Welcome to the "Rancho Relaxo" blog for Mayl Surprise! This month's issue is almost not on time. Things are still rather hectic around here and we had to reprioritize some things but here we are! We’re still busier than an ant colony with a new dead buffalo.
Anyway, the Ol' Rooster and Ol' Hen just wanted to share what's happening here at our humble rancho nestled in the more-brown-than-green glory-gone foothills of the Sierra Nevada Mountains. We've had another "mad rain" which is about enough rain for the county to wet my four above-ground garden boxes but not the neighbor's garden. Our rainy season is gonzo so we’re not all that hopeful that we’ll be getting any more rain until next December. There could be a "mad rain" or two when the expected lightning storm hits late in the summer (just thunder, no real rain). Our broad smiles and sighs of relief have become sighs of resignation to the forces of the winds and weather. Anyway, thanks for dropping in at the Rancho Relaxo happy huevos industrial complex.
Click on the pictures to enlarge them.
Here's my friend, Spook, the gopher snake. He sneaks into the coop and scares the workin' girls if they see him. A real joker, that guy! He usually parks in one or the other bottom corner laying boxes and snoozes off his lunch. This may not be Spook. It could be his identical twin, Slick, who slides in undetected like Spook but stays longer. I can't tell them apart. I usually let him go near a ground squirrel colony so that he can minimalize their population and leave our eggs alone.
Another pic from Wishon Road. Looking south. It's about four scenic miles off Highway 190 to the campground.
This shot would have been much prettier a few weeks ago but the opportunity to get up here never presented itself. It's still a majestic shot of some pretty rugged hills.
Wanna see my dead fish? The big brother of the one on top slipped off my hook at the last second so I didn't get to haul him home. I will bring my net next time.
After cleaning them, they sat in the fridge overnight and were fried up in butter the next evening. It has been awhile since I've had trout and Connie the Canner isn't really sure if she's had trout before or not. Anyway, we dined on risotto parmesano and fresh trout and enjoyed it to the max. We're going fishing again....soon!!
PS. A CA fishing license is $62.90! After accounting for inflation and such, the price has almost doubled. It should be about $40 or so (compared to 1986 when it was $7.50).
Quacks begone! or Don’t Duck! This is Lucky Ducky and Doofus Duck. After having them for quite a while, we decided that they were "useless eaters" (a least he was. She was laying sporadically). Thanks to the previous president, the price of chicken scratch and layer pellets doubled. So, having ornamental ducks around here just wasn't working. I wasn't in the mood to take the "duck l'orange" recipe for a test drive so other arrangements were made. Thankfully, my cousin, Heather, has a nice rancho in east Porterville. She took them off our hands, bless her heart. It was a bit strange to not hear their quacking and insisting on getting their share of the grits at feed time.
Tip O’ the Day:
"He that tooteth not his own horn, of the same is he not tooted" (anonymous but probably not Louis Armstrong)
And now, a word from our sponsor:
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Holy “Fruity Pebbles”, Batman! It’s May!! What happened to the last four months?! We were just getting ready for "spring cleaning" and it's almost summer!! Yowie! Reckon we can just re-label our "spring cleaning" to "summer cleaning". And, it's only 233 days until Christmas!! *SIGH*. We best move on prior to a lengthy, hostile, and lamenting diatribe about how fast the clock is spinning......moving along....
RANCHO RELAXO REPORT
We're managing to do that: move along albeit, somewhat more slowly than what I remember. There seems to be an issue with our respective "earth suits" having debilities. It's apparent that something is making them heavier and heavier. For instance, it takes longer to get up off the couch. It's almost as if we need to construct a plan in advance on how to stand up in a reasonable amount of time. Know what I mean? And, it's much more difficult to drag the dang thang (not related to the Vietnamese language) out of the sack in the morning. We're hoping that we won't reach the "Why bother" stage or start thinking that we may need the assistance of a D-9 Caterpillar soon. Obviously, something is amiss. We're even tempted to grab a can of WD-40 but others who suffer the same affliction haven't mentioned its use. Wonder why.
Evidence points to there being a nefarious loading of lead that has seeped in and gravitated to just the wrong place which makes vertical articulation a lot tougher. We know this to be true because vertical descension is much quicker than in younger days, too. Up in a long time and down in no time. "Plunk!". After checking all of our pockets for work-out weights, we're left with speculations but it's pretty telling that something's off. C'est la vie.
