RANCHO GUERRERO - THE WAR IS ON!

                                                               

This is our broody barred rock hen whose new name is "Broody Bird". She's been nesting for three weeks. Her former name was "Dirty bird".  We should start hearing tiny "cheeps" any day now. A second barred rock just started her brooding; her name is "Eggy Sue".           

             

 This is Connie the Canner's new "Pfister"  kitchen sink faucet. It fits the newish sink very well. Ol' Plumber Ran (as in, "Plumb,    plumb, plumb: plumb plumber Ran" -  thank you "Beach Boys"!) grabbed his plumbing tools and installed it while he was thinking of something constructive to do on his....day off. 

          

Some folks may think that this is a laser death ray meant to counter the gopher threat around here (thank you, Mel Booth, who keeps up with the happenings at Rancho Relaxo). While this big beautiful expresso maker has yet to be converted into a really cool weapon, it truly does look like it has been swiped from the guts of Doctor Zarkov's rocket ship. 

Of course, it's a yard sale find (but you already knew that). These "Klarstein" Passionata espresso makers retail for 375.00. The nice lady at the yard sale (who buys then sells pallets of stuff from Target) wanted 25 bucks for it. As I was pondering where to store my other (cheapie) espresso maker, she said, "You can have it for 20 dollars". I took the deal and resolved to grapple with any storage issues later. It makes a very good cup of  coffee. 

                                                I really want this sign!

                                                                                        

                                                                         

This is the sneaky snake that thought that he could sneak past my coon dog's nose. Didn't happen! This is one of three rattlesnakes that were killed within two weeks. The first two lost their heads to a shovel and the third one with a .22 pistol. I had just been rustling a large tarp and pulling it out of the way for the chickens so they could get some bugs (free extra protein). A few minutes later, Abbie was going crazy at the same place but was standing back. Since she isn't afraid of anything, that got my attention. Sure, enough, it was rattler in the same spot. That could have been interesting.  Connie started cautioning me that I needed to don my boots when outside. She was advised that I was wearing special "Crocks" and that they would protect me. She just looked at me and said, "What a crock!"

                                                    

 When we show up at a yard sale with the Coop deVille II and  Wooley  Pully in tow, they know we mean business!

This is a shiny new foal at the "TLC Quarter Horses Ranch" near us. Owner, MaryAnn Fererro, was giving us the cook's tour after we finished some computer work for her. It's great to have neighbors like we have! Connie loves her new little equine friend! Stop by her FB page and take a look around!!

TLC Quarter Horses-MaryAnn Ferrero  

                                                                            Here's the newly repaired Rancho Hondo ATV. I missed this little workhorse! I can now get quite a bit more work done than I could do when it's broke down (at least my days off will be fewer and farther apart). 

 

Connie the Canner made this for the Ol' Rancher the other day. It's skillet-fried biscuit bread and I'm here to tell you, neighbor, that it is some mighty fine eatin'! It's your basic biscuit but fried in a large skillet with a tad of bacon grease. It is difficult to express just how good this was! By the end of the day, not a crumb could be found! "Someone" was so excited that he forgot to take a picture before it was gone so he lifted one off the Internet. Here's the easiest and bestist recipe: Biscuit Bread

This is the beautiful big new 10 gallon shiny stainless steel still sitting on the stove steaming its little metal heart out. We're finding that we need distilled water for a number of things so decided to stop buying water and get this thing. We figure that it will ultimately pays for itself in 175 years. If we take advantage of the endless possibilities inherent in this costly stove ornament, we can pay it off in a couple of weeks. 

 It must be time for another "deal of the day" because a great deal just popped up. This big baby was discovered at a yard sale and in need of a loving new owner that would appreciate and care for it. The ol' coffee sucking rancho dude perfectly fit the bill. The previous Keurig died in its sleep a few months ago and, with a ton of K-cups on hand, was truly missed. A Keurig in need of an owner connected with an owner in need of a Keurig coffee maker; problem solved. 

 

It’s June!! This year is almost half over! Doesn’t that just make you want to do the Curley Shuffle?! It’s like you can almost watch the leave falling off the calendar! We’re getting ready for spring cleaning and it’s summer already! UGH! Moving along….

Rancho Report: lots of things happening at the rancho despite rumors of lockdowns and such. We really haven’t been inconvenienced all that much but we really did see too much of Taco Bell take outs. I suppose that one shouldn’t complain when you can sate the hunger of a couple of old folks for less than 6 bucks.

This mask thing has been going on for so long that I don’t think that everyone will take them off after the lockdowns. It’s turning into a fashion mode and people are making money off the deal. The next thing you know, someone will be taking selfies and having them cropped then printed onto their masks so that people will know who they are. That or there will be a glitterati fad where everyone is trying to pimp their mask better than the next person. They’ll be putting pins, buttons, bangles, beads, and mustaches on their masks to look cool. Everyone will be known by there personalized mask and, if you lose your mask, no one will know who you are! *SIGH*

A Better Butter: the other day (when lots of things happen around here), it became apparent that we had too much butter in the freezer. It had been on sale for 1.99 per pound so Connie the Shopper stocked up on it and there was no room for other good deals.

So, she started surfing the Internet for ideas on how to store butter. It wasn’t long until she found that she could can butter (seriously). It only took a couple of seconds to realize that it was a slight twist of the method/recipe for making “ghee” (the Indian prepared butter) which stores for long periods without refrigeration.

All you have to do is simmer the butter so that the milk solids settle out from the fat/liquid. That’s what ghee is. However, with ghee, the milk solids are removed altogether and used separately. With this recipe, the milk solids remain in the canning jar (because we’re not trying to make ghee). When you’re finished with the canning process and the jars cool a bit, you agitate the jar and remix them with the liquid so that you have canned butter.

We tried the canned butter (a jar didn’t seal) and found it to be just like the regular butter in every way. In fact, an entire skillet of fried biscuit bread was destroyed using canned butter (see this part elsewhere in this episode). Lots of room in the freezer now. 

The long and the short(s) of it: from time to time, we end up going to Visalia (a real town) for business or whatever particular shopping that needs to be done. So, it was not long ago (but longer than the other day) that we wended our way over there and ended up spending most of the day gracing their town (it’s called “spending our money in their stores”). Thankfully, it happened to be a weekend so there were yard sales to be found (and, we certainly did find some).

At one particular place, Connie the shopper found a new pair of summer shorts for the ol’ rancher for (get this) 2 dollars! And, they were exactly his size! Zowie! They were plaid which is probably why they were for sale (didn't plaid shorts go out of style in '83?). But, it’s also what old people don’t mind wearing (and certainly not this old guy). Besides, Connie says they look spiffy! Works for me!

