to haul my jaw off the floor after that bit of news)! For those who haven't checked the price of gas ranges lately, 500 clams is almost the price of a new range! The average price for gas valves is around 150 dollars. 

Anyway, old people have options (options are our friends). A local appliance pro was contacted and he recommended a specific replacement valve for our range. Super! It was ordered straightaway for the paltry sum of 169 dollars. When it was ordered, it appeared to be the correct one and it was certainly the one specified by the repairman. It was rather strange that the ad for the device didn't include fitting sizes but it looked about right. No go. When the valve showed up (thrown down in the dark alongside the driveway.....what's with that?!), an attempt to install it proved to be futile. It was quickly determined that the valve had 3/8" fittings and the range needed the same valve with 1/2" fittings. It was promptly sent back to Amazon and another one will be hunted down while we wait for the credit for the rejected one. 

Dry, Baby, Dry! Or Well...Freeze My "Werthers"!

Speaking of drying.....now and again, I reckon that you just have to up and go hog wild at home. Let’s start from the beginning. Not long ago (but longer than the other day), we were apprised of a practice that hadn’t come to mind and neither had it entered our little ol’ hearts. That is, the practice of freeze drying candy (it's amazing how much grandparents can learn from there grandkids).  OK…ahem. Freeze dry your meat, veggies, and some fruit, right? Freeze dry your candy?! Say, What?!

Upon hearing the testimony of our kids and grandkids, we opted to just give it a go and see what happens when you add more expense to already expensive candy. Hey, you only live once, eh? Plus, it’s nigh unto Christmas time and expensive candy as a gift surely will bring great delight to the fam.

Connie the canner is head of the freeze drying department so she filled a sack with candy from the "Dollar Store" (can't help but wonder if they'll change their name now that inflation has basically eliminated things you can purchase for a buck). There were "Skittles", some strange looking candy that no one has ever heard of, and a few other things that she felt might be edible after being tortured and reworked in the freeze dryer. Captain Sweetie (who takes steps like eating candy to maintain his sweetness, dont'cha know) made a suggestion that we needed to add a couple of bags of "Werthers" caramels just for grins. 

Being a natural inventor and tinkerer, the Captain couldn't wait to be the head taste tester for the candy factory. As you might guess, the results were...interesting. The "Skittles" blew up and became round bug-eyed balls of sugar. There wasn't much to distinguish them from DNA altered eyeballs. That's cool. The weird candy that can't be described was OK but the kids will get the lions share of those. The "Werthers".....that was even more interesting than we could have imagined. The individual caramel pieces expanded about 10 times or so their normal size. That absolutely flooded the trays with goop and stuck to the trays above them. That'll be the end of that experiment until a resolution can be found to keep the pieces from forcing a huge cleanup detail. Perhaps cutting the pieces in half would help. Don't touch that dial. 

In any event, the caramel was not unlike Taco Bell's cinnamon twists texture. They were feathery light and melted in you mouth and were delightfully tasty! They may even find themselves at or near the top of my favorite candies list!  

 Adios, Fuzzy or Dog gone

Fuzz Doggy Dog is my buddy but he had a couple of built-in quirks one of which pretty much assured a (relatively) short stay at the rancho. One was that he is a “diggity dog”: meaning that he loves to excavate places around the rancho while looking for those varmints we call “stinking gophers”. I laud his zeal and consistency but really don’t have much interest in following him around with a shovel all day and backfilling his hard work. But, that's not the straw that broke the camel's back. I wasn't going to ship him out for that and was just going to wait until spring to fill in the holes. No biggy. 

The big issue is that he’s a “scaredy cat” dog. Yeah…a big dog who’s too easily provoked into defending himself by growling and, if he feels threatened, by nipping at someone. That wasn’t on his resume’ when he hired on as a watchdog so it became a big disqualifier. This is especially true when you have seven grandkids at a time staying for a couple of days. Thankfully, we didn’t have any issues but we had to be mindful of the matter…or else. The actual "straw" was when "Farmers Insurance" summarily dropped our home owner's insurance after 25 years of loyalty. We have friends, family, tradesmen, and what all around here all of the time. If Fuzzy were to bite someone, we would have a really expensive mess to deal with. 

Thankfully, we found a genuinely “good home” for him and are sure that he’ll be treated as family with them. For a while, Princess Abbie won’t have anyone to chase and tussle with all day.  The hope is to find a slightly smaller doggie with a disposition like Abbie’s who will be another friendly greeter like she is. 

 Wedding in Corona or Blowing the rancho for a couple of days. 

Our nephew, Jimmy, got himself hitched down in Corona, CA (which is where he and his parents lived until they moved to Texas for obvious reasons). It was really cool to get to break out of the chicken race for a couple days! We hadn't had a break from the rancho since we took two days off to go to the coast more than a year ago! Even then it was a rush gig since we couldn't dally around but for a short time and then scoot home to pick up the pace again. 

Since he and his wife are professional videographers, the entire wedding and reception were taped. It was awesome as was the elegant reception meal they served. Connie had the chicken meal while I opted for the steak plate. 

It was obvious that the two "kids" were a great match and a lovely couple and we were exceedingly happy for them. We can hardly wait for the opportunity to become more acquainted with his beautiful wife! We just need to take another...day off...and make the trip. 

The best part, though, was that the five Freeman siblings were all present at the same place and at the same time! That hadn't happened in who knows how long! It was great! No one could remember the last time such a thing had happened! Everyone was all smiles!

We got to spend the most time with brother and sister-in-love, Roger and Charlotte. They flew in from Texas and stayed with us a few days. We had a grand time fellowshipping and eating (can't leave that part out!) the entire time. When they departed, they drove all over CA for a few days taking in sights that they had wanted to see. Charlotte, being from "back east", had wanted to see the giant Sequoia's and other places that she had only read about or had seen on TV etc. They finished their trip but were worn out like an old shoe. But, they were happy to have made it to the wedding and take in all the sights and travelling. Connie and I understood completely. We knew from experience that lots of driving makes for a lot of stress for old people who are sitting on a part of their body that’s already cracked.

Neither Connie nor myself have ever attended such a beautiful, fancy, and wonderfully extravagant event! It was conducted at a local golf course club house which had been configured for such a large events. It was great and we had a super time! 

Soooooweeeee, pig, pig, pig! or Ham hocks are us!

