RANCHO SOGGO BOGGO

 

Greetings and welcome to the "Rancho Relaxo" blog for April. We’re running quite late with the post this month. Lots of reasons for that but you will be spared most of them. In any case, the Ol' Rooster and Ol' Hen just wanted to share what's happening here at our humble-but-boggy rancho nestled in the still-soggy foothills of the Sierra Nevada Mountains. Thanks for dropping in!

Don't forget that you can click on the pics to enlarge them.

Note: some of the pictures are mine but some are not. They were resourced from FB and other places. 

This how Success Lake/Shafer Dam looked just prior to the flooding. It's east of Porterville, CA. We live about 5 miles east of the lake. Looking west from Hwy 190

This is Success Lake after the flood.

There was an incalculable amount of flotsam deposited in the lake after the big flood. Thankfully, much of it was gone in a couple of weeks. 

This is the spillway and taken from the new road that has yet to be opened. Looking north. The 190 bridge is at the upper center in the background.

This is the bridge at Upper Globe Road just south of Springville proper. Looking east from 190. Just below this picture is a before and after picture of the same road and bridge. 

 
                  Bartlett Park under water. Looking SE. Hwy 190 is in the background.

West Olive Bridge - looking SE

          This is the "Rez Road" washout. The Casino is closed and will be for a while.

This is a shot of the River Island Golf Course just one mile west of us. 

This is the "J Street" bridge over the Tule River in Porterville. This is after the biggest part of the flood was over but when they were still letting water out of the dam. Looking east. You can see just a sliver of the new "Harbor Freight" parking lot to the far right. 

This is the floor of my chicken coop. Swamp City!! My girls almost had to identify as ducks! B-GAAAK!

Here's dear Abbie laughing her little coon doggie head off watching us get the Coop de Ville unstuck. I should have known better than to try to traverse our mud lands prior to it drying out. 

Here's Fuzzy bowing in obeisance and acknowledging that Abbie is the princess in charge. After this, he bounced completely over her a couple of times like she was a toy. 

                            Abbie and Fuzzy howling a duet for me. Ain't they                               sweet? 

How low can you go with the snow? Well... pretty low. The snow got down to our place but it didn't stick. Because of the global cooling, we have been having more snow down low more often than I ever recall having. 

This is our "new" NuWave air fryer oven. I say "new" because we haven't used it yet though we've had it for about three years. We kept forgetting we had it. *SIGH*. Anyway, we're going to fire it up and have some fun with it soon. 

This is our third Freestar van and we love this thing! We really appreciated the SE and Limited models but this SEL is the one we like the best. It's has been completely serviced (including the transmission) and it has new Michelin tires, a new ignition power pack, plugs, and wires as well as the brake pressure switch. The sticky driver's window is fixed, too. All three had the same issues so we just up and fixed this van, too. It only has 113,000 miles on it so we'll have it around for a long time to come. 

Wisdom for the month: Stupidity should never be used as a as force multiplier.

Man! Here we go again using the highballing steam powered atomic clock! We’re screaming uncontrollably into this year and I could swear that it just got here! It’s like someone pushed the clock over the edge of the Grand Canyon and its hands are flailing at the speed of gravity (which is 32 feet per second squared). YIKES! And, there are only 252 days until Christmas (“Get your shopping shoes on, Mildred!!)!! *SIGH* Moving along……

Snow broth: As quickly and brutally as the rains came and pounded our rock hard ground into slush and mud, the calm has now pounced upon us. “Lake Constance” in the back yard has vanished so we are just now getting to walk around outside without our galoshes on. That’s nice. Having to wade through the muck to reach the Palacio de Pollo and the barn gets really old and quickly at that.

That doesn’t mean that we (regionally) are out of the woods by any means, though. When the warmer weather hits (and it will hit hard), the wonderful record breaking snow pack will lose its grip on the Sierra Nevada Mountains and will start to slide into the Valley at an uncontrollable rate. There is a lot of discomfort with the water managers in these parts as to how to deal with all of the “snow broth” (runoff) that will fill our rivers, streams, and lakes again. This will certainly concern many people but will not directly affect Rancho Relaxo since we aren’t riparian dwellers (at least not until the next big earthquake, I suppose).

