De Mi Rancho A Tu Casa

 

Hey, y'all! Thanks for dropping in to see how we're doing at Rancho Relaxo. We're doing well but are rather taxed what with all of seemingly endless activities happening around here. 

We're still "chickening" and "dogging" and getting ready for last spring. All seriousness aside, we've made progress but, if you weren't paying close attention, you probably wouldn't notice much. That's because we seem to keep adding more than we're subtracting. But, it's hard not to when you keep running into so many blessings! 

So, aside from needing a nice week or so off , we're....moving along. 

And now, a word from our sponsor. This issue of Rancho Relaxo is brought to you by Fanny Flanders' Fat Flat Fudgie Fubars.  Now, these are the best Fat Flat Fudgie Fubars that money can buy! They're made right here in the US of A. You cannot...I say...you can't get a better Fat Flat Fudgie Fubar anywhere! You can get your bountiful supply of Fanny Flanders' Fat Flat Fudgie Fubars at the Wal-Mart, KMART, Speedy Mart, Rapid Mart, Quick Mart, and all those marts where them guys have those towels wrapped around their heads. Tell'em the Ol' Rancher sent you. You'll be glad you did! (A word of caution: you may want to make sure that there isn't any peanut butter in your mouth when ordering your Fat Flat Fudgie Fubars). 

NOTE: you can click on the pictures to enlarge them. 

Let's kick this edition off with a picture of our new van. She's a really pretty Ford Freestar SEL. That's one step below the Freestar Limited Edition we just totaled (that was a sinking feeling). Like the Limited model, this one is a 2004 and has the 4.2L Ford F-150 pickup engine in it so we can haul our junk around with it. It only has 116K miles on it and the rear (leather) seats don't even look used. Sweet! 

We just had the trailer hitch and wiring installed today (9th) so we're set for the next dump or hangar run. It came from a dealer's satellite office in Irvine that sits right off the 405 across from John Wayne International Airport. The round trip was right at 500 miles. That's not too bad considering our previous van came from Boise, ID. Of course, its name is "Coop de Ville III" just like the other ones. 

Lots of folks will recognize this picture. It's southbound I-5 just past Lebec prior to reaching Gorman. This is the prettiest picture of it that I've seen. It's usually rather drab and dry. 

The drab and dry version. 

Gas prices in LA were just plain ugly. At Grapevine, it was 5.99! We stuffed in enough fuel to make it to Bakersfield (30 miles) and that's all!

This little guy was campaigning for nuts in the atrium of the dealer's office complex. He gets all that he wants from the locals who each keep a bag of goodies on hand just for him.  

This is a shot of the Henhouse Hilton and it's decidedly not drab and dry. We experienced rather deep flooding but it abated fairly quickly after the heavy rains. The back portion of the coop is a bit higher and kept our huevos producers nice and dry. 

It was nice to see rainbows again after so long a time. Locals posted some really nice shots on FB. 

This is the lower Globe Drive bridge. The county removes the guard rails when the Tule River floods so that it doesn't wash out again. Looking south. It's .6 miles from our house and just around the corner. This bridge has been replaced at least twice (that I can think of) in the previous 20 years. It was replaced in '66 and again in '69 as I recall. 

Shot from the bridge (above) and looking east (up river). All of the undergrowth is gone and the river was widened. The bottom shifted, too. Shallow places are now deep and deep places are now shallow. 

Same bridge but looking west. It's not very deep (maybe 3') but there are a couple of deeper pools near the bridge structure. I'll check out the fishing later. This is the exact spot where, 7 years ago, I caught two of the three largest trout that I've ever caught (15 1/2" using a Mepp's spinner). 

This is a pic of the former "Costa's Lakes" which is on Globe Drive. A large corporation bought it and it's now an assisted care and nursing facility. It was take from the cul de sac at Palomino and Maverick drives in the Circle K development. 

I really didn't want to see the guts of our Maytag dryer again but, alas, it started acting up again. One of the drum support rollers' bearings failed and it was generating such a horrible  noise that the thing sounded like an ongoing train wreck. Rather than just replace the one failed roller, I swapped all four of them out for new ones. She's running nice and quietly now. Connie the Washer Woman is a happy camper. 

Am I the only one who noticed that it’s February again? Didn’t we just experience Valentine’s Day a few weeks ago? It’s not that I’m not thankful that I get to make another trip around the huge heat and light source that faithfully rises in the east and sets in the west. But, it would be nice if it would slow down a bit and not be in such a hurry to shove the hands of the clock into fast-forward mode. 

Since it’s February, it means that Rancho Ran has to grab his pruning equipment and “git after it” before the trees and vines wake up from their winter nap. But, my supply truck of that energetic “git after it” good stuff is plumb out of stock. So, I may be “moseying after it” instead.

There have been a few thoughts around here concerning the dynamic of hibernation. You know….like….make like a grizzly and just sleep for a couple of months. That would be a good start on catching up on the energy levels around the ranch and would make us ready for summer, don’tcha know. That would help get rid of that Mr. Sleep Deprived guy, eh?

But, time goes by and….time can do so much (ah, yes. Hatfield and Medley). It would be easy to gripe until March gets here but it wouldn’t change anything. So, let’s move along.

Pass the “Beano” and nobody gets hurt.

To heat or not to heat. That is the question : One of the latest happenings around here is that our microwave decided to wear out. You wouldn’t think that that’s such a big deal. However, it doesn’t take long to learn just how dependent you are on modern technology until you no longer have it on hand and fully operational.