Plum wacky: we usually have our first plum harvest at the end of May and running into the first week of June but a recent rain knocked off almost all of the blossoms. Instead of having a tree laden with fruit, we have a few still-ripening plums. It seems strange because the tree is usually laden with beautiful, huge, ripe, juicy, plums.

The three other plum trees were also affected but not as much. Still, they took a hard hit. A small harvest is better than no harvest.

Hot doggies! My, but they’re good!: the last Sunday of each month, we enjoy our church pot luck. To celebrate the new season of crushing, cursed, soul-searing heat (I know. We humans are a seriously affected lot), Connie the side-cook decided to have a wiener roast (bless her heart). That entailed heading to the hangar (where lots of things are stored) and snatching our electric BBQ grill (you don’t have a George Forman electric BBQ grill?!) so that we wouldn’t be dealing with charcoal, smoke, and ashes (at least we got that part right).That also meant that we could actually use the grill indoors! That surely worked for this ol’ hot dog killer. 

Sure enough, the ladies pulled this feast off with aplomb. We had all of the standard picnic trimmings (who doesn’t love potato salad?!) and plenty of refreshments with which to wash them down. Dessert included cake and home-made ice cream so the event was a huge success.

Call me "Text Ritter" or How I Stopped Worrying and Learned to Love the iPhone: it had to happen sooner or later than the ol’ Luddite rancher had to be inculcated into to the 21^st century: well, not fully inculcated but at least “has his feet wet” sort of inculcated into the 21^st century (this will take awhile since you know who isn't any kind of a hurry).

Getting used to having an iPhone is much more comfortable now the I've poked, pocketed, programmed and otherwise abused this little magic box for about a year or so. Even after losing it a dozen times, losing some of the icons, and having it fall out of my pants fifty times (I kid thee negative), it has to be admitted that it is a handy gadget to have around. You have instant access to just about all of the information known to man. You even have the newly-discovered privilege of “butt dialing” a friend. If you’re really lucky, your friend was in bed or totally unprepared to receive a video call from you. However, you can expect to receive a reciprocal (pay back) call, of course. Everyone gets a laugh when you have one of these things (and who it is that's hiding behind their makeup, eh?).

Hey! You can even fly your own drone if you have one of these hi-tech tools! You can download apps that can tell you the price of stuff in Wal-Mart, too! How cool is that?! It beats chasing down a “blue vest”, eh?

So, look for the old guy checking the latest local news or perhaps “brain coasting” and playing a game of “Free Cell” once in a while. Life is good in the 21^st century.    

Something fishy happen around here or Stick it to me, baby!: in the previous 40 years, fish sticks have not been on the menu at my house. That’s a phenomenon that can’t be explained since, during the ‘50’s and ‘60’s, it was almost against the law to not regularly eat fish sticks (and peanut butter and jelly and Jello).

But, a couple of years ago, fish sticks showed up on the dinner table: they stunk! A few of them were eaten for old time’s sake but not for any other reason. Talk about the classic “yukky”! Most of them ended up in front of our feathery food disposal crew. So, it appeared that such a menu icon would not show up again for the next 40 years. However, you just never know when things can change around this place.

The other day, we ran into Mac and Luvena McElreath, our Christian friends from Californian Hot Springs. They were in Hooterville doing their regular shopping and such. Fortunately, they were at “Grocery Outlet” which, along with “Aldi’s”, is a hangout for the Rancho Twins (we always remind them that we must keep meeting them like this).

 She suggested the fish sticks that were on sale for fifty-seven cents! OK, so for fifty-seven cents (and the fact that they were a completely different brand than the mislabeled chicken feed that I had last time), it was time for Frugal McDougal to take a chance that “real” fish sticks may actually exist (i.e. the ones without ground up cardboard as an ingredient) . 

Connie the Cooker prepared a nice meal (with the classic trimmings of slaw and such) within a day or so. But, there was still a bit of hesitancy due to the lingering thought of the previous ugly experience. Imagine the surprise when these crunchy little former finned swimmers tasted great!

Now, this ol’ fisherman doesn’t get all excited very easily but it was difficult not to sing the praises of fish these sticks (at least this brand). They were “Captain Findus Wild Alaska Pollock Fish Sticks” (who woulda thunk?!). They retail for 4.99 so it was difficult not to rejoice all the more when we paid fifty-seven cents! I’m a big fan of this new fish monger! We returned the next day and bought all that they had left! 

The only caveat is that you never want to microwave these things unless you are sure that that the nukes are going to hit your town within 10 minutes and it's your last meal on earth. Otherwise, do no skimp on time; use the oven. 

“Clean up on aisle 2” or Connie don’t allow no mouse in the house: there are a few things that longsuffering Connie the Canner allows in the house but mammals are not on the list (other than the itchy-back gorilla she’s married to). That’s a completely understandable attitude given that some of them (but particularly the rodents) are just not suitable as pets. Also, some of them gnaw into everything you have stored and that quickly turns into a serious issue because it entails a lot of cleanup work and the cost of replacement (ask us how we know).

Connie the Canner is also Connie the Thinker so she finds a solution to most of the issues that crop up around here from time to time. For this rodent problem, she simply floods the garage with rat poison which leads to an ineluctable fate for all rodents who enter therein.   

That being said, it’s not at all surprising to her personal “janitor” when he hears, “Clean up on aisle 2!” coming from the com radios we carry. The plea always elicits the same immediate response, “On my way, babe!".

Sure enough, another small gray varmint had tried to profit from his newly found goodies and had fallen victim to his innate sense of survival. He was removed and disposed of post haste: aisle cleanup complete.

K-Cupping: sometime ago (but longer than “not long ago”), the big beautiful rancho “Keurig” K-Cupper went down and refused to brew. It couldn’t be resuscitated using the usual troubleshooting so it was tossed. It had been so muchly appreciated that it almost got a decent burial.

That big baby surely was missed but Ol’ Java Joe managed to get by with his alternate coffee makers (Joe Backup, at your service).  His coffee arsenal consists of a Moka Pot, a couple of French presses, a 4 cup coffee maker, and a 38 cup coffee maker (only used at the annual yard sale, though). There is a supply of instant coffee, too, which, though there is a ton of it, is still growing hair on it since it’s definitely going to take a major world depression to force me to drink that stuff. But, even at that, most of it will be bartered or sold.

