¿Octubre Otra Vez?

 

Welcome to the "Rancho Relaxo" blog for October! Surprise! Surprise! Surprise! (best Gomer Pyle). This edition of Rancho Relaxo is on time again! Wonders never cease!! It just turned out that "things" worked in accordance with the hopes I had to get the blog published in a timely fashion. Like last month, this month's issue is actually on time despite the fact that things are still rather hectic around here. Connie the Canner has family coming from Texas for a few days. That means that we are busy, busy, busy spiffing up the place so it isn't so reminiscent of a chicken ranch. There's lots to do since we haven't endured a good overhaul in quite awhile and "Springville insulation" has covered the entire rancho. 

You can imagine whose muscles are really not in overhaul mode. But, it is what it is and things will get done somehow. Ibuprophen is our friend. 

The region is still as dry as cow pies on the prairie. There is a slight chance of showers in the forecast but that usually only means that we'll get "mad rain" again. Mad rain is just enough rain to muck up your windshield but not enough to wash it off. Perhaps it will be different this time. The long-range forecast suggests showers may come our way in a week or so. We'll see. 

Like last month, there have been a few small grass fires locally but we've been spared the devastation of massive forest fires this year. California lost more than 521,770 acres due to fires as of this writing. There are "only" about 30 fires burning as of today and this hasn't been a bad year. Seriously, though,  our firefighters are doing a great job and are our heroes.  

We trust that all y'all are enjoying the fact that 83% of this year is over with (not that there would be any dancing in the streets over the matter). You can say that it's the season for holidays which can be something to look forward too.

Likewise, we trust that things are going well on your part of planet Earth. That said, things are getting interesting in our country (I have a knack for understatement. I bet you noticed). It is considered wise to prepare for the worst while praying for the best. A good bet is to have plenty of dried beans and rice in stock just in case you need to weather a crisis of some kind (man-made or natural disaster). 

Anyway, the Ol' Rooster and Ol' Hen just wanted to share what's happening here at our dry-as-zweiback humble rancho nestled in the foothills of the Sierra Nevada Mountains. Thanks for stopping in at Dirty Bird Central, the chicken ranch being run by two old turkeys

MORE FLASHBACK PICS

(Click on the pics to enlarge)

This is Spats Domino, the rude rooster with a 'tude. The little bantam acts like he's nine times as tall as he is. I love his effrontery and grit. He won't back down from anybody and protects his little black hen with all fierceness.  Isn't he a handsome little guy? That's probably why he crows a lot. (Oct. 2018)

This is "Peggy Sue's" restaurant which is located 3 miles north of Dagget right at I-15 and on the way to Calico Ghost Town. We knocked over this place about ten years ago while on vacation. This is a '50's diner that is busy all of the time. If you ever get near Barstow for any reason, be sure to stop in. You won't be disappointed. The burgers and fries are fabulous! That's what I had both times that I've been there and it'll be what I order the next time, too!

Sometimes, our sunsets are mighty pretty! 

From 2018: This is one of our new additions to the work force around here. Connie the Canner got it for me for "Father's Day". It's a 14 gallon "Shop Vac" SVX2. We're talkin' about a 6.5 hp motor and a 170 cfm airflow that can pull a newly born elephant away from its momma! Yessiree, folks.....this baby really sucks!

From 2019:

Here's some of the girls taking a dirt bath with which to get...clean. Sorta makes you glad you aren't a chicken, eh?

This is our hangar at the Porterville Municipal Airport. It's the second one in with the darker doors. Both of the first two hangars are the same size. 

From 2012: 

To the right is the "Central Market" in Kumasi (the second largest city in Ghana). The city has about 2 million people in it and it seemed that most of them were there. 20% of the population does not have running water or indoor toilet facilities (a recent program has helped to eliminate that issue by the government providing many public toilet facilities). Ghana openly considers itself a Christian nation but 15% of the population is Muslim (most of them purposely imported to Ghana by other Muslim nations per Pastor John Appiah). 

Kumasi's International Airport has but a single 6,600' runway and no taxiways. In other words, when you land, you must "back taxi" on the runway! This entire dynamic only allows for smaller commuter jets and turboprops to use the facility. It's only 145 miles from Accra (the capital) to Kumasi. However since this isn't Kansas, it takes about four hours to travel it by car. And, that's on a good day! It can actually take twice that or more during certain times and under certain weather conditions. It's only a 30 minute flight. The jet I was on was my favorite passenger jet: the BAE 145, a four engine beauty that really likes to fly. This was my third trip on one. Most of them are now retired from service with a few exceptions like Africa. 

From 2012: This little two-place cutie is the Evektor "Sportstar". She's a Czech built ship with a 100 hp Rotax 912UL parked on the nose. It's the first airplane I've piloted with a Rotax engine. You have to get used to flying it because the Rotax motor is geared and runs at about 4,800 rpm at cruise speeds. I'm used to flying aircraft that redline at about 2,700 rpm and cruise at around 2450 rpm. One of our low-time pilots wasn't used to the light wing loading and found himself with a bit of cross wind and he let it get away from him. 

He bent the bird pretty badly so it was no longer available to rent. That was a bummer because it was a really nice and easy to fly airplane. It had great visibility, too! 