Guess which rancho now has two three month old piglets? Yep; you got it. Rancho Relaxo is now the owner of a couple of ripening pork chops. They came from a brother who is also a pastor and who raises pigs, chickens, and goats (which he recently sold off). We have been sharing the produce trimmings from a local supermarket with him because our chickens can't eat the larger hard items like hard squash, yams, bottle gourds, turnips and rutabaga, et. al.. Reckon we'll be feeding our almost-bacon buddies a lot of that stuff now. 

Connie the Canner named one of them "Piglet" from Winnie the Pooh and I have yet to decide what stupid name I can give the other one. "Pork Chop" is high on the list so far but it does lack originality. We'll see. They're in the big cage inside the chicken coop for now so stay tuned as to what happens next. 

The idea was to find someone who can raise both of them while we helped with the feed. Then, when they are ready to dress out, we would both have about 150lbs of fresh pork to put in the freezer. After that, it's fire up the BBQ time. We had a guy who was interested in them but he isn't equipped to keep them during the winter. The little piggies need to stay fairly warm when they are young and he isn't able to do that. I stuck a small heater in with them in their cage and they are fine with that. 

 So....there you have it: another short episode of the long happenings at Rancho Relaxo (aka “Dos Acres”): home of Rancho Ran, the world's least-most greatest authority: home of Connie the Canner, the world's greatest side-kook and CEE (Chief of Everything Else); together we are the Yo-Yo  twins who are always having to return to the rancho for something: home to one duck that we try to keep in a row (which is difficult since he's retarded): where the air always smells and where alliteration reigns supreme: where being modern is optional and where there are no slaves to fashion: where the eggs are always fresh: where things can get...interesting: where it's all news to us and where...you just never know.

Rancho Vago (Lazy Ranch)

Welcome to the "Rancho Relaxo" blog for November. Well...it's another surprise since this month's edition is even earlier than last month's. Wonders never cease!! Actually, I just started making notes earlier than usual instead of trying to pile everything on the desk and hammer from there. It's amazing what happens when you apply a little effort to being organized. This doesn't mean that things aren't hectic around here. There's lots to do what with the comings and goings and such. The temps are cooler now and Big Bertha, the freeze dryer, is back in operation. Anything around here that doesn't move after 30 seconds gets freeze dried.

 After the family from Texas departed, we had to get back into our normal swing of things. Fishing poles needed to be stored, the hide-a-bed had to be reconfigured, et. al.. You know the drill. But, we had a great time and have a lot of great memories and stories to tell! We're hoping to take a break this spring and head back their way if all works out. Lots of "what ifs" to think about. 

This region is still pretty dry but we were blessed with just enough rain to kick off a green spell around here (about 1”). There’s no wetness in the forecast that I can tell so it remains to be seen what this new “La Niña” will bring (and it doesn’t usually bring rain). As usual, we’ll enjoy the green even if it’s only light green and even if it’s only around for a short time. In any case, we’re absolutely enjoying the wonderfully moderate autumn days (thanks to “La Niña”) since we don’t need either the cooler or the heater to keep the old folks comfortable. 

Anyway, the Ol' Rooster and Ol' Hen just wanted to share what's happening here at our humble rancho nestled in the light-green foothills of the Sierra Nevada Mountains. Thanks for stopping in at Dirty Bird Central, the chicken ranch being run by two old turkeys.

Click on pics to enlarge

This is Abbie the pup about ten years ago. She came running up the stairs and into my office and looked at me while I was snacking. Her eyes say it all. "Say, you wouldn't happen to be through with that gorgeous ham sandwich, would you?". 

For the expats out there: here's a shot of the newly overhauled "River Island Golf Course". The bridges had to be rebuilt and the river banks were fortified. The greens were all replaced and reconfigured, too. They did a great job! This shot is from the clubhouse/restaurant. 

For the past couple of months, "Kentucky Dead Chicken" has been running super specials that the old folks just couldn't pass up. On Wednesdays, they offer a chicken fried steak special with mashed potatoes, gravy, and a biscuit for 5.99. A small senior drink is free! Talk about eating on the cheap! Of course, we had to have that at least a few times. Since we have Bible study Wednesday mornings, we  head to KFC for lunch. If we want to change the menu, we pull out the coupons for the breast, biscuit, mashed potatoes (or fresh fries), and gravy deal for...4.99!! If it appears that we are missing at any time, check at KFC first. 

Our diggity doggies frolic daily to see just who's boss of the rancho. Here's the much bigger Fuzzball allowing Princess Abbie to remain the supreme ruler around here. He does obeisance regularly but, for his ego's sake, she does allow him to win sometimes. 

Connie the Dehydrator broke out one of her dehydrating units the other day. She's getting prepared for winter when she has more time to "put up" stuff for storage. Big Bertha is also being put to good use. Busy lady, that gal! 

This my first attempt at spooky "ice cream art". So far, it seems that the ol' ice cream licker isn't quite ready for prime time. No problem. It was promptly removed from display by licking it to death. 

Wanna see what's left of my soup?! It may seem incongruous for a Luddite like the Ol' Rancher to tinker with exotic things like "Moroccan stew" but that's exactly what happened. A couple of "bottle gourds" showed up at our rancho and it was the first time that either of us had ever seen one. When the great oracle, Google, was consulted, it was determined that it was an edible "bottle gourd" that is quite common in the Mediterranean region. When the oracle was yet again consulted, a recipe appeared and, guess what? All of the ingredients to brew up a "Moroccan stew" were on hand! Time to fire up the O'Keefe and Merritt range! 

After some chopping and mixing of ingredients, the stew was simmered for about an hour until the hard gourd was wonderfully tender. 

The big surprise was the taste of the garlic, paprika, and cumin spice mix. It was thought that the cumin would overpower everything but it didn't! It was amazing! The great news is that you can use any squash and/or potatoes that you want to. Squash is something that we almost never run out of here. We have                                                                         Zucchinis, Mexican squash, yellow crookneck squash, choyote                                                                   squash, butternut squash, acorn squash, and even eggplant with                                                                  which to work. And, work we will! This soup really hit the                                                                          spot! 

Recipe: 

Moroccan Bottle Gourd Soup

Medium Onion (or or more if desired)

1 can Diced tomatoes

1 can cooked garbanzo beans (rinsed)

Cumin (tablespoon)

Paprika (tablespoon)

Salt (to taste)

Chicken stock (optional but advisable)

Can be made with eggplant, zucchini, yellow neck squash, potatoes, or any combination thereof.

