RANCHO SALE AWAY

 

Hey, y'all! Glad you could drop in to check on what's happening at Rancho Relaxo. We trust and pray that you all are doing well! 

We're "moving along" but are moving rather slowly after the big bash yard sale. It's done with and so are we. It was a great time but we paid for it physically. We overdid things and old people should be underdoing things instead. 

Nevertheless, aside from a mild seasonal cold, the Ol' Rancher and his XYL (ex-young lady), Connie the Canner, are prospering and in health even as their soul is prospering.

This issue of Rancho Relaxo is brought to you by Bouncing Betty's Beautiful Biddy Bobbers". Now, these are the best Beautiful Biddy Bobbers that money can buy! They're made right here in the US of A. You can't...I say...you can't get a better Beautiful Biddy Bobber! You can get your bountiful supply of  Beautiful Biddy Bobbers at the Wal-Mart, KMART, Speedy Mart, Quick Mart, and all those marts where those guys have those towels wrapped around their heads. Tell'em the Ol' Rancher sent you. You'll be glad you did!                                                                                                                                                                   

     NOTE: there's a shortage of pictures this go around. I accidentally deleted my pictures and can't find my other camera that had most of the yard sale pics on it. I'll add them later if I find anything.                                               

"Wanna see my tongue?!" Fuzzy is going to be a hoot to have around because he already grasps the spirit of Cornball Central (aka Rancho Relaxo). We thought about a few other (really good) names that had been suggested but we settled on something that was corny, silly, goofy, and unoriginal, just like his owner. 

Guardzilla. 

Abbie is saying, "I iz the big dog around here!"

A few pics of the aftermath of the sale. 

It’s November. We have worn out ten months in a row without even trying. It’s been an interesting ten months, to say the least (but you knew that). It’s hard to calculate just how much has happened in so short a time. It’s also hard to calculate just how much didn’t happen in the same time. Yet, here we are more blessed than ever. It’s absolutely amazing. There’s one more month after this one to grind into history so, hang on! Things could get interestinger (sic…this is Rancho Relaxo).  

I really don’t want to be the terror of Colorado Boulevard.

Fun Fact: Mommas and the Papas. In Spanish, it reads: “Mommas and the Potatoes”.

Nyet! Kaput! Fin! Finito! No mas! Done!: Well…we did it; the big annual mega-yard sale has come and gone. We managed to get three months of work done in a couple of weeks without calling “Imperial Ambulance” (but it seemed close). We really can’t say that it wasn’t a lot of fun because it was. The camaraderie was exceptional and getting to meet new folks and new neighbors is always a great pleasure. But, we drove ourselves into the ground not remembering that we’re old people.

You’re pushing too hard: We had to face the fact that we simply pushed ourselves way too hard on this go around and are completely exhaustipated. There’s the three weeks of prepping to start with. That’s pretty tough stuff. Things had to be moved from the hangar and the barn to the front yard. Then, it had to be prepped for sale. We should have taken 8 weeks! No joke! When all was said and done, we had another 50 more boxes and a slew of larger unboxed items to clean, price, and set out that didn’t get attended to!

Then, there’s the three days of grueling work at the sale itself. That’s three days that start no later than 6 AM. During the day, when we’re not dealing with people, we’re cleaning and pricing stuff that hadn’t been set out yet.

A lot of folks will start their yard sale at about 8AM or so and call it quits anywhere between noon and 3PM or so. Not us. This is a once-per year mega event that stays open from 8AM until people stop showing up. Most of the time, it turns out to be about 6PM or even later. By the time we shut down the shop and prep for the next day, the clock is indicating 10PM or later. After finally winding down, we hit the hay at midnight.

I’m up and at’em at 5:30AM or so building a fire under the big 40 cup coffee urn. Connie preps for the big lunch feast and it’s “hot heels” all day from there. We get to do it again the next two days. Fun stuff, eh?

It always includes ministry, too. Most of the vendors are Christian folks with some being bolder than others. So, it’s not unusual for there to be prayer in the air at any given time. Folks have testified of how blessed they are when they come here! We’ve had not any major issues here for the previous 15 years and everyone has been blessed and prosperous. That’s quite a testimony!!

Sale Away or The Thrill is Gone: Ah, but after the crowd has gone, the money’s counted, and, after the big sigh of relief, it’s Monday morning and there’s the cleanup to deal with. Imagine, if you will (thanks, Rod), two old people, who are already ground down to the ground and too tired to tear a “Twinkie” in half, saddling up to another monumental task. We couldn’t move much less clean anything up. Everything at the rancho simply stopped in its tracks. What happened next was entirely predictable.

“Cleanup on Aisle One…and Two….and Three”: It’s already three weeks past the sale and we’re only about half way cleaned up. The driveway is a mess and the rest of our unsold goods have yet to be hauled off. We let our immune system get compromised and ended up with a light seasonal cold which whacked our ability to clean anything but our nose. Progress has been made but you’d think that it was being made by the Lollipop Guild.

Keep smiling!: The good news is that we made enough money to keep the tax man at bay. It’s nice when your rent to the government is paid so they don’t come and repossess their property. Some of you my already know that there is no private property ownership in America. I learned that in the CA Real Estate Training Class in ’89. PM or e-mail me for more on that, if you’d like.

Actually, we weren’t on the precipice of starvation. Earlier, we did have to dip into our “tax money” to cover some exigencies but the yard sale picked up the slack. No biggie. We got’r done and kept peace with “Big Brother”.

Fuzzy Wuzzy!! Not long ago (but longer than the other day), we were blessed with the “deal of the day” that we just couldn’t pass up. It was the opportunity to have a “Labradoodle” pup (a Labradoodle is a crossbreed dog created by crossing a Labrador Retriever and a Standard, Miniature, or Toy poodle). What’s wild is that he’s also a registered pooch with the official title/name of “Sonny”.

Of course, as an old farmworker, I needed to straighten out all that highfalutin stuff and give him a real name that fit my rather logical and painfully linear thinking (I keep a chisel close). So, that which was obvious was the solution. He’s now, “Fuzzy”: it’s profoundly simple, profoundly accurate, profoundly silly, profoundly unoriginal, and profoundly uncreative, but it works magnificently for us.