Tulare Lake, once the largest freshwater lake west of the Mississippi, is reappearing (out of the dry farmlands and to the chagrin of J. G. Boswell's boys) and it looks as though it will be around for quite a while. I’ve seen it from the air back in ’68 when flying some friends around but hadn’t thought about it until it started reclaiming its heritage. It can only increase in size when the runoff arrives on time. We can probably expect the price of cotton and sugar beets to rise by a bit due to the concomitant shortages. 

Tulare Lake aside, there is still a feeling that, since much of the damage has been done by previous torrents, little else will be in harm’s way. Nevertheless, the matter may be exacerbated if the water levels are higher than the previous ones. If I were the Tulare County road maintenance folks, I'd probably wait for awhile prior to rebuilding the washed out bridges. 

For now, we are rejoicing in the change of weather and probably won’t expect “April showers” since the flowers are already in full bloom around here. This also to say that it rarely rains in April anyway.

How cool is that?! Instead of gales and blusters, a cool breeze greets us when we head outside. Our mornings are a “How sweet it is!” moment since only couple of weeks ago, we were in bog heaven.  

It’s also mating season for the many doves here and there is no end of their mourning and cooing. It’s a real sight to hear. We had one momma dove spend three brooding season here at the ranch. We called her “Lovey Dovey” and watched her hatch and feed her excruciatingly cute brood (check back issues for pictures). Once was on top of the steel rack at the back door! We moved slowly around her so as to not spook her. The old folks at the ranch are still amazed to this day!

And, the blood sucking forced air heater is back to hibernating for the season. You can imagine that the old people will be dancing in the living room for an hour when the next gas bill comes in when it will only show a calming two-digit number instead of a mind-boggling soul-hammering three-digit blow to the pocket book. We were rather fortunate in that our indoor temps never got below about 63 degrees due to our home being well insulated. That meant that we only had the heater on for a short time in the mornings to break the chill. Still, it caused trepidation when opening the gas bill during the winter months. Some folks are still reeling!

Henhouse Hilton:  The floor of the coop has transitioned from a monstrously, massive, mucky, mire into having a firm-but-still-moist floor. Thankfully, our dirty birdies no longer have a need to transition to ducks so they are starting to look and act normally. 

It would be great to allow them to free range again. The problem is twofold. One issue that it’s coyote breeding season. That means that they are looking for chicken dinners for their pups. Since we’ve already done our part to support their cause, we’ve decided to no longer be active participants of the game. The birds are locked up in the coop. 

The second issue is that our new neighbors have a couple of pooches. One is a small white guy that I think my roosters can take in a fair fight. The other dog is a shy bulldog. So far, it looks and acts friendly. The problem is that Missy, the husky, was friendly all the way up to and including the time she ate half of our chickens (Missy no longer lives here). Chickening goes on. 

Frolicking Fuzzy: I just have to say that this is the first time I've ever owned a 45 pound puppy. You know...the kind that loves you and wants to pounce on you and attack you from behind to let you know how much he wants your attention: the kind that waits for you to exit the house with your Sunday-go-to-meetin' clothes on and plants his paws of approval on them. You get the picture. 

I keep feeding him and he just keeps growing and growing! I started with a Golden Doodle but it looks like I'm going to end up with a Yeti-Doodle! My concern is that he'll try to track down Bigfoot and bring him home with him 'cause the chow's good!

He's also a bit naughty. He seems to think that tipping over the trash barrels and getting into some of my stored boxes is a real treat. It wouldn't be a real concern except that he shreds expensive stuff, too. And, there's the clean up. After cleaning up the third of fourth set of trash can entrails, you start wondering if maybe you can swap your dog for a good used pickup. 

Abbie is still my sweet natured love dog. About her only vice is that she is a hunting dog and hunting dogs like to...,hunt. We'll....she's pretty well hunted our ranch to the furthest furlong so, guess what she wants to do? Yep. She wants to haul her fur down to someone else's furlongs and hunt there. That's a problem because 150' in front of our ranch is where State Route 190 is located. I've only seen her on the opposite side of the road one time and it was the last time that will be allowed.