Well, the other day, wouldn’t you know that the Yo-Yo Twins stumbled into a nearby yard sale (imagine that!). Lo and behold! Sitting all forlorn and in need of a coffee drinker was a big ol’ Keurig K-Cup coffee maker! If that doesn’t just make you pluck your banjo, it was exactly the same model and color as the deceased one!

It had a light layer of “Springville insulation” resting on it but that has never kept the this ol’ sale-er from snatching a bargain! The nice folks advised that they don’t drink a lot of coffee so they decided to ditch the Keurig (and assured that it does work just fine). “How much did they want for it?”, you ask? Ten bucks! Sold!        

When it wound up on the kitchen counter, the layer of “insulation” was removed and it was obvious that the nice neighbors weren’t kidding. You couldn’t tell that it had even been used!! Zowie!! The K-cups are stacked and ready for deployment!

 Gardening report:

Egg Plants Under Duress or Rescue the Flourishing:  there were two lovely and thriving egg plants in garden box number two (there are four boxes). They were blooming and, since we have a large hive of bees (i.e. pollinators), there was no reason to think that there wouldn’t be a nice harvest of big ol’ fat “Black Beauty” eggplants. Ah, but this is “Rancho Relaxo”. You have to be prepared for all contingencies because things can get...interesting...around here.

Imagine the look of anguish on the Ol’ Gardener’s face when one of his beautiful large flourishing plants was all wilted and flat on the ground! This was no mystery by any stretch. A vile varmint and bane of all gardeners and who abides in the dank, dark, nether regions of the rancho, was responsible for this. He had already destroyed most of my potato crop (75% qualifies as “most”. They were replanted within a few days). The destruction of a perfectly good eggplant event was good for a bit of grumbling.

But, also imagine when, a few days later, the larger and even more flourishing plant was also found compromised! That was good for a large “AUUUUUGH!” and a resounding “RATS!!” (conveniently borrowed from my pal, Charlie Brown, since he’s so good at it).

The first plant was gnawed off at the ground level so wasn’t salvageable at all. However, the second plant had its roots eaten so was simply water starved. That led to a quick grabbing of a wire basket that was planted next to the original planting spot. The injured plant was quickly transplanted into the safety of the basket (where it should have been in the first place. *Sigh*). An immediate water regimen was introduced so that its roots would flourish.

Flourish they did because, after three weeks, the plant is now almost back to normal. It is expected to have fruit on it but it will be much later in the season due to the trauma. 12 more seeds were started and are being nursed along so that we will have eggplants this year no matter what!

Yes! We have lots of green beans! We have lots of green beans today!: reckon the gophers are too busy getting fat on my potatoes, eggplants, and tomato plants to bother with the green beans because they have largely been untouched. In a couple of weeks we’ll have the first picking!  

Because of the critters and “stale” seeds, they had to be replanted three times. The good news is that we’ll have a “rolling harvest” and will likely get a really great harvest this year (which will be greatly appreciated because we got almost no beans last year).

Varmint Be Gone or Victory Over Varmint Day: it took a while but the Ol’ Rancher finally got the best of one of the varmints that were destroying his garden beds. There was a lot of digging of holes and following of tunnels required to achieve success.

A newly-discovered tunnel had a hose shoved into it to further open it up or at least find a direction. Much to the delight of the hose wrangler, a soggy and angry California Pocket Gopher, fighting for air, pushed his way out into the sunlight (rendering him temporarily blind). Rancho Ran wasn’t about to lose such an advantage against an evil enemy. The gopher was dead in seconds (there would be no decent burial): Rancho Ran – 1; Nasty vile tunneling varmint – 0.

The next day, it was determined that the late fuzzy destroyer had a pal in the neighborhood so the war still rages. His enemy still has a hose, high-pressure water nozzles, shovels, hoes, and gopher gas to fight with so the game is afoot.

 Chickening report: we now have two brooders but still have 3-4 eggs per day! After the coyote’s “free chicken lunch” adventure, we still had 7 layers and had plenty of eggs. With the two brooders sidelined, we still have a regular supply and Connie the Canner has her “water glassing” egg supply as well. Shortages are not allowed on our property.

There is a sad addendum, though. We lost one of our Golden Lace-Wing Wyandottes to a case of “chicken stupidity”. The “Rancho Rampo” (folding aluminum ramps for unloading things from a trailer or a pickup bed) were left on the front porch after unloading “Rancho Hondo”. Our birdies do like to frequent the front porch so this little layer found herself between the porch railing and the heavy ramp (which has slots in it to make it lighter but without compromising its strength). Something (perhaps Abbie) spooked her into thinking that she was trapped between the fence and the ramp. So, she made a frantic attempt to push her fat little carcass through the ramp slot but that action knocked the ramp over. When it fell over, it fell on her neck and broke it (have I mentioned that a chicken's brain is about the size of a pea?). That leaves us with 4 layers and 2 brooders.

It has to be admitted that the ramp shouldn’t have been there in the first place. It had been left there due to the procrastination of the Ol’ Rancher who had assured himself that he would get around to it. So, I reckon you could say that the hen died from a case of “rancher stupidity” (maybe he can blame it on the concussion he received when he stupidly slammed his forehead into a low-lying tree limb last month). It's time to thing about getting a few more layers since ours are running out of eggs (after about 2.5-3 years). 

Well....there you have it: another short episode of the long happenings at Rancho Relaxo: home of Rancho Ran, the world's foremost authority (the previous one died): home of the Yo-Yo Twins, home of a retarded duck, home of Connie the Canner (world's greatest side-kook): where the air smells, where alliteration reigns supreme, where being modern is optional, where there are no slaves to fashion, where things can get...interesting, where it’s all news to me, and where...you just never know.

 

   

Rancho Whammo!

 

Above, we see our sweet lil' "Abbie the Wonder Dog" (we often wonder what she's up to)  guarding the front door mat. Note the alertness and diligence. To the right, we see her likewise diligently listening to the ground for footsteps from Gypsies and other ne'er do wells in the neighborhood. She's definitely keeping "Wooly Pully", the trailer, and "Tojo", the Camry, safe. You know...we've never lost a door mat, a trailer, or a car yet (bless her little doggie heart). 

Putting a spin on things: this is the new "Abu Garcia" spincast reel that recently found a home at Rancho Relaxo. It was 3 bucks at an estate sale. They retail for more than 40 dollars. Not too bad of a catch, I'd say! 

At the same estate sale, we bought an unopened 32oz  bottle of  “Nature’s Sunshine” aloe vera. It sells for 27.98 but we bought it for 2.00. That's called "wealth redistribution". And, another “deal of the day” was a beautiful new pair of Cavalli “Generation” denim jeans. They retail for 90 dollars! We got them (my exact size) for....4 dollars! Ditto! 

