Rancho Está Muy Frío Afuera.

Greetings and welcome to the "Rancho Relaxo" blog for June. We’re running late with the post this month just like the previous two issues. And, like previously, there are lots of reasons for that but you will be spared most of them. In any case, the Ol' Rooster and Ol' Hen just wanted to share what's happening here at our humble rancho nestled in the quickly-browning foothills of the Sierra Nevada Mountains. Thanks for dropping in at the Rancho Relaxo global headquarters.

This is Rancho Ran, the Ol' Far....Farmer in his natural habitat. Notice the ultra-casual and comfortable attire. It's important to note that no dollar bills were injured in attaining such comfort. Notice that everything in the room just is (and with no room to spare). When he moves in any direction, something gets knocked over so he uses a seatbelt to contain himself. You're lucky that he allowed Connie the Canner to cut his hair or he would have passed for Samuel Clemens which would have made this picture unpresentable. 

OK....a "blast from the past" moment. I'm sure that everyone who reads the "Rancho Relaxo Report" just can't wait to see a picture of the Ol' Rancher when he wasn't even a rancher but just another stupid human on planet earth (I can prove that statement). This was taken in April of 1974 at 1700 N. Newcomb Street, Porterville, CA. The guy on the left, believe it or not, is the young Randy L. Minnick and his first wife, Vicki Marie (nee Carter) Minnick. Notice how I tower over her. That didn't seem to factor into our marriage for some reason. 

To the right is my youngest brother, Steven Craig Minnick (Dec. 6, 1953 - July 3, 2014) and his first wife, Cleta. Notice that he  towers rather significantly over her while she under-towers Vicki (who stands at 5' 1 1/2"). That didn't seem to factor in much either because that marriage failed a few years later as did mine. 

In the background with his back towards us and playing the guitar (and completely oblivious to anything happening around him, as usual), is my brother, David Ray Minnick (Dec. 21, 1950 - Dec. 10, 1979). 

At the bottom of the picture is my very young daughter, Jennifer Lou. She's a big girl now and has presented us with three beautiful children who also have children (making us OLD great-grand parents). 

To the right is Abbie after a tough bout with a local bobcat. Seems she took exception to his daring to wander into her territory. She paid a hefty price for her bravery, though. This was to be the first of two expensive bouts. The second bout was only a week later when she took on the neighbor's massive bulldog. She lost both fights but continues to recover (albeit, slowly). 

Part of recovery, of course, involves resting. Though she has a large and comfortable bed on the patio, Abbie elected to park in one of our flower boxes for a nap. Whatever. 

This is a very unusual picture in that it's a shot of a never-seen-before (by yours truly in at least 60 years) thunderstorm at this time of year. Usually, such storms are far later in the summer and they are without but a few rain drops. This storm had real rain. But, other than a few hot days, we've had far cooler temps than normal. Guess what? NO ONE is complaining!! 

OK number 2...here's your boat load of "Awwwwww" for the day. Some folks have parakeets while we have a "pair of cutes". In the background are the two other cuties. They appear to be getting their beauty  rest. 

Among the many hats she wears, Connie the Canner is a consummate and caring "Chicken Grandma" (sort of has a ring to it, eh?). These little guys can expect the best of care while under her watch. 

Here's the "freebie" for the day. This is a "Mexican Palm Tree". We have a lot of them in this area. Seems some salesman (who must have been very good at his trade) in the 1920's sold the local yokels on the benefits of having an extremely tall tree that does nothing else and has no particular benefits (like making coconuts) but to suck water from the ground. Given where we live and, given the need to try to mitigate the  withering summer sizzle in the San Joaquin Valley, you would have thought that they would have laughed at him and then screamed, "We need something that gives us some shade, you moron!" Who knows.

And now, a word from our sponsor. This issue of Rancho Relaxo is brought to you by Lucky Linda’s Laddy Loody Lobbers.  Now, these are the best Laddy Loody Lobbers that money can buy! They're made right here in the US of A. You cannot...I say...you can't get a better Laddy Loody Lobber anywhere! You can get your bountiful supply of Lucky Linda’s Laddy Loody Lobbers at the Wal-Mart, KMART, Speedy Mart, Rapid Mart, Quick Mart, and all those marts where them guys have those towels wrapped around their heads. Tell'em the Ol' Rancher sent you. You'll be glad you did!