 Tip O’ The Day: “You’re never in the way of someone who isn’t going anywhere” (anonymous but probably the Ol’ Rancher)

 

And, now a word from our sponsor:

 This issue of Rancho Relaxo is brought to you by “Audrey Adams’ Azerdadded Abernated Amaladas”. Now, these are the best “Azerdadded Abernated Amaladas” that money can buy! You cannot...I say...you cannot get better “Azerdadded Abernated Amaladas” anywheres! And, folks, they're made right here in the good ol’ US of A. You can get your bountiful supply of “Audrey Adams’ Azerdadded Abernated Amaladas” at the Wal-Mart, KMART, Speedy Mart, Save Mart, Quick Mart, Rapid Mart, and all those marts where those guys have them towels wrapped around their heads. Tell'em the Ol' Rancher sent you. You'll be glad you did!

 Well…..kiss my babushka and call me Ivan! It’s November….again….already!! 83.3 percent of the year is gonzo! If that doesn’t just nuke your burrito, it’s only 53 days until Christmas!! Moving along.....

Surprise! Surprise! Surprise! Or Look Who Just Showed Up!

The excellent time with the Howden family left the old folks a bit tired. It had been a long three days but they were great and memorable ones. With hugs all around, they left and headed north to Yosemite for a wedding event in a couple of days. 

The next day, we had a deep desire to sleep to the crack of noon but needed to greet the morning at 6AM. We were bushed and my dopamine was dwindling. But, the itinerary for the day included a 37 mile drive to the “Big Bear Restaurant” in Tulare (Tulare Ave right at 99 Highway) for breakfast with Connie’s younger daughter, Brandi at 9AM. She was headed to the same marriage event that Trixie and fam were going to but wanted to check in here first. Time to light the fires and turn the tires. 

We got settled and were having a great time chatting since it had been about 4 years or so since we had seen her. But, little did we know about a surprise that Brandi had conspired to bring about with the other siblings. Tracey, Connie's middle child and only son whom we hadn't seen in over a year, showed up for breakfast! Boy, was she surprised! We hadn't heard that he would be able to attend the wedding so it was a shock to get to see him! We ordered our meals then continued to gab for the next couple of hours. 

My choice for breakfast was the Huevos Rancheros (Mexican style eggs with salsa) while Connie the Canner dug into the scrumptious Black Bear pancakes. I've never been disappointed at any time with Black Bear's menu but this time was different. The dish wasn't bad but it was terribly uninspiring. It was strange given that most of the cooks were Hispanics. Next time, I'll just order my regular tummy filler of biscuits and gravy or chicken fried steak. No one left the place hungry. 

After the great breakfast and after huggies all around, Tracey and Brandi headed north on 99 for Yosemite for the big event there. We headed 10 miles north to Visalia to do some shipping in a "real town". Finally, and totally exhausted, we headed home and arrived at about 6PM. It was beddy-bye time at around 9PM but we had a great time!

Retro breakfast or Eating the ‘50’s

I’ve known for about six decades that the “old folks” had a penchant for eating breakfast for the evening meal. It was an old practice when I was young, in fact. We've done it a few here at the rancho though it has been longer than a while back since the last time. So, we thought it to be culinarily expedient to employ the vintage practice of fixing an evening breakfast.

For some time, the Ol' Rancher has wanted to test a recipe that had been roaming around inside his hat for a long time. It's basically a German/Polish "latke" recipe which was modified to fit into breakfast as southern hash-browns. It was quick and easy as a falling off a large dill pickle. 

The key was to not use as much flour as a latke and only a single egg (I make large portions) and then to fry it in lard. Some latke recipes call for two eggs but this was an experiment. The potatoes were grated, rinsed, dried, then fried. Oh, my! What a treat! Even though they were cooked in lard, they weren't greasy at all and they were evenly fried (which was probably due to the huge stainless steel frying  pan). The texture was just perfect. Good stuff!!

Added to the delight was Connie's "granny cookin'" which was the "Black Bear Restaurant" buttermilk pancakes copycat recipe. Let me tell you, cousin; after adding a couple of fried eggs, we simply feasted like royalty! They don't make breakfasts this good at "Lorretta Lynn's" restaurant near Bucksnort, Tennessee! We'll be doing this again and soon! 

One Burrito, Two Burrito, Three Burrito, Four or Count Your Burritos; Name Them One By One

 There's a new burger joint in town just west of the high school here in Hooterville. It's located in the old "Long John Silvers" building at W. Olive and Villa. It's "Tasty Burger", which, for me, has a wonderful naive and nostalgic early '50's ring to it. It wasn't a full-on '50's joint like you find in a real town. But, it surely was close enough to be effective for Hooterville and company. 

We've been there numerous times and usually order the 20 peace chicken nugget and fries deal and a burger and fries for Connie. But, the other day (when lots of things happen), we decided to try their deep fried burritos. This was because they now have a daily "Happy Hour" between 2PM and 5PM and the burritos were half price. So, the price-conscious old people decided to give them a go. 

It has been awhile since I've fallen in love with a burrito (well...actually, this was my first time). There wasn't anything special about them. They were just red chili burritos. It's difficult to explain but it was just that they were freshly hot and they tasted great! So, for the previous three times we've been there, the burrito deal was what we ordered. Since they also have corn dogs on sale for the same price (2 for 1.99), we may stray off track long enough to see if we have any love left for corn dogs. The entire tab, including two soft-serve vanilla cones and a large diet Pepsi, was only 7 bucks and tax! We'll be back!

 

Skittle-dee-divy-doo and wouldn’t you?

 Disclaimer: I’m old and a tad behind the times (OK…maybe more like 5 tads behind). But, I’m catching up by "discovering" a delightful treat made from the colorful and wildly-sugary treat called “Skittles”. This multi-colored blood sugar booster came to America from the UK in about 1979 so they weren't really a strange attraction to old folks like us. However, the grandkiddies began talking about "Skittles" that had been strikingly reconfigured by astronauts who had left a bag of them in space (I could be wrong). We're talking about freeze-dried "Skittles". 

I thought it was a joke at first. Though it was new to me, I actually stumbled into them on the shelf of a nearby convenience mart just today! They're already on the market! Talk about being behind the times!

Not long ago, but longer than the other day, Connie the Canner appropriated a few large bags of "Skittles" and decided to freeze dry them for the soon-to-arrive grandkids. She distributed them on Big Bertha's 7 large trays, selected "candy", and hit the "GO" button. A couple of hours later, the candy dots had morphed into an entirely weird configuration! They had swollen to three times their normal size! These ballooned out treats looked a lot like an overly-stressed and traumatized Styrofoam eyeball! My lightning-fast mind said: "That's interesting". 

