Rancho Springo

Meet "Lovey Dovey". She's our new neighbor and hopes to raise her young here.

To the right is "Maggie the Wonder Dog" doing what she usually does....watching the world go by an inch at a time. Notice the raised hackles, ferocious stance, and glistening fangs all set to defend her turf. Between her and the Lord, we feel pretty safe.

To the far left is garden box #1 then #2. #3 is barely visible to the right and #4 is in the rear. Box #2 is also bearing a thriving crop of Bermuda grass. Guess what will be happening on our next day off? Did you know that some of those grass plants have roots 12" long?!

A little better shot of box #4. We just reloaded with 6 bags of fresh compost.

This is actually the neighbor's pomegranate tree but he does all he can to ignore it.....so do we.

This is the #3 box but looking from the other direction toward the back of the house. It is filled to brim with strawberries. Yes...they do taste wunnerful, wunnerful, wunnerful. That's a small apple tree standing guard. Notice how it leans into the job thereby showing great interest in its charge.

Box #1 with its newly planted tomatoes. Connie has since planted many more tomatoes. A friend just gave us a bunch of his "volunteers" from last year's crop and he had no room for them. We have them. Look out, canning jars!

These are the peas in box #2. Connie is pea'ing all over the place. There are more to come so we'll have a continuing harvest for awhile. It won't get cold here until mid-December so stuff grows on and on. We had tomatoes growing almost until Christmas last year.

Can you spell C-O-M-P-O-S-T ? We're trying to do our best to feed our dirt so that it's not just dirt or just compost; it's SPAYSHAL dirt and compost. Uh-huh. This batch was from Lowe's.

Our bees be happy. This is the "Leaning Tower of Beeza" in case all you unlearned individuals didn't know. They are all happy and healthy that we can tell and the ant issue has been permanently resolved. We placed the legs of our pallet/stand in coffee cans half filled with water and oil. Works every time. I haven't checked for honey yet but since the bloom has been decent, my guess is that we will make out like Pooh Bear this year.

The pole barn with "Heffalump" the big white trailer in the foreground. The aluminum fishing boat, El Rafto, is next, and the "Ranch Rino" is after that. The last stall is supposed to be for the little trailer but there's just too much STUFF blocking the way. I'll have to get a man right on that. Looking south towards the back of the barn.

Here's the ex-burn pile. You can see how it did a really professional job of blocking the sunlight and protecting the dirt from getting any vitamin A or other nutrients. A few passes with the scraper and the stage will be set for a healthy patch of dirt. The oranges in the rear don't look too badly after having been abused for awhile. I need to get a man right on that issue too.

Aqui....Senora del Rancho Relaxo. She was covered from scarf to sandals in garden materials so I was tempted to call her "Dirty Connie". I thought better of it.

The "Jack" of the shack: an ICOM IC-R7000 VHF/UHF receiver. It's a beaut. It awaits but the erecting of the antenna, a spot in the shack, and someone to read the manual to program it. The position of "King of the Ham shack" is reserved for the soon-coming Ham radio HF transceiver.

Even our carport anchors are blooming! Ain't it great! Leave it to "flower child", Connie!

Just "peachy"!

The wishing well near the front driveway.

It's a good thing that our house isn't for sale. The walk up would sell it in a heartbeat! We got flowers!

 

Well….spring has sprung and it’s mucho greeno around here (at least for awhile). It’s actually pretty in these parts in the spring. Those folks who move to Springville (named after an artesian well and not the season) from other parts of the country in the spring realize in a few weeks that they are on another planet when the sun comes to town. We have to take pictures and glue the memory of verdant hills to our noggins because this glory will fade only too quickly. If we had no such hope for a new spring next year, we would all move to someplace better like Oklahoma or the Serengeti.

 This is also to say that we’re in the middle of a drought. It’s not the only drought that Kalifornia has experienced. But, it is one of the worst ones. Our rainfall for the season is the 7^th driest on record. What rain that did fall was so meager that we had to stand out in it for an hour to get wet (well….maybe not that long but it seemed like it).