       

                      "You ain't seen the las' of Ernest T. Bass!"

 

Well…here we go again. Time is sizzling by like it was hooked to an SR-71 Blackbird.  We’ve reached the middle of the year and it’s for certain that I’m only prepared for the first part. What on earth?

I hate to gripe, complain, and otherwise bellyache. But, I reckon that time has somehow gotten away from me. It just up and pounced on me like a cat on a red dot. I once was young and full of vim and vigor but now I’m just old and full of other nouns (none of which start with a “V”). 

To tell you how old I am, I used to get the Denny’s “Grand Slam” breakfast for 1.99!! No kidding! And, gas was only 28.9 cents per gallon! That was the regular price and not during the price wars when you could get a fill up for 19.9 cents per gallon! Burgers were 15 cents and fries and Cokes were a dime! Shoot! You could buy lunch for 50 cents and get change back! You could do the week’s shopping for way less than ten bucks! I remember the time in 1958 when a loaf of “Bunny Bread” was 28 cents. Unreal! Moving along to the Rancho Report. 

 "To Costco we shall go. To Costco well shall go. High ho, the merry-o, to Costco we shall go" (in the key of "F", for all you banjo players our there): Depending upon the circumstances, it's great to get to escape to a "real town" like Visalia. I mean, they have just about everything there. It's almost like Fresno where you can throw a rock and hit a great place to throw money at food! Of course, being old folks, we don't throw much money very far. We are selective with our light weight coin heaving and elect to dine at modestly-priced places like "Raising Cane's" at Mooney Blvd and Caldwell. But, we're not limited to such a modestly-priced-but-great-place to eat. 

Costco is a true highlight for us. Not only do we get to pick up a few bargains and hit the freebie sample stations (oh, do we ever), we often avail ourselves of one of the most superlative of specials which is their hot dog and soda combo for....get this...1.50!! Hot doggies!! My, but they’re good! Depending upon our schedule, we can sometimes eat the hot dog special at about noon and then pick up something else prior to returning to Treadmill, USA. 

Another great place to lighten your wallet is Popeye's. We recently went there on a culinary pilgrimage to Visalia not long ago (it was actually a business trip but pilgrimage sounds more inviting). I must say that I've always loved fried chicken and was spoiled by my grandmother's cooking (and so were you!). But, Popeye's has the best fried chicken sandwich and fried chicken that you can get for under 20 bucks in the state. Their Cajun fries are OK and I don't complain at all. But, I really dig the old fashioned, fresh-out-of-the-grease, crinkle-cut fries. So, it's some times a toss-up between Cain's and Popeye's. On this trip, though there is a Popeye's on Noble Ave in Visalia, we elected to go to the one on Cherry Ave. in Tulare. It just sort of worked out the way and required a tad less driving. Popeye's is our friend! 

By the time we get home from shopping all day and we unload our haul, we're too tired to suck the skin off a custard. In such a state of exhaustion, if the little mouse's hands haven't reached 4PM, we'll take a nap (naps are our friends). Unfortunately, we arrived much later than than so we skipped the nap so that we wouldn't be up all night long looking for things to do. 

The Hawaiian Water Mess or The Sneaky Leaky: I hate  water leaks worse than Jenks, the cat, hates “meeses to pieces”. However, I couldn't help but notice that, where water exists, leaks are sure to follow. C'est la vie. So, the other day (when lots of things happen around here), Connie the Do-all lady advised that there was water in our walk-in closet (one of the last places on earth you need to water). "Great", says the Ol' Rancher. "Just what I need".  

The first order of business was to pull the carpet back and see if you can determine the source of the leak. It was quickly discovered that water was coming in from the opposite wall directly where the Maytag washer is working for its pay. That was actually a good thing since the master bedroom restroom abuts the adjacent wall and it can also leak. However, it is restroom plumbing that can be a source for another type of leak and that's a  "slab leak". That would be some really painful news because it involves a jackhammer and busting up the concrete slab under the house.  