Now.....you just know that the old professional candy eater had to try some of those things. The expectation was that they would taste like sweetened Styrofoam but that wasn't the case. They were really good even with the strange texture. There wasn't a lasting impression made so they may not show up on the menu again until it's one of the grandkid's birthday or such (there are 16 grandkids so it probably won't be long!). 

Home on the Range or Ain’t no stove like the one I got

We love our big O'Keefe and Merritt range. The thing is almost as old as we are and it has become part of the family. It sports an oven and a broiler and has a big stainless steel griddle in the middle. Not long ago, but longer than the other day, the oven decided to just up and refused to light. That was odd because the pilot light was on; it just wouldn't come one. 

That presentation ruled out have a bad thermocouple so some thought had to be given to the matter. After a couple of days of pondering the matter and tinkering with it, the light came on: the thermostat was faulty. It took more than 60 years for the oven thermostat to fail! Amazing! Reckon that's why people bought O'Keefe and Merritt ranges and why game shows featured them as prizes all during the '50's and '60's. 

Simple issue, eh? The same OEM "Robertshaw" thermostats are still available today so it should be an easy fix, eh? Well....hold onto your blanket, chief! They want 500 dollars for an oven thermostat!! That's two-thirds the price of a new gas range!! I nearly swallowed my freeze-dried "Skittles"! 

Rather than dip into the savings, there's a bunch of stuff that needs to be sold on eBay. The proceeds should cover the cost. 

Dry Me A River or Don’t Despair! The Maytag repairman isn’t dead! He’s only sleeping! 

Early last month, Connie the Washer Woman's Maytag gas dryer went on the fritz and wouldn't dry properly. The in-house handyman wasn't able to get around to it so it languished a while as time dragged on. It wasn't a big deal since it was still summer time. She just hauled her wash out to the clothesline and hung them up there. But, what with the end of summer and cooler temps, it was time to address the matter and wake up the repairman.  

The dryer was disassembled and the sensors were tested. The faulty one was a heat sensor which tells the dryer when to shut off. If it's defective, the dryer will run and run and not dry. Instead of ordering the one part, the entire rebuild kit was ordered including the solenoid controller. Since the dryer is about 5 years old or so, it was a good idea to just do a bit of preventive maintenance so that there wouldn't be an issue for a long time to come. 

So....there you have it: another short episode of the long happenings at Rancho Relaxo (aka “Dos Acres”): home of Rancho Ran, the world's least-most greatest authority: home of Connie the Canner, the world's greatest side-kook and CEE (Chief of Everything Else); together we are the Yo-Yo  twins who are always having to return to the rancho for something: home to one duck that we try to keep in a row (which is difficult since he's retarded): where the air always smells and where alliteration reigns supreme: where being modern is optional and where there are no slaves to fashion: where the eggs are always fresh: where things can get...interesting: where it's all news to us and where...you just never know.

¿Octubre Otra Vez?

 

Welcome to the "Rancho Relaxo" blog for October! Surprise! Surprise! Surprise! (best Gomer Pyle). This edition of Rancho Relaxo is on time again! Wonders never cease!! It just turned out that "things" worked in accordance with the hopes I had to get the blog published in a timely fashion. Like last month, this month's issue is actually on time despite the fact that things are still rather hectic around here. Connie the Canner has family coming from Texas for a few days. That means that we are busy, busy, busy spiffing up the place so it isn't so reminiscent of a chicken ranch. There's lots to do since we haven't endured a good overhaul in quite awhile and "Springville insulation" has covered the entire rancho. 

You can imagine whose muscles are really not in overhaul mode. But, it is what it is and things will get done somehow. Ibuprophen is our friend. 

The region is still as dry as cow pies on the prairie. There is a slight chance of showers in the forecast but that usually only means that we'll get "mad rain" again. Mad rain is just enough rain to muck up your windshield but not enough to wash it off. Perhaps it will be different this time. The long-range forecast suggests showers may come our way in a week or so. We'll see. 

Like last month, there have been a few small grass fires locally but we've been spared the devastation of massive forest fires this year. California lost more than 521,770 acres due to fires as of this writing. There are "only" about 30 fires burning as of today and this hasn't been a bad year. Seriously, though,  our firefighters are doing a great job and are our heroes.  

We trust that all y'all are enjoying the fact that 83% of this year is over with (not that there would be any dancing in the streets over the matter). You can say that it's the season for holidays which can be something to look forward too.

Likewise, we trust that things are going well on your part of planet Earth. That said, things are getting interesting in our country (I have a knack for understatement. I bet you noticed). It is considered wise to prepare for the worst while praying for the best. A good bet is to have plenty of dried beans and rice in stock just in case you need to weather a crisis of some kind (man-made or natural disaster). 

Anyway, the Ol' Rooster and Ol' Hen just wanted to share what's happening here at our dry-as-zweiback humble rancho nestled in the foothills of the Sierra Nevada Mountains. Thanks for stopping in at Dirty Bird Central, the chicken ranch being run by two old turkeys

MORE FLASHBACK PICS

(Click on the pics to enlarge)

This is Spats Domino, the rude rooster with a 'tude. The little bantam acts like he's nine times as tall as he is. I love his effrontery and grit. He won't back down from anybody and protects his little black hen with all fierceness.  Isn't he a handsome little guy? That's probably why he crows a lot. (Oct. 2018)

This is "Peggy Sue's" restaurant which is located 3 miles north of Dagget right at I-15 and on the way to Calico Ghost Town. We knocked over this place about ten years ago while on vacation. This is a '50's diner that is busy all of the time. If you ever get near Barstow for any reason, be sure to stop in. You won't be disappointed. The burgers and fries are fabulous! That's what I had both times that I've been there and it'll be what I order the next time, too!

Sometimes, our sunsets are mighty pretty! 

From 2018: This is one of our new additions to the work force around here. Connie the Canner got it for me for "Father's Day". It's a 14 gallon "Shop Vac" SVX2. We're talkin' about a 6.5 hp motor and a 170 cfm airflow that can pull a newly born elephant away from its momma! Yessiree, folks.....this baby really sucks!

From 2019:

Here's some of the girls taking a dirt bath with which to get...clean. Sorta makes you glad you aren't a chicken, eh?

