RANCHO RAINO GREENO

 Greetings and welcome to the "Rancho Relaxo" blog for March. The Ol' Rooster and Ol' Hen just wanted to share what's happening here at our humble rancho nestled in the foothills of the Sierra Nevada Mountains. Thanks for dropping in! 

We're still doing our chicken and doggie thing along with the computer biz and church functions and such. What with the nice rains (we're at almost twice the seasonal amount!), we are enjoying an overwhelming and wonderful time of GREEN! The wild flowers will be exploding soon (some already are) so we'll be taking the short 40 mile round trip over the Yokhol Valley Road to see the vast array of almost unimaginable beauty. Stick around. Things could get...interesting. 

NOTE: YOU MAY CLICK ON THE PICTURES TO ENLARGE THEM

Here's Fuzzy Dog who, since the rains began, has been masquerading as a four legged mud hole. Compare this pic to the "normal" one below. He's no stranger to the rain at all and even seems to thrive in it though he is soaked through and through.

Fuzzy the dry dog 

Speaking of rain, our coop was sorely flooded. What a muddy mess. The good news is that the far back of the coop is just high enough to avoid most of the flood so the dirty birdies had some dry ground to work with. Most of the time, though, they just parked on top of the cage and hutch (partially visible in the upper right). 

We can't let them free range because it's the coyote mating season and we have already lost a number of chickens to predators as it is. And, we have a couple of girly birds that seem to want to park in the trees at night instead of the coop. That adds to the work load because we have to herd them back right at evening time when it's time to roost. I have better things to do that to babysit yard birds. 

Speaking of rain again, our "California Gold" has been 

converted to a lush green. Here's Success Lake

(aka Stuck Duck Pond during the dry spells)

The San Joaquin Valley produces most of the country's almonds. Here are some local trees that are in bloom and enjoying having enough water. 

The snow has been right down to our level. None of it has stuck, though. That's not a bad thing that I can tell. 

This Black Mountain about 3.5 miles from the Rancho. The shot was taken while on Hwy 190 looking east and about 1.25 miles from our place. That's Frazier Valley Road to the left. 

Here's a snowline shot taken from the view point at Success Lake.

Above is what it looked like on the rainy night of Dec. 1st, 2022 when the Ol' Rancher and Connie the Canner pulled up into this uphill and quite dark drive way. It leads into the "Eagle Feather Trading Post" 2.6 miles from our rancho. You can't see the red concrete-filled steel posts that guard the RV dump (pictured at the right) to the far left in the upper picture. They were invisible and had no direct lighting. They blended in with the environment and sat lurking for an innocent driver to snag. 

When making a nice slow U-Turn, the van suddenly stopped in its tracks with a loud "BANG!". I had no idea what I hit and even asked Connie, "What was that? What did I hit?". It was quite a jolt!

Below, you can see that the damage appears to be rather minimal. However, despite the fact that the car was drivable and that the damage appeared to be easily fixable, the insurance company "totaled" the van. There are some mounting brackets for the radiator and such that were wrecked under the hood which pushed the cost of repair over the limit. 

Here's the good news. They gave us a thousand dollars more than we paid for the Freestar Limited van (it pays to take care of your equipment, eh?)! That allowed us to get another low-mileage Freestar (SEL),  put new Michelin tires on it, and have a super tune-up, fix the brake pressure switch (which is the cruise control cut-out switch), and fix the sticky driver's electric window. Such a deal!! 

And now, a word from our sponsor. This issue of Rancho Relaxo is brought to you by Lucky Linda’s Laddy Loody Lobbers.  Now, these are the best  Laddy Loody Lobbers that money can buy! They're made right here in the US of A. You cannot...I say...you can't get a better Laddy Loody Lobber anywhere! You can get your bountiful supply of Lucky Linda’s Laddy Loody Lobbers at the Wal-Mart, KMART, Speedy Mart, Rapid Mart, Quick Mart, and all those stop-and-rob marts where them guys have those towels wrapped around their heads. Tell'em the Ol' Rancher sent you. You'll be glad you did! 