A large floor fan was set up to dry out the work area and carpet. The wall was already circumscribed with the dark stain of wetness  so there wasn't any issue figuring out how much drywall to hack out and replace. 

The leak came from a water connector hose on the washer. There's a "Y" adapter section that had somehow managed to twist loose and it started leaking. Thankfully, there is a drain under the washer. However, it seems that the water flow was greater than the drain's ability to receive it. So, it just found its way into the walls. Great. 

The damaged drywall was scribed, cut, and removed then measurements were taken. All reserve drywall had been used so a new slice had to be appropriated the next day. After getting the drywall, three pieces were measured and cut out. One was for the wall in the closet; one was for the wall behind the washer. And, one was for the master bathroom ceiling above the shower that "someone" forgot to recover after the previous unwelcomed leak. Thankfully, my pay wasn't docked for that oversight and lax maintenance around here. 

We use premixed mud so it didn't take long to fit, mud, and tape the repairs. If there is enough energy to go around before too long, the sanding and texturing will be completed and a fresh coat of paint will be applied. I just need a day off so I can get some work done around here. 

Doggie Report and Puppy Prankster: Let's start with Fuzzy. You'd think that a well-fed and well-cared for (for the most part; he needs another bath) pooch would appreciate having a large comfortable bed to sleep on. NOPE. Not my friendly, affable, playful, goofy, pal, FuzzBall. No, sireee. He's turned into Darth Fuzz…destroying bedding and pillow just for the (twisted) fun of it. He actually goes out of his way to perpetrate his crimes. It's premeditation (or at least a predilection). "Fuzzy the Destroyer" just doesn't have a ring to it. 

One of his latest dismemberments left us cleaning up foam rubber from here to what seemed like Lindsay (15 miles as the Ch-47 Chinook flies)! UGH! It was a really nice soft pillow bed and I thought that it would last for a long time. Abbie would curl upon on it and snooze away. For Fuzzy, it was an enemy to eradicate. *SIGH*

 Not long ago (but longer than the other day), we came home  from church at about 8:30 PM only to find that Abbie didn't quite look right. She was limping and just wasn't herself. Upon further evaluation, we found that she had been in a fierce and brutal altercation with something big and bad. 

Upon closer examination, we found that she had a large laceration in her side and two smaller lacerations on her back. Then, there were two approximately 9mm puncture wounds in her left thigh and hindquarters. It was posited later that she likely engaged a bobcat. Those puncture wounds corresponded closely to the fangs of a bobcat and a bobcat was seen in the vicinity the next day. She was bloody but the bleeding seemed to have stopped or, at least, was at a minimum. My lightning fast mind noted that, "This isn't good". 

We cleaned and covered her wounds and prepared bedding for her in our back bathroom just off the laundry room and near the rear door. For the next few days, she rested and regained some strength. Her appetite returned and things were looking up. 

There seemed to be no real reason why we couldn't let her remain outdoors and get some fresh air. This would also help the wounds to heal more quickly. But, this is Rancho Relaxo and you just never know what can happen. 

I was upstairs when Connie, in an  unusually loud voice, called for me to come down. When I got outside in the back, Abbie was coming onto the back porch. She had been brutalized again! Only, this time, it was far worse than before. The new neighbor's massive bulldog had forayed into our back yard and Abbie, who was already in a bad mood, very likely took exception to the intrusion. The two dogs tangled and the bulldog gained superiority in no time. Thankfully, the neighbor heard the ado and called for the bulldog to come back. She obeyed and the fight was over. But, Abbie had been severely brutalized. Frankly, it was a close call. Had the neighbor not been so responsive, there could not have been a good ending to this battle. 

She's doing OK now. We're taking good care of her and keeping her wounds clean and cared for. She's in a fairly good mood and still has a good appetite. We'll keep everyone posted. 