So, she's now on "lock down" with our four-legged flying fuzz ball. We use the "PetSafe" wireless fence shock collars on both doggies. We give them plenty of room to romp and stomp but they are not allowed near the highway (which has claimed more than its share of pets). I'm proud of her, though. She has settled in to being the one of the two best dogs I've ever had (the other one being "Maggie the Wonder Dog" (we always wondered what she was thinking because she was so much like "Mighty Manfred, the Wonder Dog" - think Captain Kangaroo 1957). 

Let it freeze, let it freeze, let it freeze: The weather outside really isn't frightful and it doesn't look like snow. However, we now have the ability to freeze things like never before. I'm alluding to our new freeze dryer. Connie the Canner is now going to be known as Connie the Freezer, if things work out the way we hope they will (not sure she's going to cotton to the new moniker or not. We'll see). 

For sometime now, we seen a lot of good produce go to waste because we don't have enough canning jars and freezer space to deal with it. Waste is something quite abhorrent to us so we decide to take a drastic step towards alleviating that issue. 

We had long ago heard about freeze drying and had pondered and puttered the matter of getting one. The company we purchased it from had a big sale on their freeze drying kits so we were interested. However, this time, "things" dropped in place all at the same time and we were able to send some cold cash to get  our freeze dryer. 

It's a good bet that all slow-moving fruit, veggies, meats, and such will be incorporated into our cryogenic preservation experiments. After freezing, everything will be vacuum sealed in regular and mylar bags with our big stainless steel sucking machine. No wasting from here on out! 

From what we can tell, it isn't complicated and seems simple enough to use. There's no two inch thick manual so it shouldn't be confusing to the old people who work here. There aren't any pictures yet but, as soon as we are up and in business, we'll post some in the next issue of RRR. 

  Well....there you have it: another short episode of the long happenings at Rancho Relaxo: home of Rancho Ran, the world's least-most greatest authority: home of the Yo-Yo  twins and home of a retarded duck: home of Connie the Canner, the world's greatest side-kook and CEE (Chief of Everything Else): where the air smells and where alliteration reigns supreme: where being modern is optional and where there are no slaves to fashion: where the eggs are always mostly fresh: where things can get...interesting: where it's all news to me and where...you just never know.

 

RANCHO RAINO GREENO

 Greetings and welcome to the "Rancho Relaxo" blog for March. The Ol' Rooster and Ol' Hen just wanted to share what's happening here at our humble rancho nestled in the foothills of the Sierra Nevada Mountains. Thanks for dropping in! 

We're still doing our chicken and doggie thing along with the computer biz and church functions and such. What with the nice rains (we're at almost twice the seasonal amount!), we are enjoying an overwhelming and wonderful time of GREEN! The wild flowers will be exploding soon (some already are) so we'll be taking the short 40 mile round trip over the Yokhol Valley Road to see the vast array of almost unimaginable beauty. Stick around. Things could get...interesting. 

NOTE: YOU MAY CLICK ON THE PICTURES TO ENLARGE THEM

Here's Fuzzy Dog who, since the rains began, has been masquerading as a four legged mud hole. Compare this pic to the "normal" one below. He's no stranger to the rain at all and even seems to thrive in it though he is soaked through and through.

Fuzzy the dry dog 

Speaking of rain, our coop was sorely flooded. What a muddy mess. The good news is that the far back of the coop is just high enough to avoid most of the flood so the dirty birdies had some dry ground to work with. Most of the time, though, they just parked on top of the cage and hutch (partially visible in the upper right). 

We can't let them free range because it's the coyote mating season and we have already lost a number of chickens to predators as it is. And, we have a couple of girly birds that seem to want to park in the trees at night instead of the coop. That adds to the work load because we have to herd them back right at evening time when it's time to roost. I have better things to do that to babysit yard birds. 

Speaking of rain again, our "California Gold" has been 

converted to a lush green. Here's Success Lake

(aka Stuck Duck Pond during the dry spells)

The San Joaquin Valley produces most of the country's almonds. Here are some local trees that are in bloom and enjoying having enough water. 

The snow has been right down to our level. None of it has stuck, though. That's not a bad thing that I can tell. 

This Black Mountain about 3.5 miles from the Rancho. The shot was taken while on Hwy 190 looking east and about 1.25 miles from our place. That's Frazier Valley Road to the left. 

Here's a snowline shot taken from the view point at Success Lake.