                                                                                                                                                                                                                            

Tip O' The Day: 

"Always end the name of your child with a vowel so that, when you yell, the name will carry" - (Bill Cosby)

And, now a word from our sponsor: 

This issue of Rancho Relaxo is brought to you by “Nana Nancy's Norbal Nuber Nuggers”. Now, these are the best “Norbal Nuber Nuggers” that money can buy! You cannot...I say...you cannot get better “Norbal Nuber Nuggers” anywheres! And, folks, they're made right here in the good ol’ US of A. You can get your bountiful supply of “Nana Nancy's Norbal Nuber Nuggers” at the Wal-Mart, KMART, Speedy Mart, Save Mart, Quick Mart, Rapid Mart, and all those marts where those guys have them towels wrapped around their heads. Tell'em the Ol' Rancher sent you. You'll be glad you did!

Rancho Relaxo  Report: 

Well, praise the Lord and pass the banjo! It's October...again...already!! If that ain't that enough to stir fry your shrimp, it's only 82 days until Christmas! *SIGH* Moving along........

Summer is officially finished and fall is here. Ain’t it great?! We’re looking forward to cooler temps and just leaving our doors open so we can let the gentle fall breezes cool the rancho and the chicken coop (though we didn't have to use the mister this year!). Trying to keep any home cool in this part of California is an expensive proposition. The thought occurred that we can take the savings and take.....a day off! Zowie! What an amazing concept! 

We had a “rain storm” blow through and we got triple our usual 10 drops of rain. Thankfully, the drops were large enough his time so that we ended up with a wet driveway! It was as weirdly funny as it was appreciated. People are drowning and flooding in other parts of the planet and we get leftovers.

Lather Up or Soapy Sales:

The old rancho dude's favorite hand soap is "Lava" which has pumice (an abrasive material formed in volcanos) as an ingredient. There are memories of using this amazing product that go back to my childhood. For reasons that are not explainable, that valuable item wasn't in our stock of supplies for far too many years. But, sometime ago (which is longer than a while back which is longer than not long ago which is longer than the other day), we picked up a couple of bars and hauled them home. 

Talk about being surprised! The first use of this stuff instantly reminded me of why it was used in the beginning. It works! There wasn't much thought to matter until all of the dirt on my hands was being rinsed down the drain and they were "squeaky clean"! The first thought was, "Where have I been?!". We haven't been without a bar of Lava since that time. 

The interesting part is that it can be expensive (many good things are expensive but worth the price). A three-pack at Wal-Mart is $11.64 and a single bar is as low as 2.49 in some stores. Well, you just know that the old folks here at the rancho are not about to pay such prices on purpose. A quick check was made on Amazon.com where we found them for a buck-a-bar in bulk. OK! Quantities are our friends so we chipped for a case of 48 with free shipping (free is our friend!)! Works for me and my dirty hands since the plan is to always to have really clean hands since.....you just never know. 

A New Mexican restaurant in Springville or Necesitas comida Mexicana.

There is a modest sized restaurant on the south end of our little berg that has gone through a number of incarnations over the years. Many years ago (as in, a quarter of a century ago), it was a really nice “biscuit house” ("Kathy's Kitchen", as I recall). Later, it became part of a Porterville area Mexican four-restaurant chain called, “Neuvo Mexicali”. The food was never impressive but we stopped going their altogether after it dawned on us that their food just simply wasn’t going to improve (and their chili verde dish was a ripoff as well as being mediocre).

When it closed, we, along with the rest of the “villains”, were curious as to what the new restaurant would taste like. Would it be another “biscuit house”, which would compete with “Cow Punchers” in mid-village Springville? Or (we actually thought this), would it be another Mexican restaurant (which would also compete with the new Taco Truck that came to town)? The Minnicks were fairly certain that it wouldn’t be a Vietnamese eatery or even a Chinese restaurant (which I believe had been tried once many years ago). There had been a really good donut shop, too, but all good things must come to an end, eh? So, we weren't shocked when it re-opened as...a Mexican restaurant. So, when the “Nuevo Amanacer” (“New Dawn”) restaurant opened, we figured we needed to be good neighbors and help boost the local economy by checking it out.

After being seated, we ordered the carne asada (spiced beef) combo plate. We usually share such meals because of the ample portions for most Mexican combo meals. If my stomach is screaming at my brain that it is more than sure that my esophagus has been compromised and that it’s dying a cruel death down there, then Connie fends for herself while I’m wielding the weapons of warfare against hunger. A screeching stomach shares with no one.

After only a couple of minutes into the meal, Connie, asked, “Are you impressed?”. Me, knowing her as I do, knew what she was thinking, “We coulda had a hamburger”. My answer was simple: “Nope”. Two “Nopes” is worse than a “two stars” rating, in my opinion. We were glad that they weren’t soliciting for post prandial ratings because it would have been embarrassing.

The refried beans were….well….they weren’t refried at all. That is to say, they’re weren’t the traditional (and expected) wonderfully-thick thoroughly-mashed beans topped with a tad of queso fresco or such on top. Instead, they were “frijoles rancheros” (regular pintos with a bit of seasoning and whatever meat). Not that I don’t like that style or that the beans tasted awful because that isn’t the case. It’s just that we were both expecting frijoles refritos which is what all of the other Mexican restaurants serve. You can scoop those tasty time bombs up with your basket full of corn chips that way (“Mas chips, por favor”).

The next item was the Spanish rice. It was there….on the plate…it was OK…just OK; not less than OK and not more than OK. You might even say it was “fair to middling”. The cook must not have checked with his abuela (grandmother) since all (and I mean all) abuelas can fix great Mexican rice. He could have snatched an abuela off the street and ended up with better rice. In fact, he may not even have an abuela. 