I have to tell you; I am in love with this new little guy! I think he was custom made for Ol’ Ran who is used to a high-spirited short-haired coon hound and not a fluffy “froo-froo dog”. For some reason, this little guy was instantly my buddy. When I held him, he just settled right into my arms and let me love on him.

Though he is meek and quiet of spirit, he can romp with Abbie with the best of them! He’s also the only pup that’s so fuzzy that, when I first tried to pet him, he was so far down under his fur, I had to hunt for him! It’s kinda neat to own a rug with a nose.

He’s still getting the lay of the land and learning how to fit in but he’s a really smart doggie so everything will be fine.

No fly zone.  Y’all know that Connie the Canner runs a clean tight ship but you may not know that she hates house flies as much as Jenks the Cat hates meeses to pieces. That means it’s a “No Fly Zone” in her kitchen. She has no use for them at all.

Now, she’s also a very practical gal so she doesn’t allow shotguns in the kitchen at all (other than to transition to the outside, of course, where other varmints await their fate). So, the flies still have a fighting chance (albeit, it’s a very slim chance). Having taken up the task of having a fly-less house, she has sharpened her aim with a tea towel or large washrag and is now a real “dead eye” fly git’r. If a fly or two makes it past the front or back screen door, they’re goners if they show up in the kitchen. It’s usually one “WHAP!”, one kill. She’s getting so good at killing them that she’s starting to feel disappointed when she doesn’t see one (of course, that’s just one guy’s interpretation of the matter).

Dirty recka-fretcha-pecka-loomer!: Our big LG super washer stopped working the other day (when lots of things happen around here) and it was giving us a "door latch" error. No biggies, says I. I just ordered a new one. However, when the new switch came in things took an interesting turn. I pulled the top off and, lo and behold! A rat had gnawed the entire control wiring harness in two and shredded the bleach feeder hose and another pressure sensor tube!! Just installing a new switch would only take about 20 minutes. Dealing with the entire harness and hoses will require a complete disassembling of the entire washer (Johnny 5, "Disassemble!!"). Now I'll need a day off so I can work on this thing! The LG is actually our backup washer. It’s been hanging in there and doing a great job. 

The other issue is that the outer tub bearings are going out on the big Maytag washer. Can you believe that; both washers going down at the same time?! And, it’s happening just when most of my day’s supply of energy is being used to tie my shoes! So, everything is going to have to just remain un-fixed until the Ol’ Rancher gets back in the saddle. It shouldn’t be much longer.

You may remember that Maytag was the brand that advertised that they had the loneliest repairman around. I’m here to call “BULL!” on that. It’s just another cheap piece of junk designed to fail (i.e. planned obsolescence).

What burns my biscuits is that I was sold on their quality from way back in the ‘60’s. Maytag was “the” washer to get. I wanted one so I got one. Should I have gone with the Whirlpool? I almost did. I used to sell tons of Whirlpool products and have (had) great faith in them. However, Whirlpool owns Maytag so most of them are made in the same factories. What does that tell you (how about that we shouldn’t buy either one?)? To make matters worse, the issue is such a common problem that there are tons of “how to fix your Maytag” tutorials on the Internet.

This isn’t a simple part failure. This is a failure of the backbone of the entire washer. No spin, no wash. You have to remove the tub, remove the motor stator, manually knock out the upper and lower bearings, and remove the shaft. Then, you get to rebuild it with the new parts in reverse order with the special bearing tool (i.e. the bearings are press fit).

If you can find the Maytag repairman’s phone number (I’m being silly), he’ll gladly charge you about 500.00 including parts and mileage to help you resolve your issue. That’s almost half the price of a new machine. This is all because the top seal failed and allowed water to access the bearings. Can you spell "C-H-E-A-P"?

Thankfully, it isn’t brain surgery and I can do it without any problem other than the wrestling of the machine into position so it can be worked on. Wrestling appliances is not what I signed up for in life (but especially at this age).   

 Rain! Rain! Don’t Go Away! Stay Around Another Day!: We finally got a dab of rain. It was a greatly needed and nice “soaker” rain for about three hours or so then it abated into oblivion. The best I can tell it was the tail end of the tail end of a storm that was quite a bit further north of us. It wasn’t at all like the real rain storm Longview, WA got hit with at the same time. Friend and brother, Jeff Edgecomb, advised that they got 5” in about 8 hours! He said that he was pretty sure that he saw Noah rounding up animals two by two! The pictures  of flooding he sent convinced me that he was only partially joking. Man! It's wet up there!

Anyway, we have another storm that is moving in and should be here to wet this issue of the blog as it’s being sent out (Sunday night). Not sure how much we can expect to get but it does look like it’ll be hanging around for about four days! There will be lots of rejoicing happening in our land.

Well....there you have it: another short episode of the long happenings at Rancho Relaxo: home of Rancho Ran, the world's least-most greatest authority: home of the Yo-Yo  twins and home of a retarded duck: home of Connie the Canner, the world's greatest side-kook and CEE (Chief of Everything Else): where the air smells and where alliteration reigns supreme: where being modern is optional and where there are no slaves to fashion: where the eggs are always mostly fresh: where things can get...interesting: where it's all news to me and where...you just never know.

RANCHO RELAXO ROCKS

 

Hey, y'all! Glad you could drop in to check on what's happening at Rancho Relaxo. We trust and pray that you all are doing well! The Ol' Rancher and his XYL (ex-young lady), Connie the Canner, are prospering and in health even as their soul is prospering. We are getting blessed all the while that we are taking care of business and such. In fact, it's amazing how blessed we are and how much favor we have with everyone! 

This is one of my favorite scenarios. It's when a "fuzzer" sneaks into pipe, culvert, or similar small space but isn't able to avoid my coon dog that has a nose that knows everything. 

The other day (when lots of things happen around here), she cornered a section of PVC pipe with a squirrel in it. You could hear the thing barking so there was no doubt that the game was afoot. I merely had to lift up one end and shove a water hose in and turn it on. In no time flat, Abbie had the little bugger in her bone-crushing jaws and was shaking it's eyeballs loose. Abbie - 1; Fuzzer - 0

Click on pics to enlarge

Here's Missy who got a chance to romp a bit with Abbie while waiting for her new owners to show up. They had a ball and did it up right and had a good time of it. 

