RANCHO RELAXO POR JULIO

 

Welcome to the "Rancho Relaxo" blog for July. We trust that all y'all had a great and peaceful Fourth of July! We stayed home and rested (well, actually, we stayed home and finished some of our 'home work"). 

This month's issue is much closer to being on time but things are still rather hectic around here and the dust usually never settles. We’re still busier than Abbie trying to get to a lizard hiding behind a fridge on the patio. 

The Ol' Rooster and Ol' Hen just wanted to share what's happening here at our humble rancho nestled in the toasty brown foothills of the Sierra Nevada Mountains. We're somewhat tempted to be envious of those folks who think they are suffering drought conditions after 22 days without precipitation. This actually happened to me when I was living in Longview, WA. We experienced a three week period without rain. The local newspaper was in fear that their beloved green region would be converted into a desert within mere days. I think they were toying with the idea of buying water from Canada! 

Anyway, our lake, Success Lake, is full to the brim and our local folks have pulled their boats and barges out and waxed them up and are ready for the summer days ahead. We have plenty of "ditch water" for irrigation around here, too. My trees need a big drink of water prior to the scorching heat that's sure to hit soon.

Thanks for dropping in at Rancho Relaxo, the chicken ranch being run by two old turkeys.

Click on pictures to enlarge them.

We do chickens here! We're getting plenty of eggs as of late so there's no shortage. That means there's no need to increase the size of our flock at this time. However, there was a brief thought as to whether or not we would allow two or three of our girls to go "full chicken" on us. It would be only too easy to end up with 20+ new chicks in about a month. And, we have four cockerels who are quite the happy lot to be tasked with preserving the flock. But, for now, we're just too busy to chicken sit that many chicks because they need to be in the house until they get big enough to be transferred to the small hutch within the coop. After four or five weeks, they would be introduced in the general population. Maybe later when it cools off. 

This is one of our feathery pretty boys and it's his turn to be the cock o' the walk and ruler of the roost. I really don't think he'll get as large as Ol' Henry the Henbanger II but he is the real deal rooster and he rules with confidence. The other cockerels bow their beaks when he's around. 

Meet the new "baby" in the family. It's a vintage Takamine G530. Frankly, I like the "Taks" but I've never run into one that usable for Bluegrass music. I toured with a Bluegrass band so, for me, a guitar has to have a certain bright-but-deep tone to it. My vintage ('87) Martin D16M and vintage ('72) Yamaha FG-150 both fit the bill very well. But, this baby has what it takes! If it hadn't displayed such brightness, it would have been on Craig's List in a heartbeat. This little box is a keeper! 

Oh, I forgot to mention the price. We were at a yard sale (natch!) and the nice lady there had had it in her closet forever. She had a new love interest and knew that she was never going to get around to playing guitar. She just wanted it gone. The price of "gone-ness"? 40 dollars!! Zowie!! The vintage Fender Precision bass guitar was stowed and the new git-box was parked on it's stand next to my Yamaha and my Fender Telecaster in the living room. She has a new set of medium D'Addario Bluegrass strings on her, too. 

 This shot doesn't do the scenery justice.  This pic was taken on Ave 138 less than a half mile from Reservation Road. It's looking north toward Success Lake. When you enlarge the picture (click on it to enlarge), you can see the top of Shafer dam just above the top of the trees in the foreground. You can see the spillway gate control structure at the left on top of the dam. 

Ave 138 is the road that goes by "Golden Hills" trailer home park and then over the hump and on to Reservation Road. 

Welcome home, Big Bertha!! Actually, this is a replacement freeze dryer since our machine needed parts that had to be shipped in from the outer rings of Saturn. So, "Harvest Right" gave us the option of taking a refurbed machine instead of enduring an insufferable wait. We accepted the deal and have yet to open it. Setting up the machine requires the same muscles and brawn that shipping it out took so we're gluing together the reinstallation dynamic as we can (where are all the strong young backs when you need them?). We just got a couple of large boxes of green bell peppers so we can't wait too long to get rockin'. One more thing: Big Bertha was a 5 tray all-black box. This new one is a 6 tray stainless steel box. We're keen to see and use the differences. Having the extra tray will be neato since it will help with the work load. Let the freezing begin! 

We hope you don't mind but we just had to brag a bit on grandson, Jeffrey, and his sharp looking western wear git up. He's a fine young man and we're mighty proud of him! 

 

Tip O’ the Day: “Always remember; it’s the pilot that arrives at the scene of the crash first” (anonymous but probably not Church Yeager)

And, now a word from our sponsor: 

This issue of Rancho Relaxo is brought to you by “Jolly Judy’s Jaggie Jally Joogers”. Now, these are the best “Jaggie Jally Joogers” that money can buy! You cannot...I say...you cannot get better “Jaggie Jally Joogers” anywheres! And, folks, they're made right here in the good ol’ US of A. You can get your bountiful supply of “Jolly Judy’s Jaggie Jally Joogers” at the Wal-Mart, KMART, Speedy Mart, Rapid Mart, Quick Mart, Save Mart, and all those marts where those guys have them towels wrapped around their heads. Tell'em the Ol' Rancher sent you. You'll be glad you did!

Holy frijoles, Batman!! It’s July already! Half the years is over with! If that doesn't just beat the band, it’s only 173 days until Christmas! No wonder I'm seeing more gray in my beautiful thinning brown hair! On with the show.....