Well, it's March...again. Only 294 days until Christmas. Moving along....

Things are whizzing on by now that it's crowding springtime. There's seems to be no stopping the clock so we're not trying to do that. We are trying to cram as much into the speeding train as we can, though. Lots' to do. 

The chickens are doing great. The cold weather has convinced them that they don't have to produce as many eggs in during the winter. But, we still have plenty stored eggs (water glassing) and have no lack. They'll start laying regularly when the weather breaks into its usual warmness around here. Until then, Captain Cluck will keep feeding and watering them. 

Speaking of the weather, it has actually been winter around here! Usually, we have a nice gentle autumn then a few cold days, a couple of days of rain, a few days of fog, then it's springtime in at about the first of March. This time we've had temps in the mid-30's and have had rain and snow! So far, we've had almost twice the amount of our seasonal rain and there ain't nobody complaining!! Everything is so wonderfully green! 

Sure, we have to deal with some mud and a few folks have had to deal with flooding. That's never a good thing but we're all so thankful to see this stinking six year drought drown and die! Our snow pack is the greatest it has been in years and we even have some areas in the mountains that have gotten more snow than anywhere in the country!! It'll all end soon enough but, until then, we are some mighty happen folks for now. 

Fuzzy the Chew Dog: I hated to see this but Fuzzy is a chewer and shredder. *SIGH*. He's such a big love dog and so good natured that it's difficult to see him have such a huge flaw. He'll grow out of it, I'm sure. But, it's a bit difficult to keep having to repair and replace stuff around here on a regular basis. 

For instance, he chewed the power cord to one of our small heaters that we were using to heat the dog house with. He also shredded the nice big foam sponge sofa pillow that Connie the Sewer made for him. That is to say he pulled the foam apart chew by chew and strewed all over the yard (and you just know who got to rake and pick that mess up). What took the cake, though, was when he chewed the hook up wiring on Wooley Pully, the stake-side trailer. That's not a big deal because I have a back up wiring kit. However, it put me a week behind in hauling the trash off. I now get to deal with a dozen overflowing trash cans for another week. 

He then sneaked under the big our tarp along side the house and started tearing into the boxes stored under there (we were waiting for the rains to stop so we could haul them off). He destroyed a bunch of stuff including a really nice Sharp video camera (he chewed the battery case off!). He then pulled other stuff out and scattered around the yard. Having Fuzzy around is like having a blender with no lid on it (thanks, Latisa!). We may have to change his name from Fuzzy to Chewy. 

We sure love our new Freestar van!! We got a really good deal on it and had enough insurance money left over to invest it in this new van. The first thing we got was a new set of Michelins. After that, we had it tuned up but also had them install a new electronic ignition power pack which are notoriously faulty on Ford Freestars with the 4.2L engine. We picked the van specifically because it had the 4.2L engine which is the same engine used in the Ford F-150 pickup. We need the extra horse pressure to be able to haul our trailers, Wooley Pulley and Dumbo. 

The next item to be replaced was the brake pressure switch which is also the cruise control cut-out switch. That is another notoriously faulty item on Freestars. All three of our Freestars had fault switches and two had faulty power packs. Anyway, the big beauty is running as smooth as buttermilk on a cool day and rides like a Cadillac and we're lovin' it! 

We've now owned threer Freestars. The first was an SE, the second, a Limited, and the third is an SEL. So, we've had all three models. So far, I think we like the SEL the best. 

Well....there you have it: another short episode of the long happenings at Rancho Relaxo: home of Rancho Ran, the world's least-most greatest authority: home of the Yo-Yo  twins and home of a retarded duck: home of Connie the Canner, the world's greatest side-kook and CEE (Chief of Everything Else): where the air smells and where alliteration reigns supreme: where being modern is optional and where there are no slaves to fashion: where the eggs are always mostly fresh: where things can get...interesting: where it's all news to me and where...you just never know.