It was a rather hot day when the Ol' Rancher was taking his big Echo weed eater out for a stroll. The crepe myrtle trees needed a shot of water so I turned the water on and placed the hose next to one of them. As the water pooled a bit, Abbie came over and plopped down in the middle of the pool in the shade! Sharp doggie! No flies on her pies!! 

Here's our little bitty birdie buddies. They still are unnamed but we're considering some pretty cool ones that folks have suggested. They're growing like weeds and are happy and healthy. Momma bird is doing a great job of taking care of them. 

While setting up for the yard sale, our herd of bug wranglers decided to appear in the middle of things. Not sure we needed their help but they wandered off after a while anyway. 

Rancho Relaxo Rocks! Here's a bunch of new rocks that a friend gave us. There were enough of them to make a ramp onto the concrete driveway. It's nice to not hit that bump all the time! After a few times of being driven over, they'll be compacted and will smooth out and look nice. Free rocks are our friends!

The other day, "Giffords" food mart in Springville experienced an issue with their freezer and their ice cream wasn't staying cold enough. So, they were giving away the stuff with a purchase. Connie the Canner and I bought a couple of bags of stir-fry veggies and they said, "Help yourself"! We did! Here's about 40 bucks worth of ice cream! It was a "diet free" zone at Rancho Relaxo that evening! Free is our friend! 

This is one of our fight fighting aircraft stationed at the Porterville Municipal Airport (KPTV). We've had a fire attack base here since the early '50's that I can tell. 

This big baby is a BAE 146 four-engine hauler. I've been on a BAE 146 twice. Once was in the mid-80's. It was in the PSA (Pacific Southwest Airlines) livery. The other one was on a flight from Accra, Ghana, Africa to Kumasi, Ghana. I don't have a more favored jet airliner than this one. 

Here's the Coop de Ville attached to Wooly Pully. We're hauling stuff from the hangar to the house and getting ready for the big yard sale. Notice the  scratching crew at work in the forefront. 

Here's Ma and Pa Kettle. This time, they're full of pork chops. In case you didn't know, pork chops are our friends! After cooking for 9 hours on low, they will be falling apart tender. Connie the Canner will can them in Big Bertha, the 22 qt pressure canner. We may freeze a few for later since they look so good on a grill, don'tcha know.

The chops were on sale at SaveMart for...get this...99 cents per pound! 

Tell me girls don't do pretty work!! It sure makes things easier at Easter time, eh? 

It's October. It's October. Ugh...it's October. It's the end of the year. What happened?! I'm too flubbergasted (don't look that up in your Funk & Wagnalls) to even get a grip on how fast this year has flown by. OK...no more carping. 

I refuse to die until I get a ride in the Oscar Meyer Weinermobile.

It's whole lots of difficult to grasp that our huge yard sale is only a week away and that we only have six weeks of prep and setup work left. *SIGH*. The next few days are going set a new precedent for the word "hectic". 

We will be setting up the tables on Monday (tomorrow) then finish picking up stuff from the hangar and hauling it up the hill. The hope is to unload some of the stuff in barn. A real concern is that we won't have room to display this stuff! No joke. We'll have 14 or more sellers and each needs space in which to operate. 

And, we only have fewer than 20 tables. That may seem like a lot but, a few years ago, we had 22 tables but still had 50 boxes that didn't get set out for sale! We'll see what happens. Stay tuned for next month's blog. It could be....interesting. 

No Mas Missy or “So long, Missy. You will be missed”. How can you possibly not miss a “love dog”? Missy always had a ton of love to give even if she only received a couple of pounds in return. She loved to see me coming and hated to see me go. I was God to her and she liked it that way. And, a prettier pooch I’ve never owned. Abbie is handsome, to be sure, and a delight to the eyeballs. But, Missy is just plain pretty.

We posted a picture and blurb on “Craig’s List” and only had to wait a few days for someone to contact us. It was a strange number so I was hesitant to answer but I’m glad I did.

The lady on the other end of the line was such a nice person. She explained that she had a retired friend and neighbor who was looking for just such a furry friend. When I started to explain more about Missy being a Husky, the lady explained the she understood because she used to breed and raise Huskies! I was blown away! A couple of days later, she and the friend drove from Posey (about 45 miles SE from here) and picked her up. 

So, Missy now has a nice home with some someone who will show her lots of lovin’ and care and I couldn’t be more pleased.

Now, on to the chore of finding a “chicken sitter” doggie that can also be Abbie’s buddy!

Free at last!  Or Chickens gone wild! Now that Missy is not longer in the picture, our dirty birdies are free to roam about at will. They are now happily free ranging and having a great time of it! No bug is safe on their watch! 

Even or new chicks are growing by leaps and bounds and are able to keep up with the rest of the herd. It's a hoot to watch them flit about and scratch for chow. 

Well....there you have it: another short episode of the long happenings at Rancho Relaxo: home of Rancho Ran, the world's least-most greatest authority: home of the Yo-Yo  twins and home of a retarded duck: home of Connie the Canner, the world's greatest side-kook and CEE (Chief of Everything Else): where the air smells and where alliteration reigns supreme: where being modern is optional and where there are no slaves to fashion: where the eggs are always mostly fresh: where things can get...interesting: where it's all news to me and where...you just never know.

I may add to the blog during this next week or so. Not sure that I'll have time to do it but you may want to check back. 

RANCHO CRISPO DOS

 

RANCHO CRISPO

          

Hey, y'all! Glad you could drop in to check on what's happening at Rancho Relaxo. We trust and pray that you all are doing well! The Ol' Rancher and his XYL (ex-young lady), Connie the Canner, are prospering and in health even as their soul is prospering. We are getting blessed all the while that we are taking care of business and such. In fact, it's amazing how blessed we are and how much favor we have with everyone! 

Click on the pics to enlarge them

This is Missy saying, "I just wanted you to see how pretty I am and to show you my beautiful heterochromic eyes!". I had hoped to use the electric fence to keep her contained so she could roam about the yard but things are just not working out as hoped. Trying to fit her with the collar is like trying to put a bicycle inner tube on a gallon of galloping pudding. We need to let our flock of feathers free range and can't do that until she gets the message that "free range" doesn't mean "free lunch". That's not likely to happen soon.

Here's Feral Fawcett with her pair of day-old chicks! Ain't nothin' but cute all over! 