This is our hangar at the Porterville Municipal Airport. It's the second one in with the darker doors. Both of the first two hangars are the same size. 

From 2012: 

To the right is the "Central Market" in Kumasi (the second largest city in Ghana). The city has about 2 million people in it and it seemed that most of them were there. 20% of the population does not have running water or indoor toilet facilities (a recent program has helped to eliminate that issue by the government providing many public toilet facilities). Ghana openly considers itself a Christian nation but 15% of the population is Muslim (most of them purposely imported to Ghana by other Muslim nations per Pastor John Appiah). 

Kumasi's International Airport has but a single 6,600' runway and no taxiways. In other words, when you land, you must "back taxi" on the runway! This entire dynamic only allows for smaller commuter jets and turboprops to use the facility. It's only 145 miles from Accra (the capital) to Kumasi. However since this isn't Kansas, it takes about four hours to travel it by car. And, that's on a good day! It can actually take twice that or more during certain times and under certain weather conditions. It's only a 30 minute flight. The jet I was on was my favorite passenger jet: the BAE 145, a four engine beauty that really likes to fly. This was my third trip on one. Most of them are now retired from service with a few exceptions like Africa. 

From 2012: This little two-place cutie is the Evektor "Sportstar". She's a Czech built ship with a 100 hp Rotax 912UL parked on the nose. It's the first airplane I've piloted with a Rotax engine. You have to get used to flying it because the Rotax motor is geared and runs at about 4,800 rpm at cruise speeds. I'm used to flying aircraft that redline at about 2,700 rpm and cruise at around 2450 rpm. One of our low-time pilots wasn't used to the light wing loading and found himself with a bit of cross wind and he let it get away from him. 

He bent the bird pretty badly so it was no longer available to rent. That was a bummer because it was a really nice and easy to fly airplane. It had great visibility, too! 

                                                                                                                                                                                                                            

Tip O' The Day: 

"Always end the name of your child with a vowel so that, when you yell, the name will carry" - (Bill Cosby)

And, now a word from our sponsor: 

This issue of Rancho Relaxo is brought to you by “Nana Nancy's Norbal Nuber Nuggers”. Now, these are the best “Norbal Nuber Nuggers” that money can buy! You cannot...I say...you cannot get better “Norbal Nuber Nuggers” anywheres! And, folks, they're made right here in the good ol’ US of A. You can get your bountiful supply of “Nana Nancy's Norbal Nuber Nuggers” at the Wal-Mart, KMART, Speedy Mart, Save Mart, Quick Mart, Rapid Mart, and all those marts where those guys have them towels wrapped around their heads. Tell'em the Ol' Rancher sent you. You'll be glad you did!

Rancho Relaxo  Report: 

Well, praise the Lord and pass the banjo! It's October...again...already!! If that ain't that enough to stir fry your shrimp, it's only 82 days until Christmas! *SIGH* Moving along........

Summer is officially finished and fall is here. Ain’t it great?! We’re looking forward to cooler temps and just leaving our doors open so we can let the gentle fall breezes cool the rancho and the chicken coop (though we didn't have to use the mister this year!). Trying to keep any home cool in this part of California is an expensive proposition. The thought occurred that we can take the savings and take.....a day off! Zowie! What an amazing concept! 

We had a “rain storm” blow through and we got triple our usual 10 drops of rain. Thankfully, the drops were large enough his time so that we ended up with a wet driveway! It was as weirdly funny as it was appreciated. People are drowning and flooding in other parts of the planet and we get leftovers.

Lather Up or Soapy Sales:

The old rancho dude's favorite hand soap is "Lava" which has pumice (an abrasive material formed in volcanos) as an ingredient. There are memories of using this amazing product that go back to my childhood. For reasons that are not explainable, that valuable item wasn't in our stock of supplies for far too many years. But, sometime ago (which is longer than a while back which is longer than not long ago which is longer than the other day), we picked up a couple of bars and hauled them home. 

Talk about being surprised! The first use of this stuff instantly reminded me of why it was used in the beginning. It works! There wasn't much thought to matter until all of the dirt on my hands was being rinsed down the drain and they were "squeaky clean"! The first thought was, "Where have I been?!". We haven't been without a bar of Lava since that time. 

The interesting part is that it can be expensive (many good things are expensive but worth the price). A three-pack at Wal-Mart is $11.64 and a single bar is as low as 2.49 in some stores. Well, you just know that the old folks here at the rancho are not about to pay such prices on purpose. A quick check was made on Amazon.com where we found them for a buck-a-bar in bulk. OK! Quantities are our friends so we chipped for a case of 48 with free shipping (free is our friend!)! Works for me and my dirty hands since the plan is to always to have really clean hands since.....you just never know. 

A New Mexican restaurant in Springville or Necesitas comida Mexicana.

There is a modest sized restaurant on the south end of our little berg that has gone through a number of incarnations over the years. Many years ago (as in, a quarter of a century ago), it was a really nice “biscuit house” ("Kathy's Kitchen", as I recall). Later, it became part of a Porterville area Mexican four-restaurant chain called, “Neuvo Mexicali”. The food was never impressive but we stopped going their altogether after it dawned on us that their food just simply wasn’t going to improve (and their chili verde dish was a ripoff as well as being mediocre).

When it closed, we, along with the rest of the “villains”, were curious as to what the new restaurant would taste like. Would it be another “biscuit house”, which would compete with “Cow Punchers” in mid-village Springville? Or (we actually thought this), would it be another Mexican restaurant (which would also compete with the new Taco Truck that came to town)? The Minnicks were fairly certain that it wouldn’t be a Vietnamese eatery or even a Chinese restaurant (which I believe had been tried once many years ago). There had been a really good donut shop, too, but all good things must come to an end, eh? So, we weren't shocked when it re-opened as...a Mexican restaurant. So, when the “Nuevo Amanacer” (“New Dawn”) restaurant opened, we figured we needed to be good neighbors and help boost the local economy by checking it out.

After being seated, we ordered the carne asada (spiced beef) combo plate. We usually share such meals because of the ample portions for most Mexican combo meals. If my stomach is screaming at my brain that it is more than sure that my esophagus has been compromised and that it’s dying a cruel death down there, then Connie fends for herself while I’m wielding the weapons of warfare against hunger. A screeching stomach shares with no one.

After only a couple of minutes into the meal, Connie, asked, “Are you impressed?”. Me, knowing her as I do, knew what she was thinking, “We coulda had a hamburger”. My answer was simple: “Nope”. Two “Nopes” is worse than a “two stars” rating, in my opinion. We were glad that they weren’t soliciting for post prandial ratings because it would have been embarrassing.