Not long ago (but longer than the other day), after arising to greet the day, the Ol’ Rancher commenced to start the day off with his usual cuppa. Ah, but the dad-blamed consarned microwave was on the fritz. That left him standing for a while and wondering how to heat the cold hot chocolate. Thankfully, there must have been a post-slumber reserve of brain power because it dawned on him that he used to heat up his milk for hot chocolate for 40 years prior to even owning a M/W oven (*sigh*. Sometimes you just have to wonder about old people).

We ended up with a nice new GE but the bloody display light is so dim that, unless we are right on top of it, we can’t see it. In fact, we took two of them back to Lowe’s thinking that it was a factory defect. We then called GE who assured us that such a factory defect was standard and that we will just have to learn to live with it. This matter is not yet settled to our satisfaction so they shall hear from me when there is  time to deal with it.  In the meantime, we have hot chocolate.

Rain! Lots of rain!: one great news item around here is the rain. When you’ve suffered through six years of drought, even a normal amount of rain is pretty big deal. Actually, we’ve been getting an abundance of rain the likes of which we haven’t seen in a long time. Believe you me! Though we’ve had some flooding and some inconvenience, there are a lot of smiles on a lot of faces around the Valley.

Lake Constance has returned, too. That’s the big pond produced out in the back yard when we get anything more than a smattering of rain. It isn’t supposed to exist but the guy we hired to fill it in and level it was too lazy to go get another load of dirt and just abandoned the matter. I never did figure out why he didn’t want our money and why he didn’t have enough pride in his work to just up and do it right.

We lost half of our 20 orange trees and much of the production of the remainder. And, the oranges are nowhere nearly as sweet as they once were. That may change but, for now, they’re not what we expected.

The rainy season isn’t quite completed yet so we’re still praying for more rain. Stuck Duck Pond (sometimes known as Success Lake) is back to normal and the ducks are all happy again.

The Tule River has lost its rage and is flowing briskly but not dangerously so. The old fishing holes will be flushed and ready for spring and summer.

Tow, tow, tow your boat or Haul me home! This is Rancho Relaxo and you just know that something interesting is about to happen. Well, it did.  The other day (when lots of things happen around here), we were driving Tojo, the Camry (Tojo was the name of the Toyota pickup until we got rid of it so we change the name of the Camry to Tojo), because the Coop de Ville got wrecked (see last month’s blog). Since we had to go to the airport to pick up some stuff and, because it was lunch time, we decided to eat at the “Airway Restaurant” there. 

After a nice lunch, we got back in the car, turned the key on to start it up, and the car alarm went off. Oh, great. Switch off. There we were sitting with a dumb look on our faces because, after owning car for more than 20 years, we didn’t know it even had an alarm system!  It’s likely that the alarm fob was lost early on. Connie inherited the car from her dad when he passed in ’07 and the fob didn't make it.

The iPhone was quickly deployed and YouTube was summoned to help resolve our dilemma. After following its sage advice, we got absolutely nowhere. A mechanic friend was then called and he came with yet another mechanic friend to help. Both of them were stumped. They looked on YouTube, too. Stuck in Lodi again.

After more than two hours of messing with the thing, we called AAA who sent us a tow truck. A brother from church happened to be in town so we called him to fetch us and take Connie and Gene home. I rode with the tow truck driver.

The next day was YouTube day to see if we’d overlooked something. No immediate joy but it was discovered that that all Camry’s have an alarm reset switch. That was comforting and it was something I suspected was there but couldn’t find anywhere on the vehicle. Nothing was obvious but I realized that I just wasn’t seeing what was in front of my face (the manual was missing, too). So, it was decided to call a Toyota dealer in Fresno (after not getting through to the service departments of the dealers in Visalia and Bakersfield).

The guy in the service department was quite amenable to helping and agreed that there should be a reset switch. The switches that I had seen on YouTube were all on Camrys of a different year so that left me searching for the one on Tojo.

Finally, I told the guy that there was a strange looking device under the steering column and which had both a red LED and an eighth inch mini jack. He didn’t recognize it as being anything useful. After examining it closely, I found that it had a switch behind it (nicely hidden, of course). He then advised me to turn the key to the “On” position while holding in the switch (actually, pulling the switch toward me). The red LED went off and the car then started normally. Problem solved but we were a half day behind schedule (which made it a total of 6 months, 3 weeks, and 4 days behind schedule on the whole. *SIGH*).

So ended another great adventure and with no more concerns as to where the reset switch is on a Camry. We discovered that the problem stemmed from when the battery had died a few days prior (for reasons that I still don't know). It somehow reset the alarm system. Then, a couple of days later, something set off the alarm. 

Barker and Dancer. No, we’re not talking about a replacement for Prancer the reindeer. We’re talking about the curly-haired, full-time four-legged mud hole, and part-time chili dog (he loves chili con carne), Fuzzy Dog. He’s our new Labra-doodle pup who piddles all over when he’s happy to see us (methinks he’s a Labra-piddle or a Piddle Doodle).

When he’s clean, he’s such a cute puppy that he can capture your heart at ten paces. And, such a sweet little guy I have yet to find. The problem is that he doesn't seem to know what the word "clean" means. So, he stays rather muddy a lot. 