  

 

De Mi Rancho A Tu Casa

 

Hey, y'all! Thanks for dropping in to see how we're doing at Rancho Relaxo. We're doing well but are rather taxed what with all of seemingly endless activities happening around here. 

We're still "chickening" and "dogging" and getting ready for last spring. All seriousness aside, we've made progress but, if you weren't paying close attention, you probably wouldn't notice much. That's because we seem to keep adding more than we're subtracting. But, it's hard not to when you keep running into so many blessings! 

So, aside from needing a nice week or so off , we're....moving along. 

And now, a word from our sponsor. This issue of Rancho Relaxo is brought to you by Fanny Flanders' Fat Flat Fudgie Fubars.  Now, these are the best Fat Flat Fudgie Fubars that money can buy! They're made right here in the US of A. You cannot...I say...you can't get a better Fat Flat Fudgie Fubar anywhere! You can get your bountiful supply of Fanny Flanders' Fat Flat Fudgie Fubars at the Wal-Mart, KMART, Speedy Mart, Rapid Mart, Quick Mart, and all those marts where them guys have those towels wrapped around their heads. Tell'em the Ol' Rancher sent you. You'll be glad you did! (A word of caution: you may want to make sure that there isn't any peanut butter in your mouth when ordering your Fat Flat Fudgie Fubars). 

NOTE: you can click on the pictures to enlarge them. 

Let's kick this edition off with a picture of our new van. She's a really pretty Ford Freestar SEL. That's one step below the Freestar Limited Edition we just totaled (that was a sinking feeling). Like the Limited model, this one is a 2004 and has the 4.2L Ford F-150 pickup engine in it so we can haul our junk around with it. It only has 116K miles on it and the rear (leather) seats don't even look used. Sweet! 

We just had the trailer hitch and wiring installed today (9th) so we're set for the next dump or hangar run. It came from a dealer's satellite office in Irvine that sits right off the 405 across from John Wayne International Airport. The round trip was right at 500 miles. That's not too bad considering our previous van came from Boise, ID. Of course, its name is "Coop de Ville III" just like the other ones. 

Lots of folks will recognize this picture. It's southbound I-5 just past Lebec prior to reaching Gorman. This is the prettiest picture of it that I've seen. It's usually rather drab and dry. 

The drab and dry version. 

Gas prices in LA were just plain ugly. At Grapevine, it was 5.99! We stuffed in enough fuel to make it to Bakersfield (30 miles) and that's all!

This little guy was campaigning for nuts in the atrium of the dealer's office complex. He gets all that he wants from the locals who each keep a bag of goodies on hand just for him.  

This is a shot of the Henhouse Hilton and it's decidedly not drab and dry. We experienced rather deep flooding but it abated fairly quickly after the heavy rains. The back portion of the coop is a bit higher and kept our huevos producers nice and dry. 

It was nice to see rainbows again after so long a time. Locals posted some really nice shots on FB. 

This is the lower Globe Drive bridge. The county removes the guard rails when the Tule River floods so that it doesn't wash out again. Looking south. It's .6 miles from our house and just around the corner. This bridge has been replaced at least twice (that I can think of) in the previous 20 years. It was replaced in '66 and again in '69 as I recall. 

Shot from the bridge (above) and looking east (up river). All of the undergrowth is gone and the river was widened. The bottom shifted, too. Shallow places are now deep and deep places are now shallow. 

Same bridge but looking west. It's not very deep (maybe 3') but there are a couple of deeper pools near the bridge structure. I'll check out the fishing later. This is the exact spot where, 7 years ago, I caught two of the three largest trout that I've ever caught (15 1/2" using a Mepp's spinner). 

This is a pic of the former "Costa's Lakes" which is on Globe Drive. A large corporation bought it and it's now an assisted care and nursing facility. It was take from the cul de sac at Palomino and Maverick drives in the Circle K development. 