Despite the hardships, we do have “critters” here. A glance around the place shows the place crawling with coyotes, bunnies, worthless yard-mining pocket gophers, frogs, snakes, an occasional bear, deer, goats, cattle, dogs, cats, bees, ants, and worthless, stinking, hole-digging, garden destroying, plum eating, pestilent, lousy, furry, ground squirrels. We call these vermin, Rancho Fuzzers. They make for great target practice but you can’t eat the buggers. They are making our property look like a molybdenum mining operation. I’m looking for some C4 and caps to help with the matter.

 These bugs and buggers are so prosperous that I can’t help but think they’re all on food stamps. In Kalifornia, the food stamp program is simple: if you can show up, you can load up. And…..you don’t even have to speak …..English (which is why the coyotes are grinning when I see them, I suppose).

 Connie has been up to her armpits in compost, plants, and seedling starts. She loves showers so all is well. Also in the ground are her bell peppers, a Mexican province full of tomatoes, and even her peas. "Ol’ Pea’in’ Connie", we call her. Has kind of a nice ring to it, eh? I’m wondering what would happen if she planted leeks so she could…..take a leek. Well…maybe not. I’m wanting to say that I would probably have to buy back some of my body parts from the Gypsies if I got involved with that gig. In any event, there will be no end to the canning of love apples and our salsa supply will be unlimited! Zowie!

The strawberries are already set and prospering. The zucchini should be ready for the dirt shortly as will be a few other items that can be canned or frozen. Nothing like fresh veggies when making a nice hot soup.

 

We have a new “pet” at the ranch. She’s a cute little gray dove! We call her “Lovey Dovey”. She and her mate built a nest right at our back door on the steel shelf rack that we have parked there. There are a couple of items we won’t get to use for the duration since she’s camped on top of them. I’ve got options and back ups though. We haven't seen the male bird in awhile. If she starts collecting food stamps at our address, we'll know what happened.

Of course, we don’t just crash our way out of the back door since it opens up only a few inches from her nest. So, we just slip quietly out and she just sits motionless on her eggs. We know what she’s thinking, though: “Don’t look at me. I’m not here. My camouflage is working well and I’m invisible. You can’t see me…..don’t try to touch these eggs, you big white gorilla! You don’t even want to see me when I’m mad! I’ll rip your head off, peck your eyes out, and then I'll hurt you!!”. 

Spring has seen another improvement: the “burn pile” that we’ve been babysitting for four years is finally gone (never do today what you can put off until next season, I always say). More accurately, it has been me doing the honors since Connie declined to be part of the job. She said that it had something to do with me being more qualified at trash tending or words to that effect. Did she just call me “trashy”?

A friend and neighbor of ours hired a gent to haul off some stuff and recommended him to us. He has a pick-me-up truck with side boards and a trailer so we hired him to remove the pile to help alleviate our suffering (and I wasn’t getting paid to baby sit piles of anything). It worked out a lot better having him do it, I should think. I was almost dreading the fiery blaze and huge column of smoke and seeing me with my hose flailing about trying to douse the mess with a 5/8” garden hose. It was easy to envision a nearby oak tree turning into a flaming signal flare for the fire department to come and haul me off to the rubber room.

At dear Connie’s behest, I converted the second story family room back into a second story family room. It had been an overflow area for the computer shop and had been overtaken with…growth. Hey, you’d be surprised to know just how fast computers and eBay items can multiply! Anyway, the area is livable now which is a good thing since Pastor John Appiah from Ghana Africa is going to be staying with us for a week or so in May. He’ll have the huge bedroom up stairs in which to camp and won't have to stumble over a bunch of computers, parts, and pieces.

Little by little the office/radio shack/fishing tackle depot in the barn is starting to look less and less like a wrecking yard and more and more like a usable space. The warming of days is now seeing a laptop in place on the big office desk and it is replete with a nice three- piece set of powerful speakers. A printer is staged for installation. Nearby and nearly ready are the VHF/UHF monitors/scanners and the short wave radio equipment.

My big 25 amp and smaller 5 amp power supplies are ready for use. Just need to coordinate the equipment. I may just run a mobile CB unit from the smaller one and hook it to a mobile antenna for now.