Fuzzy, is a pup who has more energy output than Hoover Dam. When he wants anything or just desires to share his mud with us, he dances and leaps much like a ballet dancer with her tutu on fire. We appreciate his love and exuberance but having large paw prints stamped on us when we are on our way to church isn’t a joyous matter. Thankfully, he is learning not to leap for joy and is rewarded with doggie treats when he is a good boy (hey, it worked for Connie when she trained me so I figured it would work for Fuzzy).

As for “barker”, he only barks when he sees a stranger. His bark is actually that of a pretty big dog but the pooch is a big marshmallow. Other than that, he is in his own “no barking” zone.

On the other hand, when dear Abbie, the laid-back and cool coon dog, wants some attention or to be fed, she just comes up and barks until you kowtow to her needs.

There is quite a contrast between the two doggies. Abbie is a sleek handsome short haired dog. Fuzzy is...well...fuzzy. He's a long haired fuzzy dog groomed in no particular direction at all. Abbie is a genuine huntin’ dog. In fact, she is a Walker Treeing Coon Hound. She has treed at least three coons so far and no few "fuzzers" (ground squirrels). Now, Fuzzy, on the other hand, is completely different and is in his own niche. He’s bred to be a domestic “love dog” who plays all day rather than one who endures the rigors of chasing down and treeing coons. So, it’s easy to see Abbie as 25 pounds of high-speed huntin’ muscle while it’s difficult to see Fuzzy as a fluffy, bouncing, 40 pound, huntin’ rug.

But, it dawned on me that Fuzzy (where cute meets fur) and Abbie (where hunting meets indefatigable muscle) are close kin in another regard. Sure, they’re canines. I  also realized that they are both Chowhounds, too! Kissin’ cousins, if you ask me! Fuzzy and Abbie both eat like a wolf but Fuzz Ball is the one who is more closely related to a ShopVac.

Ze van, boss! Ze van!: Our previous Freestar was totaled by the insurance company even though it was still drivable. Reckon, the price of repairs has soared a bit. The good news is that they actually cut us a check for more than what we paid for the van in the first place. No complaints! That little spiff helped us to customize our new family member the way we want to. 

Anyway, that meant that we had to track down another old people hauler. After searching around a bit, a pretty blue-gray ’04 Freestar popped up on the screen. It was exactly what we wanted at the price we expected and only had 116,000 miles on it! The additional news was that it wasn't parked in Seattle (though that would have been nice because we would have gotten to see some of the kids and grandkiddies). 

A 250 mile trip to Irvine to fetch it was required so that was arranged. Connie’s brother, Chris, had to come up from Corona to get some things from the hangar that we co-own. So, he spent the night at our place and then was kind enough to drop us off at the dealership and wait for us to complete the deal. Then we all started home. Prior to our departure, he took us to a quaint burger place that he was familiar with.  I really dig quaint burger joints especially when they have good fries like this place does. 

The paper work was finished, there was gas in the tank, and we were well fed, so it was time to depart LA and head back home to the ranch. We were BOI (back on the Interstate). Not, wanting to pay the Southland's extortionist's gas prices, I put in enough fuel to make it to Buckersfield. That almost worked. By the time we hit the bottom of the Grapevine (at the little stop of "Grapevine"), the tank was advising that it needed attention. So, I gulped at least once and wrenched a few bucks from my wallet and bought a couple of gallons of fuel. That was plenty to get us to down the pike where they have (somewhat) sane gas prices. 

We finally pulled into the ranch late that afternoon.  It had been a good but long day that started at 5AM. We were a couple of tired old folks. A 500 mile round trip is a bit tough on us so we probably won't have no more none of that around here for a while. Thankfully, the trip was wonderfully uneventful. 

 It didn't take long for us to start customizing it. We got it into the "Pickem Up Truck Store"  as soon as we could because we needed the trailer hitch mounted. Trash piles up quickly around here (not that we are trashy folks) and lots of stuff needs to get hauled to the hangar and such. 

Freestars have a some known issues so we ordered the parts for those. It's called "preventative maintenance". The cruise control, the drivers side electric window, and the ignition coil power  pack are all junk on these handy vans. So, you just....wait for it....fix or repair daily. All three of our Coops had these issues. The new van hasn't threatened us with an ignition issue but we don't plan on allowing it to do that. It's a fairly cheap fix for peace of mind. All-in-all, we love this new hauler. She's a beaut!

Well....there you have it: another short episode of the long happenings at Rancho Relaxo: home of Rancho Ran, the world's least-most greatest authority: home of the Yo-Yo  twins and home of a retarded duck: home of Connie the Canner, the world's greatest side-kook and CEE (Chief of Everything Else): where the air smells and where alliteration reigns supreme: where being modern is optional and where there are no slaves to fashion: where the eggs are always mostly fresh: where things can get...interesting: where it's all news to me and where...you just never know.

Rancho ¡Feliz Año Nuevo!

 Que tengan un felíz año nuevo lleno de prosperidad!

Hey, Y'all! Thanks for stopping into Rancho Relaxo! It's a brand new year with lots of things happening around here! For one thing, Baby, it's wet outside! We're actually having normal (and perhaps a bit above normal) rainfall this season! It's the good kind of rain (at least here) because it's a "soaker rain". A soaker rain means that it's not a gully washer or a frog strangler like in the mid-west (or in northern CA). Up north of here (SACTO region), it's a mess with much flooding, road closures, and evacuations. At least most of California isn't on fire (a man has to remain optimistic, don'tch know).  