I really didn't want to see the guts of our Maytag dryer again but, alas, it started acting up again. One of the drum support rollers' bearings failed and it was generating such a horrible  noise that the thing sounded like an ongoing train wreck. Rather than just replace the one failed roller, I swapped all four of them out for new ones. She's running nice and quietly now. Connie the Washer Woman is a happy camper. 

Am I the only one who noticed that it’s February again? Didn’t we just experience Valentine’s Day a few weeks ago? It’s not that I’m not thankful that I get to make another trip around the huge heat and light source that faithfully rises in the east and sets in the west. But, it would be nice if it would slow down a bit and not be in such a hurry to shove the hands of the clock into fast-forward mode. 

Since it’s February, it means that Rancho Ran has to grab his pruning equipment and “git after it” before the trees and vines wake up from their winter nap. But, my supply truck of that energetic “git after it” good stuff is plumb out of stock. So, I may be “moseying after it” instead.

There have been a few thoughts around here concerning the dynamic of hibernation. You know….like….make like a grizzly and just sleep for a couple of months. That would be a good start on catching up on the energy levels around the ranch and would make us ready for summer, don’tcha know. That would help get rid of that Mr. Sleep Deprived guy, eh?

But, time goes by and….time can do so much (ah, yes. Hatfield and Medley). It would be easy to gripe until March gets here but it wouldn’t change anything. So, let’s move along.

Pass the “Beano” and nobody gets hurt.

To heat or not to heat. That is the question : One of the latest happenings around here is that our microwave decided to wear out. You wouldn’t think that that’s such a big deal. However, it doesn’t take long to learn just how dependent you are on modern technology until you no longer have it on hand and fully operational.

Not long ago (but longer than the other day), after arising to greet the day, the Ol’ Rancher commenced to start the day off with his usual cuppa. Ah, but the dad-blamed consarned microwave was on the fritz. That left him standing for a while and wondering how to heat the cold hot chocolate. Thankfully, there must have been a post-slumber reserve of brain power because it dawned on him that he used to heat up his milk for hot chocolate for 40 years prior to even owning a M/W oven (*sigh*. Sometimes you just have to wonder about old people).

We ended up with a nice new GE but the bloody display light is so dim that, unless we are right on top of it, we can’t see it. In fact, we took two of them back to Lowe’s thinking that it was a factory defect. We then called GE who assured us that such a factory defect was standard and that we will just have to learn to live with it. This matter is not yet settled to our satisfaction so they shall hear from me when there is  time to deal with it.  In the meantime, we have hot chocolate.

Rain! Lots of rain!: one great news item around here is the rain. When you’ve suffered through six years of drought, even a normal amount of rain is pretty big deal. Actually, we’ve been getting an abundance of rain the likes of which we haven’t seen in a long time. Believe you me! Though we’ve had some flooding and some inconvenience, there are a lot of smiles on a lot of faces around the Valley.

Lake Constance has returned, too. That’s the big pond produced out in the back yard when we get anything more than a smattering of rain. It isn’t supposed to exist but the guy we hired to fill it in and level it was too lazy to go get another load of dirt and just abandoned the matter. I never did figure out why he didn’t want our money and why he didn’t have enough pride in his work to just up and do it right.

We lost half of our 20 orange trees and much of the production of the remainder. And, the oranges are nowhere nearly as sweet as they once were. That may change but, for now, they’re not what we expected.

The rainy season isn’t quite completed yet so we’re still praying for more rain. Stuck Duck Pond (sometimes known as Success Lake) is back to normal and the ducks are all happy again.

The Tule River has lost its rage and is flowing briskly but not dangerously so. The old fishing holes will be flushed and ready for spring and summer.

Tow, tow, tow your boat or Haul me home! This is Rancho Relaxo and you just know that something interesting is about to happen. Well, it did.  The other day (when lots of things happen around here), we were driving Tojo, the Camry (Tojo was the name of the Toyota pickup until we got rid of it so we change the name of the Camry to Tojo), because the Coop de Ville got wrecked (see last month’s blog). Since we had to go to the airport to pick up some stuff and, because it was lunch time, we decided to eat at the “Airway Restaurant” there. 