Chickening Report:

Egg production was down for a while and for whatever reason other than starvation. We pamper our birdies no matter what (meaning that they are quite well fed). So, when we only get a few eggs, we can’t help but wonder why. There was never a satisfactory reason so we just told them that, if egg production didn’t start ramping up, I would see to it that they all fit nicely into a hoagie roll at "Subway". It must have worked because they straightened up and started laying right. Our production skyrocketed. That was mighty pleasing, to say the least. The weather may have had a part in the matter but probably not since our spring has been exceptionally and wonderfully temperate. 

Feeding time is always the same. They start with a large scoop of chicken scratch and/or layer pellets which have a bit higher protein content. After that, they get large boxes of produce trimmings from a local supermarket. Talk about a balanced diet! They get fruits and veggies galore. There are also the leftovers from our dinner table, too (the doggies get the meats and a bit of fat once in awhile). 

To get to the back of the coop where the layer boxes are, I need to very carefully wade through the bird herd. It's a bit of a jungle gym in there what with all the chicken roosts, watering cans, and such. They think that the live in "Starvation Heights" so they crowd around me looking for even more chow than what has been brought out. I've had to learn to do the Hen House Hop and the Chicken Schmidt Waltz to keep from mashing one of them. Even though care is taken, it isn't uncommon to hear a screech from one of them when they get a foot hung under a big rubber boot. No chickens have been harmed so far. 

Not cold; not cool or Reefer Madness

Not long ago, but longer than the other day, one of our refrigerators started getting warm. The ice box part on top was fine. "No worries", says I. That presentation has been seen before at the ol' rancho. The protocol is to first haul everything out of the top box and into awaiting ice chests. After that, you use a blow dryer (a heat gun does a better job in less time) to melt the accreted ice which builds up in the channel(s) between the upper and lower boxes. 

After that, you just restack everything and all is well: except when it isn't well. In this case, the bottom box refused to get cold. That didn't make me wave flags and dance for joy at all. The next step is to take everything back out (that's fun) and pull the (inside) back part of the freezer compartment off. Then, you defrost the condenser coils and whatever has ice on it: screw the valance back on and your good to go. 

This time, rather than restack everything back in the freezer, the fridge was left alone to see if it would function nominally (a thermometer was parked inside). It didn't function nominally. Great. A couple of other fridges were cleaned out and stuff was tossed that had been stored too long ("Here, chick, chick, chick!"). That way we could fill the space with the goods from the ice chests. All of this scrambling around was just so much fun. 

But, wait, folks; there's more. The next morning, one of the fridges into which we tossed a bunch of stuff wasn't getting cold enough in it's fridge part but the freezer was fine (the same presentation as the other fridge)! We unplugged it after removing its innards and putting them wherever we could. The next day, we plugged it in and waited for it to cool down. But, it just didn't convince us that it was going to spare us all kinds of time and money to deal with the matter. By this time, you can guess which two residents of the old folk's home were fed up with dealing with refrigerators. 

We looked a "Lowe's" online and found a nice 22 cu ft GE fridge that we liked and headed down the hill to take a look. Long story longer, we found a deal on a 15 cu. ft Whirlpool (Hobart) upright freezer and bought it too. This one will replace the freezer in our garage that conked out after only 3 years (Kenmore which is now Hobart). As it turned out, they could deliver it the next day!! Is that (ahem) cool or what?! 

The next day found us setting up the new boxes and shuffling stuff from fridges and ice chests (after the new boxes had cooled down). The only downer was that we had to wrestle the old boxes out of the way. I didn't take "appliance wrestling" in school on purpose but it had to be done. 

Finally, we had a new fridge and freezer. No more reefer madness and grief and headaches at the ranch. Now, that's cool. 

Ah, but this is Rancho Relaxo where....you just never know. Two days later, the big side-by-side coolerator n the garage started getting warm on both sides despite the temp control being on the highest setting. This wasn't a good thing because we still had stuff stuffed in it from the prior refrigerator self-extinction events. *SIGH*. 

Well, it was "off to the races".... again. The big ice chests were once again positioned and filled then ice was tossed in to keep things as cool as possible for the time being. With that chore, the old folks began to ponder the next step. Obviously, reefer troubleshooting protocols were implemented so the ol' self-powered drill was jerking panels and flashing off. The big heat gun was roused from its rest and employed to eradicate any ice accumulation in the air passageways. Then the it was plugged back in while the old folks retired for the evening having a bellyful of the joys of troubleshooting. 

The next morning....no joy. The box was DOA. It was Sunday morning and we needed to get to church. What to do?  Previous experience has shown us that it actually costs more to repair a fridge or freezer than to buy a new one  (gee....I wonder how that happened?). So, there was no decision to make other than to go get another fridge. 

Since we had to go to town for church anyway, we decided to just duplicate our previous purchase. So, after church, we headed over to Lowe's and checked to see if they had one in stock. They didn't so we went home and ordered the thing online. It'll be here by next Saturday, July 12. Hopefully, with two new big ice boxes and a new upright freezer, that'll be the end of the shortage of coolness at the rancho. 