Next came the beef carne asada which was tasty and acceptable (but a bit too vinegary for my taste buds). However, it wasn't enough to pull off an additional star or a single thumbs up. Ditto the service. It was OK but we’re not going to be hanging flyers around town about this place. On the whole, “Nuevo Amanecer” rates about a “C minus”. I’ve since learned that their chili verde is great so we’re sure to give them a second chance (bless our hearts). But, it would be nice if the tortillas impressed us this time (we're still trying to figure out how you can mess up the tortillas).

Thankfully, we have the “El Tapatio” Mexican restaurant in town (another local multi-store chain). For us, it rates about a “B” so we don’t go there except on certain occasions (like when out of town relatives need a taco or they’ll die).

It’s interesting to note that “El Tap” replaced the “9 Iron” restaurant which was the best restaurant that has ever been in Springville and rated (in my opinion) better than the restaurant that was at the old “Springville Hotel” more than ten or so years ago. The “9 Iron” had a management meltdown when the owner’s marriage disintegrated so this fabulous eatery is history. Boy! I loved that place!

Treed or Lop me off one of those limbs

In a week or so, Connie’s daughter and her family are coming in from Texas to stay a few days. After that, they'll be heading north for other business and to see other family. So, it was time to tidy up the place including the low-hanging branches around here. Now...lopping and sawing branches is what they call "work"...hard work: the kind that Maynard G. Krebs has nightmares about. But, a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do, eh? Out came the loppers and tree saw and out came the sweat...a lot of sweat. 

The front of the house was almost totally covered by tree limbs from our two large trees so you almost couldn't see it. We loved the shade and privacy but having that much cover wasn't practical because we often back the van up to the front door for unloading. 

After the trim job, the front was opened up and the front now looks nice again. Thankfully, the chore only lasted about an hour because that was exactly when the Ol' Rancher's rusty old airframe gave out. 

Would you like to guess how long it took to recover from that trick? It took awhile because the ol' tree trimmer had to overhaul his back porch for the next three days, too. Did I tell you that Ibuprophen was my friend? 

 Chickening report or Tanks a lot:

The water in our galvanized metal 8 gallon water tank in the coop had been mysteriously losing water for the previous couple of months. Some days it would take a couple or three days to disappear (meaning that all of our chickens can’t possibly drink that much water in two days even if they were all taking daily showers). At other times, it seemed like the water would last a day or two longer. At the last, the bloody thing was empty every day. At no time was there ever a large enough pool of water that explained why there wasn’t any water in the dang thang (not referring to that small village in Vietnam).

So, my lightning-fast mind had to have an answer of some kind as to why the water was disappearing when there appeared to be no leaking. The method to resolving the issue was to use the Sherlock Holmes dynamic: “When you’ve eliminated all other possibilities then, however improbable, whatever is remaining is the answer”. Ah, ha! That made sense to me! This meant that, though there was no obvious leak, there still had to be a leak (boy! Do I ever want to put a big “DUH” here). 

The only thing to do was to make a close and thorough examination of the big metal can. So, it was plucked up and parked on the big cage inside the Henhouse Hilton for examination. Sure enough, the bottom had rusted but it had done so in such a manner as to have several small rusted out places instead of just one large area. That mean that, if the can was placed a certain way, most of the small holes were covered up and could only leak just enough to empty the can but slowly enough to keep from making a big mess. Swell,

You can imagine what happened next. Within a couple of days, we knocked over “Tractor Supply” and picked up a big beautiful plastic 7 gallon water tank. Though made of plastic, they priced it as though it was made of silver and charged us 50 clams for it (we were out of clams so they allowed us to use US dollars). Problem solved except for the pain of surgery to my wallet (no anesthetic, don’tcha know).

Now, there isn’t an issue in making sure that the smaller watering canisters are filled every day. That was an extra chore that has been eliminated. One is still used as a backup and the others are on hand if needed. 

The Ol' Rancher fixed the issue and things are back to normal. But, even after all these years, it still feels kinda strange being the crew chief of a chicken coop.

 

We got taters! We got taters! We got taters! Who could ask for anything more?! Or: Spuds R Us!

The other day (when lots of things happen around here), we ended up with more than 40 pounds of potatoes (to add to the ten or more that we already had). I love me some spuds and can serve them at every meal and in any fashion at all. But, that’s more taters than we can store, can (we're out of jars and space), or handle for now so it was time to fire up Big Bertha, the freeze dryer (the new replacement which is operating flawlessly!).

Connie the Freezer stepped up to the plate and stated whacking away at the bags and bags of spuds until they were prepped and set to go. She placed them on the seven trays and pushed “Go” button on the dryer. After they were dried, she parked them in mylar bags where they were sealed for the next 20 years (if necessary. Let’s hope not unless I'm still eating taters when I'm 96). She had to make a number of runs but left some out to be used for now.  

Having so many potatoes on hand also means that there will likely be some crazy spud cooking around here for a while. Latkes are fun to cook as are the German kartoffelpuffer recipes. Hasselback style is wunderbar as are breakfast hash-browns. Good ol’ baked potatoes are always in style, too, as are the air-fried, French fried, and, certainly, cottage fried spuds (with lots of onions). 

One way that we found to be exceedingly good was to first boil or microwave them. Then, place them one at a time on a plate then smash them with another plate. If you leave them unpeeled, they tend to stay integral a bit better. They also taste great with the peel left on. Just fry them up, stick a fork in them, and enjoy the treat. They're even better when you plop a couple of eggs on top. Man! That’s good eatin’!