After a nice lunch, we got back in the car, turned the key on to start it up, and the car alarm went off. Oh, great. Switch off. There we were sitting with a dumb look on our faces because, after owning car for more than 20 years, we didn’t know it even had an alarm system!  It’s likely that the alarm fob was lost early on. Connie inherited the car from her dad when he passed in ’07 and the fob didn't make it.

The iPhone was quickly deployed and YouTube was summoned to help resolve our dilemma. After following its sage advice, we got absolutely nowhere. A mechanic friend was then called and he came with yet another mechanic friend to help. Both of them were stumped. They looked on YouTube, too. Stuck in Lodi again.

After more than two hours of messing with the thing, we called AAA who sent us a tow truck. A brother from church happened to be in town so we called him to fetch us and take Connie and Gene home. I rode with the tow truck driver.

The next day was YouTube day to see if we’d overlooked something. No immediate joy but it was discovered that that all Camry’s have an alarm reset switch. That was comforting and it was something I suspected was there but couldn’t find anywhere on the vehicle. Nothing was obvious but I realized that I just wasn’t seeing what was in front of my face (the manual was missing, too). So, it was decided to call a Toyota dealer in Fresno (after not getting through to the service departments of the dealers in Visalia and Bakersfield).

The guy in the service department was quite amenable to helping and agreed that there should be a reset switch. The switches that I had seen on YouTube were all on Camrys of a different year so that left me searching for the one on Tojo.

Finally, I told the guy that there was a strange looking device under the steering column and which had both a red LED and an eighth inch mini jack. He didn’t recognize it as being anything useful. After examining it closely, I found that it had a switch behind it (nicely hidden, of course). He then advised me to turn the key to the “On” position while holding in the switch (actually, pulling the switch toward me). The red LED went off and the car then started normally. Problem solved but we were a half day behind schedule (which made it a total of 6 months, 3 weeks, and 4 days behind schedule on the whole. *SIGH*).

So ended another great adventure and with no more concerns as to where the reset switch is on a Camry. We discovered that the problem stemmed from when the battery had died a few days prior (for reasons that I still don't know). It somehow reset the alarm system. Then, a couple of days later, something set off the alarm. 

Barker and Dancer. No, we’re not talking about a replacement for Prancer the reindeer. We’re talking about the curly-haired, full-time four-legged mud hole, and part-time chili dog (he loves chili con carne), Fuzzy Dog. He’s our new Labra-doodle pup who piddles all over when he’s happy to see us (methinks he’s a Labra-piddle or a Piddle Doodle).

When he’s clean, he’s such a cute puppy that he can capture your heart at ten paces. And, such a sweet little guy I have yet to find. The problem is that he doesn't seem to know what the word "clean" means. So, he stays rather muddy a lot. 

Fuzzy, is a pup who has more energy output than Hoover Dam. When he wants anything or just desires to share his mud with us, he dances and leaps much like a ballet dancer with her tutu on fire. We appreciate his love and exuberance but having large paw prints stamped on us when we are on our way to church isn’t a joyous matter. Thankfully, he is learning not to leap for joy and is rewarded with doggie treats when he is a good boy (hey, it worked for Connie when she trained me so I figured it would work for Fuzzy).

As for “barker”, he only barks when he sees a stranger. His bark is actually that of a pretty big dog but the pooch is a big marshmallow. Other than that, he is in his own “no barking” zone.

On the other hand, when dear Abbie, the laid-back and cool coon dog, wants some attention or to be fed, she just comes up and barks until you kowtow to her needs.