Above is what it looked like on the rainy night of Dec. 1st, 2022 when the Ol' Rancher and Connie the Canner pulled up into this uphill and quite dark drive way. It leads into the "Eagle Feather Trading Post" 2.6 miles from our rancho. You can't see the red concrete-filled steel posts that guard the RV dump (pictured at the right) to the far left in the upper picture. They were invisible and had no direct lighting. They blended in with the environment and sat lurking for an innocent driver to snag. 

When making a nice slow U-Turn, the van suddenly stopped in its tracks with a loud "BANG!". I had no idea what I hit and even asked Connie, "What was that? What did I hit?". It was quite a jolt!

Below, you can see that the damage appears to be rather minimal. However, despite the fact that the car was drivable and that the damage appeared to be easily fixable, the insurance company "totaled" the van. There are some mounting brackets for the radiator and such that were wrecked under the hood which pushed the cost of repair over the limit. 

Here's the good news. They gave us a thousand dollars more than we paid for the Freestar Limited van (it pays to take care of your equipment, eh?)! That allowed us to get another low-mileage Freestar (SEL),  put new Michelin tires on it, and have a super tune-up, fix the brake pressure switch (which is the cruise control cut-out switch), and fix the sticky driver's electric window. Such a deal!! 

And now, a word from our sponsor. This issue of Rancho Relaxo is brought to you by Lucky Linda’s Laddy Loody Lobbers.  Now, these are the best  Laddy Loody Lobbers that money can buy! They're made right here in the US of A. You cannot...I say...you can't get a better Laddy Loody Lobber anywhere! You can get your bountiful supply of Lucky Linda’s Laddy Loody Lobbers at the Wal-Mart, KMART, Speedy Mart, Rapid Mart, Quick Mart, and all those stop-and-rob marts where them guys have those towels wrapped around their heads. Tell'em the Ol' Rancher sent you. You'll be glad you did! 

Well, it's March...again. Only 294 days until Christmas. Moving along....

Things are whizzing on by now that it's crowding springtime. There's seems to be no stopping the clock so we're not trying to do that. We are trying to cram as much into the speeding train as we can, though. Lots' to do. 

The chickens are doing great. The cold weather has convinced them that they don't have to produce as many eggs in during the winter. But, we still have plenty stored eggs (water glassing) and have no lack. They'll start laying regularly when the weather breaks into its usual warmness around here. Until then, Captain Cluck will keep feeding and watering them. 

Speaking of the weather, it has actually been winter around here! Usually, we have a nice gentle autumn then a few cold days, a couple of days of rain, a few days of fog, then it's springtime in at about the first of March. This time we've had temps in the mid-30's and have had rain and snow! So far, we've had almost twice the amount of our seasonal rain and there ain't nobody complaining!! Everything is so wonderfully green! 

Sure, we have to deal with some mud and a few folks have had to deal with flooding. That's never a good thing but we're all so thankful to see this stinking six year drought drown and die! Our snow pack is the greatest it has been in years and we even have some areas in the mountains that have gotten more snow than anywhere in the country!! It'll all end soon enough but, until then, we are some mighty happen folks for now. 

Fuzzy the Chew Dog: I hated to see this but Fuzzy is a chewer and shredder. *SIGH*. He's such a big love dog and so good natured that it's difficult to see him have such a huge flaw. He'll grow out of it, I'm sure. But, it's a bit difficult to keep having to repair and replace stuff around here on a regular basis. 

For instance, he chewed the power cord to one of our small heaters that we were using to heat the dog house with. He also shredded the nice big foam sponge sofa pillow that Connie the Sewer made for him. That is to say he pulled the foam apart chew by chew and strewed all over the yard (and you just know who got to rake and pick that mess up). What took the cake, though, was when he chewed the hook up wiring on Wooley Pully, the stake-side trailer. That's not a big deal because I have a back up wiring kit. However, it put me a week behind in hauling the trash off. I now get to deal with a dozen overflowing trash cans for another week. 

He then sneaked under the big our tarp along side the house and started tearing into the boxes stored under there (we were waiting for the rains to stop so we could haul them off). He destroyed a bunch of stuff including a really nice Sharp video camera (he chewed the battery case off!). He then pulled other stuff out and scattered around the yard. Having Fuzzy around is like having a blender with no lid on it (thanks, Latisa!). We may have to change his name from Fuzzy to Chewy. 