Well....there you have it: another short episode of the long happenings at Rancho Relaxo: home of Rancho Ran, the world's least-most greatest authority: home of the Yo-Yo  twins and home of a retarded duck: home of Connie the Canner, the world's greatest side-kook and CEE (Chief of Everything Else): where the air smells and where alliteration reigns supreme: where being modern is optional and where there are no slaves to fashion: where the eggs are always mostly fresh: where things can get...interesting: where it's all news to me and where...you just never know.

RANCHO SNAKE-O

 

Greetings and welcome to the "Rancho Relaxo" blog for May. We’re running late with the post this month, too. And, like last month, there are lots of reasons for that but you will be spared most of them. In any case, the Ol' Rooster and Ol' Hen just wanted to share what's happening here at our humble quickly-drying-out rancho nestled in the quickly-browning foothills of the Sierra Nevada Mountains. Thanks for dropping in at the Rancho Relaxo global headquarters.

YOU MAY CLICK ON THE PICS TO ENLARGE THEM

Fuzzy is no longer a small puppy that can easily fit on your lap. He's a huge shaggy puppy that is hard pressed to fit in your pickup. It didn't take him long to grow from about Abbie's size to twice her size now!

                                                              

                                                                                                                                                        

 Above is Fuzzy letting Abbie know that she's his pal.                To the right: Some of the things I like about Fuzzy is his spunkiness and the fact that he's a cornball like me. He is always in the "Wanna see my tongue"  mode. He's a real hoot!

We have decided that our newest Coop de Ville III is our favorite of the three we've owned. I suspect it's the color. Not sure. But, we're delighted to have this beauty every time we get in it. The first van had 11k miles on it when I got it. The second had 83K on it and this one had 113k on the clock.  

Here are a few nature shots of our area. The one to the right is a pic taken from the Success Lake Viewpoint and looking north. 

This shot is taken from Highway 190 just below the lake and looking north. We have SNOW! In fact, we have 263% of normal snowpack. 

                                          

To the right, we see a picture of the Sierras                               taken from Pleasant Oak at the                                                  Montgomery Ranch area

This shot is from Hwy 190 in downtown Springville at "Bridge Road" and looking east. Immediately to the right just out of the picture is the fire station. Unfortunately, the green is fading so fast that you can see it change daily. In a few days from now, the hills will revert back to "California Gold". 

 This is the control panel for "Big Bertha" the new freeze drying machine. Connie the Dryer put this thing to work straightaway!

She's doing six long and wide trays at a time. It takes about 22-24 hours per batch. When finished, you simply defrost it, cool it down, and make the next run. Being easy to operate makes it an old people's friend! Connie the Canner has given it no rest since it was set up. The results are amazing!! I wish I would have gotten one of these ten years ago! 

This is Big Bertha just out of the shipping box. The largest box on top is the vacuum pump. The next largest is the Mylar bag sealer while the smallest is a box of Mylar bags. We're looking at about 250 pounds of stuff. 

This is Big Bertha's best photogenic side. She's not vain though and is a real workhorse. 

To the right and down below are the wiring and tools used to replace Dumbo the Trailer's wiring. Time and weather has rendered it useless so I replaced it. The hardware includes a new "four flat" colored trailer wiring connector, wire cutters, a flameless fire starter (for the shrink tubing), shrink tubing, crimping tool, and crimp-on butt connectors. 

This is the sight I saw when going into the coop to collect eggs the other day. This big boy had already "helped" with the egg collection! I mistook him for a rattler at first. However, though I hate to kill one of the good snakes (he's a gopher snake), I really can't have him helping himself to the fruit of my girls' labor. The good news is that, here at the ranch, we have options (options are our friends, too). The best option for this guy was a shot to the head using a 6 shot revolver loaded with .22LR shot shell. One shot, one kill. 

Here he is uncoiled. He measured right at five feet long. Notice in both pictures the egg he swallowed. What was ironic was that he swallowed one of the wooden mock eggs that we use to encourage the layers produce more and to lay where we want them too. That way, we don't have an Easter egg hunt all of the time. I should have fashioned him into a hat band. 

Well….it’s May. Doesn’t that just char your chicharrones? Only 224 days until Christmas! Where does the time go?! Moving along….