Of course, many will be sliced and diced for soups and stews. In fact, one of the Ol’ Rancher’s favorite stews consists of just a few ingredients with the humble potato being the star of the show. Just whack up some spuds, onions, add some celery for color, then toss in chunks of chuck roast (floured and seared first, of course), a tad of beef bouillon, season to taste, then boil for a couple of hours. It’s usually thickened a little bit with some corn starch. When it’s done, grab a pack of saltines (better make that two packs) and enjoy the feast! This recipe always has a positive outcome (you really can’t mess it up unless you get crazy with the spicing) and there’s always plenty left over because it is guaranteed to taste even better the next day. 

Wrapping it up: well, the chickens are chickening but their egg production is down a bit. It's the change of temperature and maybe some molting, I should suppose. They could just be mad at me for not pampering them more than I do. Spoiled chickens; who woulda thunk?. 

The doggies are dogging but Fuzzy has been a real "diggity dog" and that ain't good. I spent a lot of time filling in some of his larger holes along the back patio only to find them re-dug the next day. GRRRRR! (doggie translation: "My growl is bigger than your growl, Fuzzy!").  

The freezers are freezing, the refrigerators are doing their jobs, and the freeze dryer is working like a champ. We're moving along albeit somewhat more slowly than we'd like and need to speed up because of getting ready for company.  But all is well here at the ranch (pass the "Ben-Gay", please). 

So....there you have it: another short episode of the long happenings at Rancho Relaxo (aka “Dos Acres”): home of Rancho Ran, the world's least-most greatest authority: home of Connie the Canner, the world's greatest side-kook and CEE (Chief of Everything Else); together we are the Yo-Yo  twins who are always having to return to the rancho for something: home to one duck that we try to keep in a row (which is difficult since he's retarded): where the air always smells and where alliteration reigns supreme: where being modern is optional and where there are no slaves to fashion: where the eggs are always fresh: where things can get...interesting: where it's all news to us and where...you just never know.

VERANO EN EL RANCHO (SUMMER AT THE RANCH)

 

Welcome to the "Rancho Relaxo" blog for September. Surprise! Surprise! Surprise! (best Gomer Pyle). This edition of Rancho Relaxo is on time! I would have thought that Musk would have been on Mars before that happened!

We trust that all y'all are enjoying the fact that .67% of this year is over with and that things are going well on your part of planet Earth. This month's issue is actually on time despite the fact that things are still rather hectic around here and the dust usually never really settles (less dust on some days than others though we kick up as much as we can). We keep on truckin' though we're riding a trike. *SIGH*. 

Things are still as dry as buffalo bones on the prairie. There have been a few small grass fires locally but we've been spared the devastation of massive forest fires this year. California is fighting 20 fires as of this writing. It appears that the entire west third of the US is on fire but we are extremely thankful that we're not having to huff smoke all day, day after day.

Anyway, the Ol' Rooster and Ol' Hen just wanted to share what's happening here at our dry-as-garlic- toast humble rancho nestled in the foothills of the Sierra Nevada Mountains. Thanks for stopping in at Dirty Bird Central, the chicken ranch being run by two old turkeys.

Click on pics to enlarge

This is "nostalgia month". Let's run through some vintage Rancho pictures. 

Here's a batch of new chicks from about ten years ago. Every time we say that we aren't going to raise chicks, their fluffy cuteness overwhelms our logic and we cave forthwith. These are probably the buck apiece chicks from the feed store and are likely to be Rhode Island reds. 

This is Maggie "the wonder dog". She was an amazing faithful pooch that we still miss even after ten years. She was so low maintenance that it was unreal. Her preferences were opposite of most doggies. She preferred to sleep on the ground or patio concrete than in "Maggie's Mansion" (the big new dog house). She loved her "Maggie bones" which were simply large dog food treats rather than wet/canned dog chow. She had a box of them from which she would saunter over and grab one whenever she was hungry. We only had to keep her "bone box" filled. 

The toy in her mouth is "Maggie's lips". She was a hoot. She rarely barked and loved all visitors. 

This is "Lovey Dovey" who, for three consecutive years, faithfully brooded her clutch of eggs either on the front porch of the on the patio. Here, she's nesting in one of Connie's hanging flower planters. Even when we exited through the back door, she never flinched or abandoned her nest. After three years, we didn't see her again. 

This is about ten years ago when pastor John Appiah, from Ghana West Africa, was visiting the rancho. We haven't just stepped off a UFO. We're wearing bee suits and checking the rancho bee hives. We still have bees but haven't harvested any honey since the first couple of years. Why? It's a TON of work!  We'll get back to the honey business when the need is greater than what our tired airframes can handle. 

This is our "Rancho Rocket" not long after it was built many years ago. It has a 1.5 hp Honda motor and will crank out 20 mph even if you're in a hurry and have a tailwind. It gets about 75 mpg. It's still in the back yard under a tarp. The carburetor needs to be flushed but, other than that (so far), she's rideable. 

This shot is also about ten years ago. It's Grandma Honey with a couple of newbies in the family. 

Here's the six pups from Abbie's first and only litter. They are an interesting mix of Walker Treeing Coonhound and Australian sheep dog. Believe it or not, once they were weaned, it only took a week to find homes for them. One family from Bakersfield actually took two of them!

Speaking of Abbie, here's our loveable pooch not long after we got her from the former owners in Visalia. She's about six months old here. She has napping down to an art here and she's not forgotten any part of how to do it perfectly. 

Having an espresso machine at Rancho Relaxo is no secret. In fact, it's a staple. We've had two big beautiful Breville  espresso makers and a really nice Klarstein espresso machine. Add to that, we have had numerous small espresso makers that got worn out over time. 