Here's another shot of the new baby birdies. I'm heap proud of Feral Fawcett. She's a great momma bird. This is her third batch of fluff balls. I pity the person, pullet, or pompous pollo that tries to mess with her chicks! It wouldn't be pretty! 

Here's one of our recent blessings. This is a new Shimano Sienna 4000 open face spin cast fishing reel. They retail for about 30.00. We just picked up four of them for 5 bucks each! Zowie!! It's sitting up against a new Plano tackle box that retails for more than 20.00. I paid 10 clams for this one! We also went to "Falling Prices last Saturday and came home with about 300 dollars worth of NEW stuff. We paid 13.75 for it!!

This is the weather forecast for this week. The updated versions shows the highest temp to be 112 to maybe even 113. I've seen these temps before but wasn't looking forward to seething them again. 

"Uh...look....I've been up all night guarding this place. I've chased off two cats, one coon, and a MiG 21. Unless you have a doggie treat or want to lay some lovin' and scratchin' on me, keep it down!". 

One of the unfortunate happenings of life in our part of the country is the ever present danger of fires in the mountains. Due to the state's utter mismanagement of our forests (nearby Sequoia and Kings Canyon National Forests), there is some sort and size of fire happening every season. Here's a fire fighting Boeing-Vertol CH-47 picking up a load at a local ranch (photo borrowed from a FB report about the matter). Other larger fixed-wing aircraft are kept busy as well. 

It’s September! How’d that happen?! That can’t be right! I’m not through with spring cleaning yet!! OK….I’ll hush up my mug and move along. *SIGH*.  

I’ll take door number three, Monty!

Fun fact: a flat wooden spatula is called a “flatula”. Every kitchen needs at least one of these, don’tcha think?! In fact, I may opt for a franchise so I can sell these babies.

Well….here we are in the “…berrrrrr” months. The problem is that the temps are still scorching along like they’re being preheated by a propane torch.

I really liked living in Idaho where it was 42 degrees and raining on the Fourth of July and and there was frost on the pumpkin at the end of September. Around here, on average, we don’t dip below 95 degrees until the third week in September. Since it’s 108 degrees outside today with more of the same for a few days, it may take a tad longer for us to drop to even that mark. Our lows are in the upper 70's.

Jungle Jive - Things are still humming along around here. Some of it is “ho-humming” but, it’s humming nonetheless. For instance, the front yard has regained its ability to completely hide a herd of local mountain lions and a wild turkey or two. I’m almost afraid to tackle the mess because there may be something lurking out there than I can’t out run. I’m just not in the mood to get eaten by something I disagreed with.

All of the motorized farm equipment is fueled and ready but it’s difficult to face the day when I have to put them to use. The first rattle will be made by the big Echo weed whacker. The grass (which is starting to look a lot like Buffalo Grass from the Kansas Prairie) is too high to cut without using the whacker first.  Add to that the fact that, even in the morning, it’s pretty warm. It was 77 degrees for a low the other day: not at all inviting.

Rancho Seco - It’s been a scramble to keep things hydrated, too. We’ve lost most of our orange production and may have lost half the trees. The small avocado tree almost bit the dust (literally) but I think it’s salvageable. Ditto the small plum tree start. The asparagus ranch (all three square feet of it) may petrify soon. Not sure that I care since it’s mostly an ornamental experiment anyway. The two pomegranate trees are quite hardy and seem to have a tap root that reaches down close to the water table. They keep getting overlooked but they are still alive. A hose was finally tossed on one of them and second one is next.

Special attention was given to the 15 grape vines our front, though. But, I almost forgot about the four vines on the pump house. Those may have to be replanted. We’ll see. It’s been a hassle since I didn’t get a single bunch of grapes this year due to the birds and such. My huge grape bunches simply disappeared in a flash. Nothing was left…nothing. Bummer.

Can it! - Connie the Canner has been in 8th over gearing (she uses a 13 speed transmission, don'tcha know) getting ready for the winter months. She’s putting away hamburger and even bell peppers: all of this without neglecting the rest of the rancho chores and trabajo. I’m not sure how she does it.

What really helps is that she picked up hundreds (!) of canning lids at “Falling Prices” for pennies on the dollar. She got a couple of hundred lids one time for about a dollar (4 packages of 50 at .25 each). On our last outing there, she picked up a lot of rings, too. She was stoked!

Beans! Beans! The Musical Fruit! or Don't Let the Wind Catch You Crying – 

One of the canning sprees lately has been to can pinto beans and ham hocks. The hocks were on a special sale at “Grocery Outlet” so we loaded up on what was left of them. The sale price was 1.69lb while the regular price is twice that and expected to be almost double that again when the new “anti-eating” laws go into effect.

This is to say that we live in nutty California where the card carrying communist governor, Gavin “Gruesome” Newsom, has passed legislation where, if you don’t treat your hogs like they are your grandchildren (including gifts for Christmas), you can’t sell them in California. Bacon prices have nearly doubled and are headed north from there. I suspect bacon will be at 10 dollars per 12 oz. package (13.33lb) within a year (mark it down).

The pinto beans were already on hand (man does not live by bread alone; he has to have pinto beans….trust me!) so everything just fell right in place for the chief cook and canner.

After rinsing and “picking” the beans, they were cooked to perfection in the big “Power Pressure Cooker” (which can be, and was, used as a crock pot). From there, she fired up Big Bertha, the big 22 quart pressure cooker, and had at it.

Wouldn’t you know that a couple of the jars didn’t seal properly so somebody needed to rescue the beans before they perished from neglect. And, you just know who stepped up to the plate (bowl, actually) and volunteered to remove any concern about those poor beans and tasty ham hocks going to waste. God forbid that I should permit this to trouble the canner lady.

So, that’s what we had for dinner that night. Had it not been for the fact that the Ol’ Rancher is on a casual diet, there would have been a pile of fried taters (we're talking about one that was difficult to see over the top of) to dig into, too!

Alas, a man has to know his limitations (I learned that from Clint Eastwood in 1973). I settled for a handful of buttered sourdough bread. This is true “comfort food” and I felt really comforted that night.

Of course, there is another concern. There’s no such thing as “windless lentils”. Not all beans are the same, of course, but all pintos are notoriously windy. This is especially true when they are mixed with a goodly portion of pork.