The refried beans were….well….they weren’t refried at all. That is to say, they’re weren’t the traditional (and expected) wonderfully-thick thoroughly-mashed beans topped with a tad of queso fresco or such on top. Instead, they were “frijoles rancheros” (regular pintos with a bit of seasoning and whatever meat). Not that I don’t like that style or that the beans tasted awful because that isn’t the case. It’s just that we were both expecting frijoles refritos which is what all of the other Mexican restaurants serve. You can scoop those tasty time bombs up with your basket full of corn chips that way (“Mas chips, por favor”).

The next item was the Spanish rice. It was there….on the plate…it was OK…just OK; not less than OK and not more than OK. You might even say it was “fair to middling”. The cook must not have checked with his abuela (grandmother) since all (and I mean all) abuelas can fix great Mexican rice. He could have snatched an abuela off the street and ended up with better rice. In fact, he may not even have an abuela. 

Next came the beef carne asada which was tasty and acceptable (but a bit too vinegary for my taste buds). However, it wasn't enough to pull off an additional star or a single thumbs up. Ditto the service. It was OK but we’re not going to be hanging flyers around town about this place. On the whole, “Nuevo Amanecer” rates about a “C minus”. I’ve since learned that their chili verde is great so we’re sure to give them a second chance (bless our hearts). But, it would be nice if the tortillas impressed us this time (we're still trying to figure out how you can mess up the tortillas).

Thankfully, we have the “El Tapatio” Mexican restaurant in town (another local multi-store chain). For us, it rates about a “B” so we don’t go there except on certain occasions (like when out of town relatives need a taco or they’ll die).

It’s interesting to note that “El Tap” replaced the “9 Iron” restaurant which was the best restaurant that has ever been in Springville and rated (in my opinion) better than the restaurant that was at the old “Springville Hotel” more than ten or so years ago. The “9 Iron” had a management meltdown when the owner’s marriage disintegrated so this fabulous eatery is history. Boy! I loved that place!

Treed or Lop me off one of those limbs

In a week or so, Connie’s daughter and her family are coming in from Texas to stay a few days. After that, they'll be heading north for other business and to see other family. So, it was time to tidy up the place including the low-hanging branches around here. Now...lopping and sawing branches is what they call "work"...hard work: the kind that Maynard G. Krebs has nightmares about. But, a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do, eh? Out came the loppers and tree saw and out came the sweat...a lot of sweat. 

The front of the house was almost totally covered by tree limbs from our two large trees so you almost couldn't see it. We loved the shade and privacy but having that much cover wasn't practical because we often back the van up to the front door for unloading. 

After the trim job, the front was opened up and the front now looks nice again. Thankfully, the chore only lasted about an hour because that was exactly when the Ol' Rancher's rusty old airframe gave out. 

Would you like to guess how long it took to recover from that trick? It took awhile because the ol' tree trimmer had to overhaul his back porch for the next three days, too. Did I tell you that Ibuprophen was my friend? 

 Chickening report or Tanks a lot:

The water in our galvanized metal 8 gallon water tank in the coop had been mysteriously losing water for the previous couple of months. Some days it would take a couple or three days to disappear (meaning that all of our chickens can’t possibly drink that much water in two days even if they were all taking daily showers). At other times, it seemed like the water would last a day or two longer. At the last, the bloody thing was empty every day. At no time was there ever a large enough pool of water that explained why there wasn’t any water in the dang thang (not referring to that small village in Vietnam).

So, my lightning-fast mind had to have an answer of some kind as to why the water was disappearing when there appeared to be no leaking. The method to resolving the issue was to use the Sherlock Holmes dynamic: “When you’ve eliminated all other possibilities then, however improbable, whatever is remaining is the answer”. Ah, ha! That made sense to me! This meant that, though there was no obvious leak, there still had to be a leak (boy! Do I ever want to put a big “DUH” here). 

The only thing to do was to make a close and thorough examination of the big metal can. So, it was plucked up and parked on the big cage inside the Henhouse Hilton for examination. Sure enough, the bottom had rusted but it had done so in such a manner as to have several small rusted out places instead of just one large area. That mean that, if the can was placed a certain way, most of the small holes were covered up and could only leak just enough to empty the can but slowly enough to keep from making a big mess. Swell,

You can imagine what happened next. Within a couple of days, we knocked over “Tractor Supply” and picked up a big beautiful plastic 7 gallon water tank. Though made of plastic, they priced it as though it was made of silver and charged us 50 clams for it (we were out of clams so they allowed us to use US dollars). Problem solved except for the pain of surgery to my wallet (no anesthetic, don’tcha know).

Now, there isn’t an issue in making sure that the smaller watering canisters are filled every day. That was an extra chore that has been eliminated. One is still used as a backup and the others are on hand if needed. 

The Ol' Rancher fixed the issue and things are back to normal. But, even after all these years, it still feels kinda strange being the crew chief of a chicken coop.

 

We got taters! We got taters! We got taters! Who could ask for anything more?! Or: Spuds R Us!

The other day (when lots of things happen around here), we ended up with more than 40 pounds of potatoes (to add to the ten or more that we already had). I love me some spuds and can serve them at every meal and in any fashion at all. But, that’s more taters than we can store, can (we're out of jars and space), or handle for now so it was time to fire up Big Bertha, the freeze dryer (the new replacement which is operating flawlessly!).

Connie the Freezer stepped up to the plate and stated whacking away at the bags and bags of spuds until they were prepped and set to go. She placed them on the seven trays and pushed “Go” button on the dryer. After they were dried, she parked them in mylar bags where they were sealed for the next 20 years (if necessary. Let’s hope not unless I'm still eating taters when I'm 96). She had to make a number of runs but left some out to be used for now.  

Having so many potatoes on hand also means that there will likely be some crazy spud cooking around here for a while. Latkes are fun to cook as are the German kartoffelpuffer recipes. Hasselback style is wunderbar as are breakfast hash-browns. Good ol’ baked potatoes are always in style, too, as are the air-fried, French fried, and, certainly, cottage fried spuds (with lots of onions). 

One way that we found to be exceedingly good was to first boil or microwave them. Then, place them one at a time on a plate then smash them with another plate. If you leave them unpeeled, they tend to stay integral a bit better. They also taste great with the peel left on. Just fry them up, stick a fork in them, and enjoy the treat. They're even better when you plop a couple of eggs on top. Man! That’s good eatin’!