This little guy is a super neat vintage "Benjamin and Medwin" stovetop espresso maker. Good friend and brother, Jackson Wallen, loves to collect such things so I gave it to him. 

Yes, it does snow here. Every 20 years or so, we do get a bit of snow in these parts. This shot is from several years ago. 

This is Connie the Canner's big healthy 22 quart pressure cooker. We call it "Puffer Belly". This thing has done a lot of work in the previous ten years or so. The only things bigger than this big beaut is our water still for purifying water and "Big Bertha", the freeze dryer. 

Here's a couple of shots of Morro Rock at Morro Bay, CA. Probable from about ten years ago or so. Once in a blue moon, we head to the coast and spend a couple of days taking in the fresh ocean air and knocking over the fish and chips places. The latest excursion was earlier this year but we are way overdue for another trip. It's only about 160 miles from our front door so there's really no excuse not to go on over there and cool off. 

Tip O' The Day: 

"People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing" (Will Rogers)

And, now a word from our sponsor: 

This issue of Rancho Relaxo is brought to you by “Oona Olson's Ooder, Oomer, Ooper Oozers”. Now, these are the best  "Ooder, Oomer, Ooper Oozers” that money can buy! You cannot...I say...you cannot get better “Ooder, Oomer, Ooper Oozers” anywheres! And, folks, they're made right here in the good ol’ US of A. You can get your bountiful supply of “Oona Olson's Ooder, Oomer, Ooper Oozers” at the Wal-Mart, KMART, Speedy Mart, Save Mart, Quick Mart, Rapid Mart, and all those marts where those guys have them towels wrapped around their heads. Tell'em the Ol' Rancher sent you. You'll be glad you did!

Rancho Relaxo  Report: 

Well, put that ol' gray bonnet on and bake my biscuits brown! It's September! And, it's only 113 days until Christmas! *SIGH* Moving along........

This is still an amazing summer! It has only been until this previous week that we had any really hot weather. The temps in the AM had been in the low-to-mid 60's then climbed to the low '70's. The daytime temps have jumped to 103 degrees. The good news is that the heat is supposed to drop in just a few more days. And, the drop will be significant. Instead of having to endure triple-digit heat, we'll be having October weather in early September! Cool!! Of course, we all know that weather is fickle so things can change within a few days. We'll see. 

The spice of life:

The other day (when lots of things happen around here), I had 5 rosemary starts and some "grass" clumps (probably chives) that I put in a 10”pot of water with just enough water to cover the root balls. The thought was to use hydroponics for a few days so they could hydrate and then they could be put in smaller pots with some fresh potting soil.

Imagine the surprise a few days later when it was time to replant them only to find them deader than a snollygoster while the grass was growing and prospering!  It may have been that they were root-bound but they surely weren't water deprived. As crazy as it sounds, it looks like being in water didn't help the matter. There is likely going to be more of those so I'll change my evil brown thumbing ways and try something else and hope that my great ideas don't kill any more of them.

Chickening report:

And, on the sixth day, God also made chickens. And, God said, “It is good….finger lickin' good!” (the Book of Third Randy).

The Ol' Rancher has to admit that dead-and-deep-friend chickens are his friends: such good friends that he and Connie the Canner just about wore out a local "Funky Fried Chicken" store in Porterville when they ran a chicken breast special for $4.99. At the special price, you also get a dab of fake mashed potatoes (about four tablespoons), a tad of fake brown gravy (about three tablespoons), a biscuit (my, but they're good!), and, of course, your choice of regular recipe or crispy. 

We went there at least three times that I can think of and were going to do it again. But, it was Wednesday and they were having a country fried steak special for $5.99. So, we got that instead. If the chicken special is still current when we get back to town, we may just up and do the special again! "Always pamper the old people", we always say! 

As for the living chickens, they are all doing well and are happy and healthy scratching and screeching for a living.. We are still getting a regular supply of wonderfully tasty farm-fresh eggs, too! Of course, the girls are getting a great balanced diet so that helps. There are a few ideas that have been floating around to help supply them with more protein but there'll likely need to be a....day off....so they can be implemented. 

When the coop was built, it was solid and ready to do the job we desired of it. However, over time, the chickens have modified the ground extensively for their personal dust bath needs and other scratching requirements. So, the ground is no longer level hardly at any place in the coop. Add to the uneven ground the potential for flooding and the place just isn't at all safe. In fact, it may qualify for a hard hat and hip boots zone. This means that you have to enter the chicken coop with the caution of a bomb disposal expert. It just ain’t safe in there! Ask me how I know!!

Several years ago, the coop had been flooded and had not totally dried out. For whatever the physics and chemistry (I'll let you guess), when you add water to a chicken coop, the floor becomes exceedingly slick. Then, there are obstacles to consider. There are two 4' long "A frame" chicken roosts, a 5' tall roosting tree, a large cage, a 4' x 3' hutch, an 8 gallon water tank, and a couple of hanging feeder cans that are mostly used for flooded environments when you can't put food on the ground. Then, there's the water hose which presents itself as a snaky snare to the unwary. Add a few extraneous items like spent corn cobs and you have a real tangle of a mess. 

So, the ol' chicken wrangler was carefully wending his way through the deeply muddy coop when, in the blink of an eye, he went down hard between the two "A frame" roosts. It felt like I had been body slammed by Hulk Hogan! That was a nasty lesson to learn so you can bet that all caution is used so that the chronologically-gifted chicken dude won't be found in another muddy heap and wailing for help. 