Be kind to your web-footed friends.

Things are moving along here at the rancho. We’re busy….really busy. It’s spring and we are shifting gears to cope with that. When you add the new “toy” (freeze dryer), things get …interesting around here. But, we are prospering and in health and it’s hard to beat that combination, eh?

 We haven’t started a garden yet. I need the Ranch Rhino (Ford 8N tractor) but our mechanic must have moved to Mars or another distant planet since he hasn’t returned (in 6 months) to finish installing the head gasket. It’ll be used to knock down the existing garden boxes then to level the dirt out and about the area.

 Some of the soil will be used to fill in the holes where FUZZY has allowed his inner back hoe to break loose and dig large deep holes in the yard (Fuzzy, I love you but we need to talk).

 Our wonderfully handy Honda FourTrax  ATV, “Hondo” (I like to refer to it by its Indian name, “Running Bear-ly”),  stopped working for some reason. It isn’t getting fuel. It’s likely that the issue is the cheap Chinese fuel petcock that was installed a few years ago. Not a big deal as they are only about twelve bucks or so. We’ll see. I just need a…day off…so I can get it fixed.

 After the previous huge, back-breaking, soul taxing yard sale last October, there were 50 or so boxes of stuff that we had to cover and try to preserve until we could haul it off. The time has come to do that.

At the time, there wasn’t any room in the barn because someone had just given us three trailer loads of really good stuff (no joke: really good stuff!) they didn’t want and had no room for. So, as for our bunch of boxes, we didn’t have time to haul it to the hangar so we just parked them under a few tarps until we could get to them. 

 The other day (when lots of things happen around here), there was enough time to haul about twenty-five percent of it off to a local guy who has a permanent (huge) yard sale about six miles down the hill from us. He’s a long-time friend so we’re just going to give everything to him. We’re glad to see it go. Sometime this week, we should be able to haul at least one more trailer load down there. Thankfully, after a rewiring job, Wooley Pulley is up to the task. 

 Snakes alive!! You just don’t know what is about to happen around the rancho. Sometimes you deal with a flood (either a man-made one or a natural one. At other times, you get to deal with a jungle for a front yard. On one day, you get to deal with a possum while on another, you get to deal with a raccoon (usually at night).  On another you can find yourself face to face with a reptile that loves chicken eggs. That’s the day that  we're going to address.

The practice is to gather the eggs from the boxes our ladies prefer to lay in. Then, since some of the gals are non-conformists and have other ideas rather than laying with the crowd, other boxes and areas in the coop need to be searched. It’s rather dim in the coop so the little flashlight that’s built into my lil’ trusty Baofeng BF-888 handy-talkie radio was brought to bear. Though it’s light is rather puny and hardly the great torch that my tactical flashlight is, it really didn’t take long to notice the large coiled mass in the lower corner laying box: a mass that looked menacingly like a rather large rattlesnake.

Well…I ain’t afraid o’ no ghosts and I ain’t afraid o’ no snakes, either. Besides, the unwelcomed intruder was snoozing away and not of a mind to be aggressive. Nevertheless, free siestas by egg nappers are not encouraged so something needed to be done.

Connie the Freeze Canner was decidedly in favor of using a cannon of maximum caliber to resolve the matter so that there wouldn't even be any evidence of a snake having been there. She’s a “no bugs ‘n snakes, m’lady” kinda gal so I understand. In fact, she doesn’t like spiders and snakes and other vermin and critters that will invade the farm and help themselves to our crops.

Reckon I’m a minimalist sort because I simply grabbed my western style six-shooter (you don’t have a six-shooter, pardner?! Don't let the Lone Ranger find out!) and loaded it with .22LR shot-shell rounds. Of course, I grabbed my ear protectors. I didn’t want to make my hearing aid have to work harder later on, don’tcha know.

By using .22LR shot-shell,  I accomplished at least two things. One is that the back wall of the coop will still be intact after killing the enemy. Using my 20GA Mossberg pump shotgun would have required a patch job, no doubt. The second thing is that we have a couple of sets of new neighbors who don’t yet know that I’m not on the FBI’s “Most Wanted” list. No need to let loose cannon fire and alert any skittish neighbors and compel them to call the Sheriff’s Office. Who knows; they may be “brush shooters”, too!