Adios, Harvey Henbanger II
Everyone knows that all bad things come to an end. So it was with Harvey. He really wasn’t a big bad bird overall. It’s just that Connie, the egg monitor, wasn’t comfortable entering the coop when Harvey was present (and cocked and loaded). He and I had an agreement: I didn’t mess with him and he didn’t mess with me. Well…most of the time. He wasn’t all that good at keeping treaties. We had a blood covenant but it was only my blood that was used. So, it wasn’t valid, I suppose. Connie had no such agreement, though, which meant that we had to find him a new coop to rule over.
So, not long ago (when lots of things happen around here), there was
an ad posted on “Craig’s List” for 12 of our roosters. The reason is simple;
they were “useless” eaters. And, they were banging the brains out of our hens who
got no peace at all. Not only that, most of our girls were getting bald on their backs from being ridden so hard and so often. We’re really into peace around here but there just wasn’t
any in the coop. Thankfully, the roosters got along fairly well and had pretty much settled into the
self-established pecking order. Otherwise, there would have been fried chicken on the
menu every Sunday at Rancho Relaxo.
There was a couple from Pixley (about 35 miles SW of here) who contacted us and expressed that they wanted all the birds! No problemo! They came over that day and loaded
them up. Upon seeing Harvey, they asked if he was for sale to which I replied,
“Yes. He is for sale”. They paid the pesos for him, too, and loaded him up with the
other roosters and, "Adios!". C-YA, Harvey!
We still have a couple of roosters who will, I’m sure, keep
our ladies entertained but not run ragged. We may want to let one of our gals
do her brooder thing so that we can replace older hens. Who knows; we may even raise some (male) meat birds. In any case, there’s
peace in the Pecker Palace.
Big Bertha’s rebellion
A while back (but longer than not long ago which is longer than the other day), Big Bertha, the commercial freeze dryer, started acting up. She was presenting "long batching" which is when it takes far longer to complete (or doesn't finish) a batch than normal. In fact, it wasn't just taking longer; it was stalling and not reaching the completion stage at all. It would only complete if we manually advanced the settings. After contacting "Harvest Right" (the manufacturer), they provided us with a software update and asked us to run a test batch. The test batch was also an unresolved "long batch" so we sent them the recorded data that reveals the operational run status of the machine.
After a few days, the company responded with the news that we will need to send it back to them. GREAT! We get to wrestle a 250lb metal freeze dryer out of the house and box it up....again. This is the second return to the company we've experienced. That makes us experts a boxing up elephants, I suppose. The good news is that they considered the machine under warranty. However (there's always a "however"), we get to pay the shipping: $387.00. Ain't it great? Do the math when it's the second time we've done this.
Did I mention how our "earth suits" are in need of a factory overhaul and that wrestling large weights around wasn't much of a consideration here at the rancho? I probably failed to mention that we didn't consider the un-willful lightening of our wallet to be helpful in facilitating our daily movements. *SIGH*.
We're in the process of fulfilling the pre-shipping requirements after which they will send us the shipping box and shipping label. We hope to have it back home in a month or so. C'est la vie x 2.
Diggity Dog Report
Well....it's time to report on Coon Dog and Fuzzy Butt (sounds like a new Disney release). It is with great pleasure (and no small amount of relief) to report that our doggies are doing splendidly and they have no particular health issues.
Abbie, the Coon Dog, is busy being her laid-back regal self and ruling over her realm. It's hard to wrap my head around the fact that she's ten years old! She certainly does present herself as an adult doggie who is in charge. But, she still has much of her youthful stamina and elan. That may well be attributed to trying to rule over her bouncing, prankish, impetuous, high-balling, buddy who keeps her on here toes. She barks her demands but Fuzz Ball pretends that he doesn't speak her language and commits to the next bout for dominion over the turf. She's serious and let's him know it but he thinks of it as just a game and a hoot to jack her up all the time.
Also, the word may have gotten out about her prowess amongst the raccoons because we haven't seen one in a few years. Good doggie, Abbie!