This issue is a bit shorter for reasons that I don't really understand. C'est la vie, I reckon. 

 

This is a shot taken from our back patio looking almost due east. Instead of suffering with "California Gold" and blistering heat, we have cool winter temps and glorious green to enjoy. The wet weather is cool without being nippy and the rain is mostly a "soaker" rain so that it can seep into this rock-hard soil we have here. 

    

   

The good news about rain is that you may end up with a beautiful rainbow. Look what fell into our neighborhood during one of our storms!

      Fuzzy has a nose that knows. 

This picture is called "a pair of faces to draw to". 

Here's a picture I call, "Dos Noses". Fuzzy seems to enjoy taking any pose as long is it's the wrong one. 

This shot is called, "Knees and Fleas". My puppy buddy is growing like a weed! It's amazing what happens when you feed dogs. 

This one is called, "Mug and a Rug". Please...don't ask which one is which. 

Here's, "Toes and Nose". Unlike Abbie, Fuzzy isn't one to purposely disassemble my shoes. He has been known to haul one off and hide it from me, though. 

                                                                 Fuzzy the Lap Rug

"Fuzzy the four-legged mudhole". 

Not sure why this pup seems to 

think that he's part duck but he

does. Guess who's going to get

a big ol' bath when the rain stops?

  Abbie, on the other hand, is not about to play in mud or frolic in the rain. She's staying on the porch.                                            

                                                                                  

 

I think Abbie is trying to teach Fuzzy 

how to dance. It isn't working. Actually, they are having 

a major romp and this is only part of it. They get along 

fabulously which is something that we are quite

happy about. 

This is the Fuzzball basking in the pre-storm warmness. I asked him if he wanted to play. You can see his response. It roughly translates as "Nah".  

Here's a shot of "Connie the Canner" when she's wearing the hat of "Connie the Writer & Correspondent". She wears so many hats around here that I'm not sure we have a place to store them all.  Of all the hats she wears, I think that she enjoys the one that say "Good Granny" on it the most. 

And now, a word from our sponsor. This issue of Rancho Relaxo is brought to you by Darlin’ Dora’s Dandy Doober Doo-Dah’s. Now, these are the best Dandy Doober Doo-Dah’s that money can buy! They're made right here in the US of A. You cannot...I say...you can't get a better Dandy Doober Doo-Dah anywhere! You can get your bountiful supply of Darlin’ Dora’s Dandy Doober Doo-Dah’s at the Wal-Mart, KMART, Speedy Mart, Rapid Mart, Quick Mart, and all those marts where them guys have those towels wrapped around their heads. Tell'em the Ol' Rancher sent you. You'll be glad you did! (A word of caution: you may want to make sure that there isn't any peanut butter in your mouth when ordering your Dandy Doober Doo-Dahs. It could get ugly). 

Fun fact — you can only tie the record for flying low.

It's difficult to comprehend that it has been 74 years since the Ol' Rancher's womb extraction (thanks, JLM). It has been an interesting ride, to say the least. Given my varied background and experience, just how could I guess that I'd end up on a small rancho (in California, no less) wrangling chickens, dogs, and computers and growing fruits and veggies? Add being in the full-time ministry and I found myself living on a ranch where....you just never know.   

I'm mean to tell you....it gets goofy busy around here. It's not only that you just  never know, it's also that it just will be. We're always on the go doing something. And, that's just the expected things. There's always stuff to do, stuff to haul to the dump or hangar, stuff to rack, stuff to pack, stuff to store, stuff to clean, stuff to open up, stuff to fix, and stuff to repair. It's enough to make you want to say, "STUFF IT!". 

The lawn tractor seems to always need attention and, of course, the other motorized critters are jealous so they want more of my time, too. In fact, the big LG washer is still patiently awaiting repair. I have to say that I'm pleased that it doesn't do a lot of griping but it makes its presence known. 

Critterville: and, we have bobcats, coyotes, coons, and possums and what all in our neighborhood. You never know what's going to happen with that or when. There was mountain lion close by the other day and a couple of bears down the road. Anyway, you get the picture. 

There's always something happening around here. About the only thing around Rancho Relaxo that would make it any more interesting is if there were crop circles out back. 

Unclogging we shall go: There's always the unexpected things, too. Not long ago (when lots of things happen around here) the septic line decided to clog...at night...when it was...38 degrees. Great. Wouldn't you know that it happened right at bedtime just when me and my jammies were getting to be really good friends.

That meant that you know who had to grab a jacket and dash into the doggone, dank, darned, darkness and make his appearance as the Rancho Super Plumber (I left my cape inside). Since this sleep-robbing evil has happened before, there was some idea of what to do. 

My friend the hose bladder was located and the water hose was dragged into place and hooked up (that was fun). The bladder was then stuffed into the main drain, and inflated with water. The water expands the bladder which blocks the drain. There's a small hole in the end of the bladder which forces high pressure water into the main thereby (hopefully) clearing the block. It took a couple of tries but the feat was accomplished prior to the onset of any shivering and cursing (never curse your septic tank lines at night, I always say).  

Chickening Report: our biddie birdie buddies are doing well. We're down to eight layers and two roosters. We recently lost four birds to a bobcat but we'll add a few birds in the spring. It's easier to raise chicks and pullets when the weather is warmer so we may wait until then to add to our herd. In the past, we've raised chicks in the house but it's not a preferred way to do it for us. The end goal is to keep a dozen layers around; that should work. And, at the price of eggs around town sitting at 4.59 (these were the cheapest!), I'm quite happy with our little bird herd. 