The short wave gear consists of a Kenwood R600, an old Realistic DX-440 receiver (it works great even though it’s 25 years old!), a sweet Tecnam PL-660 portable multi-band S/W rig, and a 15 year old Realistic DX-380 multi-band S/W AM/FM receiver (it's small but quite a performer). I use a couple of powered S/W RF amplifiers to feed these guys. I would like to set up a big high performance general coverage receiver some day soon and string a nice long-wire antenna to it. After that will be the Ham and CB radio station. If I can mount my discone (sic) antenna, I’ll haul out my big Kenwood IC-R7000 VHF/UHF receiver. That big baby is something else! The place ought to look like a space station any day now but Connie was wondering if that was a good thing. I just told her I didn’t know. It’s probably a cry for help.  

Ideas abound for antennas but mounting them is not going to be an easy task. My G5RV dipole will need to be strung between the gable of the house to the gable of the barn. That may not be viable since the coax cable will be hanging down half way and will be in the way. A nice trapped vertical antenna gable-mounted on the barn is a good idea but that may not happen due to the barn architecture. The gambrel roof is probably too steep to mount antennas on and it isn’t flat at all on top.  I may have to erect a tower alongside the barn and shove a beam antenna way up high. From there, I can string other antennas. A ground-mounted vertical is a possibility but, there again, the logistics are limiting the matter. We’ll see. It’s amazing; we have two acres to work with and no room for an antenna farm. *SIGH*. What is a communicator dude to do?

A client recently upgraded his computer system and threw all of his “old” stuff at me (I had sense enough not to duck). It included a really really nice three piece set of speakers (now in the radio shack) and I was perplexed as to why he would part with them. I’m blessed so I didn’t argue with the nice man. He also tossed a large and expensive flat screen monitor my way too! Expensive large screen monitors are my friends!

This big baby is a square one and was replaced by a new 16 x 9 format screen. However, the big square ones are required when someone is using a graphics program and need to keep the proportions correct (the 16 x 9 format doesn’t always do that and things may get skewed a bit). I have a big 19” square Sony similar to it and a few of the smaller ones so I’m good to go with graphics and such.

The Ranch Rino is getting a new battery soon. Ol’ Rancho Ran forgot to ready it for the winter and it croaked (silly me). After that, it will need a bit of work on the exhaust manifold so that the neighbors in Springville, Porterville, Strathmore, Lindsay, Exeter, Farmersville, and Visalia won’t be complaining of the noise. The plan is to use the drag scraper to level off the area where the burn pile was and cover up the ground squirrel burrows. Have I said how much I hate ground squirrels?

Connie has the place flowing with flowers. She’s quite the …um….flower girl, don’tcha know (I could be cruisin’ for a bruisin’). It’s so flowery that it’s a bee’s paradise! In fact, our bees are happier than ducks in a new pond! She’s going to make sure that the Ranch is pretty but also so our bees won’t forsake us in favor of better digs. That also means that we won’t run out of that marvelous Rancho Honey any time soon.

Our front porch and railing area are lined with flower pots bursting with colorful flowers and the anchor bowls for our car port are filled with happy pansies. She has other kinds of bloomers but it would be difficult to recount them for now (read: “Brother Ran wasn’t paying attention so he doesn’t know”).

One of our yearly jaunts in spring is to head up the road a piece (but not a fur piece) and take the Yokhol Valley Road from 6 miles north of Springville into Exeter (30 miles from Springville). The route is most scenic as it meanders through the foothills. But, it’s much more so during the springtime when the wildflowers blanket the hills almost like snow. Most are white or gold but the purple lupines decorate the roadside with much zeal.

Usually, we take a zillion pictures of the beauty and glory (OK! OK! Maybe not quite that many…but not by much). This year we may not go because of the drought. Most likely there will be a lot of flowers but it would be difficult to imagine there being the glorious splendor of previous years. Who knows….we may take the back road to town before too long or the glory will be gone altogether. This place is just plain ol’ Melba Toast dry by May. It was 91 degrees today!

Stay tuned. More to come from El Rancho Relaxo De Tortuga, a designated “Sweat Free” zone.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Rancho Relaxo Celebremos

“Relax pal!" Well…that’s what they told me to do  after this rather untimely hijacking of my work schedule. So, being the good little boy that I am (can I get a big “Amen!” on that one? I didn’t think so), I settled in for the long run of recouping my strength and letting my heart heal itself and such. Rancho Relaxo is exactly what it will have to be.... at least for awhile. But, there is celebrating to do to. I’m still here. I keep telling everyone, "Don't come to the funeral on Tuesday. I won't be there!".