We sure love our new Freestar van!! We got a really good deal on it and had enough insurance money left over to invest it in this new van. The first thing we got was a new set of Michelins. After that, we had it tuned up but also had them install a new electronic ignition power pack which are notoriously faulty on Ford Freestars with the 4.2L engine. We picked the van specifically because it had the 4.2L engine which is the same engine used in the Ford F-150 pickup. We need the extra horse pressure to be able to haul our trailers, Wooley Pulley and Dumbo. 

The next item to be replaced was the brake pressure switch which is also the cruise control cut-out switch. That is another notoriously faulty item on Freestars. All three of our Freestars had fault switches and two had faulty power packs. Anyway, the big beauty is running as smooth as buttermilk on a cool day and rides like a Cadillac and we're lovin' it! 

We've now owned threer Freestars. The first was an SE, the second, a Limited, and the third is an SEL. So, we've had all three models. So far, I think we like the SEL the best. 

Well....there you have it: another short episode of the long happenings at Rancho Relaxo: home of Rancho Ran, the world's least-most greatest authority: home of the Yo-Yo  twins and home of a retarded duck: home of Connie the Canner, the world's greatest side-kook and CEE (Chief of Everything Else): where the air smells and where alliteration reigns supreme: where being modern is optional and where there are no slaves to fashion: where the eggs are always mostly fresh: where things can get...interesting: where it's all news to me and where...you just never know.

  

 

De Mi Rancho A Tu Casa

 

Hey, y'all! Thanks for dropping in to see how we're doing at Rancho Relaxo. We're doing well but are rather taxed what with all of seemingly endless activities happening around here. 

We're still "chickening" and "dogging" and getting ready for last spring. All seriousness aside, we've made progress but, if you weren't paying close attention, you probably wouldn't notice much. That's because we seem to keep adding more than we're subtracting. But, it's hard not to when you keep running into so many blessings! 

So, aside from needing a nice week or so off , we're....moving along. 

And now, a word from our sponsor. This issue of Rancho Relaxo is brought to you by Fanny Flanders' Fat Flat Fudgie Fubars.  Now, these are the best Fat Flat Fudgie Fubars that money can buy! They're made right here in the US of A. You cannot...I say...you can't get a better Fat Flat Fudgie Fubar anywhere! You can get your bountiful supply of Fanny Flanders' Fat Flat Fudgie Fubars at the Wal-Mart, KMART, Speedy Mart, Rapid Mart, Quick Mart, and all those marts where them guys have those towels wrapped around their heads. Tell'em the Ol' Rancher sent you. You'll be glad you did! (A word of caution: you may want to make sure that there isn't any peanut butter in your mouth when ordering your Fat Flat Fudgie Fubars). 

NOTE: you can click on the pictures to enlarge them. 

Let's kick this edition off with a picture of our new van. She's a really pretty Ford Freestar SEL. That's one step below the Freestar Limited Edition we just totaled (that was a sinking feeling). Like the Limited model, this one is a 2004 and has the 4.2L Ford F-150 pickup engine in it so we can haul our junk around with it. It only has 116K miles on it and the rear (leather) seats don't even look used. Sweet! 

We just had the trailer hitch and wiring installed today (9th) so we're set for the next dump or hangar run. It came from a dealer's satellite office in Irvine that sits right off the 405 across from John Wayne International Airport. The round trip was right at 500 miles. That's not too bad considering our previous van came from Boise, ID. Of course, its name is "Coop de Ville III" just like the other ones. 

Lots of folks will recognize this picture. It's southbound I-5 just past Lebec prior to reaching Gorman. This is the prettiest picture of it that I've seen. It's usually rather drab and dry. 

The drab and dry version. 

Gas prices in LA were just plain ugly. At Grapevine, it was 5.99! We stuffed in enough fuel to make it to Bakersfield (30 miles) and that's all!

This little guy was campaigning for nuts in the atrium of the dealer's office complex. He gets all that he wants from the locals who each keep a bag of goodies on hand just for him.  

This is a shot of the Henhouse Hilton and it's decidedly not drab and dry. We experienced rather deep flooding but it abated fairly quickly after the heavy rains. The back portion of the coop is a bit higher and kept our huevos producers nice and dry. 