Well....there you have it: another short episode of the long happenings at Rancho Relaxo (aka “Dos Acres”): home of Rancho Ran, the world's least-most greatest authority: home of Connie the Canner, the world's greatest side-kook and CEE (Chief of Everything Else); together we are the Yo-Yo  twins who are always forgetting things and having to return to the rancho for something. We are home to our one duck that we try to keep in a row (which is difficult since he's retarded). Our home is where the air always smells and where alliteration reigns supreme: where being modern is optional and where there are no slaves to fashion: where the eggs are always mostly fresh: where things can get...interesting: where it's all news to us and where...you just never know.

Rancho Junio Extraña

Welcome to the "Rancho Relaxo" blog for June. This month's issue is much closer to being on time but things are still rather hectic around here and the dust usually never settles. We’re still busier than a coon dog with a pound of hot dogs and three buttermilk biscuits.   

Anyway, the Ol' Rooster and Ol' Hen just wanted to share what's happening here at our humble rancho nestled in the pining-for-green golden foothills of the Sierra Nevada Mountains. We've had no, and expect no, rain for a long time. Our rainy season is gonzo so we don't get our hopes up at all. The other side of the high Sierras did get a couple of thunderstorms 30 miles east of us which will keep the fish happy in the Kern River. The Tule River is stocked with trout and Lake Success is full to the brim thanks to a new spillway  (our tax dollars at work). The plan is to go fishing on my next...day off.

We've been spared any major concerns so, tired as we may be, we're quite happy to be here with all body parts in place and at least functioning  (to whatever slow degree). The chickens are laying, the dogs are barking, the Freestar is running like new, it's yard sale season, so life is good. Thanks for dropping in at the Rancho Relaxo happy huevos industrial complex. 

Click on pictures to enlarge them

We needed to go to our hangar at the airport so I stopped by here when I saw this little cutie sitting outside a familiar hangar. This is a "straight back" 1961 Cessna 172 that has the four cylinder 180hp Lycoming O-360 upgrade with the constant speed prop. It came stock with the six cylinder 145 hp Continental O-300 and a fixed pitch prop. It's also the first year that 172's came with a swept tail. This is one of the sister ships to the 172 I used to rent from "Del-Air" (that's their sign on the hangar in the background). Adding the extra 35 hp makes that ship really want to fly. They are difficult to see but the wing has "wing fences". These, along with the "bat wing" wing tip additions, help maintain stability when the airplane is nearing stall speed. I think the stall speed is lowered a couple of knots, too. While not a true "STOL" aircraft, these are really nice additions to the plane. I loved flying that fast and sweet plane. One favorite place we flew to was Oceano Airport (L52): only one hour away in the 172. I vaguely recall posting that trip on the blog many years ago. That 172 was sold several months ago and "Del-Air" no longer rents aircraft. Bummer. 

This is one of my yard sale/estate sale finds. It's a vintage Emerson MBR-1 Short Wave Radio. It's an extremely capable receiver which sports Short Wave 4MHZ - 12MHZ, Aircraft Band, VHF Marine Band, AM Broadcast, FM Broadcast, CB Band (11M/27Mhz, and Weather Band (VHF 162.4-162.55). It also receives the defunct Television Band (analog).  Power is AC/DC which means that it's portable by using 6 D cell batteries. It also has a direction finder antenna on the top and PA capability so you can plug in a microphone and use it as an amplifier. There is an auxiliary antenna jack in the front. I don't have room for it so it just sold on Craig's List. I have other rigs that can do what this one can do. 

We saw the smoke from this fire in the distance as we departed Porterville on Highway 190 and headed home. When we came around the curve just past "Success Market" (where the "Lakeside Market" used to be), we saw the source  of the fire and a few CalFire rigs on scene. It was a well-developed grass fire. Equipment was still rolling in when we got there. 

For whatever reason, the FD hadn't blocked the road yet. The fire is having it's way for the moment but that wouldn't last long. 

Here's one of the Grumman S-2FT fire bombers from the Forestry fire attack base at the Porterville Municipal Airport. When he flew over, things got interesting for the Minnicks. We got bombed with fire retardant! Getting hit by a 500-gallon water balloon was definitely a first! 

For the ex-pats, the building to the left is the old gas station that has seen numerous incarnations over the previous decades. It has been a storage yard and a tree nursery but it has sat forlorn for many years at a time. Lately, there has been some activity but I can't attest to what it means. The little gazebo and the fence in front are recent additions. Looks like someone's BBQ grill may have gotten loose and started a fire. 

Here is the residual fire retardant being swept aside by our windshield wipers. The red stuff consists of a bunch of phosphates which can act like a fertilizer.  It usually just goes away if you wash it off or even just neglect it. The sun will make it fade away, too. 

Here's what a "fire proof" car looks like. It got washed off the next day. The old folks were too tired to deal with it at the time. It's harmless to the paint. You'll notice that the driver's window is not red. That's because it was down while yours truly was taking pictures and not watching the sky for fire bombers. My arm was wet and a tad red so it's fire proof too. 

Good thing that this red stuff isn't overspray! 

This is "Big Bertha" the freeze dryer. She up and decided to be "Big Headache" so she needed an attitude adjustment. This is all 200 pounds of her neatly boxed up and awaiting a FedEx pick-up truck. It was "long batching" and it couldn't be resolved with troubleshooting methods. So, it's off to "Harvest Right" in the Beehive State, Utah. She'll be gone about a month. She'll be missed because this is harvest season when Rancho Relaxo is flush with green and fruity things. Our chickens will make sure that most of it won't go to waste. 