 This is a “first” for me but, on the whole, I’d rather have been in Philadelphia. At 3 AM on Saturday March 22, I was suddenly and deliberately attacked by a mis-parked car. That is to say, it felt like someone parked their ’49 Buick Roadmaster on my chest.  Now, I happen to like Buick Roadmasters. However, I really don’t like sharing my space with one of them and felt rather slighted when this all went down (though I was spared the oil leak on my T-Shirt). 

 “Angina” is the technical term for it; I can use the term without fear of being accused of being a doctor. I can, however, use the term and be accused of being a paramedic since I did a lot of that in my younger days. That came in handy because the event was immediately diagnosed and immediately unappreciated for its callus disregard for my sleep time.

 That also means that I immediately diagnosed the issue when the angina progressed to an MI. It was the text book presentation of the classic heart attack (you could say I did it “by the book”).

 Now, I don’t really care for hospitals all that much. And, I really don’t like them that early in the morning. The good news is that I had the staff’s full attention. There were no other distractions. Isn’t that swell? It was a good thing that I had forgotten my 15 minutes of shtick or I would likely have ended up on the front page of the local newspaper. Can’t you just see it? “Local businessman entertains ER while having a heart attack”. Then there would be the picture of yours truly lying on a gurney and laden with IV’s and hosting a big smile (boosted by 5 mg of Morphine Sulphate). Another Kodak Moment....shot to blazes.

 As far as I’m concerned, that was the easy part. Next came the encampment part where I became part of the furniture and a sponge for all of the heart drugs ever brewed up by man. It was like dwelling in a hornet’s nest. They stuck so many needles in me I thought I would leak for a week afterwards. My biggest issue wasn’t the heart attack; it was having a massive case of “TUBES” with an adjunct dose of “WIRES”. I looked like I was hiding in the backside of the instrument panel of a 747. My brain was asking, “Can I go home now?”.

 After awhile (not that long actually) they figured that I wasn’t going anywhere and shipped me up to ICU. ICU, of course, is the nickname of the hospital gown (gown being a Greek word meaning “shameless”) that all hospitals use to give each patient unlimited exposure”to the elements. I sort of understand the concept; if you keep everyone naked and continually fighting to keep on a gown that doesn’t fit and will never cover more than a small percentage of one’s body, they will never leave until given permission or until someone sneaks them a moo moo.  

I did notice that, after a couple of days, you tend to loose your awareness of the gown and forget that not all of your body parts are hiding from the Gypsies. That’s not a good thing the best that I can tell and it did leave me wondering if the nurses were smiling a lot more than usual or if they were just naturally friendly folks.  

 After a couple of days of playing the part of “Randy the Pin Cushion Boy”, I was hauled off by ambulance to Kaweah Delta Hospital in nearby Visalia (in California 40 min away is nearby). Once there, they parked me in their surgery center until the angiogram that next day.

 It had been awhile (try almost 35 years) since I had been in an ambulance and, until now, I wasn’t the one on the gurney. One of the medics for the company that hauled me was a “patient care specialist” while the other was just a poor excuse for paramedic. Frankly, he was a disgrace to the profession. His uniform was sloppy and ill-fitting, he behaved like a goon, and walked like an egotistical know-it-all (look at me!) thug. I was embarrassed for the clown. He was entirely disconnected from anything but his paramedic image and his getting to play with the red lights and siren.

Now to the angiogram: they carted me to the cath-lab for a look-see of my stumbling pumper.  They dump a mild sedative and a mild pain killer in so that you don’t attempt a backstroke off the table if you get uncomfortable (and you do). The guy shoves a catheter into your femoral artery and then sticks some wires and a chainsaw into it. He then tinkers around and opens up your blocked artery but in doing so must precipitate a heart attack by….blocking the artery with his grease gun and Dirt Devil vacuum. That was uncomfortable. I really wasn’t looking forward to that chest pain thing again. The discomfort didn’t last all that long so things were better than normal rather quickly. Guess they didn't need the backhoe that was on standby.