Of course, many will be sliced and diced for soups and stews. In fact, one of the Ol’ Rancher’s favorite stews consists of just a few ingredients with the humble potato being the star of the show. Just whack up some spuds, onions, add some celery for color, then toss in chunks of chuck roast (floured and seared first, of course), a tad of beef bouillon, season to taste, then boil for a couple of hours. It’s usually thickened a little bit with some corn starch. When it’s done, grab a pack of saltines (better make that two packs) and enjoy the feast! This recipe always has a positive outcome (you really can’t mess it up unless you get crazy with the spicing) and there’s always plenty left over because it is guaranteed to taste even better the next day. 

Wrapping it up: well, the chickens are chickening but their egg production is down a bit. It's the change of temperature and maybe some molting, I should suppose. They could just be mad at me for not pampering them more than I do. Spoiled chickens; who woulda thunk?. 

The doggies are dogging but Fuzzy has been a real "diggity dog" and that ain't good. I spent a lot of time filling in some of his larger holes along the back patio only to find them re-dug the next day. GRRRRR! (doggie translation: "My growl is bigger than your growl, Fuzzy!").  

The freezers are freezing, the refrigerators are doing their jobs, and the freeze dryer is working like a champ. We're moving along albeit somewhat more slowly than we'd like and need to speed up because of getting ready for company.  But all is well here at the ranch (pass the "Ben-Gay", please). 

So....there you have it: another short episode of the long happenings at Rancho Relaxo (aka “Dos Acres”): home of Rancho Ran, the world's least-most greatest authority: home of Connie the Canner, the world's greatest side-kook and CEE (Chief of Everything Else); together we are the Yo-Yo  twins who are always having to return to the rancho for something: home to one duck that we try to keep in a row (which is difficult since he's retarded): where the air always smells and where alliteration reigns supreme: where being modern is optional and where there are no slaves to fashion: where the eggs are always fresh: where things can get...interesting: where it's all news to us and where...you just never know.

VERANO EN EL RANCHO (SUMMER AT THE RANCH)

 

Welcome to the "Rancho Relaxo" blog for September. Surprise! Surprise! Surprise! (best Gomer Pyle). This edition of Rancho Relaxo is on time! I would have thought that Musk would have been on Mars before that happened!

We trust that all y'all are enjoying the fact that .67% of this year is over with and that things are going well on your part of planet Earth. This month's issue is actually on time despite the fact that things are still rather hectic around here and the dust usually never really settles (less dust on some days than others though we kick up as much as we can). We keep on truckin' though we're riding a trike. *SIGH*. 

Things are still as dry as buffalo bones on the prairie. There have been a few small grass fires locally but we've been spared the devastation of massive forest fires this year. California is fighting 20 fires as of this writing. It appears that the entire west third of the US is on fire but we are extremely thankful that we're not having to huff smoke all day, day after day.

Anyway, the Ol' Rooster and Ol' Hen just wanted to share what's happening here at our dry-as-garlic- toast humble rancho nestled in the foothills of the Sierra Nevada Mountains. Thanks for stopping in at Dirty Bird Central, the chicken ranch being run by two old turkeys.

Click on pics to enlarge

This is "nostalgia month". Let's run through some vintage Rancho pictures. 

Here's a batch of new chicks from about ten years ago. Every time we say that we aren't going to raise chicks, their fluffy cuteness overwhelms our logic and we cave forthwith. These are probably the buck apiece chicks from the feed store and are likely to be Rhode Island reds. 

This is Maggie "the wonder dog". She was an amazing faithful pooch that we still miss even after ten years. She was so low maintenance that it was unreal. Her preferences were opposite of most doggies. She preferred to sleep on the ground or patio concrete than in "Maggie's Mansion" (the big new dog house). She loved her "Maggie bones" which were simply large dog food treats rather than wet/canned dog chow. She had a box of them from which she would saunter over and grab one whenever she was hungry. We only had to keep her "bone box" filled. 

The toy in her mouth is "Maggie's lips". She was a hoot. She rarely barked and loved all visitors. 

This is "Lovey Dovey" who, for three consecutive years, faithfully brooded her clutch of eggs either on the front porch of the on the patio. Here, she's nesting in one of Connie's hanging flower planters. Even when we exited through the back door, she never flinched or abandoned her nest. After three years, we didn't see her again. 

This is about ten years ago when pastor John Appiah, from Ghana West Africa, was visiting the rancho. We haven't just stepped off a UFO. We're wearing bee suits and checking the rancho bee hives. We still have bees but haven't harvested any honey since the first couple of years. Why? It's a TON of work!  We'll get back to the honey business when the need is greater than what our tired airframes can handle. 

This is our "Rancho Rocket" not long after it was built many years ago. It has a 1.5 hp Honda motor and will crank out 20 mph even if you're in a hurry and have a tailwind. It gets about 75 mpg. It's still in the back yard under a tarp. The carburetor needs to be flushed but, other than that (so far), she's rideable. 

This shot is also about ten years ago. It's Grandma Honey with a couple of newbies in the family. 

Here's the six pups from Abbie's first and only litter. They are an interesting mix of Walker Treeing Coonhound and Australian sheep dog. Believe it or not, once they were weaned, it only took a week to find homes for them. One family from Bakersfield actually took two of them!

Speaking of Abbie, here's our loveable pooch not long after we got her from the former owners in Visalia. She's about six months old here. She has napping down to an art here and she's not forgotten any part of how to do it perfectly. 

Having an espresso machine at Rancho Relaxo is no secret. In fact, it's a staple. We've had two big beautiful Breville  espresso makers and a really nice Klarstein espresso machine. Add to that, we have had numerous small espresso makers that got worn out over time. 

This little guy is a super neat vintage "Benjamin and Medwin" stovetop espresso maker. Good friend and brother, Jackson Wallen, loves to collect such things so I gave it to him. 

Yes, it does snow here. Every 20 years or so, we do get a bit of snow in these parts. This shot is from several years ago. 

This is Connie the Canner's big healthy 22 quart pressure cooker. We call it "Puffer Belly". This thing has done a lot of work in the previous ten years or so. The only things bigger than this big beaut is our water still for purifying water and "Big Bertha", the freeze dryer. 