 A bell of a deal!! This is the first of our green bell peppers. The red and orange ones are growing nicely so should be producing fruit soon. Fajitas, anyone? 

It's been awhile since goat meat has been on the menu for the old ranch hand. So, when this particular restaurant opened up, we headed there for a taco lunch. A "birria" taco is one that is filled with whatever meat one desires then it's fried in a sauce of some kind. It's a "taco truck" sort of thing so there's likely a thousand different recipes. In any case, the goat meat/carne de chivo was really tasty. The other taco was just the regular carne asada (also quite tasty). It was nice to get to be able to just sit down and dine again.

This is a (partial) view from our porch swing. It's really nice to catch the cool evening breeze while  watching "chicken TV" and such. 

This is one of "Connie the Planter's" planter boxes. It resides with several other ones on the back patio railing. Having all of these flowers really makes our bees' day! Not many humming birds have found them so far, though. The netting is to keep the chickens from using the boxes for laying eggs but it's also likely keeping the hummers away, too.  

 Breaker! Breaker! Good buddy! or I’ll CB’ing you: This is a "Cobra" brand Model HH50 hand-held CB radio. They retail for more than 100 dollars. Of course, the old yard sail'er isn't about to pay retail but for a few things. So, this one was picked up for 5 bucks at an estate sale. I checked it out and it works great! Ol' Radio Ran started out with CB radios in '71 and progressed to Ham radio from there. If we travel more than about 200 miles from home, Ol' RR has a CB radio in the van, to be sure. They actually come in handy at times. It's used mostly for monitoring traffic around the big cities and on the Interstates when traffic gets "goofy" (if you've ever travelled on an Interstate, you know that "goofy" is the word to use to explain the traffic out there). It probably goes without saying that his ham radios are on board, too.  

This is the newly overhauled "Ranch Rhino". it has a new tune-up, new wiring, a new alternator, and a new battery. The headlights even work! The over-haul included a complete oil change and lube job so it handles much better than before ("strong arm" power steering, don'tcha know). It runs like a champ, starts on the first crank, and doesn't smoke! What a sweet little tractor!! 

This is the Minnick version of pinto beans and bacon. You may not be able to tell from such a small sample but this version uses at least a half pound of bacon. Add a tablespoon of salt to two cups of pintos and toss everything into the pressure cooker for a couple of hours and dinner is served! The wonderful palatal pleasure of cornbread was omitted on this go around but will be included next time. 

What was included this time was a large skillet full of fried taters and onions. There was no way that the beans were not going to be paired with spuds! My! My! Talk about "good stuff"!!

 Just as I was finished and leaving the table, I watched in silence as my left hand snatched the last small tater in the bowl! There were no survivors! 

How Sweet It Is or “ Honey, hand me some honey”: to the right is a section of freshly harvested honeycomb filled to the brim with orange honey (the 3 box hive is in the middle of our 17 orange trees and next to the neighbor's 50+ orange trees). There are no earthly words to describe just how delicious this is when it's popped into your mouth and slowly drained into your gullet. It's indescribably delicious (and you thought “Mounds” were the only thing that tasted that good!). Our friend and professional beekeeper, Dave Kruse, advised that we have as much as 40 pounds of honey ready for harvesting! All I need is a...day off... and we'll have our honey for the year!

Well! Pat me on the head and feed me cornbread! It’s May! Reckon we’ll just have to pour another cup of emotional support beverage (Starbucks, please) and go about our business of not noticing just how fast the months are ripping by. *SIGH*.

Rancho Report: things are moving along well here at the rancho. The Ol’ Rancher and Rancherette are busier than honey bees in the spring bloom. Of course, all that means is that not much has changed and that we’re finally getting caught up with last year’s chores. *SIGH*.

Also, we’ve dodged all the “bullets” that have been flung far and wide around the world. The only measures taken were to, 1) use your head and don’t be a dumb cluck (we decided to be smart clucks) 2) wear the stupid mask (which the CDC has finally confessed doesn’t help at all but…we just grin and bear it to prevent people from throwing rocks at us and because we know that we’ll be able to stop breathing our own body waste once we get back outside) 3) stay pumped with vitamins (especially vitamin D and C), beaucoup minerals; get lots of fresh air and sunshine which are all important facets of maintaining a healthy immune system 4) fear not. There’s no reason to fear any virus if you just use your head and follow the (historically-true-and-proven) science (garnered by doing a lot of homework so that you aren’t being deceived); the use of quinine (.99 cents per liter anywhere - think: malaria), and many other homeopathic options have been irrefutably proven to either stop any virus dead in its tracks and/or give you an Arnold Schwarzenegger immune system (something akin to wearing a flak jacket for your immune system). 

It worked out really well and there is great peace in knowing that we weren't a threat to anyone and they weren't a threat to us. 

A bad hare day: For many years, we've had our share of cotton tail wabbits around here. They weren’t particularly a threat to our garden so they were pretty much left to themselves (it's the brazen ground squirrels that are the veggie thieves). A few of them were culled from time to time if there was a thought of there being too many of them around the garden boxes. There isn't any sport in the matter since they are large stationary targets (compared to the ground squirrels).  

But, as of late, the domestic population of lagomorphs has dwindled to the point that there’s no reckoning of just how long it has been since one of them has made himself “invisible” on our property. You may already know that wabbits just sit motionless when they see an approaching threat. They assume a concrete statue pose which is their Romulan cloaking mechanism (so, there is proof that we have either had contact with aliens or that wabbits watch too many “Star Trek” reruns).  Of course, if the threat gets too close, they bolt for Ceti Alpha 6 (as do the Klingons).

 Anyway, it was noteworthy enough to make another note worthy of mention. There must be a large recurring wabbit predation program in progress. In other words, the coyotes (who also love chicken dinners), hawks (who also love chicken dinners), and snakes (who also love chicken eggs) are keeping up with their commitment to stay alive by eating wabbits. So, having a paucity of cotton tails is a good thing (at least until rabbit fur coats come back into fashion). Their bad hare day is a "good hair day" for us.

Great gobs of gopher gas!: imagine if you will (no. This is not an episode of "Twilight Zone") a bunch of cartoon gophers (perhaps "Go Go Gophers" ala "Under Dog" cartoons, 1968) or other critters pulling veggies down into their tunnels from a farmers carefully tended garden. The farmer is furious and grabs his double barreled shotgun is ready to wreak vengeance for the loss. Now, imagine it being the Ol' Rancher's garden and the critters are pulling his carefully tended veggies down into their tunnel! Can you see him hollering, "Where's my shotgun?!"?