And, it is why lots of folks eschew this tasty staple of life. It’s understandable. I mean, just who purposely wants to hear a tuba playing the William Tell Overture at midnight? Who wants to risk having to hunt for their covers in the morning? Something had to be done!

“Beano” to the rescue - Yes, folks, the night was saved by our friend, “Mr. Beano”. In case you hadn’t heard the good news, “Beano” is a special enzyme that takes the wind out of the sail of any pinto bean ever made. You just add a few drops to your bowl and you can breathe easy (and without a Mil. Spec. gas mask).

The next go around will likely be beans and bacon or white beans and ham. In any case, “Mr. Beano” will have a special place at our table.

Clucking Crew - The chickens are doing marvelously well and are laying regularly (it may have something to do with the fact that I advised them that I would let Missy be their new chicken sitter if they didn’t straighten up and lay right). That’s good news because we have gotten used to having fresh eggs around here. There is a world of difference between store-bought and home grown egg, let me tell you!

The other day (when lots of things happen around here), the water mister finally got overhauled and was working nominally. It was repositioned so that the slight cross breeze would direct the mist onto the chickens and not out the other side. The idea was to avoid having baked chickens at the end of the day.

That part is actually working but (….yeah…another but…) can you guess what happened when the Ol’ Rancher forgot to turn the water off for the night? Hooooooo…..boy. The next morning, when it was time to feed my dirty birdies, there was a nice mud hole waiting for me to slip and slide in. Great. The water didn’t get turned on again for a couple of days so the “Happy Hen Inn” could dry out. Thankfully, no chickens croaked because of that faux pas.

Well....there you have it: another short episode of the long happenings at Rancho Relaxo: home of Rancho Ran, the world's least-most greatest authority: home of the Yo-Yo  twins and home of a retarded duck: home of Connie the Canner, the world's greatest side-kook and CEE (Chief of Everything Else): where the air smells and where alliteration reigns supreme: where being modern is optional and where there are no slaves to fashion: where the eggs are always mostly fresh: where things can get...interesting: where it's all news to me and where...you just never know.

RANCHO CRISPO

          

Hey, y'all! Glad you could drop in to check on what's happening at Rancho Relaxo. We trust and pray that you all are doing well! The Ol' Rancher and his XYL (ex-young lady), Connie the Canner, are prospering and in health even as their soul is prospering. We are getting blessed all the while that we are taking care of business and such. In fact, it's amazing how blessed we are and how much favor we have with everyone! 

Click on the pics to enlarge them

This is Missy saying, "I just wanted you to see how pretty I am and to show you my beautiful heterochromic eyes!". I had hoped to use the electric fence to keep her contained so she could roam about the yard but things are just not working out as hoped. Trying to fit her with the collar is like trying to put a bicycle inner tube on a gallon of galloping pudding. We need to let our flock of feathers free range and can't do that until she gets the message that "free range" doesn't mean "free lunch". That's not likely to happen soon.

Here's Feral Fawcett with her pair of day-old chicks! Ain't nothin' but cute all over! 

Here's another shot of the new baby birdies. I'm heap proud of Feral Fawcett. She's a great momma bird. This is her third batch of fluff balls. I pity the person, pullet, or pompous pollo that tries to mess with her chicks! It wouldn't be pretty! 

Here's one of our recent blessings. This is a new Shimano Sienna 4000 open face spin cast fishing reel. They retail for about 30.00. We just picked up four of them for 5 bucks each! Zowie!! It's sitting up against a new Plano tackle box that retails for more than 20.00. I paid 10 clams for this one! We also went to "Falling Prices last Saturday and came home with about 300 dollars worth of NEW stuff. We paid 13.75 for it!!

This is the weather forecast for this week. The updated versions shows the highest temp to be 112 to maybe even 113. I've seen these temps before but wasn't looking forward to seething them again. 

"Uh...look....I've been up all night guarding this place. I've chased off two cats, one coon, and a MiG 21. Unless you have a doggie treat or want to lay some lovin' and scratchin' on me, keep it down!". 

One of the unfortunate happenings of life in our part of the country is the ever present danger of fires in the mountains. Due to the state's utter mismanagement of our forests (nearby Sequoia and Kings Canyon National Forests), there is some sort and size of fire happening every season. Here's a fire fighting Boeing-Vertol CH-47 picking up a load at a local ranch (photo borrowed from a FB report about the matter). Other larger fixed-wing aircraft are kept busy as well. 

It’s September! How’d that happen?! That can’t be right! I’m not through with spring cleaning yet!! OK….I’ll hush up my mug and move along. *SIGH*.  

I’ll take door number three, Monty!

Fun fact: a flat wooden spatula is called a “flatula”. Every kitchen needs at least one of these, don’tcha think?! In fact, I may opt for a franchise so I can sell these babies.

Well….here we are in the “…berrrrrr” months. The problem is that the temps are still scorching along like they’re being preheated by a propane torch.

I really liked living in Idaho where it was 42 degrees and raining on the Fourth of July and and there was frost on the pumpkin at the end of September. Around here, on average, we don’t dip below 95 degrees until the third week in September. Since it’s 108 degrees outside today with more of the same for a few days, it may take a tad longer for us to drop to even that mark. Our lows are in the upper 70's.

Jungle Jive - Things are still humming along around here. Some of it is “ho-humming” but, it’s humming nonetheless. For instance, the front yard has regained its ability to completely hide a herd of local mountain lions and a wild turkey or two. I’m almost afraid to tackle the mess because there may be something lurking out there than I can’t out run. I’m just not in the mood to get eaten by something I disagreed with.

All of the motorized farm equipment is fueled and ready but it’s difficult to face the day when I have to put them to use. The first rattle will be made by the big Echo weed whacker. The grass (which is starting to look a lot like Buffalo Grass from the Kansas Prairie) is too high to cut without using the whacker first.  Add to that the fact that, even in the morning, it’s pretty warm. It was 77 degrees for a low the other day: not at all inviting.

Rancho Seco - It’s been a scramble to keep things hydrated, too. We’ve lost most of our orange production and may have lost half the trees. The small avocado tree almost bit the dust (literally) but I think it’s salvageable. Ditto the small plum tree start. The asparagus ranch (all three square feet of it) may petrify soon. Not sure that I care since it’s mostly an ornamental experiment anyway. The two pomegranate trees are quite hardy and seem to have a tap root that reaches down close to the water table. They keep getting overlooked but they are still alive. A hose was finally tossed on one of them and second one is next.