The other day (when lots of things happen around here), five of our ten birds decided to not come into the coop for some reason. I suspect that they were deeply disturbed by a dog or such and just fled to wherever and didn't come home. That was further evidenced when the remaining five were all parked up high in the coop that evening. They usually are roosting down low on the hutch or on their "chicken stand" further back in. 

I found some of them up in the tree out back later that night. The others were sure to be somewhere close. So, there wasn't any reason to be too concerned other than it's not a great idea to be out at night when the weather is forecast to be wet. Chickens are pretty much water proof (though not as much as a duck). So, the Ol' Rancher hatched a plan. 

It did, in fact, rain that night but the fleeing five showed up the next morning at the back porch. They were waiting for the Ol' Rancher to dole out some scratch. That was a little trick I use to make sure that all my birds are accounted for. If they don't show up for breakfast, then I know that one of the local coyotes invited them over for  dinner. If all is well, the others are let out for the day. Later that that day, when the rain started really pouring down, all ten of them headed into the coop for safety. All that had to be done was to close the door on them and all ten birds were safe. 

After a week in the coop, they were released from "prison" to range as they pleased. That night, they all returned to the coop. All is well for now but....this is Rancho Relaxo and we all know what that means. 

Well....there you have it: another short episode of the long happenings at Rancho Relaxo: home of Rancho Ran, the world's least-most greatest authority: home of the Yo-Yo  twins and home of a retarded duck: home of Connie the Canner, the world's greatest side-kook and CEE (Chief of Everything Else): where the air smells and where alliteration reigns supreme: where being modern is optional and where there are no slaves to fashion: where the eggs are always mostly fresh: where things can get...interesting: where it's all news to me and where...you just never know.

RANCHO PERRO NUEVO

Hey, Y'all! Thanks for stopping into Rancho Relaxo! We're in a new month and lots of things are happening here at the ranch. Like...we have another pooch! He's a hoot! He looks like a fuzzy carpet so...that's what we called him, FUZZY! 

 

This issue of Rancho Relaxo is brought to you by Cloistered Clara’s Clibbidy Clabber Clobbers. Now, these are the best Clibbidy Clabber Clobbers that money can buy! They're made right here in the US of A. You can't...I say...you can't get a better Clibbidy Clabber Clobber anywhere. You can get your bountiful supply of  Clibbidy Clabber Clobbers at the Wal-Mart, KMART, Speedy Mart, Rapid Mart, Quick Mart, and all those marts where those guys have those towels wrapped around their heads. Tell'em the Ol' Rancher sent you. You'll be glad you did!

This is what can happen on a dark raining night where certain unlit objects are lurking about and waiting to pounce on an unsuspecting driver. The Coop de Ville took a hard hit the other day (when lots of things happen around here). We had just entered the huge "Eagle Feather Trading Post" parking lot and were heading up the hill. I made a  wide U-turn to the left and smacked into one of two totally invisible concrete stanchions that guard their RV blackwater dump. We took quite a jolt!  Thankfully, the van is still drivable but it looks a bit goofy. Insurance is our friend!

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas around here. Connie the Set Director unboxed the nativity scene and planted it out front and hung the draping swag lights on the porch. 

Speaking of Christmas, this is the wreath that Connie the Pastor's Wife hung for our church. 

Here's Fuzzy who must be paying attention to some of Abbie's teachings. He's lying in the same place as Abbie and is being a good guard dog. Uh-huh. 

Here's Fuzzy and Abbie conspiring with each other on how to get more doggie treats from me. They didn't know I was listening.

Abbie is teaching Fuzzy the secret Rancho Relaxo handshake. She's such a good doggie! 

Some folks think the world runs on love but I'm more inclined to think that it runs on coffee and spuds. The problem is that the price of spuds has risen dramatically enough to crack your granny's 100 year old Wagner skillet! Less than a year ago, 50# of Russets cost us about 22 dollars. A year prior to that, it was 15.00 bucks (on sale/special). Here's the same sack for 35.99. Not sure who to "thank" for that. Not sure that I'm willing to switch to rice yet, though. Tearing away from those totally tasty taters is tough to do.

    

Well, what can I say? We've used up another perfectly good year. It has zipped by so fast that it makes me yearn for yore. Can you believe it? I’ve been at Rancho Relaxo for 15 years and pastoring at His House Fellowship for ten years! It seems like it has only been a couple of years or so!! So goes life. *SIGH* Moving along….

It’s been a good year. There have been ups and there have been downs but we truly are blessed around here. There is a lot to be thankful for, to be sure. We’ve accomplished a lot but there’s also a lot left to accomplish. You can’t even imagine. 

Racking, Pack, and Stack: The upstairs storage area in the barn is a hard hat area and it was really difficult to find things, So, Ol' Ran, the Stacker, went to work racking, packing, and stacking stuff so there would be room to walk through the place and find stuff. It only took about an hour but it was time well spent. 

Everyone Loves a Slinky or Ham it up: Another positive consequence of my labor is that I moved a lot of stuff away from my indoor dipole ham antenna. It's been an ongoing project for way too long so I need to finish it so that it can be used. It's fashioned from 14" helically wound heavy gauge wire (no hogs were harmed in the making of this ham antenna) and is called a "Slinky antenna" because it looks like a giant Slinky toy. 