 They installed two stents: one was to keep the artery open and the other, I presume, was to hold the other one in place or perhaps the artery was a bit weak and sagging in that area. The other coronary arteries were in great shape. I’ll rejoice in that!

Sometimes you get to go home after they monitor you the remainder of the day and part of the next. I didn’t hit that lottery ticket this time around. I had some sort of way-high enzyme indicator that fibbed about the condition of my heart at that moment. So, I got to take another day off and check out Telemetry Unit for a couple of days. The next day after that, they did pull the wires, hoses, and needles (we don’t need no stinking needles) which allowed me to shower and get ready to go home (Thursday). Sponge baths are OK in a pinch but I really needed to knock the chunks off. I didn't check closely but I wouldn't have been surprised if I had started my own potato ranch while vegging in their fancy electro-whiz bed.

On that bright and shining morning, Connie had my duds all prepared so I climbed into my street clothes and signed my getaway papers. Of course, they have to use a wheelchair for transport so I got an effortless ride to the van.

We really didn't go straight home as there was stuff that needed to be done and a few fresh groceries were called for. So, we grabbed a few things on the way to Rancho Relaxo to make sure that "Joe Unlax" had no lack for things to keep him occupied so he wouldn't get in trouble.

Home…..Maggie the Wonder Dog was so glad to see me she almost beat herself silly with her tail. As you can imagine, it was time to just rest and get reacquainted with the ranch so I did just that. My home is my friend.

The tough part about this event is having to retire my “Superman” costume. Personally, I thought I looked pretty sharp in a cape. But, it appears that I’ll have to leave the chore of saving the world to a……younger man. *SIGH*. Always wanting to be a blessing, Connie said, “No worry, Hon. I’ll sew your cape into an apron and you’ll look great at the BBQ grill”. You always know you married the right woman at a time like this.

I’ll take it easy for a few weeks and then hoist up the sails and get this ship rockin’. Lots to do. Stay tuned and don't touch that dial. Who knows what silly things lie in store at Rancho Relaxo? "Joe Unlax" just may have the answer.

RANCHO SPIFFO

Well…it’s spring time here at the ranch and it’s time to get a bit of hustle and bustle happening. You know, on second thought, maybe we’ll just do a semi-hustle for now. Not a lot of pep in my step at the moment and my bustler may need a tune up and I don’t want to risk breaking anything. In any case, it's time for a "new and improved" Rancho Relaxo.

Part of the springtime improvement is a new pants size for Ol’ Ran. I can hardly believe it. I’m wearing a size 36 slack (well! That only took a decade and a half!). We’re going to be on the lookout for new duds since the old duds won’t fit the old dude.

There’s a lot to do, of course, and astonishing little time in which to get it all done. Not the least of chores is starting our garden for the year. We only have the four above ground boxes but we’re already thinking about hiring a crew of Mexicans to till and plant for us. That probably won’t happen for any number of reasons. But, the main reason is that we forgot to learn to speak Spanish fluently. How convenient.

Actually, we don’t do too awfully bad with español and are in no real danger of starving to death in a Mexican restaurant. Connie took 4 years of Spanish in school while I had to learn a bit of it here and there. All I had to do was….show up in California. It's amazing how much of a foreign language you can learn when it's forced upon you ....in your own country....and there are no choices or options....in a free country. Having worked in the ambulance business for a few years helps some too. Lots of sick Spics out there.

 Anyway….we have a bunch of seeds to choose from too. We made sure of that during the previous couple of years by stockpiling. You’d be surprised to know that seeds go on sale from time to time (like mid-winter) and you can even find a closeout occasionally. Guess you could call us a “seedy” bunch around here.

We have just about everything on hand that one could ask for. There’s corn, green beans, zucchini, yellow neck squash, peas, okra, tomatoes, and what all that I can’t recall. I need some taco seeds so I can get a large crop of tacos. That would surely cut down on my prep time for dinner. All I would need to do is open a can of frijole refritos (refried beans) and dig in.