Here's the latest addition to the family courtesy of local ham, Eddie, KB6BK It's colloquially  referred to as a "skeleton antenna". More officially, it's a stacked 14 element Yagi VHF 2 meter beam antenna. If you look closely, the driven element is a "square  magnetic loop" with a gamma match. The single reflector element is to the rear of the driven element while the director elements are forward of the driven element. It's an improvement on the standard "Yagi" beam antenna. 

This is a seriously high-gain antenna. If possible  (i.e. if the land lady, Connie the Canner, doesn't object), it will be mounted on the roof with the 5/8 wave 11 meter vertical and the dual-band "Comet" VHF-UHF vertical. If storm clouds arise, it will be mounted on the crank-up tower at the back of the barn. That would be nice but I have yet to establish my radio shack in the allocated room upstairs. But, I can feed it with a 125' of coax from my office which is the temp shack for now. The only concern is that low-loss coax will need to be used and that stuff is expensive. If that ends up being the case, then the alternate beam antenna, an 11 element 2 meter beam, may be mounted on the roof since it's only half as ugly as this one and Connie the Canner will only be half as upset. I may use an antenna switch, too, since I'll be feeding both antennas with whatever main VHF transceiver being used. The HF transceiver will feed my 105' off-center fed multi-band sloper dipole, one end of which will be mounted to the tower. A switch will be used to change to the HF vertical on the roof.  

Tip O’ The Day

“Some of us got it and some of us ain’t” (Roy Clark)

And now, a word from our sponsor:

This issue of Rancho Relaxo is brought to you by “Molly Mae’s Mallitoted Muddermasts”. Now, these are the best “Mallitoted Muddermasts” that money can buy! You cannot...I say...you cannot get better “Mallitoted Muddermasts” anywheres! And, folks, they're made right here in the good ol’ US of A. You can get your bountiful supply of “Molly Mae’s Mallitoted Muddermasts” at the Wal-Mart, KMART, Speedy Mart, Rapid Mart, Quick Mart, Save Mart, and all those marts where those guys have them towels wrapped around their heads. Tell'em the Ol' Rancher sent you. You'll be glad you did!

Holy chicharrones, Batman! It’s June already!! Doesn’t that just make you want to hock your "Vita-Mix"?! And, it's only 202 days until Christmas!! *SIGH*. Moving long to the Rancho Relaxo report......

We're still spring cleaning here at the rancho (last spring's cleaning, of course). One chore was to spiff up the stairs. That means that we had to break out the Orrick XL which is the smaller version of the big Orrick rug sucker. I call it the “mini-sucker” while the larger one is “the big sucker”. So, it was my job to start sucking. Fortunately, I didn’t suck at vacuuming the stairs so Connie the Canner was pleased with the all the sucking I did.  I did such a good job that I didn't even have to redo the job. That would have sucked. 

Kin folks at Rancho Relaxo

Because of everyone's busy schedule and because of many of our relatives live far away (1,000-1,700 miles is pretty far), we don't get to seem them very often. So, you can imagine how pleased we were to have the opportunity to have Connie's brother, Chris, his wife, Carol, and his son, Jim stay with us for a couple of days! They were heading back to Texas where they had recently moved to. They had lived in Corona, CA for decades prior to the move. 

For dinner, we simply had to knock over the local hamburger joint, "The Hamburger Stand", in Springville. The food is great there and so are the folks running the place. It wasn't intentional but we actually closed the place down. Lot's of yakking going on. 

That night, after the burger feast, though they were still on "Tulsa Time" (CST - they live not far from San Antonio), we talked until after midnight. That's also way past my and Connie's bedtime (PST) so, after all of the great fellowship, we all called it a night. 

For breakfast, we knocked out some of our famous "Rancho Eggs" from the vaunted "Henhouse Hilton", toast, fried taters (much like potatoes but with lots more TLC [grease] involved), fried pork belly (think bacon or salt pork but thicker and more like pork steak) and coffee for those who were so inclined. It's par for the course for the old folks to stay close to the southern style of breakfast when we can, don'tcha know.  

They were on a timeline so the morning was gone only to quickly. It was "Adios" and huggies all around then they drove off into the clear, bright, sunny day. It was super to see them again since we hadn't seen them in so long. 

Our hope is to see them again when head back to Texas sometime this fall when we finally get a.....day off. Connie's two other brothers, Steve and Roger, both live next door to Chris and Carol so it'll be a family reunion of sorts. We're looking for the great fellowship but also the great Texas food! Roger is known for his great (and I mean great!) cook outs at the his airport in Kingsbury!

More on that on another posting. But, the Ol' Rancher would love to just eat his way through Texas! The first place we'll start is the "Grist Mill" in Gruene (near New Braunfels) on the Guadalupe River. That place is unreal!! When we were there the first time, they almost had to grab a block and tackle to get me out of there! The food and service was over the top super and everything was pure TEXAS! 

Another place is similarly super. It's "Cold Springs Restaurant" about 5 miles away from the "Grist Mill" and it's also in New Braunfels. Then there is "The Market" BBQ house in Luling 11 miles east of Kingsbury. That's a place that is hard to leave even if you are stuffed to gunnels with BBQ'd meats! Folks haul their hunger on down there from Austin (40  miles) and San Antonio (50 miles)! They are quite famous! I had actually read about this place in a travelogue magazine a couple of years prior getting to make a greasy mess there. That was in California at the time! Who woulda thunk that, a couple of years later,  they would have a new biggest fan?! Oh, man! 