If this works the way I think it should, it will have no problems tuning all the way down to the 160 meter band. That band requires a really long antenna (a half wave dipole at that frequency is 253' which takes up a lot of real estate) or a shorter one with a lot of inductance. My barn is 30' in length so that's where the big Slinky antenna comes in. It is a large inductor which is precisely how antenna capacitive reactance is tuned out (i.e. you add serial inductance) thereby allowing a much shorter antenna to be used. If the antenna is properly tuned to resonance, the transceiver doesn't know the difference in length (and I won't tell). 

Ham operators actually do construct antennas out of Slinky's but those windings are quite a bit smaller than mine. Mine is made from discarded air conditioning ducting. I'll still use one of my large tuners because it'll need to be fine tuned. And, it should easily tune on the higher frequencies without difficulty, too. I have a really nice MFJ antenna analyzer which should help a lot in the matter. 

Fuzzy the Labra-doodle: Our new pooch now has a fitting name. Since he looks like a four-legged rug with a nose, it's Fuzzy Wuzzy. And, he's a papered Labra-doodle. His official name is "Sonny" but, that just doesn't have a pronounced ring to it. This is Rancho Relaxo and things around here have to have a ring to them or they can't hang. 

Anyway, he has settled in and is now firmly at home and part of Rancho Relaxo. It didn't take all that long because he's a sharp as a Wilkinson sword! Man, this doggie is smart! And, he's sweeter than your grandma's peach cobbler and can soak up a ton of love and attention better than a pickup load of sponges! 

Because he's still a pup, he's as energetic as a room full of kindergarteners and is happy and bouncing all the time. He is easily excited, too, but there's a catch. When he gets all excited, he piddles on Connie the Cleaner's floor. Whoooo, doggies! That won't work! So, we're training him to take his exuberant wetness elsewhere. So far, though, I think he's actually more of a Labra-piddle than anything else. 

He and Abbie are great pals, too. Since Fuzzy is on the wireless fence, he can romp and play all around the house. His perimeter is set fairly liberally but not so far that he's in jeopardy of our driveway or the big road out front. He and she can be found in a romp and tussle a couple of times per day. They seem to be having a ton of fun. Abbie's going on 8 years old so she could use a good workout now and again. There'll be no problem with that as long as Fuzzy is on the job! 

He's not quite house broke yet so we park him outside in the heated pooch hooch. It's "Maggie's Mansion" into which we placed a small electric conductive oil radiator type heater. Abbie loved the place last year and may move back in. For now she doesn't mind because she found a nice cove at the neighbor's place and just stays warm there. She comes home from breakfast, though (bless her little doggie heart). 

A washing we shall go! A washing we shall go!: Just a quick update on the Ol' Maytag washer. You may recall that it had the outer tub shaft bearings go out and the Ol' Wrencher had to pull the bloody thing apart and fix it. The good news is that it's running like a Swiss watch and Connie the Washer Woman is well pleased that her mile-high stack of clothes has vanished away into cleanness. 

But, the daunting task of tearing the big LG washer apart still looms on the horizon. There are so many other priorities around here (like one of our backup refers needing a new temp controller) that it's tough to get to it. We'll see. 

Chickening update: Things are not all that well at the B-Gaaaak shack. We lost three layers to a bobcat the other day. It may have been a coyote but we have evidence that a big cat was in our back 40. We're down to ten birds but only eight layers. It's not a dire situation but we want to keep our layer count up to a dozen if possible. It just works out well that way. There are enough eggs for us to use and store and enough to give away or maybe sell (though not very often).  

All hooked up or Chain, chain, chain: Not long ago (but longer than the other day), when we came out of Wal-Mart, I noticed that one of my two safety chains on "Wooley Pulley" was missing. After examining the hitch and tongue, it was pretty obvious that someone had swiped one my chains and connectors. I use a slip hook and quick connects meaning that they're easy to remove. That also means that only one of the two connectors would have broken off if the chain was bounced around or accidently got hooked onto something in the road. "Lowe's" hardware is on the way home so we stopped and I picked up another set of connectors. I always have chain at home.  

Well....there you have it: another short episode of the long happenings at Rancho Relaxo: home of Rancho Ran, the world's least-most greatest authority: home of the Yo-Yo  twins and home of a retarded duck: home of Connie the Canner, the world's greatest side-kook and CEE (Chief of Everything Else): where the air smells and where alliteration reigns supreme: where being modern is optional and where there are no slaves to fashion: where the eggs are always mostly fresh: where things can get...interesting: where it's all news to me and where...you just never know.

 Stay tuned, though. I'll try to post updates on this month's blog as I can get to it.

 

           

RANCHO SALE AWAY

 

Hey, y'all! Glad you could drop in to check on what's happening at Rancho Relaxo. We trust and pray that you all are doing well! 

We're "moving along" but are moving rather slowly after the big bash yard sale. It's done with and so are we. It was a great time but we paid for it physically. We overdid things and old people should be underdoing things instead. 

Nevertheless, aside from a mild seasonal cold, the Ol' Rancher and his XYL (ex-young lady), Connie the Canner, are prospering and in health even as their soul is prospering.