We’re not entirely sure what crops we intend to coax from the ground this year. The previous season’s strawberries are prospering so we won’t have to replant those. Our Okra Winfrey (Boo! Hiss!) did fairly well but we really didn’t mind it as much as we should have and didn’t reap a lot of it. So, we may not go that direction this time though I truly love fried....in lard or bacon grease.....okra....often....served with ....fried.....potatoes....and cornbread...and beans and bacon/ham hocks. Did I mention that I may keep my size 38 slacks? 

Peas….ah…now those will be planted for sure. Connie digs peas so those are a definite item. I can almost see the flashing of her canning jars now. They’ll match her huge store of green beans from last year. Green beans just don’t get any better than hers!

The lady is a pro at it and you should see her do her stuff! She has a huge pressure cooker into which she can steam about 8 large quart jars at a time! I thought about using that big beaut to whomp up an army-mess-hall-sized batch of ham hocks and beans. But, all I got was the “evil eye”. I’m pretty good at interpreting “eyes” and knew right away that I had overestimated the matter. No go, bro.
 

The grounds need a “haircut” around here or we could lose respectability in the hood. After our brief fling with a few sprinkles of rain, some of the grass decided to grow meaning that the ranch is starting to look about as scraggy as Maggie the Wonder Dog. Our hired hand, Gary, will soon be called upon to tidy up the place with his expert weedeater skills and such. However, he can’t get here for….a week. Next thing you know we’ll be known as Rancho Shaggy-o. *SIGH*.

We did get the ranch van, Ol’ Hoopie, shined up a bit here lately. She had suffered a bit of humiliation a few months ago when she got clobbered by some flying junk. But, now she’s smiling like it’s Christmas. Jose’ and the vatos (danged if that doesn’t sound like a ‘60’s band from Tulare) down at the paint and body chop shop made her look really swell. That and a new set of Pirelli shoes and she’s good to go. The old girl lumbers on without complaint…still talking about the van.

 Shoot……Connie and I even gave her a bath and cleaned the inside too. That was long overdue. Every time she would ask me where something was in the car I’d tell her to look next to the elephant. She’d look me right straight in my pretty brown eyes and say, “Uh…there’s no elephant in here, hon”. I’d look at her askance like she was a tad goofy and say, “Of course there is! It’s right next to the dump truck!”.

 So, we had to finally clean out the elephants and dump trucks so we could maintain some sense of civility. “Green Acres is the place to be. Cluttered living is the life for me”…well….maybe that’s not the way the tune goes. It's been awhile, you know. Connie is slowly and patiently training her hubby towards "un-cluttery" ways but I keep telling her that it’s difficult to teach an old gorilla new tricks.

Wouldn’t you know that I’ve about reached the end of the tread wear on my haircut too. I get lots of mileage out of a good haircut so I’m not to the point to where Maggie and I are twins yet. But, with only a little inattention, that could happen. My bet is that my sweetie Pop Tart wife will just drive me to the shearer’s office soon and save me from being hauled off by the dog catcher. That’ll work since I’m not sure that I want to be shackled to an appellation like, “Pastor Scruffy” or “Brother Fuzzybum”.   

Connie is spiffing up the front porch now that the weather has calmed down a bit. The wind knocked over some of her potted plants (no…I didn’t say “pot plants”, silly) and broke them. She bought one really nice replacement the other day at the “Rescued Treasures” thrift store in Visalia for only a couple of bucks. Sweet.

She has a knack of making the place look super (in spite of my best efforts to make the place look like a sale barn). We are often complemented on our home and how cozy and countrified it is. It is indeed but only because of a lot of talent and hard work by one very special lady who lives here. She has a sharp eye too and can spot a home improvement item in a heartbeat! It is spotted in half the time when it’s on sale or is being sold by our old friend, Clarence Sales.

Another point of “spring improvement” is the replacement of our bees. I guess the rent was too high so they all up and left …..again. Actually, the ants got to them and they left. This is the second time that the ants have driven off a hive. They were fine a couple of weeks ago. But,  within that time the ants forced the bees to swarm. We’re taking measures to insure that it doesn’t happen again. Brother and beekeeper, Dave Kruze ("Uncle Buzz" to his friends and relatives, don'tcha know), is bringing us three more hives to help us maintain our honey supply. Honey is our friend. 