Special attention was given to the 15 grape vines our front, though. But, I almost forgot about the four vines on the pump house. Those may have to be replanted. We’ll see. It’s been a hassle since I didn’t get a single bunch of grapes this year due to the birds and such. My huge grape bunches simply disappeared in a flash. Nothing was left…nothing. Bummer.

Can it! - Connie the Canner has been in 8th over gearing (she uses a 13 speed transmission, don'tcha know) getting ready for the winter months. She’s putting away hamburger and even bell peppers: all of this without neglecting the rest of the rancho chores and trabajo. I’m not sure how she does it.

What really helps is that she picked up hundreds (!) of canning lids at “Falling Prices” for pennies on the dollar. She got a couple of hundred lids one time for about a dollar (4 packages of 50 at .25 each). On our last outing there, she picked up a lot of rings, too. She was stoked!

Beans! Beans! The Musical Fruit! or Don't Let the Wind Catch You Crying – 

One of the canning sprees lately has been to can pinto beans and ham hocks. The hocks were on a special sale at “Grocery Outlet” so we loaded up on what was left of them. The sale price was 1.69lb while the regular price is twice that and expected to be almost double that again when the new “anti-eating” laws go into effect.

This is to say that we live in nutty California where the card carrying communist governor, Gavin “Gruesome” Newsom, has passed legislation where, if you don’t treat your hogs like they are your grandchildren (including gifts for Christmas), you can’t sell them in California. Bacon prices have nearly doubled and are headed north from there. I suspect bacon will be at 10 dollars per 12 oz. package (13.33lb) within a year (mark it down).

The pinto beans were already on hand (man does not live by bread alone; he has to have pinto beans….trust me!) so everything just fell right in place for the chief cook and canner.

After rinsing and “picking” the beans, they were cooked to perfection in the big “Power Pressure Cooker” (which can be, and was, used as a crock pot). From there, she fired up Big Bertha, the big 22 quart pressure cooker, and had at it.

Wouldn’t you know that a couple of the jars didn’t seal properly so somebody needed to rescue the beans before they perished from neglect. And, you just know who stepped up to the plate (bowl, actually) and volunteered to remove any concern about those poor beans and tasty ham hocks going to waste. God forbid that I should permit this to trouble the canner lady.

So, that’s what we had for dinner that night. Had it not been for the fact that the Ol’ Rancher is on a casual diet, there would have been a pile of fried taters (we're talking about one that was difficult to see over the top of) to dig into, too!

Alas, a man has to know his limitations (I learned that from Clint Eastwood in 1973). I settled for a handful of buttered sourdough bread. This is true “comfort food” and I felt really comforted that night.

Of course, there is another concern. There’s no such thing as “windless lentils”. Not all beans are the same, of course, but all pintos are notoriously windy. This is especially true when they are mixed with a goodly portion of pork.

And, it is why lots of folks eschew this tasty staple of life. It’s understandable. I mean, just who purposely wants to hear a tuba playing the William Tell Overture at midnight? Who wants to risk having to hunt for their covers in the morning? Something had to be done!

“Beano” to the rescue - Yes, folks, the night was saved by our friend, “Mr. Beano”. In case you hadn’t heard the good news, “Beano” is a special enzyme that takes the wind out of the sail of any pinto bean ever made. You just add a few drops to your bowl and you can breathe easy (and without a Mil. Spec. gas mask).

The next go around will likely be beans and bacon or white beans and ham. In any case, “Mr. Beano” will have a special place at our table.

Clucking Crew - The chickens are doing marvelously well and are laying regularly (it may have something to do with the fact that I advised them that I would let Missy be their new chicken sitter if they didn’t straighten up and lay right). That’s good news because we have gotten used to having fresh eggs around here. There is a world of difference between store-bought and home grown egg, let me tell you!

The other day (when lots of things happen around here), the water mister finally got overhauled and was working nominally. It was repositioned so that the slight cross breeze would direct the mist onto the chickens and not out the other side. The idea was to avoid having baked chickens at the end of the day.

That part is actually working but (….yeah…another but…) can you guess what happened when the Ol’ Rancher forgot to turn the water off for the night? Hooooooo…..boy. The next morning, when it was time to feed my dirty birdies, there was a nice mud hole waiting for me to slip and slide in. Great. The water didn’t get turned on again for a couple of days so the “Happy Hen Inn” could dry out. Thankfully, no chickens croaked because of that faux pas.

Well....there you have it: another short episode of the long happenings at Rancho Relaxo: home of Rancho Ran, the world's least-most greatest authority: home of the Yo-Yo  twins and home of a retarded duck: home of Connie the Canner, the world's greatest side-kook and CEE (Chief of Everything Else): where the air smells and where alliteration reigns supreme: where being modern is optional and where there are no slaves to fashion: where the eggs are always mostly fresh: where things can get...interesting: where it's all news to me and where...you just never know.

 

RANCHO SCORCHO HEATO

 

Hey, Y'all!! Welcome to the Rancho Relaxo Report for August! Lots of things happening this past month. And, it's been HOT around here, too! Thankfully, so far, it's not been as hot as it was last year. We've even had some rain! That included a flash flood warning for this area and that's a first! ER-ER-ER-ER-ERRRRRRRR!

"Say! How comes you are always calling me a dirty dog, eh?!" Leave it to Abbie to ruin a good wash job. 

I have to admit...Abbie does get creative when trying to detect nefarious, ne'er do well, no good-niks. This is her "legs, tail, and ear antenna" reception position. She probably won't miss much. Good girl! 

Have you ever had a dog try to "help" you while you are repairing a hose? I haven't either. Missy was in need of a "little" attention. Her idea of "little" is "Gimme all you got!". She plopped down in the middle of my work and I knew that this pretty girl dog wasn't going to take "No" for an answer. So, work was put on hold  so Missy could be the center of attention for a while. She turned into a big ol' sponge.

Here's the Ol' Rancher and Connie the Canner with this week's haul from "Falling Prices". It took her a week to find a place for everything! 

It's that time of year where we have to pay attention to our environment. We've had a few rattlers in our yard over the years. 