Ham Operation Report: 

After weeks of trying to establish communications on the 40 meter ham band and to confirm that my transceiver was fully functioning on the 10 meter, 15 meter, and 20 meter bands, a solid contact was made on 40 meters with Canada station, VE7WG, about 1,000 miles away. I was running an ICOM IC-706MKIIG at about 50 watts to my 19' roof-mounted vertical. We had reciprocal signals which confirmed that my station was functioning nominally even though it's stuck in a "bowl" surrounded by hills and mountains on three sides. 

The issue had been that few operators were even on the air. The one's that were on the air didn't seem to hear my signal and it just didn't make sense at all. This time was a holiday weekend and there were a lot of operators on the air so a contact was made. 

The bet is still that the horizontal dipole will out perform the vertical by a considerable amount but more so on the lower bands (40M-80M-160M). We'll see. Things are coming together but slower than "Lightning", the janitor, on "Amos and Andy".

The VHF/UHF modes are functioning well. The Comet dual-band vertical antenna is still earning its salt. That's a plus. So, that's the latest from station WA6IXI. 

There you have it: another short episode of the long happenings at Rancho Relaxo (aka “Dos Acres”): home of Rancho Ran, the world's least-most greatest authority: home of Connie the Canner, the world's greatest side-kook and CEE (Chief of Everything Else); together we are the Yo-Yo  twins who are always having to return to the rancho for something: home to one duck that we try to keep in a row (which is difficult since he's retarded): where the air always smells and where alliteration reigns supreme: where being modern is optional and where there are no slaves to fashion: where the eggs are always mostly fresh: where things can get...interesting: where it's all news to us and where...you just never know.

 

CLIMA AGRADABLE PARA AGOSTO

Welcome to the "Rancho Relaxo" blog for August. We trust that all y'all are enjoying the fact that half this year is over with and that things are going well on your part of the planet. 

This month's issue isn't really much closer to being on time than the previous issues. That's because things are still rather hectic around here and the dust usually never settles. We're still keeping both oars in the water but sometimes it's a bit tough to do that when you can't find where you placed the oars. *SIGH*. 

The Ol' Rooster and Ol' Hen just wanted to share what's happening here at our humble rancho nestled in the foothills of the Sierra Nevada Mountains. Things are so dry here they're thinking about outlawing anything that can make a spark so folks don't accidently start fires. Reckon we'll just have to get used to eating sack lunches. And, it seems that "crispy grass" is the new green. What shall become of this?! 

Success Lake has been drained well past the half way point. We know that the state is allowing the water to disappear. Unfortunately, and acknowledging the fact that our ranchers aren't getting enough water, we can't prove that it's going to them. It's strange that the government would rather waste this precious commodity than allow us to grow crops with it. Nevertheless, local folks have enough water left to get wet in and  pull their boats and barges down to the lake for a good time on weekends. We get our irrigation water straight from the Tule River and not the lake so all is well. We just need for the Ol' Rancher to get off his duff and break out the hoses and give the place a good soaking. But....that's a lot  like....WORK! 

Oh, one more thing. "Clima agradable para Agosto" means, "Pleasant weather for August". 

Thanks for dropping in at Rancho Relaxo, the chicken ranch being run by two old turkeys.

(Click on the pictures to enlarge)

This is the current temporary station configuration for WA6IXI. The transceiver is an ICOM IC-706MKIIG. It's a slick little rig that covers all of the Ham bands and VHF/UHF as well! A lot of guys run it as a mobile unit but this ol' Hamster is happy to run it as a base station. If there is a need for it in the van, it takes no time at all to hook it up. It runs from 5 watts up  t o 100 watts output power. It heats up pretty quickly when running that much power, though, so the power setting is usually at 50 watts output. 

For 2 Meters and 440Mhz, it's paired with a magnetic mount dual-band VHF/UHF antenna on the roof of the van (the Coop de Ville). For the 10 Meter band, it's hooked to an 11 Meter/CB antenna then tuned with an antenna tuner. 

The 25 amp power supply is that big black box at the center left of the picture. It can handle the big ICOM IC-735 transceiver that's not being used for now (not pictured). You can see the 10 amp power supply in the center right hand. It powers my Yeasu 2 meter mobile unit and the CB transceiver as well. 

At the top of the picture is an MFJ-949E antenna tuner. For now, it's tuning a 5/8 wave 11 meter vertical antenna which (amazingly) can be tuned down to the 80 meter ham band!  To the right of the transceiver is my "Ham Key" (brand name) fully automatic code key for CW operations. As soon a couple of obstacles are overcome, I'll have the 60' crank-up tower guy wired down so my signals will be maximized. I can then hang the big beautiful 105' off-center fed Windom horizontal dipole up high. 

Here is the big beautiful replacement for Big Bertha who was tired of having to work for a living and who just up and quit. We just ran or first batch of strawberries and this big baby was up to the task. Not only that, it has 7 trays instead of 6 so it actually gets more work done than the other box! I can dig it!

 This one doesn't have a name yet so we're counting on friends and family to perhaps toss a few suggestions our way. Maybe "Heffalump" would work. 

 

Tip O' The Day: 

"After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut" (Will Rogers)

And, now a word from our sponsor: 

This issue of Rancho Relaxo is brought to you by “Vernie Venson’s Vutted Vigger Vampers”. Now, these are the best “Vutted Vigger Vampers” that money can buy! You cannot...I say...you cannot get better “Vutted Vigger Vampers” anywheres! And, folks, they're made right here in the good ol’ US of A. You can get your bountiful supply of “Vernie Venson’s Vutted Vigger Vampers” at the Wal-Mart, KMART, Speedy Mart, Save Mart, Quick Mart, Rapid Mart, and all those marts where those guys have them towels wrapped around their heads. Tell'em the Ol' Rancher sent you. You'll be glad you did!