It's difficult to describe just how good these places in Texas are! Whether it's steak and fries, catfish and fries, BBQ'd brisket and sausages, or just a big ol' huge hamburger and fries; you just can't get any better chow, no how! Ain't no way your backbone and belly will be bumping into each other after a gnash fest at any one of them (thank you, Guy Clark!)!

This is to not even mentioning the rest  of the many great places in Seguin and all points within a 25 mile radius! If we're not mindful on our vacation, it'll take a month just getting to the Texas/Oklahoma border, another month to get to Tulsa, and then another month in Tulsa! In Tulsa, we may start with "Goldies" burger place then "Famous Dave's" and "Ike's Chili" after that! Whooooo doggies! 

Chickening: A  Real Wild Time or The Last Feral Hen 

 A while back (which is longer than "not long ago" which is longer than "the other day" but not as long as "some time ago"), we had four feral hens who showed up at the coop. There wasn't so much as a clue as where they came from but it's likely that they escaped from a good home. They showed up every day for a couple of months. Being the bird brain that the Ol’ Rancher is, chicken scratch was tossed around to keep them interested enough to so that they may become tame enough to enroll in our egg laying club. 

One day, one of the birds was coaxed to the front door which was opened up just enough to encourage her to hop in. She did and quickly made herself at home. The cutie little bird has now become very comfortable being one of the cackleberry crew. A few minutes later, another bird did the same thing and, she, too, was welcomed in with a slight swish of the foot. That was all that happened that day. But, the next day, a third bird was lured in and she settled in and became a club member, too. 

Now, the fourth bird is another story. She was the wildest one and was a spooky as sparrow on crack. She acted as if a bobcat was within three feet of her at all times. This was despite the fact that I had been somewhat near her many times while tossing scratch around for her. After a month of that, she disappeared. The first thought was that she had succumbed to the local predators. Ah, but this is Rancho Relaxo and you just never know. She then started to sporadically show up for breakfast. Then, while cleaning up the huge pile of boxes in which our produce comes, the feisty little hen was found setting on a bunch of eggs not far from the front door of the coop! It was obvious that she was quite certain that no one would find her. 

It was known from experience that she would not abandon her nest so the next step was easy. She was gently picked up and hauled into the coop and equally gently set down before she could come to. Roosting birds are in a type of torpor unless you mess with their chicks then the fight is on (and don't expect to win). She is still a bit skittish and doesn't feel welcomed and comfortable yet. She's not yet ready to shove in wing-to-wing with the other hogs at the trough. But, there's no doubt that, in time, she'll be just one of the gals. 

What about her eggs? They were infertile and had been there for probably two weeks rotting. So, it was into the trash they went. 

Dump, to the dump, to the dump, to the dump, dump, dump (to the tune of the "William Tell Overture". Singing in E Major not required) 

 When we pick up our produce trimmings, we get from 8 to 16 boxes twice per week. Just exactly what can you do with that many boxes that, by and large, are not configured for anything else but produce? Right: you cut them down and haul them to the dump. 

After loading Wooly Pully to the gunnels with boxes and ratchet strapping them down, it was off to the Springville Transfer Station about a mile east of the rancho. Because the load consisted solely of boxes the job wasn't a back breaker and not even a really good cardio workout. But, this is Rancho Relaxo and things were about to change. 

The next day, it was regular trash time. But, there was a catch and that catch was that the cans were overloaded and didn't have their lids on them when it rained not long ago. The cans were dumped over to help empty them of water (at 8.34lbs per gallon) but a lot of water had soaked into the trash. There are twelve cans but we can only take eight at a time. That was good because each can weighed more than a hundred pounds. 

To help with that muscle-bruising project, our rancho rampo was deployed. It's a two-hinge aluminum ramp that fits nicely at the back of trailer. The elephantine trash cans were walked, dragged, and shoved up the ramp until they were all onboard. Now, that was a full cardio workout, let me tell you! After strapping down the requisite tarp (it costs extra if your load isn't covered), it's break time! 

After the break, it was off to the transfer station where all the trash was hauled off the trailer and into the huge sea-train type containers (after paying the $25.00 fee, first....grumble grumble). It'll be awhile before the Ol' Rancher will be in the mood for that much work again. 

Sale'ing

It's yard sale season but, for whatever reason, we didn't have the usual crop of yard sales popping up on just about every corner. We've managed to pick up a few super deals so far but the number of sales themselves have been pretty sparse. The weather hasn't been all that hot which has extended the season somewhat but folks seem to not have gotten the hint. When the real heat hits, not many people will be braving the ordeal of hosting a yard sale. 

It's Biscuit Time in P'ville or Good gravy! 

When mostly through with our shopping and bill paying list during an early morning jaunt down the hill, we decided to break for breakfast. Connie had the marvelous idea that we should knock over "Carl's Jr.". Well, let me tell you, fellow hound dogs and hound dogesses, much experience has led to the belief that "Carl's Jr." is the joint to go if  your behind in your biscuits and gravy rations! 