There is quite a contrast between the two doggies. Abbie is a sleek handsome short haired dog. Fuzzy is...well...fuzzy. He's a long haired fuzzy dog groomed in no particular direction at all. Abbie is a genuine huntin’ dog. In fact, she is a Walker Treeing Coon Hound. She has treed at least three coons so far and no few "fuzzers" (ground squirrels). Now, Fuzzy, on the other hand, is completely different and is in his own niche. He’s bred to be a domestic “love dog” who plays all day rather than one who endures the rigors of chasing down and treeing coons. So, it’s easy to see Abbie as 25 pounds of high-speed huntin’ muscle while it’s difficult to see Fuzzy as a fluffy, bouncing, 40 pound, huntin’ rug.

But, it dawned on me that Fuzzy (where cute meets fur) and Abbie (where hunting meets indefatigable muscle) are close kin in another regard. Sure, they’re canines. I  also realized that they are both Chowhounds, too! Kissin’ cousins, if you ask me! Fuzzy and Abbie both eat like a wolf but Fuzz Ball is the one who is more closely related to a ShopVac.

Ze van, boss! Ze van!: Our previous Freestar was totaled by the insurance company even though it was still drivable. Reckon, the price of repairs has soared a bit. The good news is that they actually cut us a check for more than what we paid for the van in the first place. No complaints! That little spiff helped us to customize our new family member the way we want to. 

Anyway, that meant that we had to track down another old people hauler. After searching around a bit, a pretty blue-gray ’04 Freestar popped up on the screen. It was exactly what we wanted at the price we expected and only had 116,000 miles on it! The additional news was that it wasn't parked in Seattle (though that would have been nice because we would have gotten to see some of the kids and grandkiddies). 

A 250 mile trip to Irvine to fetch it was required so that was arranged. Connie’s brother, Chris, had to come up from Corona to get some things from the hangar that we co-own. So, he spent the night at our place and then was kind enough to drop us off at the dealership and wait for us to complete the deal. Then we all started home. Prior to our departure, he took us to a quaint burger place that he was familiar with.  I really dig quaint burger joints especially when they have good fries like this place does. 

The paper work was finished, there was gas in the tank, and we were well fed, so it was time to depart LA and head back home to the ranch. We were BOI (back on the Interstate). Not, wanting to pay the Southland's extortionist's gas prices, I put in enough fuel to make it to Buckersfield. That almost worked. By the time we hit the bottom of the Grapevine (at the little stop of "Grapevine"), the tank was advising that it needed attention. So, I gulped at least once and wrenched a few bucks from my wallet and bought a couple of gallons of fuel. That was plenty to get us to down the pike where they have (somewhat) sane gas prices. 

We finally pulled into the ranch late that afternoon.  It had been a good but long day that started at 5AM. We were a couple of tired old folks. A 500 mile round trip is a bit tough on us so we probably won't have no more none of that around here for a while. Thankfully, the trip was wonderfully uneventful. 

 It didn't take long for us to start customizing it. We got it into the "Pickem Up Truck Store"  as soon as we could because we needed the trailer hitch mounted. Trash piles up quickly around here (not that we are trashy folks) and lots of stuff needs to get hauled to the hangar and such. 

Freestars have a some known issues so we ordered the parts for those. It's called "preventative maintenance". The cruise control, the drivers side electric window, and the ignition coil power  pack are all junk on these handy vans. So, you just....wait for it....fix or repair daily. All three of our Coops had these issues. The new van hasn't threatened us with an ignition issue but we don't plan on allowing it to do that. It's a fairly cheap fix for peace of mind. All-in-all, we love this new hauler. She's a beaut!

Well....there you have it: another short episode of the long happenings at Rancho Relaxo: home of Rancho Ran, the world's least-most greatest authority: home of the Yo-Yo  twins and home of a retarded duck: home of Connie the Canner, the world's greatest side-kook and CEE (Chief of Everything Else): where the air smells and where alliteration reigns supreme: where being modern is optional and where there are no slaves to fashion: where the eggs are always mostly fresh: where things can get...interesting: where it's all news to me and where...you just never know.

Rancho ¡Feliz Año Nuevo!

