VACATION! VACATION! VACATION! PART 1

 This is the Mitsubishi Outlander we rented for three weeks. I have yet to drive a more comfortable, easy handling, smooth breaking, quite and comfortable riding, straight tracking, car in my entire life. My Cadillac didn't ride as nicely as this black beauty. Talk about quiet! Not once, not twice, but three times I got out of the car and Connie asked me if I was going to turn it off! Unreal! Want one!

To the right is just one of the many ultra-gorgeous shots of the area around Mt. Vernon, WA. I went "click happy" with my camera the entire trip!

 

This shot is from Ranier, OR just across the river from Longview, WA. It's a tribute to dear friend and sister, Fern Hill whose husband is now convinced that she is related to or knows just about everyone on the entire west coast.

This is the "Corningware" store in Burlington, WA near where Connie's son, Tracey, and his family live (Bow). We try to at least stop at the big outlet malls when we know there's a "Corningware" store there. There aren't many so we don't go that often. 

Unfortunately, we saw a lot of burned countryside. This is on I-5 north of Redding where they had the big fires last year. When we got near Paradise, as you can suspect, it was pretty  ugly. 

Anyone who has traveled north in California immediately recognizes this big pile of rocks. It's Mount Shasta. I must say that this is the first time I've seen it without its snow coat on, though. This is not the first time we've stopped at this "Pilot Travel Center" for a break.

Well….we did it! We managed to wend and eat our way through four states. It was burgers, buffets, and beyond! I’m not sure that’s a truly great accomplishment for the books but it surely was a tasty one! The best news is that we are now home safe and sound (if not a bit overweight and a lot worn out) and really really (times ten-to-the-6th power) happy to be back at the ranch. We were most thankful that we made the trip without incident and with minimal teeth, hair, and money loss.

  

It’s not that we’re cheap; we are frugal but we don’t toss money into the wind just to see which way it’s blowing. For instance, we took advantage of a super deal at the “Corning Store” in Burlington, WA. They were closing out some of their 60 year commemorative products and they just happened to be the design that Connie the Canner has been collecting for many moons! She didn’t have some of the pieces so, to help complete the collection, we loaded up! That was a cool 75% savings! We only spent a tad over 100 dollars so….do that math on that! Closeouts are our friends!

  

Actually making it home alive was probably the greatest of accomplishments. It’s not that there weren’t hoards of other drivers who were insistent upon trying to kill us. Not so. There was no lack of those who had not given the least thought of arriving at their destination either alive or in one peace. They all thought less of us. However, we managed to out-maneuver them and avoid having our bodies reduced to just enough matter to fill a good-sized dust pan.

  

The greatest peeve was the “bumper sticker”. Y’all know that driver well, I’m sure. It doesn’t matter at what velocity you are traveling; he’ll stay within a few feet of your bumper. You can’t even see his headlights in your rear view mirror. If you speed up to 20 mph over the speed limit, he’s on your tail within a car length. If you out accelerate him, he’ll catch up. If you slow to the speed limit, he’s still there and at any point in between. Rather than take a chance on having any of them end up as a hood ornament (by way of the rear seat), I just pulled over and the let the crazies go on by. It was my day off and it wasn’t a good day to die. The way I see it, vacationing isn’t supposed to resemble an on-going near-death experience. 

  

Since there was still so much work left undone before leaving, we decided that, upon our return, we would “hit the deck a’runnin’”. Right.  Let me tell you right now......that did not happen. The old folks were so beat after the trip that we hit the deck a’crawlin’. Man! We entered the house and were both looking for the dump truck that had just ran over us! UGH! It may take a while for us to recover so the urgency to tear into things at the ranch has greatly waned. We’ll do our runnin’ and tearin' later (about the year 2020 should work just fine).

  

Getting a move on: after the yard sale, there was little time to do anything but tidy up and finish the planning of our escape. The “tailings” of the sale had to be re-boxed and organized with some of it being returned to the hangar for storage. We made a deal with another friend who wanted to purchase our leftovers. Boy! Did that ever help us out! But, even that simple plan was delayed for a few days for logistic reasons on his part. That left us scrambling to compensate for the delay and doing so with an expedited manner (note: tired old folks don’t scramble very well).