It's difficult to comprehend how a small furry almost blind mammal can haul a 24" tomato plant down into his tunnel! However, you soon become a believer when it happens to you! Add to that the fact that the same rodent tunneller gnawed off another 24" tomato plant at the base thereby destroying the plant! Then, factor in the loss of 10 okra starts! Well, you can also imagine that, when these facts were processed, war was declared on Mr. Gopher! 

That led to a trip to "Lowe's" where a load of gopher gas was procured, hauled home, then readied for deployment. This stuff is really cool because it looks like dynamite. And, it has this neato fuse that you light and it makes you think that, if the gas doesn't get this fuzzy bugger, the explosion must. It's like it's the Fourth of July, too! 

All holes in the area were dug and readied for gassing. Each hole had a "bomb" placed in it and the fuse was lit. Once the gas started (it's just sulfur and not unlike striking a huge match), the hole was covered up. Then you wait for results. 

Results came the next day; the gopher came back that night and refilled his holes! Grrrrrr! The next round of gas will have to wait until we head to town again so we can resupply or expensive sulfur bombs. If this rodent isn't stopped, we'll lose the entire bean crop, the tomatoes, and all the okra. That isn't part of the plan at all. 

Ran can cook (hey! If Yan can cook, so can Ran!): around here, when the mood for Chinese food strikes (nothing like being hard struck by a mood, I always say), the ol’ Rancho Woko gets hauled out of its box and is readied for work.

Cooking Chinese food is relatively easy even for a round eye guy like me. It’s almost impossible to mess up a meal if you just pay attention and use a few simple ingredients that are common to Chinese cooking. That means that even Ran can cook! Such a deal!

After whacking up the veggies and pork and rounding up the (never ever secret) ingredients, the wok was heated and oiled (peanut oil, that is) and the wok-spatula was set to flying.  The chopped up pork steak was flash fried then put aside until the veggies were done. 

This was happening while the noodles were boiling. After they were finished cooking, they were drained and readied for the wok to be turned into “soft fried” noodles  (a thing that Ol’ Faux Chef Ran dearly loves). 

After you toss in some of the usual stir-fry seasoning and some soy sauce on the greens, you can just cover the wok and let the steam do its work for a few minutes. Then, toss in the meat, mix everything together until well heated, plate the fresh, hot, soft-fried noodles, then it's time to dish up. It won't be long until we wok-up and do it again. 

Plastic, bottles, and cans! Oh, no!: the other day (when lots of things happen around here), it was time to haul in the bottles, cans, and plastics to the recycle place. Our favorite is the one at West Olive and Indiana in Hooterville (my hometown, USA). Our labor was rewarded with enough cash to take the two old people to “Burger King” and slay their hunger on the spot. It’s not exactly the proverbial “free lunch” but it’ll work for now. 

Wham! Bam! No thank you, Ma’am! Or, Don't Let The Stars Get In Your Eyes: one of Ol’ Ran’s favorite mottos is, “You have to pay attention”. Life is full of unexpected surprises and, if you aren’t looking out, you can get blindsided. This is also to say that, when working on a ranch (of any size), you simply have to keep you head up and be alert (not enough lerts out there so you need to become a lert, too).

Well, reckon you can guess who had his head stuffed somewhere other than in the “up” position and fell victim to his own inattention. Yep; the Ol’ Rancher who was determinately walking toward the barn while looking downward and trying to deal with an uncooperative water nozzle. In the blink of a buzzard's eye and in full stride, he slammed into a low tree branch (that would be the one that he had purposed a dozen times to saw off so that he wouldn’t slam into it with his  head)!

Oh! Man! That hurt! That shook the dates right off my palm tree! That “homer” (right out of the ball park) was good for a trip to space! I saw stars, starships, and aliens (terrestrial and extraterrestrial)! The first thought after the stellar vision finished was to triage the injuries; at first it seemed that, there was not only going to be a broken nose to contend with, but certainly the Ol’ Rancher would soon be sporting a new pair of black eyes. My lightning-fast mind asked, “just how are you going to explain the black eyes, Ran?”.  I was sure that no one would believe that even I could do something so stupid as to blindly walk in to a tree limb (or, maybe not). Maybe telling them that I lost the fight would suffice.  

After a quick stagger to regain balance and after taking a moment to see if there was any blood running out of the cracks, it was time to just sit down and do nothing for a few minutes. Thankfully, at this point, there wasn’t even a nose bleed to contend with. I thought that to be odd because my nose has been known to easily bleed. Nevertheless, it was time to be thankful that I wasn't sharing my hemoglobin with the worms. Once the initial smack on the noggin was handled and reality pushed the fog back, things quieted down. It was also time to go inside and rest for awhile. The gophers would have to wait. 

The aftermath was remarkable in that there wasn’t a residual headache, there were no black eyes, and there wasn't a broken nose! That worked for this old head basher especially knowing that a whack like this could take the prow off a Spanish caravel! After such an attitude adjustment, it looks like it may be quite awhile before Ol' Ran tries to shove a 9" thick tree limb aside using only brain power. 

You don’t know Jack or How old can you go?: “Jack in the Box” is celebrating its 70^th birthday this year and they are making a big “too do” about it. There are ads and banners just about everywhere. Connie the Canner glanced at their sign as we passed the local “Junk in the Box” and commented that we were both older than “Jack”. It’s so hard to express just how much that delighted our souls. 

Well....there you have it: another short episode of the long happenings at Rancho Relaxo, home of Rancho Ran, the world's foremost authority (the previous one died): home of the Yo-Yo Twins: home of a retarded duck; home of Connie the Canner (world's greatest side-kook): where the air smells like fried taters: where alliteration reigns supreme: where being modern is optional; where there are no slaves to fashion: where things can get...interesting: where it’s all news to me: and, where...you just never know.

 

 

 

RANCHO SPRINGY DINGY

                                                                                                                                                              

Here are the tomatoes all in a row. There are six Romas and a Beefsteak will likely be planted soon (because someone forgot to plant it when the Romas were planted). 

In the foreground is a tomatillo which will come in handy for salsa verde and such. 

To right is a thriving green bean plant. Little does it know that it's fate is sealed and it will spend its days in a canning jar awaiting a certain end in the digestive tract. 

"Lemon tree very pretty and the lemon flower is sweet....." (go, Trini Lopez - 1965!). This is our long-awaited lemon tree (seems the old ranchers kept forgetting to plant one....*SIGH*). We only need the one. We have a tangerine tree, too. Another need is a lime tree but the same ranchers who forgot to plant the lemon tree have, so far, forgotten to do that, too (*SIGH* number two).