It was nice to see rainbows again after so long a time. Locals posted some really nice shots on FB. 

This is the lower Globe Drive bridge. The county removes the guard rails when the Tule River floods so that it doesn't wash out again. Looking south. It's .6 miles from our house and just around the corner. This bridge has been replaced at least twice (that I can think of) in the previous 20 years. It was replaced in '66 and again in '69 as I recall. 

Shot from the bridge (above) and looking east (up river). All of the undergrowth is gone and the river was widened. The bottom shifted, too. Shallow places are now deep and deep places are now shallow. 

Same bridge but looking west. It's not very deep (maybe 3') but there are a couple of deeper pools near the bridge structure. I'll check out the fishing later. This is the exact spot where, 7 years ago, I caught two of the three largest trout that I've ever caught (15 1/2" using a Mepp's spinner). 

This is a pic of the former "Costa's Lakes" which is on Globe Drive. A large corporation bought it and it's now an assisted care and nursing facility. It was take from the cul de sac at Palomino and Maverick drives in the Circle K development. 

I really didn't want to see the guts of our Maytag dryer again but, alas, it started acting up again. One of the drum support rollers' bearings failed and it was generating such a horrible  noise that the thing sounded like an ongoing train wreck. Rather than just replace the one failed roller, I swapped all four of them out for new ones. She's running nice and quietly now. Connie the Washer Woman is a happy camper. 

Am I the only one who noticed that it’s February again? Didn’t we just experience Valentine’s Day a few weeks ago? It’s not that I’m not thankful that I get to make another trip around the huge heat and light source that faithfully rises in the east and sets in the west. But, it would be nice if it would slow down a bit and not be in such a hurry to shove the hands of the clock into fast-forward mode. 

Since it’s February, it means that Rancho Ran has to grab his pruning equipment and “git after it” before the trees and vines wake up from their winter nap. But, my supply truck of that energetic “git after it” good stuff is plumb out of stock. So, I may be “moseying after it” instead.

There have been a few thoughts around here concerning the dynamic of hibernation. You know….like….make like a grizzly and just sleep for a couple of months. That would be a good start on catching up on the energy levels around the ranch and would make us ready for summer, don’tcha know. That would help get rid of that Mr. Sleep Deprived guy, eh?

But, time goes by and….time can do so much (ah, yes. Hatfield and Medley). It would be easy to gripe until March gets here but it wouldn’t change anything. So, let’s move along.

Pass the “Beano” and nobody gets hurt.

To heat or not to heat. That is the question : One of the latest happenings around here is that our microwave decided to wear out. You wouldn’t think that that’s such a big deal. However, it doesn’t take long to learn just how dependent you are on modern technology until you no longer have it on hand and fully operational.

Not long ago (but longer than the other day), after arising to greet the day, the Ol’ Rancher commenced to start the day off with his usual cuppa. Ah, but the dad-blamed consarned microwave was on the fritz. That left him standing for a while and wondering how to heat the cold hot chocolate. Thankfully, there must have been a post-slumber reserve of brain power because it dawned on him that he used to heat up his milk for hot chocolate for 40 years prior to even owning a M/W oven (*sigh*. Sometimes you just have to wonder about old people).

We ended up with a nice new GE but the bloody display light is so dim that, unless we are right on top of it, we can’t see it. In fact, we took two of them back to Lowe’s thinking that it was a factory defect. We then called GE who assured us that such a factory defect was standard and that we will just have to learn to live with it. This matter is not yet settled to our satisfaction so they shall hear from me when there is  time to deal with it.  In the meantime, we have hot chocolate.

Rain! Lots of rain!: one great news item around here is the rain. When you’ve suffered through six years of drought, even a normal amount of rain is pretty big deal. Actually, we’ve been getting an abundance of rain the likes of which we haven’t seen in a long time. Believe you me! Though we’ve had some flooding and some inconvenience, there are a lot of smiles on a lot of faces around the Valley.

Lake Constance has returned, too. That’s the big pond produced out in the back yard when we get anything more than a smattering of rain. It isn’t supposed to exist but the guy we hired to fill it in and level it was too lazy to go get another load of dirt and just abandoned the matter. I never did figure out why he didn’t want our money and why he didn’t have enough pride in his work to just up and do it right.