Rancho Relaxo  Report: 

Holy guacamole, Batman! It's August...already!! If that ain't that enough to sink your sampan, it's only 138 days until Christmas! *SIGH* Moving along........

This has been an amazing summer! I don't ever recall being here during such a cool and enjoyable summer season! The temps in the AM have been in the low-to-mid 60's and the daytime temps have fluctuated between high 80's and low 90's. As a rule, we hit 95 degrees during the last week of May then it gets hotter from there and triple digits is then norm. 

I know that because that was when it was warm enough to brave the snow runoff in the Tule River. Some of us knuckleheads could then ditch class and head for "Oly Hole" on the Tule about 1.5 miles above Lower Coffee Camp. Not all that scientific but close enough when you're a senior in high school and are pretty well tired of school by then.

 Anyway, the cooler temps allowed a fishing trip or two that wouldn't have otherwise happened. Of course, the earth moved (or something) and the proper seasonal temps are pouncing on us with a vengeance. Tomorrow's daytime high is...104 degrees...and we're all bracing for the impact. Wheew! At least we got a really nice break for a while. 

Tehachapi: The other day (when lots of things happen around here), we had to go to Tehachapi, CA for a funeral. Connie's cousin, Mike, passed away so we really needed to be there. Due to miscommunications and such, we arrived quite late to the cemetery but not so late as to miss the core cousins. It was good to get to see them again. Almost all of our other cousins have "gone home" or are in other states. 

Other than that kind of event, we don't have a connection with Tehachapi. That said, you do have to go to go to Tehachapi on purpose because it's a small town that has been bypassed by the new Highway 58 which is the main east/west highway out of the southern San Joaquin Valley. The highway used to go right through downtown which had an affect on businesses there. 

There are many towns that are no longer noticed because the main highway bypasses them. Some of them are not much more than the proverbial "ghost town" and some have even ceased to exist (e.g. Route 66). So, they need all the help they can get. Even so and thankfully, Tehachapi has remained notable for no few things. 

One is that there's a big prison about 8 miles west of town. I know. I know. That's not something that necessitates a lot of bragging but it does add to the local economy and it has made the town a very lively, healthy, and pretty place. In fact, the place is thriving!

Since I hadn't been to downtown Tehachapi in 20 years (I drove right past it on the new bypass highway many times) it was almost a shock to see the changes! What a great little town! It gave me pause to remember things that I had long forgotten like.....they made a movie there!

Some (as in, some of us really old people) may recall the 1967 Walt Disney production "The Boy Who Flew With Condors". It's a true story about a local Tehachapi teenager who learned to fly sailplanes. The filming took place at the Tehachapi airport. Later, one of the leading cast members (none of whom were professional actors) built the sailplane airport 2.5 miles from the Tehachapi Municipal Airport (KTSP) . 

You can tell that the movie was filmed a long time ago before the California Condors were almost extinct. Here's more about the film as told by the local newspaper (https://www.tehachapinews.com/lifestyle/pen-in-hand-the-boy-who-flew-with-condors-when-a-tehachapi-teen-starred-in/article_b62d185c-8565-11ed-b7a4-a7213feb4fe0.html).

Less than a year after the release of the movie, I met one of the pilots who flew one of the camera ships. He related that he was flying in the famous "Sierra Wave" while piloting a Piper PA-18 Super Cub. He stated that he was flying in an updraft with the aircraft pointed vertically down with full throttle and his VSI (vertical speed indicator) was only showing 200 fpm downward! Other stories tell about pilots in WW2 who would feather the props on their fighter aircraft and soar like a glider in the super waves. One of the planes was a twin-engine Lockheed P-38!

There are other points of interest like the "Norbertine Canonesses of the Bethlehem Priority of St. Joseph" (try saying that with a mouth full of peanut butter) also about 8 miles out of town. But, truly, it's the town itself that's worth the price of the ride. Check it out on Google Maps and take a virtual look at the cool places to eat, shop, and visit they have there. They even have a train museum. 

And, if you're ever on Highway 58 and have a few minutes to work with, check out the Tehachapi Railroad Loop about 3 miles west of town (Google Maps). It's only about a mile off the highway. This is where you can watch a train loop around and then crossover itself. It's the primary railroad track out of the south valley so it's always busy. 

Some of the "quite mature in age" may also remember the 7.3 Tehachapi earthquake that happened in 1952. I was a teenager in the '60's and folks were still recalling its devastation.   

Golden Corral: To get to Tehachapi from here requires transiting Bakersfield. This is a good thing because, when you pass through Bakersfield, you must return using the same route. Would you like to guess which favorite all-you-can-eat-buffet is located on West Ming Ave in Bakersfield? YUP! Colden Corral! 

It was actually a toss up between Golden Corral and Zorba's on N. Chester in Oildale (think: buffet vs great burgers and fries). Zorba's has been a favorite of ours since the late '90's. Not having eaten the morning of the funeral left the Ol' Rancher rather "hongry" (much like "hungry" but with emphasis) so Golden Corral won the coin toss. Old people are (mostly) practical. It was great that the old fork flinger remembered to not eat until he made money but he really did eat too much. 