Here's the "Bluesy Brothers". The brother on the left is long time friend and brother (60 years is a long time, eh?), Gene Sales. He recently returned home to this area. Though we have corresponded for many years, it's been a grand time getting reacquainted in person! 

Gene taking pictures of Success Lake. 

A cool yard sale find! It's a like-new "Dorothy" cold coffee brewer. It only takes a few minutes (instead of all day) to cold brew your coffee with this handy gadget. They retail for 42.26 but we got it for 5 bucks. 

Another super find is this "Ronco" "Ready Grill". It's basically a large toaster. It retails for 39.99 but we got it new-in-the-box for...get this...3 dollars!

Here's our new coolerator. She's a 22 cu. ft. beaut! We hope to salvage the other box because it hasn't quite croaked yet. We couldn't take any chances so we bought a new one. We'll see. 

Our grapes are starting to ripen and should "sugar up" shortly. 

Holy moly! It’s August already! We’re traveling through time at what seems like warp speed! Didn’t January 2022 just get here? There must be something wrong with my Flux Capacitor! I need to talk to Doc Brown about this!

Helpful hint of the month from Chef John (YouTube): “Never buy your eggs at the same place you buy your motor oil”.

 

Mister Minnick  or Let Us Spray:

The temps have turned brutal around here (106 degrees is brutal) and we didn’t want any baked chickens. So, Connie, the headmaster of the “Cool Clucks Clan”, determined that, if Elsie, “Carnation’s” contented cow, can give great milk, then our peck-a-saurs need to be contented to give great eggs. So we sauntered into “Lowe’s” and picked up a mister hose for the dirty birds at the Huevos Hotel.

Things seemed to be going fine for a little while until the nozzles plugged up (they’re only a pin hole in size). But, for a short while, it was so comfortable that they were all gathering on top of the hutch in the coop and having a kaffeeklatsch (well, so it seemed)!

This unwelcomed glitch forced some extra thought as for a resolution to this clogging matter so that our birdies wouldn’t have their gooses cooked.

The current thought was to order a mister kit with extra nozzles from Amazon. They showed up in two days but have been resting and unmolested while even higher priorities assailed the Ol’ Rancher.

Thankfully, we don’t have any scorched feathers because the weather didn’t rise to the expected oven temperatures. We even got some rain! That means that, on my next day off (uh-huh), I can re-rig the mister water line and flush or replace the nozzles. The line actually needs to be moved over to the windward side because the (really) light mist was being blown over the chickens (and only fell on the hutch). Maybe if I put my running shoes on I can dash out there and git’r done when/if I can find a few spare moments, eh?

Heap Big Deals - Big Chief Pinching Nickle and Squaw Squeezing Dime have been making great headway at “Falling Prices” and keep hitting it big! It’s been awhile since we’ve been in love and all shook up like this (Thanks, Elvis!).

 You may have a difficult time of trying to wrap your head around some of the astounding deals we’ve been getting lately. For example (and for reasons that I can’t really explain), there are loads of expensive dietary supplements and other nutraceuticals available. Many of these deals are just too good to pass up so we didn’t pass them up; we loaded up on them.

One of the most outrageous of them all was a special supplement that retails for (gulp!) 60 dollars and we paid 25 cents for it! Others ranged from a few dollars to 15 and even 20 dollars each! It did help to have a general working knowledge of some of it (which it appeared to us that most of the other shoppers/divers didn’t have). In any event, it appears that all of our body organs will soon be rejoicing at all of the great gobs of gel caps and plenteous piles of pills we’re flooding them with. I can almost feel the waters of the Fountain of Youth now. Yeah, buddy! At this rate, our immune system will resemble Superman's before long! 

Another special deal was a small electronic adapter that you wouldn’t think would retail for more than 3 dollars at Wal-Mart. I snatched it up and brought it home where I looked it up on the Internet. Do you suppose that the Ol’ Rancher was floored when he found out that the little gadget he purchased for a quarter retailed for 40 dollars?! Oh, yeah!

Most of these fabulous deals are found on the bottom of the bays. These smaller items stay covered up until most to the larger goods are hauled off. Then, some really great nuggets are produced. Other of these items are expensive but you have no idea what they are! Seriously! It’s almost exasperating since you know that they are worth up to fifty bucks or more (because of the size and quality) but you don’t even know what they are! Sometimes you can tell but it just isn't expedient to bring it home. You simply can't store everything when there is a dump truck load of stuff to deal with. 

 “Sale’ing” - This is not to say that the great deals at “Falling Prices” have quenched our penchant for yard sales: not at all. We keep stumbling into super deals all of the time. And, boy! Did we ever knock one out of the park! We went to a nearby moving sale which was next door to another moving sale (moving sales are our friends!).There were lots of nice (and cheap) goodies at both of them so we loaded up! But, the real ribbon getter was a brand new still-in-the-box “RONCO” “Ready Grill”. I would have gladly leaped at the deal for ten dollars but the big sign on the grill read, $3.00!! Looks like we can keep the ol’ “Fry–O-Matic” deep fryer parked for now and use this (mostly) grease free cooking device.

It works like a large toaster that cooks evenly on both sides. . You plug it in and stuff things in it and the fat/grease falls to a small pan in the bottom. We haven’t lit it up yet but are waiting for the right time to give it a whirl.

The only problem I can see is that I wasn’t smart enough to invent the thing and make a million dollar selling them.

At another sale, we picked up a new-in-the –package set of broadhead hunting arrowheads for 5 bucks. I immediately posted them on eBay and, within a few days, turned the fin into a 15 dollar profit! Yahoo!

The Frigid Air Man or I only have ice for you (thank you Rocky and Bullwinkle) – Around the ranch, we try to maintain certain modern standards such as running water, indoor toilets and (at least) a swamp cooler (you can bet that the “ON” buttons for the big A/C units are always handy).

Also, one of the things I’ve noted around that ranch is that, if the lady of the house’s modern kitchen appliances are working well, the milk flows easily around here (if you get my drift). That means that another “must have” is a fully-functioning fridge.

So, when an ice box no longer gets cold, our attention span increases significantly as we are about to lose some of our food. Food loss is kept to a minimum around here so when our trusty-turned-untrustworthy 22 cu ft refrigerator began losing its cool, so did we!