Anyway, to make a long story longer, the distance between the shooter and shootee was narrowed, aim at the head was taken, and the trigger was pulled. The invader was still moving too much for my liking (snakes will still move even with their head cut off) so I cranked another shot off. That reduced movement to the normal after-death squirming.

After all the movement was gone, he was hauled out for a photo op. Just another day at Rancho Relaxo.

Falling prices: Saving money at "Falling Prices" has about the same skill set as those who can flush a toilet. But, we like it and it’s cheap entertainment for the old people. We told ourselves that we would behave and not over do things last Saturday. Alas, that didn’t happen. We got so excited about all of the great deals that we actually set a personal record for purchasing stuff! 

After spending 64  dollars plus tax for 32 Target shopping bags (they must get a deal on them), we had to head home and unload and store everything. After a couple of days pondering this daunting matter, it dawned us that we were a couple of undisciplined and untrustworthy old people! We’ve considered grounding ourselves and taking our keys away for a couple of weeks. That would probably work well since we’re old and somewhat forgetful. It would take us awhile to find the keys. *SIGH*. 

Well....there you have it: another short episode of the long happenings at Rancho Relaxo: home of Rancho Ran, the world's least-most greatest authority: home of the Yo-Yo  twins and home of a retarded duck: home of Connie the Canner, the world's greatest side-kook and CEE (Chief of Everything Else): where the air smells and where alliteration reigns supreme: where being modern is optional and where there are no slaves to fashion: where the eggs are always mostly fresh: where things can get...interesting: where it's all news to me and where...you just never know.

RANCHO SOGGO BOGGO

 

Greetings and welcome to the "Rancho Relaxo" blog for April. We’re running quite late with the post this month. Lots of reasons for that but you will be spared most of them. In any case, the Ol' Rooster and Ol' Hen just wanted to share what's happening here at our humble-but-boggy rancho nestled in the still-soggy foothills of the Sierra Nevada Mountains. Thanks for dropping in!

Don't forget that you can click on the pics to enlarge them.

Note: some of the pictures are mine but some are not. They were resourced from FB and other places. 

This how Success Lake/Shafer Dam looked just prior to the flooding. It's east of Porterville, CA. We live about 5 miles east of the lake. Looking west from Hwy 190

This is Success Lake after the flood.

There was an incalculable amount of flotsam deposited in the lake after the big flood. Thankfully, much of it was gone in a couple of weeks. 

This is the spillway and taken from the new road that has yet to be opened. Looking north. The 190 bridge is at the upper center in the background.

This is the bridge at Upper Globe Road just south of Springville proper. Looking east from 190. Just below this picture is a before and after picture of the same road and bridge. 

 
                  Bartlett Park under water. Looking SE. Hwy 190 is in the background.

West Olive Bridge - looking SE

          This is the "Rez Road" washout. The Casino is closed and will be for a while.

This is a shot of the River Island Golf Course just one mile west of us. 

This is the "J Street" bridge over the Tule River in Porterville. This is after the biggest part of the flood was over but when they were still letting water out of the dam. Looking east. You can see just a sliver of the new "Harbor Freight" parking lot to the far right. 

This is the floor of my chicken coop. Swamp City!! My girls almost had to identify as ducks! B-GAAAK!

Here's dear Abbie laughing her little coon doggie head off watching us get the Coop de Ville unstuck. I should have known better than to try to traverse our mud lands prior to it drying out. 

Here's Fuzzy bowing in obeisance and acknowledging that Abbie is the princess in charge. After this, he bounced completely over her a couple of times like she was a toy. 

                            Abbie and Fuzzy howling a duet for me. Ain't they                               sweet? 

How low can you go with the snow? Well... pretty low. The snow got down to our place but it didn't stick. Because of the global cooling, we have been having more snow down low more often than I ever recall having. 

This is our "new" NuWave air fryer oven. I say "new" because we haven't used it yet though we've had it for about three years. We kept forgetting we had it. *SIGH*. Anyway, we're going to fire it up and have some fun with it soon. 