Ground sick: Speaking about flying, I really need to turn some cash into noise by burning some 100LL aviation fuel. I’m getting “ground sick” (sick of being on the ground). There aren't any aircraft for rent between Bakersfield and Fresno. So, the Ol' Fly Guy can't rent a plane and head to the beach. It's doable but, by the time you drive to Bakersfield, "wake up the plane" (i.e do the preflight inspection/walkaround and such), fly for an hour or so (at 200 dollars per hour), then put the plane to bed, you spend half a day for a one hour flight. It's tough to whack a half a day out of our schedule. 

It really is a hoot to just pack up the plane, fly to Oceano, pitch the tent and camp out near the ocean. Or, fly to Kern Valley Airport at Lake Isabella and spend the night at a rustic motel in Kernville where there are lots of fun things to do (including eating, of course). I've done these things but there's no law that says I can't do them again!

I spent a lot of my youth with my feet off the ground, my head in the sky where the sun shines (other times my head was parked in another place where there is much less sunlight) and wending my way through the footless halls of space. It's a natural element for me and it's greatly missed. Plus,  I remember all of the really great planes I've gotten to fly or fly in.

One of my favorites is the WACO YMF-5 biplane. She sports a 300 hp Jacobs radial engine. You never forget the rumble of that powerful round engine throbbing in your soul. I was getting checked out by "Attitude Aviation" in Livermore (the instructor was Rhett Butler...you have to love his parents). I hadn't flown a trail dragger in a long time (and certainly not a big ship like the WACO) so, after a few hours of instruction, we switched to a Super Decathlon so I could get back up  to speed. Others are the Howard DGA-15P from the 1930's. Bennie Howard was a race pilot who built a number of these big babies. The DGA-15P has an even bigger round engine on it. It has the big 450 hp Pratt and Whitney R-985 brute motor on the nose. I'll have to check the "N" number but I think the one in the picture is the same one that I got to fly while in Memphis, TN. It belongs to a FED-X pilot who is a friend of Connie's brother (who was a FED-X pilot). Another is the Meyers OTW. The one pictured (I took the picture) is owned by Connie's brother, Roger, who lives in TX. 

Other memorable ships include the Christen Eagle, the Decathlon and Super Decathlon (the Super is my pick. Great ship!), Champion Citabria (biannual flight review), the venerable Piper J-3 Cub (at least three of them), Piper PA-18 Super Cub, Piper PA-38 Tomahawk, the Aeronca Champion (7AC, 7DC, 7EC - a true favorite. Many hours in them), Aeronca 11AC Chief, Ercoupe 415, the North American T-6/SNJ (flown from the rear seat),  Bolkow 208 Junior (left seat), Beechcraft King Air B200, Aero Commander 500 (twice), Meyers 200, Mooney M20E-Super 21, left seat), the North American P-51 Mustang (the aircraft pictured is "Ridge Runner" and is the same plane I flew in back in '87), Boeing B-17 (a birthday present from Connie. The one pictured is the same aircraft I got to fly in), Max Holste Broussard (similar to the DeHaviland DHC-2 Beaver. Flown from the right seat),  Vans RV-4 (two of them), Vans RV-6A, Cessna 195 (many times), Ryan PT-22 WW2 trainer (rear seat stick time), the Evektor Sportstar light sport plane which I LOVED to fly, the Globe Super Swift, Luscombe 8A, Luscombe 8E (my first fifteen hours of instruction were in these two birds), Cessna 310P (think Sky King), Piper PA-23 Apache, Piper PA-20 Pacer, Thorp T-18, and even the Challenger II ultra-light ship. 

This list doesn't include the less-memorable planes that still are a great joy to fly: the Cessna 150 (I've flown a handful of them. I may get to fly the "straight tail" model in the near future), Cessna 152, Cessna 172 (at least six that I remember), Cessna 175, Cessna 180, Cessna 182RG, Cessna 177 Cardinal,  Cessna 206, Cessna 210, Piper PA-28 Cherokee 140/150/160 (at least 5), Piper Archer, Piper Comanche (180 and 250), Piper PA-30 Twin Comanche, Piper 235 Dakota (my high-performance endorsement), a Beechcraft Bonanza (three that I can recall), Twin Beech Baron (two that I recall), and a twin engine Piper PA-44 Seminole (took my multi-engine training in one at the Long Beach Airport). 

Note that I wasn't PIC (pilot in command) on some of these birds but I did get to fly them from the right/rear seat. I didn't log any of the time. On some of them, I was a wide-eyed grinning passenger. 

Guess you could say that the Ol' Wingnut likes to fly. Thanks for bearing with my "sentimental journey" (you WWII bird watchers will catch that one). Reckon they call that "nostalgia". 

Wrapping it up: Well, the chickens are chickening, the doggies are dogging, the freezers are freezing, the refrigerators are friging...frigging ...um....refrigerating, and the freeze dryer is doing its thing. We're moving along albeit somewhat more slowly than we'd like but all is well here at the ranch. 

So....there you have it: another short episode of the long happenings at Rancho Relaxo (aka “Dos Acres”): home of Rancho Ran, the world's least-most greatest authority: home of Connie the Canner, the world's greatest side-kook and CEE (Chief of Everything Else); together we are the Yo-Yo  twins who are always having to return to the rancho for something: home to one duck that we try to keep in a row (which is difficult since he's retarded): where the air always smells and where alliteration reigns supreme: where being modern is optional and where there are no slaves to fashion: where the eggs are always mostly fresh: where things can get...interesting: where it's all news to us and where...you just never know.