Eventually the gentleman came and retrieved the goodies. With that steel I-Beam off our shoulders, we were able to shift up one gear. You may want to note that such up-shifting involves an even greater expenditure of physical and psychological resources. Ol’ Ran and Connie the Canner needed both like the Luftwaffe needed gasoline in April of ‘45. So, next time, we will try to remain in the more comfortable lower gears. “Next time” meaning that it’s contingent upon convincing ourselves to engage in "TWO" (traveling while old) again. 

  

Nevertheless, progress was being made and, somehow, we were able to be on time to get the rental car in Visalia on Saturday morning. That jaunt enabled us to also procure a nice lunch at “Home Town Buffet”. Progress is our friend.

  

We weren’t bird nerds any longer so that eased the overall matter somewhat. Instead of having friend, neighbor, and fellow bird brain, Gary Oscena, chicken sit for us (he did offer. We have great neighbors in Springville!), we gave long-time friend, and neighbor, Leeann Chapman, our last clutch of cluckers. The three and a half hens (one is a bantum) and one bantum rooster will be happy in their new home.

  

Leann had been pondering getting some birds so we helped to jump-start the matter. With the help of one of our cages, and some chicken scratch, she’ll have some fresh eggs on hand in no time.

  

Oh, yes: the cage. Well, it seems that “someone” (aka Ol’ Ran, Bro. Doo Dah, Rancho Ran, or what all) wasn’t paying attention during the transporting of the cage to Leeann’s place (only about 6 miles down the lane (aka “Highway 190”).  It was a short haul and we wouldn’t be traveling all that fast. Besides, the fairly heavy cage was mostly wire with a small enclosed part at one end. Not much there to present resistance to the wind and incur “slipstreaming”, eh? If you think that, you haven’t been reading the blog updates for very long. Things at Rancho Relaxo aren’t that easy.

  

Sooooooo…..the head Ranch Dufus-In-Charge-of-Screwups, wanting to expedite the matter (because every muscle in his body but the ones which controlled the wiggling of his ears was screaming) failed to take three minutes to secure the cage after loading it into Wooly Pulley. Hey…..Wooly Pully has 4’ high stake sides and the cage only stuck up about two feet above them. No chance of a problem here. Besides, it was getting dark and we needed to get move on. Suuuuure.

  

As luck would have it (definition of bad luck: the result of being too stupid or lazy to take a few minutes to avoid catastrophe by implementing long-established protocols and procedures that are there to keep you from extreme consequences), we got about a half-mile from home and my fantasy ended abruptly. The cage quickly exited the trailer and engaged in high-velocity uncontrolled flight into the terrain…the really hard, unforgiving, unyielding terrain (think: cumulo-asphalt). Got any ideas what happened after that? Uh-huh. Splinterville.

 Prior to getting out of the van, my lightning-fast mind first advised that, “Oh, that was brilliant, Ran. Whatcha got for an encore?”. Then it portended, “This isn’t going to be pretty”. And….it wasn’t.

   

My really neat cage was no longer neat at all. It was disassembled in chunks that were scattered across the highway (a highway with real cars on it that love to track down and disassemble people). Thankfully, traffic was light so no cars were trying to throw themselves over my cage and…..me.  In a few minutes, the observable pieces (we found a major piece later) were placed in the trailer for the quick haul home. Way to go, Ran.

  

Back at the ranch, the Ol’ Rancher, now rather worn out and trying to construct a plan of attack that neither his body nor his soul were willing to engage in, simply unloaded the parts and pieces and took a shower; it would have to wait until mañana. Despite the respite, my body parts were too tired to do the high-five.

Other aspects of the trip were addressed for the remainder of the evening so, the dynamic-less duo didn’t get a lot of rest. The next day would be a doozy too. I couldn't wait.

   

There you have it: part one of the amazing (that we survived) adventures of the Rancho Yo-Yo Twins (we’re always forgetting stuff and having to return to the ranch to get it). Stay tuned for the next update which will be coming up soon (if the Ol’ Rancher can stay awake at the keyboard). It will be…..interesting.