Here's the milagro bean field (for all you John Nichols fans). It's a miracle because we planted almost the same number of green beans last season and barely got any harvest at all. This season is obviously going to be quite productive. 

Just thought a picture of the "castle" in Springville was in order. Someone managed to cut back all the foliage and you can now see what the entire building looks like. Nothing like being built like a rock!

Here's our magnificent guard pooch (well, at least she thinks she is). Not one Gypsy got past her that day. Our boxed aloe vera plant and residential generator (background) are safe again. 

This is a rather pastoral and bucolic shot of the pasture next door to us. Click on it to enlarge. It's just plain purdy!

We’ll I’ll be dipped in “Cheese Whiz”! It’s April already! Only 260 days, 19 hours, and 12 minutes to Christmas (https://days.to/until/christmas)! We need to pay attention and get our shopping done because those days will all be eaten up by the Lagoliers in no time!

Dust on the saddle (maybe Tex Ritter would be glad to sing this one, eh?): another month has managed to flash by and the non-flashing old folks are still in the saddle. You can say we’re still kickin’ but we’re just not makin’ a lot of dust.

In fact, dust is not our friend and Connie insists that there is so much of it in Springville that the Ol’ Rancher must not drag any more of it into her house (especially the chunky parts which are also in abundance). As far as Ol’ Ran is concerned, it’s just “Springville insulation” and nothing to be concerned about since you can always hose it off.

We actually have a half-dozen air purifiers in the house. Yet (and much to Connie the Cleaner’s chagrin) it’s so dusty here, it overwhelms the hard-working devices! This, of course, leaves her puzzled and agog at the menacing dynamic that overloads her already formidable work schedule. If there weren’t two purifiers in my shop, it would take more time to dust and clean than to work (and it’s still not a dust free zone)!

You don’t realize just how dusty it is in the SJV (San Joaquin Valley:  which is named after a Robin Hood style character of yore) until you are gone for a few years. I remember moving back from Longview, WA (in ’96) where they don’t recall what dust is because it rains so much there and the air is clean and pure all of the time (and no one ever blows their nose since there are no big dirt clod boogers to deal with like here in the SJV). After only about three days, my car had changed colors to a drab brown and it looked like most of the other cars in the area. So, a new “wash the car often” routine had to quickly be established and observed or else we couldn’t find our car in the parking lot at Wal-Mart.

Yes! We have lots of green beans! We have lots of green beans today!: it must be published the two old rancho residents absolutely love green beans! Those little green veggies are as versatile as they are tasty and they end up in many a casserole around here. The resident pressure cooker tender usually tosses in a few proprietary ingredients (like onions and such), cans them, then parks them until we are ready for our green bean feast.

This year’s crop will likely be three or even four times our previous ones because one entire 8’ x 8’ garden box was planted solely with beans. In late August, we’ll have a mess of them to contend with and there will be no end to the sound of a hissing pressure cooker.

Chicken anyone? Or Popeyes, here we come!:  y’all may recall comments (in the blog) that my hometown, Hooterville,  CA, is not yet a “real” town. Oh, there’s not all that much complaining. But, from time to time, there are reasons to bail out of Springville and Porterville and go to Visalia. This is to say that we get a minor kick out of getting to go 45 miles to a real town which, much like Fresno and Bakersfield (Bakersfield is 25 miles closer than Fresburg), is loaded with great places to eat. So, the old folks didn’t hesitate when the opportunity to go arose.

The plan was to go to the “Olive Garden” on south Mooney and knock over their soup and salad bar. We hadn’t been there in over a year so, with our tongues clambering and slavering for lunch, we pulled into the parking lot.

 Alas and alack (for all you Shakespeare fans out there), the waiting period required an insufferable 40-45 minutes. So, the old folks made an executive decision to go elsewhere. Second choice, “Sizzler”, was closed altogether so both “Plan A” and “Plan B” were out.

“Plan C” was to just drive around and find someplace to eat but that just didn’t fit either. That left the two old people hungrier and almost angry at the being denied access to lunch. They could, of course, just break down and eat off the same old “Taco Bell” or “Burger King” menu (which they didn’t because they were rather tired of it after a year of little else). What to do?

Out of the blue (and with a few clues from our growling guts), we remembered a “Popeye’s Chicken” store in Tulare! Now, that’s how to rescue the famishing! In only the time it took to think about their magnificent chicken sandwich, our mouths were watering and our stomachs were applauding to beat the band! Tulare is only ten miles due south of Visalia and directly on the way home so there was no hesitation; we headed south.

Feasting couldn’t have been simpler: two fried chicken sandwiches and a large order of fries: insert teeth.

Now, a huge order of fries is something that we only indulge in for certain occasions (and for obvious reasons) and this certainly was one of those occasions. We hadn’t been to Tulare or Visalia in quite awhile. Therefore, there was no guilt associated with this particular decision to get down on the greasy grub. Previously-purchased sodas (usually way cheaper that way) washed the feast of fowl and fries down and slaked our thirst. It was like being a teenager again! Boy: were we stuffticated (sic)! That was such a deal but we’ll be back to “Shredded Wheat’ and oatmeal for breakfast for quite a while.

Of course, a post prandial nap was in order but it would have to wait until we could get home. We made it home.

Strip joint: ..,.well….sorta. Six new power strips were added to the “strip club” we already have. We’re real “strippers” around here, don'tcha know! Power strips are our friends and are handy gadgets to have around (with the best of them being surge protectors, too). Reckon, we won’t run out of them for quite a while. They came from a huge estate sale and needed a home. At pennies on the dollar, it was just too difficult to leave them homeless and orphaned.  All six were only a buck (yes! 17 cents each!) and all had been used inside and all were in like-new condition. Such a deal!

Wired: solid copper wire is rather expensive nowadays (it never has been cheap) so when a roll of about 60’ or so feet of #12 ga solid wire was spotted at the estate sale (for a dollar!), it immediately found a new home.

Some amateur radio operators (like moi) would rather have a spool of copper wire rather than a new package of “BVD’s”! That’s because it’s the wire of choice for fashioning wire antennas and making antennas has always been part and parcel of this Ol’ Hamster’s ham experience. There’s just something about constructing your own 40 meter dipole (and tuning it to perfection with a 1:1 SWR) that is most satisfying.