Let's give you the back story on this. If you do a bit of homework, you'll note that "Carl's Jr." and "Hardys" is one and the same outfit (think, "Hellmans" and "Best Foods"). Well, this old biscuit chaser lived in Tulsa, OK a couple of times and has been to Texas no few times and has become quite an expert concerning biscuits and gravy. It's not about being picky; it's about being good. Either the dang thang (no relation to the Vietnamese madam of the same name) is good or it's landfill. Thankfully, those places that are still in business have mastered the concept and aim to make sure that their customers return. That's me and that's why, after dining on "Hardys" biscuits no few times, the choice for a B&G breakfast is "Carl's Jr.". He's back!

The "Black Bear" restaurant  is good but only comes close because they're not as dialed in as some places. "Boss Hogg's" in Exeter is a place that shouldn't be forgotten; they're the real deal! They do a great job of it, too, and the service is great! Sadly, not everyone actually knows what a "real" biscuit and what its taste and texture should be. Making biscuits is about the same as trying to interpret which abuela's menudo recipe is the best. That's why it's fun to hunt around for the best one in the area. 

It was almost time to change from the breakfast menu to the lunch menu. That meant that they would have gravy left over and would just have to dump it (oh, how I hate to see good gravy wasted!). So, wanting to do my part to not waste good gravy, when the order was made, I made sure that the guy behind the counter knew that I wanted my biscuits buried in rescued gravy so that they'd be good and dead (I would hate to have one of my biscuits crawl off the plate, wouldn't you?). I figured he wouldn't mine using up the rest of his good gravy on me. He grinned and complied. The order came as requested and with a hot cup of coffee so it ended up being a really fulfilling and enjoyable breakfast that morning. 

When we moved from Rockford, IL back to California in '74, we stopped at a small truck stop in New Mexico. It had been a terribly long time since I had "real" biscuits and gravy and was longing to dig into a big pile of that wonderful stuff. So, without even looking at the menu, I ordered up. The nice server looked at me a little strangely and asked what I ordered. "Biscuits and gravy", was the reply. Guess what? She had never heard of that! Reckon she was one of them Yankees from that far eastern country called "New England". 

 Another shocker on the trip was when stopping for lunch somewhere in Arizona (probably Kingman) Even though I-40 went right by this town, I had to track down a taco! That was really weird. They didn't have a "Taco Bell" yet. 

Well....there you have it: another short episode of the long happenings at Rancho Relaxo (aka “Dos Acres”): home of Rancho Ran, the world's least-most greatest authority: home of Connie the Canner, the world's greatest side-kook and CEE (Chief of Everything Else); together we are the Yo-Yo  twins who are always forgetting things and having to return to the rancho for something. We are home to our one duck that we try to keep in a row (which is difficult since he's retarded). Our home is where the air always smells and where alliteration reigns supreme: where being modern is optional and where there are no slaves to fashion: where the eggs are always mostly fresh: where things can get...interesting: where it's all news to us and where...you just never know.

RANCHO SIN QUACKOS

Welcome to the "Rancho Relaxo" blog for Mayl Surprise! This month's issue is almost not on time. Things are still rather hectic around here and we had to reprioritize some things but here we are! We’re still busier than an ant colony with a new dead buffalo. 

Anyway, the Ol' Rooster and Ol' Hen just wanted to share what's happening here at our humble rancho nestled in the more-brown-than-green glory-gone foothills of the Sierra Nevada Mountains. We've had another "mad rain"  which is about enough rain for the county to wet my four above-ground garden boxes but not the neighbor's garden. Our rainy season is gonzo so we’re not all that hopeful that we’ll be getting any more rain until next December. There could be a "mad rain" or two when the expected lightning storm hits late in the summer (just thunder, no real rain). Our broad smiles and sighs of relief have become sighs of resignation to the forces of the winds and weather.  Anyway, thanks for dropping in at the Rancho Relaxo happy huevos industrial complex. 

Click on the pictures to enlarge them.

Here's my friend, Spook, the gopher snake. He sneaks into the coop and scares the workin' girls if they see him. A real joker, that guy! He usually parks in one or the other bottom corner laying boxes and snoozes off his lunch. This may not be Spook. It could be his identical twin, Slick, who slides in undetected like Spook but stays longer. I can't tell them apart. I usually let him go near a ground squirrel colony so that he can minimalize their population and leave our eggs alone. 

This is some of the remaining "purple lupin" that populates our hills. We never get tired of seeing it. This shot was taken on Wishon Road going from Highway 190 to Wishon Campground above Springville. More on that later. 

Another pic from Wishon Road. Looking south. It's about four scenic miles off Highway 190 to the campground.

This shot would have been much prettier a few weeks ago but the opportunity to get up here never presented itself. It's still a majestic shot of some pretty rugged hills. 

Wanna see my dead fish? The big brother of the one on top slipped off my hook at the last second so I didn't get to haul him home. I will bring my net next time. 

After cleaning them, they sat in the fridge overnight and were fried up in butter the next evening. It has been awhile since I've had trout and Connie the Canner isn't really sure if she's had trout before or not. Anyway, we dined on risotto parmesano and fresh trout and enjoyed it to the max. We're going fishing again....soon!! 

PS. A CA fishing license is $62.90! After accounting for inflation and such, the price has almost doubled. It should be about $40 or so (compared to 1986 when it was $7.50). 