We lost half of our 20 orange trees and much of the production of the remainder. And, the oranges are nowhere nearly as sweet as they once were. That may change but, for now, they’re not what we expected.

The rainy season isn’t quite completed yet so we’re still praying for more rain. Stuck Duck Pond (sometimes known as Success Lake) is back to normal and the ducks are all happy again.

The Tule River has lost its rage and is flowing briskly but not dangerously so. The old fishing holes will be flushed and ready for spring and summer.

Tow, tow, tow your boat or Haul me home! This is Rancho Relaxo and you just know that something interesting is about to happen. Well, it did.  The other day (when lots of things happen around here), we were driving Tojo, the Camry (Tojo was the name of the Toyota pickup until we got rid of it so we change the name of the Camry to Tojo), because the Coop de Ville got wrecked (see last month’s blog). Since we had to go to the airport to pick up some stuff and, because it was lunch time, we decided to eat at the “Airway Restaurant” there. 

After a nice lunch, we got back in the car, turned the key on to start it up, and the car alarm went off. Oh, great. Switch off. There we were sitting with a dumb look on our faces because, after owning car for more than 20 years, we didn’t know it even had an alarm system!  It’s likely that the alarm fob was lost early on. Connie inherited the car from her dad when he passed in ’07 and the fob didn't make it.

The iPhone was quickly deployed and YouTube was summoned to help resolve our dilemma. After following its sage advice, we got absolutely nowhere. A mechanic friend was then called and he came with yet another mechanic friend to help. Both of them were stumped. They looked on YouTube, too. Stuck in Lodi again.

After more than two hours of messing with the thing, we called AAA who sent us a tow truck. A brother from church happened to be in town so we called him to fetch us and take Connie and Gene home. I rode with the tow truck driver.

The next day was YouTube day to see if we’d overlooked something. No immediate joy but it was discovered that that all Camry’s have an alarm reset switch. That was comforting and it was something I suspected was there but couldn’t find anywhere on the vehicle. Nothing was obvious but I realized that I just wasn’t seeing what was in front of my face (the manual was missing, too). So, it was decided to call a Toyota dealer in Fresno (after not getting through to the service departments of the dealers in Visalia and Bakersfield).

The guy in the service department was quite amenable to helping and agreed that there should be a reset switch. The switches that I had seen on YouTube were all on Camrys of a different year so that left me searching for the one on Tojo.

Finally, I told the guy that there was a strange looking device under the steering column and which had both a red LED and an eighth inch mini jack. He didn’t recognize it as being anything useful. After examining it closely, I found that it had a switch behind it (nicely hidden, of course). He then advised me to turn the key to the “On” position while holding in the switch (actually, pulling the switch toward me). The red LED went off and the car then started normally. Problem solved but we were a half day behind schedule (which made it a total of 6 months, 3 weeks, and 4 days behind schedule on the whole. *SIGH*).

So ended another great adventure and with no more concerns as to where the reset switch is on a Camry. We discovered that the problem stemmed from when the battery had died a few days prior (for reasons that I still don't know). It somehow reset the alarm system. Then, a couple of days later, something set off the alarm. 

Barker and Dancer. No, we’re not talking about a replacement for Prancer the reindeer. We’re talking about the curly-haired, full-time four-legged mud hole, and part-time chili dog (he loves chili con carne), Fuzzy Dog. He’s our new Labra-doodle pup who piddles all over when he’s happy to see us (methinks he’s a Labra-piddle or a Piddle Doodle).

When he’s clean, he’s such a cute puppy that he can capture your heart at ten paces. And, such a sweet little guy I have yet to find. The problem is that he doesn't seem to know what the word "clean" means. So, he stays rather muddy a lot. 

Fuzzy, is a pup who has more energy output than Hoover Dam. When he wants anything or just desires to share his mud with us, he dances and leaps much like a ballet dancer with her tutu on fire. We appreciate his love and exuberance but having large paw prints stamped on us when we are on our way to church isn’t a joyous matter. Thankfully, he is learning not to leap for joy and is rewarded with doggie treats when he is a good boy (hey, it worked for Connie when she trained me so I figured it would work for Fuzzy).

As for “barker”, he only barks when he sees a stranger. His bark is actually that of a pretty big dog but the pooch is a big marshmallow. Other than that, he is in his own “no barking” zone.