Hamming it up: one of the next “wire projects” is a multiple-band “fan dipole”. It’s length will be about 250’ so there may be some splicing happening since Ol’ Ran, the hamster, doesn’t have a continuous length of copper wire that long. If a larger spool of wire shows up, it can be used for the 160 Meter dipole (the longest one) and then shorter wires can be used to fashion the higher frequency dipoles (e.g. 80-40-20-15 meter bands). A 10 Meter antenna will not have to be constructed because an 11 Meter CB antenna will be tuned with an antenna tuner and it’ll work just fine.

Side note: a test using the 5/8 wave vertical CB antenna shows that it will tune all the way down to 30 meters. It tunes great on 20m, 15m, and 10m (using the humble MFJ-949E tuner)! The only thing that remains to be discovered is whether the vertical or dipole antennas will be more effectual in my location because it’s surrounded on three sides by hills.

I get a charge out of it!: another goodie from the estate sale was a like-new AA, AAA, 9V battery charger. Where the old ham dude gets his charge is that it will only charge Ni-Cad batteries. That’s great because I have a couple of dozen NOS (new old stock) Ni-Cad batteries that have been floating around for years but there was no charger for them! Now the hamster ranch has more options for certain battery powered devices (including radios)! Zowie!

In the crosshairs or Scopin’ it out: another blessing from the estate sale was a nice rifle scope. They’re 30 bucks new at Wally World so it was necessary to scope in on this real deal for a dollar.

What’s amazing is that I have one exactly like it on the Ruger “Air Hawk” break-barrel pellet rifle! You may remember it as being the rifle that was used to take down a wabbit at 100 yards without even aiming at it (I just love a smart rifle, don’t you)?

There you have it: another short episode of the long happenings at Rancho Relaxo, home of Rancho Ran, the world's foremost authority (the previous one died): home of a retarded duck and home of Connie the Canner (world's greatest side-kook): where the air smells like fresh compost: where alliteration reigns supreme; where things can get...interesting: where it’s all news to me: where we always get the deal of the day: where the rubber leaves the road, and, where...you just never know.

 

 

Rancho Para Siempre Primavera

                                                                

                                                                    

Every 20 years or so, it snows in this region. I recall the previous two times even though it was 40 years between them. 

This shot is looking NW from my driveway. 

(click on pics to enlarge them)

We had cold mail that day.

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Looking north out back towards the garden boxes and pump house. The tree on the left is an orange tree and the corner of garden box #1 is on the right.

Even our small chicken coop got snowed on! 

Rancho Relaxo taken from the top of the driveway by the mailbox. 

Coop deVille II getting its first dose of snow in awhile. It came from Boise so it's no stranger to white stuff. 

These are zapolla squash. The one on the right is bigger than a basket ball and weighs about 40lbs. Connie the Canner put up 10 quarts and called it quits with plenty left over. 

Princess Abbie does a great job of greeting her master when he comes home. The truth be told, she's campaigning for one of her (usually undeserved) treats. I have her number. 

Yes....we are Luddites, thank you. Usually, though, we only use the wall phone to answer calls because it's convenient (have I mentioned that we are rather convenience oriented around here?). We then quickly switch to the wireless jobs. Those are handy gadgets. 

We have really interesting grocery stores around here. At least they believe in "truth in advertising". 

This is real, wild, genuine, authentic, really dead opossum. He made the mistake of letting Abbie corner him which then woke up you know who at midnight. Being the good neighbor that he is, Ol' Ran quickly took control of the matter and resolved things to peace. It was cornered in an area that my coon doggie couldn't reach but which I could see. I just grabbed the .22 revolver and put it to work a couple of times and we were back to having a peaceful neighborhood. Can't think of a better          way to break in the new neighbors to country          life.

This is probably suppose to be Rudolf but I think I'll just change that to "goofy looking wooden reindeer". Reckon he is kinda cute.

This is a smattering of the Ol' Hamster's equipment. It's actually in transition from my work shop to the larger quarters (known as "The Ham Shack") in the top of the barn. 

The largest box at the bottom is a Short Wave receiver and not a transceiver. I'm into SWL once in awhile and like to check skywave propagation. I strap a 40M mobile whip on it and tune it with the antenna tuner that's sitting on top of it. The top box is a VHF antenna tuner that's not hooked up but only awaiting the move. 

In back are two more tuners (6M and UHF) and a few SWR/Power meters. In the charging docks are my Baofeng GT-1 UHF handy talkies (Connie and I use them for daily communication around the ranch) and a couple of Baofeng UV5-R VHF/UHF ham handy talkies. There's also a 10A power supply with a monoband 10M ham mobile transceiver on top of it. The "big rigs" (Yaesu FT-101EE, ICOM IC-706MKIIG, ICOM IC-706, ICOM IC-730, ICOM IC-735) are all out in the barn with the big antenna tuners (Dentron, Dentron Junior, Drake MN-4). There's probably a CB radio back in there somewhere, too. 

"The hole". This is where I'm building the concrete base for the ham tower. I started cutting the concrete forms and am ready to get the rebar cage built. Once the tower is erected, I'll find a brave soul to climb it and help mount the antennas I have planned for it. One antenna will be a 250' 160M dipole. I may make it a "fan dipole" with four or five other bands: not sure yet.

Connie the Canner's canned zapolla squash. 

A beautiful spring day shot taken from Mustang Drive and looking north. Springville is sure pretty in the spring! 

This handsome pair is "Roo" (background) and his offspring, "Roo Joo" (Roo Junior).Both are Rhode Island Reds. I thought at first that junior was going to be a mix with a Wyndotte but that's not the case. He's up for sale because I only need on rooster and Roo already does a great job at it. 

    We always know which way the wind is blowing at Rancho Relaxo. 

Our plum trees are blooming! 

After several years of use, the wall on garden box #1 is in need of repair. Instead of simply rebuilding with the same materials, we're going to use concrete blocks with premade slats for 10" board walls. They're only a few bucks each and will likely last much longer. We'll see. Abbie is guarding the fort to make sure that the ground squirrels don't interfere. 

This is not exactly a "music room" but I do play music here. There isn't enough room for most of my gear so I only keep out what I use. Well...sort of. I don't have any other place to store the bass so it has a permanent home for now (it's for sale so perhaps it won't be there much longer). 

The Fender Tele is on the left, the vintage Fender Precision bass in the middle, and the 1971-72 Yamaha FG-150 is on the right (my! What a sweet guitar!). That's a Special Edition 1987 Martin D-16M in the back behind the Yamaha. It's waiting for me to pack it up and ship it to the Martin factory for a bridge overhaul. It can't be fixed locally so I contacted them and they gave me a work order number. It's too sweet of a guitar to not fix. 