 Que tengan un felíz año nuevo lleno de prosperidad!

Hey, Y'all! Thanks for stopping into Rancho Relaxo! It's a brand new year with lots of things happening around here! For one thing, Baby, it's wet outside! We're actually having normal (and perhaps a bit above normal) rainfall this season! It's the good kind of rain (at least here) because it's a "soaker rain". A soaker rain means that it's not a gully washer or a frog strangler like in the mid-west (or in northern CA). Up north of here (SACTO region), it's a mess with much flooding, road closures, and evacuations. At least most of California isn't on fire (a man has to remain optimistic, don'tch know).  

This issue is a bit shorter for reasons that I don't really understand. C'est la vie, I reckon. 

 

This is a shot taken from our back patio looking almost due east. Instead of suffering with "California Gold" and blistering heat, we have cool winter temps and glorious green to enjoy. The wet weather is cool without being nippy and the rain is mostly a "soaker" rain so that it can seep into this rock-hard soil we have here. 

    

   

The good news about rain is that you may end up with a beautiful rainbow. Look what fell into our neighborhood during one of our storms!

      Fuzzy has a nose that knows. 

This picture is called "a pair of faces to draw to". 

Here's a picture I call, "Dos Noses". Fuzzy seems to enjoy taking any pose as long is it's the wrong one. 

This shot is called, "Knees and Fleas". My puppy buddy is growing like a weed! It's amazing what happens when you feed dogs. 

This one is called, "Mug and a Rug". Please...don't ask which one is which. 

Here's, "Toes and Nose". Unlike Abbie, Fuzzy isn't one to purposely disassemble my shoes. He has been known to haul one off and hide it from me, though. 

                                                                 Fuzzy the Lap Rug

"Fuzzy the four-legged mudhole". 

Not sure why this pup seems to 

think that he's part duck but he

does. Guess who's going to get

a big ol' bath when the rain stops?

  Abbie, on the other hand, is not about to play in mud or frolic in the rain. She's staying on the porch.                                            

                                                                                  

 

I think Abbie is trying to teach Fuzzy 

how to dance. It isn't working. Actually, they are having 

a major romp and this is only part of it. They get along 

fabulously which is something that we are quite

happy about. 

This is the Fuzzball basking in the pre-storm warmness. I asked him if he wanted to play. You can see his response. It roughly translates as "Nah".  

Here's a shot of "Connie the Canner" when she's wearing the hat of "Connie the Writer & Correspondent". She wears so many hats around here that I'm not sure we have a place to store them all.  Of all the hats she wears, I think that she enjoys the one that say "Good Granny" on it the most. 

And now, a word from our sponsor. This issue of Rancho Relaxo is brought to you by Darlin’ Dora’s Dandy Doober Doo-Dah’s. Now, these are the best Dandy Doober Doo-Dah’s that money can buy! They're made right here in the US of A. You cannot...I say...you can't get a better Dandy Doober Doo-Dah anywhere! You can get your bountiful supply of Darlin’ Dora’s Dandy Doober Doo-Dah’s at the Wal-Mart, KMART, Speedy Mart, Rapid Mart, Quick Mart, and all those marts where them guys have those towels wrapped around their heads. Tell'em the Ol' Rancher sent you. You'll be glad you did! (A word of caution: you may want to make sure that there isn't any peanut butter in your mouth when ordering your Dandy Doober Doo-Dahs. It could get ugly). 

Fun fact — you can only tie the record for flying low.

It's difficult to comprehend that it has been 74 years since the Ol' Rancher's womb extraction (thanks, JLM). It has been an interesting ride, to say the least. Given my varied background and experience, just how could I guess that I'd end up on a small rancho (in California, no less) wrangling chickens, dogs, and computers and growing fruits and veggies? Add being in the full-time ministry and I found myself living on a ranch where....you just never know.   