On the other hand, when dear Abbie, the laid-back and cool coon dog, wants some attention or to be fed, she just comes up and barks until you kowtow to her needs.

There is quite a contrast between the two doggies. Abbie is a sleek handsome short haired dog. Fuzzy is...well...fuzzy. He's a long haired fuzzy dog groomed in no particular direction at all. Abbie is a genuine huntin’ dog. In fact, she is a Walker Treeing Coon Hound. She has treed at least three coons so far and no few "fuzzers" (ground squirrels). Now, Fuzzy, on the other hand, is completely different and is in his own niche. He’s bred to be a domestic “love dog” who plays all day rather than one who endures the rigors of chasing down and treeing coons. So, it’s easy to see Abbie as 25 pounds of high-speed huntin’ muscle while it’s difficult to see Fuzzy as a fluffy, bouncing, 40 pound, huntin’ rug.

But, it dawned on me that Fuzzy (where cute meets fur) and Abbie (where hunting meets indefatigable muscle) are close kin in another regard. Sure, they’re canines. I  also realized that they are both Chowhounds, too! Kissin’ cousins, if you ask me! Fuzzy and Abbie both eat like a wolf but Fuzz Ball is the one who is more closely related to a ShopVac.

Ze van, boss! Ze van!: Our previous Freestar was totaled by the insurance company even though it was still drivable. Reckon, the price of repairs has soared a bit. The good news is that they actually cut us a check for more than what we paid for the van in the first place. No complaints! That little spiff helped us to customize our new family member the way we want to. 

Anyway, that meant that we had to track down another old people hauler. After searching around a bit, a pretty blue-gray ’04 Freestar popped up on the screen. It was exactly what we wanted at the price we expected and only had 116,000 miles on it! The additional news was that it wasn't parked in Seattle (though that would have been nice because we would have gotten to see some of the kids and grandkiddies). 

A 250 mile trip to Irvine to fetch it was required so that was arranged. Connie’s brother, Chris, had to come up from Corona to get some things from the hangar that we co-own. So, he spent the night at our place and then was kind enough to drop us off at the dealership and wait for us to complete the deal. Then we all started home. Prior to our departure, he took us to a quaint burger place that he was familiar with.  I really dig quaint burger joints especially when they have good fries like this place does. 

The paper work was finished, there was gas in the tank, and we were well fed, so it was time to depart LA and head back home to the ranch. We were BOI (back on the Interstate). Not, wanting to pay the Southland's extortionist's gas prices, I put in enough fuel to make it to Buckersfield. That almost worked. By the time we hit the bottom of the Grapevine (at the little stop of "Grapevine"), the tank was advising that it needed attention. So, I gulped at least once and wrenched a few bucks from my wallet and bought a couple of gallons of fuel. That was plenty to get us to down the pike where they have (somewhat) sane gas prices. 

We finally pulled into the ranch late that afternoon.  It had been a good but long day that started at 5AM. We were a couple of tired old folks. A 500 mile round trip is a bit tough on us so we probably won't have no more none of that around here for a while. Thankfully, the trip was wonderfully uneventful. 

 It didn't take long for us to start customizing it. We got it into the "Pickem Up Truck Store"  as soon as we could because we needed the trailer hitch mounted. Trash piles up quickly around here (not that we are trashy folks) and lots of stuff needs to get hauled to the hangar and such. 

Freestars have a some known issues so we ordered the parts for those. It's called "preventative maintenance". The cruise control, the drivers side electric window, and the ignition coil power  pack are all junk on these handy vans. So, you just....wait for it....fix or repair daily. All three of our Coops had these issues. The new van hasn't threatened us with an ignition issue but we don't plan on allowing it to do that. It's a fairly cheap fix for peace of mind. All-in-all, we love this new hauler. She's a beaut!

Well....there you have it: another short episode of the long happenings at Rancho Relaxo: home of Rancho Ran, the world's least-most greatest authority: home of the Yo-Yo  twins and home of a retarded duck: home of Connie the Canner, the world's greatest side-kook and CEE (Chief of Everything Else): where the air smells and where alliteration reigns supreme: where being modern is optional and where there are no slaves to fashion: where the eggs are always mostly fresh: where things can get...interesting: where it's all news to me and where...you just never know.