After five years of not harvesting any honey (due to the drought), professional beekeeper, Dave Kruse, advised that it was time to harvest some. So, we suited up and did just that. We got several pints of "orange honey" out of the deal. That was no mystery because the hives are sitting in the middle of our orange trees. It tasted great! This pic is of yours truly and you can bee-lieve me when I say that wearing a bee suit is very inconvenient and  nothing to be desired (even for a photo op). Note that Abbie is admiring her master for whom she has the highest regard. That and she can't wait to get her treats. 

There's a new grill in town! And, boy! Am I glad to hear that! I'm not sure how they do it but they have fabulous burgers, pastrami, tri-tip, and chicken sandwiches (with super fries) so they have me as regular customer! "Big Boss Grill" is Porterville's new “weapon of mass nutrition”

For all of you "Portervillains" out there, this is located at W. Olive and Locust and was the old A&W drive in. It has seen several incarnations in the previous 40 years. It has even been an airbrush shop. The previous store was "Smokin' Subs" and was similar to "Subway" but had various spicy subs as well.

Hey! It’s January….uh…I mean it’s Febru….er….I mean…..it’s MARCH….Yes! MARCH 2021… already?! Isn’t that enough to make you want to hock your Roy Rogers Cap Gun Collection?! How’d that happen! I’ve never seen so much time fly by with so little progress being made around the rancho! It’s enough to make me up and heave clods! Lots’ to get caught up on so let’s get moving along with this vernal update….

Rancho Relaxo Update: well, yet again, we’ve spent (and have been abused by) another perfectly good year. It’s getting really hard to believe how fast the time flies. When I was young, the years were borne on biplane wings. Then, they were borne on a jet’s wings. Now, they are being transported at warp speed by the Starship Enterprise! Something is wrong with this picture?!  It’s like the lyrics of Tanya Tucker’s song, “Bring My Flowers While I’m Livin’”: “The days are long but the years are lightning” (no kidding!).

Lots of things have happened this previous 365+ days. Some days were good, some were gooder, and some were not so hot. Know what? It was a pretty good year, on the whole and we’re happy to still be here.

For all y’all COVID dodgers who are patiently awaiting the sanity retrieval programs to begin, many of our marbles should be recovered by summer (at least that’s the hope). Big Brother is rethinking this mess and may actually allow a return to "normal" for some aspects of our lives. We’ll see.

In our case, our governor has decided that the peasants of California are coming for him so he made the beneficent decision to open up our restaurants. How swell. It’ll be the first time in over a year that we’ve had a “sit down” meal in a restaurant here. We’re not sure which restaurant we will choose for our first meal. It will likely be “Big Bear”. Other options are “RJ’s” and “El Tapatio” or “El Nuevo Mexicali”.

On the whole, our program hasn’t changed much nor did we allow the circumstances to force us to change. We’re just chasin' chickens and such....."stayin' alive" as usual. The garden boxes are finished (at least as much as I'm willing to mess with for now). We'll have a ton of green beans (one entire 8’ x 8’ box), 6 Roma tomato plants, 1 tomatillo plant (for salsa, don'tcha know), and a ton of the various squashies. There had to be at least 1 eggplant and a couple of strawberries so those are in, too. I'm taking a chance on the zapolla squash again this year but only planted one of those since they are so prolific. One zapolla plant can produce 60-70lbs of squash! Can't live without okra so a bunch of those were stuffed into the ground. We should be really really busy come September, eh?

 Heated granny fanny: Connie the Canner was pleasantly surprised to find that our Limited version of the Freestar van had heated seats! Seems she likes to get the blood flowing to all parts of her body as simultaneously as possible. Can’t say that I blame her but I don’t think about it because I don’t get cold until the temp hits the lower 40’s. I may put on a long sleeve shirt or maybe a light jacket and even then there may not be an under shirt involved. 

Abbie 0 - wabbit 1 (for awhile): Abbie is a good dog and is a handy gadget to have around the rancho. But, it appears that she can be easily fooled. The other day (when lots of things happen around here), she managed to catch my attention with her “Come see what I cornered!!” non-stop baying. Of course, the fact that it was still day time (and no neighbors to disturb) was also a very good reason to just leave her be and let her bark until she was hoarse. But, I gave in. 

As it turned out, she had up and caught a juvenile wabbit. She brought it to us out back and was announcing her victory. As it was lying nice and still, she was barking her prowess like any proud hunter. However, she seems to still not have caught on to the fact that ‘possums are not the only critters that play ‘possum.

She wandered a few feet from the “dead” rabbit which then decided to make a break for it. The race was on! The bunny hit high gear and made for the back 40 like lightning with Abbie in a dead run after it. Since I’m not into chasing rabbits and dogs, I headed to the house to attend to more important matters. Wabbit – 1 Abbie – 0.

Later that day, I noticed that she had actually caught and killed the thing again and brought it back to prove that she was the winner. Good girl, Abbie!

4-wheelin’: “Rancho Quatro” is having a problem staying started. It starts on the first crank and runs smoothly as could be. But, after it warms up and you try to give the gas, it stalls and stops. That’s the classic “fuel starvation’ symptom. You can imagine how pleasing it was to have a simple matter to deal with and that it wasn’t some hard-to-diagnose issue (though some 4-wheeler problems are caused by a loose nut connecting the handlebars and the seat!).

The first thing to deal with is the fuel filter. On many vehicles, fuel filters are easy to get to but on the Honda FourTrak 250, it’s located at the bottom of the fuel pump housing. Great. The fuel pump is mounted down in the guts of the thing. That means the fenders, gas tank, and carrying racks have to be dismounted. So, that’s now work in process with much of the disassembly work completed. Next is the fuel pump. It rained so things are on hold for now.

Gallinaceous Guys and Gals Report (or, a clucking we shall go, a clucking we shall go…..) : our dirty birds are all happy and healthy and we are never short of delicious home-grown huevos. 

Because of being the rather rowdy rangers they are, a bird net had to be installed over our garden boxes to protect them. Otherwise, our friendly fowls deconstruct the garden boxes altogether. They even eat the tender green shoots of our various crops and strip-mine others. The frame is just 1/2" PVC pipe with connectors with custom fitted bird netting draped over it. The Ol' Rancher built the frame and Connie the Sewer custom made the netting). 

There you have it: another short episode of the long happenings at Rancho Relaxo, home of Rancho Ran, the world's foremost authority (the previous one died), home of a retarded duck; home of Connie the Canner (world's greatest side-kook): where the air smells like freshly-canned zapolla squash:  where alliteration reigns supreme: where things can get...interesting: where it’s all news to me: and, where...you just never know.