This issue of Rancho Relaxo is brought to you by Bouncing Betty's Beautiful Biddy Bobbers". Now, these are the best Beautiful Biddy Bobbers that money can buy! They're made right here in the US of A. You can't...I say...you can't get a better Beautiful Biddy Bobber! You can get your bountiful supply of  Beautiful Biddy Bobbers at the Wal-Mart, KMART, Speedy Mart, Quick Mart, and all those marts where those guys have those towels wrapped around their heads. Tell'em the Ol' Rancher sent you. You'll be glad you did!                                                                                                                                                                   

     NOTE: there's a shortage of pictures this go around. I accidentally deleted my pictures and can't find my other camera that had most of the yard sale pics on it. I'll add them later if I find anything.                                               

"Wanna see my tongue?!" Fuzzy is going to be a hoot to have around because he already grasps the spirit of Cornball Central (aka Rancho Relaxo). We thought about a few other (really good) names that had been suggested but we settled on something that was corny, silly, goofy, and unoriginal, just like his owner. 

Guardzilla. 

Abbie is saying, "I iz the big dog around here!"

A few pics of the aftermath of the sale. 

It’s November. We have worn out ten months in a row without even trying. It’s been an interesting ten months, to say the least (but you knew that). It’s hard to calculate just how much has happened in so short a time. It’s also hard to calculate just how much didn’t happen in the same time. Yet, here we are more blessed than ever. It’s absolutely amazing. There’s one more month after this one to grind into history so, hang on! Things could get interestinger (sic…this is Rancho Relaxo).  

I really don’t want to be the terror of Colorado Boulevard.

Fun Fact: Mommas and the Papas. In Spanish, it reads: “Mommas and the Potatoes”.

Nyet! Kaput! Fin! Finito! No mas! Done!: Well…we did it; the big annual mega-yard sale has come and gone. We managed to get three months of work done in a couple of weeks without calling “Imperial Ambulance” (but it seemed close). We really can’t say that it wasn’t a lot of fun because it was. The camaraderie was exceptional and getting to meet new folks and new neighbors is always a great pleasure. But, we drove ourselves into the ground not remembering that we’re old people.

You’re pushing too hard: We had to face the fact that we simply pushed ourselves way too hard on this go around and are completely exhaustipated. There’s the three weeks of prepping to start with. That’s pretty tough stuff. Things had to be moved from the hangar and the barn to the front yard. Then, it had to be prepped for sale. We should have taken 8 weeks! No joke! When all was said and done, we had another 50 more boxes and a slew of larger unboxed items to clean, price, and set out that didn’t get attended to!

Then, there’s the three days of grueling work at the sale itself. That’s three days that start no later than 6 AM. During the day, when we’re not dealing with people, we’re cleaning and pricing stuff that hadn’t been set out yet.

A lot of folks will start their yard sale at about 8AM or so and call it quits anywhere between noon and 3PM or so. Not us. This is a once-per year mega event that stays open from 8AM until people stop showing up. Most of the time, it turns out to be about 6PM or even later. By the time we shut down the shop and prep for the next day, the clock is indicating 10PM or later. After finally winding down, we hit the hay at midnight.

I’m up and at’em at 5:30AM or so building a fire under the big 40 cup coffee urn. Connie preps for the big lunch feast and it’s “hot heels” all day from there. We get to do it again the next two days. Fun stuff, eh?

It always includes ministry, too. Most of the vendors are Christian folks with some being bolder than others. So, it’s not unusual for there to be prayer in the air at any given time. Folks have testified of how blessed they are when they come here! We’ve had not any major issues here for the previous 15 years and everyone has been blessed and prosperous. That’s quite a testimony!!

Sale Away or The Thrill is Gone: Ah, but after the crowd has gone, the money’s counted, and, after the big sigh of relief, it’s Monday morning and there’s the cleanup to deal with. Imagine, if you will (thanks, Rod), two old people, who are already ground down to the ground and too tired to tear a “Twinkie” in half, saddling up to another monumental task. We couldn’t move much less clean anything up. Everything at the rancho simply stopped in its tracks. What happened next was entirely predictable.

“Cleanup on Aisle One…and Two….and Three”: It’s already three weeks past the sale and we’re only about half way cleaned up. The driveway is a mess and the rest of our unsold goods have yet to be hauled off. We let our immune system get compromised and ended up with a light seasonal cold which whacked our ability to clean anything but our nose. Progress has been made but you’d think that it was being made by the Lollipop Guild.

Keep smiling!: The good news is that we made enough money to keep the tax man at bay. It’s nice when your rent to the government is paid so they don’t come and repossess their property. Some of you my already know that there is no private property ownership in America. I learned that in the CA Real Estate Training Class in ’89. PM or e-mail me for more on that, if you’d like.

Actually, we weren’t on the precipice of starvation. Earlier, we did have to dip into our “tax money” to cover some exigencies but the yard sale picked up the slack. No biggie. We got’r done and kept peace with “Big Brother”.

Fuzzy Wuzzy!! Not long ago (but longer than the other day), we were blessed with the “deal of the day” that we just couldn’t pass up. It was the opportunity to have a “Labradoodle” pup (a Labradoodle is a crossbreed dog created by crossing a Labrador Retriever and a Standard, Miniature, or Toy poodle). What’s wild is that he’s also a registered pooch with the official title/name of “Sonny”.