This is our third Freestar van and we love this thing! We really appreciated the SE and Limited models but this SEL is the one we like the best. It's has been completely serviced (including the transmission) and it has new Michelin tires, a new ignition power pack, plugs, and wires as well as the brake pressure switch. The sticky driver's window is fixed, too. All three had the same issues so we just up and fixed this van, too. It only has 113,000 miles on it so we'll have it around for a long time to come. 

Wisdom for the month: Stupidity should never be used as a as force multiplier.

Man! Here we go again using the highballing steam powered atomic clock! We’re screaming uncontrollably into this year and I could swear that it just got here! It’s like someone pushed the clock over the edge of the Grand Canyon and its hands are flailing at the speed of gravity (which is 32 feet per second squared). YIKES! And, there are only 252 days until Christmas (“Get your shopping shoes on, Mildred!!)!! *SIGH* Moving along……

Snow broth: As quickly and brutally as the rains came and pounded our rock hard ground into slush and mud, the calm has now pounced upon us. “Lake Constance” in the back yard has vanished so we are just now getting to walk around outside without our galoshes on. That’s nice. Having to wade through the muck to reach the Palacio de Pollo and the barn gets really old and quickly at that.

That doesn’t mean that we (regionally) are out of the woods by any means, though. When the warmer weather hits (and it will hit hard), the wonderful record breaking snow pack will lose its grip on the Sierra Nevada Mountains and will start to slide into the Valley at an uncontrollable rate. There is a lot of discomfort with the water managers in these parts as to how to deal with all of the “snow broth” (runoff) that will fill our rivers, streams, and lakes again. This will certainly concern many people but will not directly affect Rancho Relaxo since we aren’t riparian dwellers (at least not until the next big earthquake, I suppose).

Tulare Lake, once the largest freshwater lake west of the Mississippi, is reappearing (out of the dry farmlands and to the chagrin of J. G. Boswell's boys) and it looks as though it will be around for quite a while. I’ve seen it from the air back in ’68 when flying some friends around but hadn’t thought about it until it started reclaiming its heritage. It can only increase in size when the runoff arrives on time. We can probably expect the price of cotton and sugar beets to rise by a bit due to the concomitant shortages. 

Tulare Lake aside, there is still a feeling that, since much of the damage has been done by previous torrents, little else will be in harm’s way. Nevertheless, the matter may be exacerbated if the water levels are higher than the previous ones. If I were the Tulare County road maintenance folks, I'd probably wait for awhile prior to rebuilding the washed out bridges. 

For now, we are rejoicing in the change of weather and probably won’t expect “April showers” since the flowers are already in full bloom around here. This also to say that it rarely rains in April anyway.

How cool is that?! Instead of gales and blusters, a cool breeze greets us when we head outside. Our mornings are a “How sweet it is!” moment since only couple of weeks ago, we were in bog heaven.  

It’s also mating season for the many doves here and there is no end of their mourning and cooing. It’s a real sight to hear. We had one momma dove spend three brooding season here at the ranch. We called her “Lovey Dovey” and watched her hatch and feed her excruciatingly cute brood (check back issues for pictures). Once was on top of the steel rack at the back door! We moved slowly around her so as to not spook her. The old folks at the ranch are still amazed to this day!

And, the blood sucking forced air heater is back to hibernating for the season. You can imagine that the old people will be dancing in the living room for an hour when the next gas bill comes in when it will only show a calming two-digit number instead of a mind-boggling soul-hammering three-digit blow to the pocket book. We were rather fortunate in that our indoor temps never got below about 63 degrees due to our home being well insulated. That meant that we only had the heater on for a short time in the mornings to break the chill. Still, it caused trepidation when opening the gas bill during the winter months. Some folks are still reeling!

Henhouse Hilton:  The floor of the coop has transitioned from a monstrously, massive, mucky, mire into having a firm-but-still-moist floor. Thankfully, our dirty birdies no longer have a need to transition to ducks so they are starting to look and act normally. 