 

Quacks begone! or Don’t Duck! This is Lucky Ducky and Doofus Duck. After having them for quite a while, we decided that they were "useless eaters" (a least he was. She was laying sporadically). Thanks to the previous president, the price of chicken scratch and layer pellets doubled. So, having ornamental ducks around here just wasn't working. I wasn't in the mood to take the "duck l'orange" recipe for a test drive so  other arrangements were made. Thankfully, my cousin, Heather, has a nice rancho in east Porterville. She took them off our hands, bless her heart. It was a bit strange to not hear their quacking and insisting on getting their share of the grits at feed time.  

Tip O’ the Day:

"He that tooteth not his own horn, of the same is he not tooted" (anonymous but probably not Louis Armstrong)

And now, a word from our sponsor:

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Holy “Fruity Pebbles”, Batman! It’s May!! What happened to the last four months?! We were just getting ready for "spring cleaning" and it's almost summer!! Yowie! Reckon we can just re-label our "spring cleaning" to "summer cleaning". And, it's only 233 days until Christmas!! *SIGH*. We best move on prior to a lengthy, hostile, and lamenting diatribe about how fast the clock is spinning......moving along....

RANCHO RELAXO REPORT

We're managing to do that: move along albeit, somewhat more slowly than what I remember. There seems to be an issue with our respective "earth suits" having debilities. It's apparent that something is making them heavier and heavier. For instance, it takes longer to get up off the couch.  It's almost as if we need to construct a plan in advance on how to stand up in a reasonable amount of time. Know what I mean? And, it's much more difficult to drag the dang thang (not related to the Vietnamese language) out of  the sack in the morning. We're hoping that we won't reach the "Why bother" stage or start thinking that we may need the assistance of a D-9 Caterpillar soon. Obviously, something is amiss. We're even tempted to grab a can of WD-40 but others who suffer the same affliction haven't mentioned its use. Wonder why. 

Evidence points to there being a nefarious loading of lead that has seeped in and gravitated to just the wrong place which makes vertical articulation a lot tougher. We  know this to be true because vertical descension is much quicker than in younger days, too. Up in a long time and down in no time. "Plunk!". After checking all of our pockets for work-out weights, we're left with speculations but it's pretty telling that something's off. C'est la vie.  

Adios, Harvey Henbanger II

Everyone knows that all bad things come to an end. So it was with Harvey. He really wasn’t a big bad bird overall. It’s just that Connie, the egg monitor, wasn’t comfortable entering the coop when Harvey was present (and cocked and loaded). He and I had an agreement: I didn’t mess with him and he didn’t mess with me. Well…most of the time. He wasn’t all that good at keeping treaties. We had a blood covenant but it was only my blood that was used. So, it wasn’t valid, I suppose. Connie had no such agreement, though, which meant that we had to find him a new coop to rule over. 

So, not long ago (when lots of things happen around here), there was an ad posted on “Craig’s List” for 12 of our roosters. The reason is simple; they were “useless” eaters. And, they were banging the brains out of our hens who got no peace at all. Not only that, most of our girls were getting bald on their backs from being ridden so hard and so often. We’re really into peace around here but there just wasn’t any in the coop. Thankfully, the roosters got along fairly well and had pretty much settled into the self-established pecking order. Otherwise, there would have been fried chicken on the menu every Sunday at Rancho Relaxo.

There was a couple from Pixley (about 35 miles SW of here) who contacted us and expressed that they wanted all the birds! No problemo! They came over that day and loaded them up. Upon seeing Harvey, they asked if he was for sale to which I replied, “Yes. He is for sale”. They paid the pesos for him, too, and loaded him up with the other roosters and, "Adios!". C-YA, Harvey!

We still have a couple of roosters who will, I’m sure, keep our ladies entertained but not run ragged. We may want to let one of our gals do her brooder thing so that we can replace older hens. Who knows; we may even raise some (male) meat birds. In any case, there’s peace in the Pecker Palace. 

Big Bertha’s rebellion

A while back (but longer than not long ago which is longer than the other day), Big Bertha, the commercial freeze dryer, started acting up. She was presenting "long batching" which is when it takes far longer to complete (or doesn't finish) a batch than normal. In fact, it wasn't just taking longer; it was stalling and not reaching the completion stage at all. It would only complete if we manually advanced the settings. After contacting "Harvest Right" (the manufacturer), they provided us with a software update and asked us to run a test batch. The test batch was also an unresolved "long batch" so we sent them the recorded data that reveals the operational run status of the machine. 

After a few days, the company responded with the news that we will need to send it back to them. GREAT! We get to wrestle a 250lb metal freeze dryer out of the house and box it up....again. This is the second return to the company we've experienced. That makes us experts a boxing up  elephants, I suppose. The good news is that they considered the machine under warranty. However (there's always a "however"), we get to pay the shipping: $387.00. Ain't it great? Do the math when it's the second time we've done this. 

Did I mention how our "earth suits" are in need of a factory overhaul and that wrestling large weights around wasn't much of a consideration here at the rancho? I probably failed to mention that we didn't consider the un-willful lightening of our wallet to be helpful in facilitating our daily movements. *SIGH*. 

We're in the process of fulfilling the pre-shipping requirements after which they will send us the shipping box and shipping label. We hope to have it back home in a month or so. C'est la vie x 2. 