Thankfully, its chill began to wane slowly as opposed to the “young” (5 years old) freezer that simple croaked and made hot air instead of cold. That was a huge scramble session, I want you to know! Old people don’t usually move that fast but, somehow, we saved most of our frozen goods.

Anyway, after shopping around online, we found that “Lowe’s” had just exactly what we wanted. And, it was in stock, too! So, we hooked up Wooly Pully and headed to “Lowe’s” the next day.

When we got it home, the Ol’ Cool Rancher had to swap the doors over and get the shelves installed. A couple of days later, the icemaker was installed. All went well and the installation was without any leaks. Icemakers are our friends! 

Connie the Fridge Queen spent a couple of days hustling food from one box to the other. That was fun. After all was racked, stacked, and packed in the new ice box, she felt like she had just lost the national bull riding competition!

Our shiny new fridge was made complete after she covered most of it with a ton of those magnet thingies that grandmothers park on their ice boxes. The old one will be tested so see if it is still useable. If not, we know what to do with it.

Coffee is our Friend or Pick a Pot of “Pete’s”  - After having strip mined “Falling Prices” of their incredibly cheap coffee selection (paying .25 for a 10.00 bag of coffee is cheap!), it is easy (and fun) around here to sample all kinds and types of tasty coffee. If the Ol’ Rancher desires a hot  latte’, he has but to light up the espresso machine, crack open a pod of Starbuck’s, pull the trigger, and, in no time, his set of liquid jumper cables are ready! If he just needs a good ol’ cup of mud, he just pulls the Keurig brew rig out and has at it.

If the electricity happens to go out (which it won’t because the big “Generac” residential generator is at the ready) or just for grins, the Moka Pot is also on standby status on the shelf. Believe it or not, it makes a great cup of coffee! 

If there is no more coffee and all the pots are gone, then there’s some instant coffee that snuck its way into the back of the garage. Most likely, though, it will only be used for killing gophers and ground squirrels in a post-apocalyptic environment. 

One of the many brands and kinds are selected and sampled first thing in the morning. There’s a lot of decaf  “Major Dickenson’s Blend” and lots of “Pete’s” decaf espresso roast that gets consumed during the day. That way, there isn’t an issue with making it to bed on time.

This fosters a memory of being in Juarez, Mexico. It was difficult for me to understand why I couldn't find a cup of freshly brewed coffee anywhere (with the understanding that I didn't canvas the entire town for coffee). Only instant coffee was served. That was in 2000 so much may have changed. 

Talking Trash or Way to go, Radio: It’s no secret that things are a bit different around here (OK…maybe two bits different). You just never know what’s going to happen at any given time. The talking trash bag was a new one for us. 

The other day (when lots of things happen around here), one of our little Baofeng BF-888 handy talkies (or walkie -talkie, if you please) was missing. Because they are so important, there are three on hand, three on the charger, and a couple of them are kept on hand for spares (yes...they are that cheap). But, when a charger is empty, it’s time to go looking for the compact 440mhz transceiver.

After a quick search around the place and the van, it appeared to be quite lost. That wasn’t the first time we’ve lost a radio so no thought was given because they almost always show up in a day or two (except for the time my riding mower chewed one up for lunch).

The next afternoon, as the trash hauling chore was being performed, I heard the radio calling out, “Please change battery” (a built-in vocal notification that you’re battery is low). All BF-888’s do that so, when it started talking, the hunt was over. Well, it was almost over.

The problem was that I couldn’t get a fix on the bloody thing! It was obvious that it was close by but it was still hidden. Connie the Canner had to be called to the scene so she could help locate the missing radio before the battery died altogether.

In a couple of minutes of trying to triangulate the radio, we zeroed in on one of the seven trash cans we have out back. I lifted up one of the bags and it began to talk to me: “Please change battery”. To make a long story longer, the bag was untied and the radio was retrieved from (thankfully) near the top. After taking a few moments to free it from the mucky grip of some sloppy coffee grounds, the radio was happily, snuggly, and silently parked on its charger: home at last.

It really was no mystery. One of the radios is usually placed in the kitchen on a stand near the phone. There is a trash container by the stand. The transceiver somehow fell into the trash from the stand (we're pretty sure it didn't jump). Glad we didn’t have to call our good friend Sherlock to figure this out.

Hamming it up! Speaking of radios, not long ago,  (but longer than the other day), a friend showed up at my front door with some older ham radio equipment. I examined them and confirmed that they were rather old and agreed to buy them for 25.00.

One transceiver is a Kenwood TR-7950 2 Meter mono-band mobile rig w/power chord. It’s a mid-80’s rig but is built like a tank and these models are still highly regarded in the hamming community. I can use it for digital work.

Another is a Yeasu FT-2700RH DUAL BAND'er  2 Meter/440 mobile rig with the original duplexer. It will likely be one of my back up units.

The prize cake, though, is an MFJ-986 antenna tuner. This big baby can handle up to 3K watts of RF power and can likely tune everything but a lawn chair! Since I’ll soon have a 250’ wire dipole to work with, this tuner will come in mighty handy. I’ll also see how my other tuners handle it, too.

None of the equipment has been tested yet but it looks solid so far. Stay tuned for updates (probably right after my next day off).

Let it rain! Let it rain! Let it rain! Or:  “Yes, we have lots of raindrops. We have lots of raindrops today!” - On Saturday, July 31 at about 7:15 PM, and after suffering a significant moisture deficit for months, the clouds let loose with a big ol, rainstorm. Huge raindrops ensued with a tad of thunder tossed in. Of course, where we are, it was really just more “mad rain”. But, we try not to complain because every drop is welcomed. The Ol’ Rancher had to wash the “Coop De Ville” but, that’s OK. He’ll live.

Then, a few days after the first rainstorm, we had a “hot water” storm in the middle of the afternoon. What was different is that we had temps close to 100 degrees with that storm. I hadn’t seen that since Tulsa. Strange weather we’re having.

Well....there you have it: another short episode of the long happenings at Rancho Relaxo: home of Rancho Ran, the world's least-most authority: home of the Yo-Yo  twins and home of a retarded duck: home of Connie the Canner, the world's greatest side-kook and CEE (Chief of Everything Else): where the air smells and where alliteration reigns supreme: where being modern is optional and there are no slaves to fashion: where the eggs are always mostly fresh: where things can get...interesting: where it's all news to me and where...you just never know.