It would be great to allow them to free range again. The problem is twofold. One issue that it’s coyote breeding season. That means that they are looking for chicken dinners for their pups. Since we’ve already done our part to support their cause, we’ve decided to no longer be active participants of the game. The birds are locked up in the coop. 

The second issue is that our new neighbors have a couple of pooches. One is a small white guy that I think my roosters can take in a fair fight. The other dog is a shy bulldog. So far, it looks and acts friendly. The problem is that Missy, the husky, was friendly all the way up to and including the time she ate half of our chickens (Missy no longer lives here). Chickening goes on. 

Frolicking Fuzzy: I just have to say that this is the first time I've ever owned a 45 pound puppy. You know...the kind that loves you and wants to pounce on you and attack you from behind to let you know how much he wants your attention: the kind that waits for you to exit the house with your Sunday-go-to-meetin' clothes on and plants his paws of approval on them. You get the picture. 

I keep feeding him and he just keeps growing and growing! I started with a Golden Doodle but it looks like I'm going to end up with a Yeti-Doodle! My concern is that he'll try to track down Bigfoot and bring him home with him 'cause the chow's good!

He's also a bit naughty. He seems to think that tipping over the trash barrels and getting into some of my stored boxes is a real treat. It wouldn't be a real concern except that he shreds expensive stuff, too. And, there's the clean up. After cleaning up the third of fourth set of trash can entrails, you start wondering if maybe you can swap your dog for a good used pickup. 

Abbie is still my sweet natured love dog. About her only vice is that she is a hunting dog and hunting dogs like to...,hunt. We'll....she's pretty well hunted our ranch to the furthest furlong so, guess what she wants to do? Yep. She wants to haul her fur down to someone else's furlongs and hunt there. That's a problem because 150' in front of our ranch is where State Route 190 is located. I've only seen her on the opposite side of the road one time and it was the last time that will be allowed.

So, she's now on "lock down" with our four-legged flying fuzz ball. We use the "PetSafe" wireless fence shock collars on both doggies. We give them plenty of room to romp and stomp but they are not allowed near the highway (which has claimed more than its share of pets). I'm proud of her, though. She has settled in to being the one of the two best dogs I've ever had (the other one being "Maggie the Wonder Dog" (we always wondered what she was thinking because she was so much like "Mighty Manfred, the Wonder Dog" - think Captain Kangaroo 1957). 

Let it freeze, let it freeze, let it freeze: The weather outside really isn't frightful and it doesn't look like snow. However, we now have the ability to freeze things like never before. I'm alluding to our new freeze dryer. Connie the Canner is now going to be known as Connie the Freezer, if things work out the way we hope they will (not sure she's going to cotton to the new moniker or not. We'll see). 

For sometime now, we seen a lot of good produce go to waste because we don't have enough canning jars and freezer space to deal with it. Waste is something quite abhorrent to us so we decide to take a drastic step towards alleviating that issue. 

We had long ago heard about freeze drying and had pondered and puttered the matter of getting one. The company we purchased it from had a big sale on their freeze drying kits so we were interested. However, this time, "things" dropped in place all at the same time and we were able to send some cold cash to get  our freeze dryer. 

It's a good bet that all slow-moving fruit, veggies, meats, and such will be incorporated into our cryogenic preservation experiments. After freezing, everything will be vacuum sealed in regular and mylar bags with our big stainless steel sucking machine. No wasting from here on out! 

From what we can tell, it isn't complicated and seems simple enough to use. There's no two inch thick manual so it shouldn't be confusing to the old people who work here. There aren't any pictures yet but, as soon as we are up and in business, we'll post some in the next issue of RRR. 

  Well....there you have it: another short episode of the long happenings at Rancho Relaxo: home of Rancho Ran, the world's least-most greatest authority: home of the Yo-Yo  twins and home of a retarded duck: home of Connie the Canner, the world's greatest side-kook and CEE (Chief of Everything Else): where the air smells and where alliteration reigns supreme: where being modern is optional and where there are no slaves to fashion: where the eggs are always mostly fresh: where things can get...interesting: where it's all news to me and where...you just never know.