I'm mean to tell you....it gets goofy busy around here. It's not only that you just  never know, it's also that it just will be. We're always on the go doing something. And, that's just the expected things. There's always stuff to do, stuff to haul to the dump or hangar, stuff to rack, stuff to pack, stuff to store, stuff to clean, stuff to open up, stuff to fix, and stuff to repair. It's enough to make you want to say, "STUFF IT!". 

The lawn tractor seems to always need attention and, of course, the other motorized critters are jealous so they want more of my time, too. In fact, the big LG washer is still patiently awaiting repair. I have to say that I'm pleased that it doesn't do a lot of griping but it makes its presence known. 

Critterville: and, we have bobcats, coyotes, coons, and possums and what all in our neighborhood. You never know what's going to happen with that or when. There was mountain lion close by the other day and a couple of bears down the road. Anyway, you get the picture. 

There's always something happening around here. About the only thing around Rancho Relaxo that would make it any more interesting is if there were crop circles out back. 

Unclogging we shall go: There's always the unexpected things, too. Not long ago (when lots of things happen around here) the septic line decided to clog...at night...when it was...38 degrees. Great. Wouldn't you know that it happened right at bedtime just when me and my jammies were getting to be really good friends.

That meant that you know who had to grab a jacket and dash into the doggone, dank, darned, darkness and make his appearance as the Rancho Super Plumber (I left my cape inside). Since this sleep-robbing evil has happened before, there was some idea of what to do. 

My friend the hose bladder was located and the water hose was dragged into place and hooked up (that was fun). The bladder was then stuffed into the main drain, and inflated with water. The water expands the bladder which blocks the drain. There's a small hole in the end of the bladder which forces high pressure water into the main thereby (hopefully) clearing the block. It took a couple of tries but the feat was accomplished prior to the onset of any shivering and cursing (never curse your septic tank lines at night, I always say).  

Chickening Report: our biddie birdie buddies are doing well. We're down to eight layers and two roosters. We recently lost four birds to a bobcat but we'll add a few birds in the spring. It's easier to raise chicks and pullets when the weather is warmer so we may wait until then to add to our herd. In the past, we've raised chicks in the house but it's not a preferred way to do it for us. The end goal is to keep a dozen layers around; that should work. And, at the price of eggs around town sitting at 4.59 (these were the cheapest!), I'm quite happy with our little bird herd. 

The other day (when lots of things happen around here), five of our ten birds decided to not come into the coop for some reason. I suspect that they were deeply disturbed by a dog or such and just fled to wherever and didn't come home. That was further evidenced when the remaining five were all parked up high in the coop that evening. They usually are roosting down low on the hutch or on their "chicken stand" further back in. 

I found some of them up in the tree out back later that night. The others were sure to be somewhere close. So, there wasn't any reason to be too concerned other than it's not a great idea to be out at night when the weather is forecast to be wet. Chickens are pretty much water proof (though not as much as a duck). So, the Ol' Rancher hatched a plan. 

It did, in fact, rain that night but the fleeing five showed up the next morning at the back porch. They were waiting for the Ol' Rancher to dole out some scratch. That was a little trick I use to make sure that all my birds are accounted for. If they don't show up for breakfast, then I know that one of the local coyotes invited them over for  dinner. If all is well, the others are let out for the day. Later that that day, when the rain started really pouring down, all ten of them headed into the coop for safety. All that had to be done was to close the door on them and all ten birds were safe. 

After a week in the coop, they were released from "prison" to range as they pleased. That night, they all returned to the coop. All is well for now but....this is Rancho Relaxo and we all know what that means. 

Well....there you have it: another short episode of the long happenings at Rancho Relaxo: home of Rancho Ran, the world's least-most greatest authority: home of the Yo-Yo  twins and home of a retarded duck: home of Connie the Canner, the world's greatest side-kook and CEE (Chief of Everything Else): where the air smells and where alliteration reigns supreme: where being modern is optional and where there are no slaves to fashion: where the eggs are always mostly fresh: where things can get...interesting: where it's all news to me and where...you just never know.