Here's a couple of shots of Morro Rock at Morro Bay, CA. Probable from about ten years ago or so. Once in a blue moon, we head to the coast and spend a couple of days taking in the fresh ocean air and knocking over the fish and chips places. The latest excursion was earlier this year but we are way overdue for another trip. It's only about 160 miles from our front door so there's really no excuse not to go on over there and cool off. 

Tip O' The Day: 

"People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing" (Will Rogers)

And, now a word from our sponsor: 

This issue of Rancho Relaxo is brought to you by “Oona Olson's Ooder, Oomer, Ooper Oozers”. Now, these are the best  "Ooder, Oomer, Ooper Oozers” that money can buy! You cannot...I say...you cannot get better “Ooder, Oomer, Ooper Oozers” anywheres! And, folks, they're made right here in the good ol’ US of A. You can get your bountiful supply of “Oona Olson's Ooder, Oomer, Ooper Oozers” at the Wal-Mart, KMART, Speedy Mart, Save Mart, Quick Mart, Rapid Mart, and all those marts where those guys have them towels wrapped around their heads. Tell'em the Ol' Rancher sent you. You'll be glad you did!

Rancho Relaxo  Report: 

Well, put that ol' gray bonnet on and bake my biscuits brown! It's September! And, it's only 113 days until Christmas! *SIGH* Moving along........

This is still an amazing summer! It has only been until this previous week that we had any really hot weather. The temps in the AM had been in the low-to-mid 60's then climbed to the low '70's. The daytime temps have jumped to 103 degrees. The good news is that the heat is supposed to drop in just a few more days. And, the drop will be significant. Instead of having to endure triple-digit heat, we'll be having October weather in early September! Cool!! Of course, we all know that weather is fickle so things can change within a few days. We'll see. 

The spice of life:

The other day (when lots of things happen around here), I had 5 rosemary starts and some "grass" clumps (probably chives) that I put in a 10”pot of water with just enough water to cover the root balls. The thought was to use hydroponics for a few days so they could hydrate and then they could be put in smaller pots with some fresh potting soil.

Imagine the surprise a few days later when it was time to replant them only to find them deader than a snollygoster while the grass was growing and prospering!  It may have been that they were root-bound but they surely weren't water deprived. As crazy as it sounds, it looks like being in water didn't help the matter. There is likely going to be more of those so I'll change my evil brown thumbing ways and try something else and hope that my great ideas don't kill any more of them.

Chickening report:

And, on the sixth day, God also made chickens. And, God said, “It is good….finger lickin' good!” (the Book of Third Randy).

The Ol' Rancher has to admit that dead-and-deep-friend chickens are his friends: such good friends that he and Connie the Canner just about wore out a local "Funky Fried Chicken" store in Porterville when they ran a chicken breast special for $4.99. At the special price, you also get a dab of fake mashed potatoes (about four tablespoons), a tad of fake brown gravy (about three tablespoons), a biscuit (my, but they're good!), and, of course, your choice of regular recipe or crispy. 

We went there at least three times that I can think of and were going to do it again. But, it was Wednesday and they were having a country fried steak special for $5.99. So, we got that instead. If the chicken special is still current when we get back to town, we may just up and do the special again! "Always pamper the old people", we always say! 

As for the living chickens, they are all doing well and are happy and healthy scratching and screeching for a living.. We are still getting a regular supply of wonderfully tasty farm-fresh eggs, too! Of course, the girls are getting a great balanced diet so that helps. There are a few ideas that have been floating around to help supply them with more protein but there'll likely need to be a....day off....so they can be implemented. 

When the coop was built, it was solid and ready to do the job we desired of it. However, over time, the chickens have modified the ground extensively for their personal dust bath needs and other scratching requirements. So, the ground is no longer level hardly at any place in the coop. Add to the uneven ground the potential for flooding and the place just isn't at all safe. In fact, it may qualify for a hard hat and hip boots zone. This means that you have to enter the chicken coop with the caution of a bomb disposal expert. It just ain’t safe in there! Ask me how I know!!

Several years ago, the coop had been flooded and had not totally dried out. For whatever the physics and chemistry (I'll let you guess), when you add water to a chicken coop, the floor becomes exceedingly slick. Then, there are obstacles to consider. There are two 4' long "A frame" chicken roosts, a 5' tall roosting tree, a large cage, a 4' x 3' hutch, an 8 gallon water tank, and a couple of hanging feeder cans that are mostly used for flooded environments when you can't put food on the ground. Then, there's the water hose which presents itself as a snaky snare to the unwary. Add a few extraneous items like spent corn cobs and you have a real tangle of a mess. 

So, the ol' chicken wrangler was carefully wending his way through the deeply muddy coop when, in the blink of an eye, he went down hard between the two "A frame" roosts. It felt like I had been body slammed by Hulk Hogan! That was a nasty lesson to learn so you can bet that all caution is used so that the chronologically-gifted chicken dude won't be found in another muddy heap and wailing for help. 

Ham Operation Report: 

After weeks of trying to establish communications on the 40 meter ham band and to confirm that my transceiver was fully functioning on the 10 meter, 15 meter, and 20 meter bands, a solid contact was made on 40 meters with Canada station, VE7WG, about 1,000 miles away. I was running an ICOM IC-706MKIIG at about 50 watts to my 19' roof-mounted vertical. We had reciprocal signals which confirmed that my station was functioning nominally even though it's stuck in a "bowl" surrounded by hills and mountains on three sides. 

The issue had been that few operators were even on the air. The one's that were on the air didn't seem to hear my signal and it just didn't make sense at all. This time was a holiday weekend and there were a lot of operators on the air so a contact was made. 

The bet is still that the horizontal dipole will out perform the vertical by a considerable amount but more so on the lower bands (40M-80M-160M). We'll see. Things are coming together but slower than "Lightning", the janitor, on "Amos and Andy".

The VHF/UHF modes are functioning well. The Comet dual-band vertical antenna is still earning its salt. That's a plus. So, that's the latest from station WA6IXI. 

There you have it: another short episode of the long happenings at Rancho Relaxo (aka “Dos Acres”): home of Rancho Ran, the world's least-most greatest authority: home of Connie the Canner, the world's greatest side-kook and CEE (Chief of Everything Else); together we are the Yo-Yo  twins who are always having to return to the rancho for something: home to one duck that we try to keep in a row (which is difficult since he's retarded): where the air always smells and where alliteration reigns supreme: where being modern is optional and where there are no slaves to fashion: where the eggs are always mostly fresh: where things can get...interesting: where it's all news to us and where...you just never know.