Of course, as an old farmworker, I needed to straighten out all that highfalutin stuff and give him a real name that fit my rather logical and painfully linear thinking (I keep a chisel close). So, that which was obvious was the solution. He’s now, “Fuzzy”: it’s profoundly simple, profoundly accurate, profoundly silly, profoundly unoriginal, and profoundly uncreative, but it works magnificently for us.

I have to tell you; I am in love with this new little guy! I think he was custom made for Ol’ Ran who is used to a high-spirited short-haired coon hound and not a fluffy “froo-froo dog”. For some reason, this little guy was instantly my buddy. When I held him, he just settled right into my arms and let me love on him.

Though he is meek and quiet of spirit, he can romp with Abbie with the best of them! He’s also the only pup that’s so fuzzy that, when I first tried to pet him, he was so far down under his fur, I had to hunt for him! It’s kinda neat to own a rug with a nose.

He’s still getting the lay of the land and learning how to fit in but he’s a really smart doggie so everything will be fine.

No fly zone.  Y’all know that Connie the Canner runs a clean tight ship but you may not know that she hates house flies as much as Jenks the Cat hates meeses to pieces. That means it’s a “No Fly Zone” in her kitchen. She has no use for them at all.

Now, she’s also a very practical gal so she doesn’t allow shotguns in the kitchen at all (other than to transition to the outside, of course, where other varmints await their fate). So, the flies still have a fighting chance (albeit, it’s a very slim chance). Having taken up the task of having a fly-less house, she has sharpened her aim with a tea towel or large washrag and is now a real “dead eye” fly git’r. If a fly or two makes it past the front or back screen door, they’re goners if they show up in the kitchen. It’s usually one “WHAP!”, one kill. She’s getting so good at killing them that she’s starting to feel disappointed when she doesn’t see one (of course, that’s just one guy’s interpretation of the matter).

Dirty recka-fretcha-pecka-loomer!: Our big LG super washer stopped working the other day (when lots of things happen around here) and it was giving us a "door latch" error. No biggies, says I. I just ordered a new one. However, when the new switch came in things took an interesting turn. I pulled the top off and, lo and behold! A rat had gnawed the entire control wiring harness in two and shredded the bleach feeder hose and another pressure sensor tube!! Just installing a new switch would only take about 20 minutes. Dealing with the entire harness and hoses will require a complete disassembling of the entire washer (Johnny 5, "Disassemble!!"). Now I'll need a day off so I can work on this thing! The LG is actually our backup washer. It’s been hanging in there and doing a great job. 

The other issue is that the outer tub bearings are going out on the big Maytag washer. Can you believe that; both washers going down at the same time?! And, it’s happening just when most of my day’s supply of energy is being used to tie my shoes! So, everything is going to have to just remain un-fixed until the Ol’ Rancher gets back in the saddle. It shouldn’t be much longer.

You may remember that Maytag was the brand that advertised that they had the loneliest repairman around. I’m here to call “BULL!” on that. It’s just another cheap piece of junk designed to fail (i.e. planned obsolescence).

What burns my biscuits is that I was sold on their quality from way back in the ‘60’s. Maytag was “the” washer to get. I wanted one so I got one. Should I have gone with the Whirlpool? I almost did. I used to sell tons of Whirlpool products and have (had) great faith in them. However, Whirlpool owns Maytag so most of them are made in the same factories. What does that tell you (how about that we shouldn’t buy either one?)? To make matters worse, the issue is such a common problem that there are tons of “how to fix your Maytag” tutorials on the Internet.

This isn’t a simple part failure. This is a failure of the backbone of the entire washer. No spin, no wash. You have to remove the tub, remove the motor stator, manually knock out the upper and lower bearings, and remove the shaft. Then, you get to rebuild it with the new parts in reverse order with the special bearing tool (i.e. the bearings are press fit).

If you can find the Maytag repairman’s phone number (I’m being silly), he’ll gladly charge you about 500.00 including parts and mileage to help you resolve your issue. That’s almost half the price of a new machine. This is all because the top seal failed and allowed water to access the bearings. Can you spell "C-H-E-A-P"?

Thankfully, it isn’t brain surgery and I can do it without any problem other than the wrestling of the machine into position so it can be worked on. Wrestling appliances is not what I signed up for in life (but especially at this age).   

 Rain! Rain! Don’t Go Away! Stay Around Another Day!: We finally got a dab of rain. It was a greatly needed and nice “soaker” rain for about three hours or so then it abated into oblivion. The best I can tell it was the tail end of the tail end of a storm that was quite a bit further north of us. It wasn’t at all like the real rain storm Longview, WA got hit with at the same time. Friend and brother, Jeff Edgecomb, advised that they got 5” in about 8 hours! He said that he was pretty sure that he saw Noah rounding up animals two by two! The pictures  of flooding he sent convinced me that he was only partially joking. Man! It's wet up there!

Anyway, we have another storm that is moving in and should be here to wet this issue of the blog as it’s being sent out (Sunday night). Not sure how much we can expect to get but it does look like it’ll be hanging around for about four days! There will be lots of rejoicing happening in our land.

Well....there you have it: another short episode of the long happenings at Rancho Relaxo: home of Rancho Ran, the world's least-most greatest authority: home of the Yo-Yo  twins and home of a retarded duck: home of Connie the Canner, the world's greatest side-kook and CEE (Chief of Everything Else): where the air smells and where alliteration reigns supreme: where being modern is optional and where there are no slaves to fashion: where the eggs are always mostly fresh: where things can get...interesting: where it's all news to me and where...you just never know.