Fuzz Ball is presenting his youthful ability to leap over a tall fire plug with a single bound (wish I could at least leap over a short fire plug without a step ladder). He has completely recovered from the incident involving a car on Highway 190 out front and is bounding about with great alacrity. He limped about for about a month but is now back to being his springy and ebullient self. His top speed hasn't been slowed one whit and he proves it with his frolicking with Abbie! We are utterly thankful for that.
Wishin' for Wishon
Though the Ol' Rancher is a native to this neck of the hills, he had yet to discover a beloved camping area about eight miles above Springville (we live 3.5 miles below Springville). There is no reasoning for that omission other than the fact that neither the opportunity nor the desire presented itself in all of this time. The place is called "Wishon Camp" and it's a park that inhabits the banks of the Middle Fork of the Tule River four miles north of Highway 190. It's another 8 miles up the hill to Camp Nelson.
Well, the opportunity and desire hit at the same time thanks to friend and brother who knows where every fishing hole is in the entire county! Once a decision was made to take a few hours off from the rancho, it wasn't difficult to round up some fishing tackle around here. We have more than 100 rods and reels (that's not an exaggeration by any measure) and boxes of lures, hooks, bait, and line.
It was beyond imagination that there would be any difficulties other than those which are common to a fishing trip So, only three rigs and three tackle boxes were packed in the back of the van. There were three different sized poles, two open-faced Shimano reels (one was an ultra-light reel), and one closed-face Shimano spin-cast reel. Four pound test mono line was chosen since no large mouth bass had been seen in the vicinity (dang!). Though available, no leader line was used (a decision that would later be regretted). A big lesson was soon to be learned (keeping in mind that these are highly revered Shimano reels).
The preferred "trout gitter" bait is the bubble and fly rig. Ye olde tackle box had at least 30 wet and dry flies to choose from and at least 6 different sized bubbles. So, it was off to the river time! The trout were sure to be in trouble!
The first issue can't be blamed on any equipment. Rather, it was to be blamed on a the fisherman who hadn't been fishing in so long that he almost forgot which end of the pole to use. He wasn't paying attention while casting and soon ended up with a "birds nest". UGH! Well, that took awhile to rectify and cut into my fishing time (it's called "fishing" and not "catching" for a reason, eh?).
After that mess, a couple of trout were hauled out of the really nice "honey hole" on the other side of the river and at the foot of a small tree dam. Then, things got interesting. Another factor of learning to fish all over again is not being accurate with your casting. That debility ended up with my catching a really nice "tree trout" and the loss of the bubble and fly rigging. UGH x 2! No problemo! There are two more rigs! Rather than re-rig, the ultra-light Shimano was employed. Great! Uh....no. After a few casts and no hits, the reel handle came unscrewed! To make things even crazier, despite there being no obvious reason for the retainer screw not to do its job, the screw and handle would not come together! What?! This ol' crappie and bass chaser has never has such a thing happen! Trying to get the nut to hold was fruitless.
There was no immediate remedy so the closed-face Shimano rig number three was deployed. The first few casts were without issue and were within a couple of miles of each other. An observer would have thought that this was my very first fishing trip without dynamite. But, they did hit the water fairly close to the "honey hole". Since a small Mepps spinner was being used, it was hoped that accuracy would be improved. Nope. In fact, in only a two casts, another "tree trout" was solidly hooked. Great! The new Mepps spinner was lost. UGH x 3!
So, it was back to the open-faced Shimano that was re-rigged back to the bubble and fly lure. When using this rig, you have to account for the fact that the fly is three feet below the bubble. It means you need to be accurate with your casting. Sure. After a couple of cautious practice casts, I was able to secure another "tree trout". A professional couldn't have done that any better! UGH (one more UGH! and I'll be part Navajo!)!
After a few more unproductive casts, it was time to pack up the poles and go home. It seemed that the trout were too busy laughing at me to hit a lure. There's always tomorrow and this next time, there will be 5 backup rigs and an extra tackle box as well.
Well....there you have it: another short episode of the long happenings at Rancho Relaxo (aka “Dos Acres”): home of Rancho Ran, the world's least-most greatest authority: home of the Yo-Yo twins and a retarded duck that we try to keep in a row: home of Connie the Canner, the world's greatest side-kook and CEE (Chief of Everything Else): where the air smells and where alliteration reigns supreme: where being modern is optional and where there are no slaves to fashion: where the eggs are always mostly fresh: where things can get...interesting: where it's all news to me and where...you just never know.
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