Diggity Dog Report

Well....it's time to report on Coon Dog and Fuzzy Butt (sounds like a new Disney release). It is with great pleasure (and no small amount of relief) to report that our doggies are doing splendidly and they have no particular health issues. 

Abbie, the Coon Dog, is busy being her laid-back regal self and ruling over her realm. It's hard to wrap my head around the fact that she's ten years old! She certainly does present herself as an adult doggie who is in charge. But, she still has much of her youthful stamina and elan. That may well be attributed to trying to rule over her bouncing, prankish, impetuous, high-balling, buddy who keeps her on here toes. She barks her demands but Fuzz Ball pretends that he doesn't speak her language and commits to the next bout for dominion over the turf. She's serious and let's him know it but he thinks of it as just a game and a hoot to jack her up all the time. 

Also, the word may have gotten out about her prowess amongst the raccoons because we haven't seen one in a few years. Good doggie, Abbie!

Fuzz Ball is presenting his youthful ability to leap over a tall fire plug with a single bound (wish I could at least leap over a short fire plug without a step ladder). He has completely recovered from the incident involving a car on Highway 190 out front and is bounding about with great alacrity. He limped about for about a month but is now back to being his springy and ebullient self. His top speed hasn't been slowed one whit and he proves it with his frolicking with Abbie! We are utterly thankful for that. 

Wishin' for Wishon

Though the Ol' Rancher is a native to this neck of the hills, he had yet to discover a beloved camping area about eight miles above Springville (we live 3.5 miles below Springville). There is no reasoning for that omission other than the fact that neither the opportunity nor the desire presented itself in all of this time. The place is called "Wishon Camp" and it's a park that inhabits the banks of the Middle Fork of the Tule River four miles north of Highway 190. It's another 8 miles up the hill to Camp Nelson. 

Well, the opportunity and desire hit at the same time thanks to friend and brother who knows where every fishing hole is in the entire county! Once a decision was made to take a few hours off from the rancho, it wasn't difficult to round up some fishing tackle around here. We have more than 100 rods and reels (that's not an exaggeration by any measure) and boxes of lures, hooks, bait, and line. 

It was beyond imagination that there would be any difficulties other than those which are common to a fishing trip So, only three rigs and three tackle boxes were packed in the back of the van. There were three different sized poles, two open-faced Shimano reels (one was an ultra-light reel), and one closed-face Shimano spin-cast reel. Four pound test mono line was chosen since no large mouth bass had been seen in the vicinity (dang!). Though available, no leader line was used (a decision that would later be regretted). A big lesson was soon to be learned (keeping in mind that these are highly revered Shimano reels). 

The preferred "trout gitter" bait is the bubble and fly rig. Ye olde tackle box had at least 30 wet and dry flies to choose from and at least 6 different sized bubbles. So, it was off to the river time! The trout were sure to be in trouble! 

The first issue can't be blamed on any equipment. Rather, it was to be blamed on a the fisherman who hadn't been fishing in so long that he almost forgot which end of the pole to use. He wasn't paying attention while casting and soon ended up with a "birds nest". UGH! Well, that took awhile to rectify and cut into my fishing time (it's called "fishing" and not "catching" for a reason, eh?).

After that mess, a couple of trout were hauled out of the really nice "honey hole" on the other side of the river and at the foot of a small tree dam. Then, things got interesting. Another factor of learning to fish all over again is not being accurate with your casting. That debility ended up with my catching a really nice "tree trout" and the loss of the bubble and fly rigging. UGH x 2! No problemo! There are two more rigs! Rather than re-rig, the ultra-light Shimano was employed. Great! Uh....no. After a few casts and no hits, the reel handle came unscrewed! To make things even crazier, despite there being no obvious reason for the retainer screw not to do its job, the screw and handle would not come together! What?! This ol' crappie and bass chaser has never has such a thing happen! Trying to get the nut to hold was fruitless. 

There was no immediate remedy so the closed-face Shimano rig number three was deployed. The first few casts were without issue and were within a couple of miles of each other.  An observer would have thought that this was my very first fishing trip without dynamite. But, they did hit the water fairly close to the "honey hole". Since a small Mepps spinner was being used, it was hoped that accuracy would be improved. Nope. In fact, in only a two casts, another "tree trout" was solidly hooked. Great! The new Mepps spinner was lost. UGH x 3! 

So, it was back to the open-faced Shimano that was re-rigged back to the bubble and fly lure. When using this rig, you have to account for the fact that the fly is three feet below the bubble. It means you need to be accurate with your casting. Sure. After a couple of cautious practice casts, I was able to secure another "tree trout". A professional couldn't have done that any better! UGH (one more UGH! and I'll be part Navajo!)! 

After a few more unproductive casts, it was time to pack up the poles and go home. It seemed that the trout were too busy laughing at me to hit a lure. There's always tomorrow and this next time, there will be 5 backup rigs and an extra tackle box as well. 

Well....there you have it: another short episode of the long happenings at Rancho Relaxo (aka “Dos Acres”): home of Rancho Ran, the world's least-most greatest authority: home of the Yo-Yo  twins and a retarded duck that we try to keep in a row: home of Connie the Canner, the world's greatest side-kook and CEE (Chief of Everything Else): where the air smells and where alliteration reigns supreme: where being modern is optional and where there are no slaves to fashion: where the eggs are always mostly fresh: where things can get...interesting: where it's all news to me and where...you just never know.