Though our previous flock of bees recently departed, they left their honey (how…sweet…of them, eh?) so Connie processed 34 cups of the abandoned honey. So, there will be no reason for things to go …sour …here for awhile.

That’s the updates from the ranch. Hang around and you too can be spiffy.

 

RANCHO FIXO

I think I have one of life’s mysteries figured out: man has created and engineered all kinds of wonderful gadgets and inventions for one main purpose: to provide jobs for many tradesmen when these fabulous marvels break.

Take for instance my perfectly functioning Dell XPS420 desktop computer that sports a dual-core processor and a terabyte of storage volume capability and 4GB of RAM. “Perfectly functioning”, that is, until it had the proverbial “flat tire” the other day. It presented its hatred for mankind when the motherboard “headed south”. It’s a super-nice machine so I may go ahead and fix the bloody thing. We’ll see but I really don’t have time to deal with it and my main Gateway ‘puter (no slouchy box that can hold its own) is still carrying the load so far anyway. 

Putting a backup computer back online just takes a lot of time….something that I can’t quite seem to find enough of….or energy (ditto). I reckon that it’s one of those “life in the big city” events that should be taken in stride. Maybe ….if….I moved further into the country and farther away from a city….uh…..naw.

Folks often complain to me in utter bewilderment that their computer was functioning great a little while ago but it is now a fully-functioning door stop. I just share with them about the “flat tire” example. Your tire, I explain, was nice and round a few seconds prior to going flat. It’s a real “Ah, hah!” moment and they understand that things that go tick and whir and that are made by man, will break at some point.

 
The silver lining in this cumulonimbus is that a friend of mine needed to part with a “super screamer” custom computer that he had built for himself. It’s not often that a box filled with moving and non-moving parts attracts my attention to whatever degree. I’m just interested in whatever “plow horse” that can get the job done for me.

 Ah…..but this isn’t just any parts box and it did garner my fancy. What can a computer dude’s heart do but go arrhythmic when he is told of a spec sheet that reads like some thing smuggled from the “Millennium Falcon”? We’re talking about some heap big medicine here: an over-clocked AMD Phantom 3.2 ghz Quad-core CPU with ….gulp….16 Giggles of RAM and that has Windows 8.1 stacked in it! Add 1.5 terabytes of hard drive space and a boat load of software (including a built-in remotely controlled TV board and software allowing you to watch any TV program ever produced!) and you have a real “romper stomper” about which you can brag to the other kids on the block! Not many can outrun that little red wagon, to be sure! The thing runs as smooth as buttermilk and does things almost before you can get the thought out of your brain cell.

The GIGABYTE GeForce GT 630 2GB 128-Bit DDR3 PCI Express 2.0 x16 HDCP Ready Video Card can handle anything you can throw at it. I’ll switch to the HDMI capability when I can. But, for now, I’m using a KVM switch to run two computers from one monitor and it’s strictly a VGA device. My nice 21” monitor can handle HDMI so I will find a way to kick things up a notch with an improved/updated KVM switch and/or a second monitor (fun stuff).

 I haven’t even gotten close to starting to customize the box yet (did I mention not having enough time?). I have enough software downloads to keep me busy for quite awhile so will need to find a slow spot in the work schedule (I’m sure that that will happen any day now) so I can load this baby up and “Randy-ize” it. Then I'll be all fixed up and ready to go.

 Minnick Computer Services is also now sporting two additional 3TB USB external drives. That brings the total (for backups, drivers et. al.) to a little more than 12TB of external storage. Keep in mind that there are no movies involved here. These are just storage volumes for applications, utilities, drivers (I have a passel of those), operating system ISO’s, backups, and the like. My internal storage on just my four desktop boxes is about 3TB (not including Connie’s big Dell E521 XP machine at 320GB or the laptops).

 I’m also now running seven operating systems (who woulda thunk?!). Including laptops, they are Win 98, Win ME, Win XP, Vista, Win 7, Win 8.1, and Ubuntu (Linux). I could run Windows 2000 Pro if I wanted to (and have thought about it since I trained on that particular OS) but it’s the progenitor to XP so it is basically XP without the frills. Both are based on the “NT” kernel.

 The XP and ME boxes are tied together with a KVM switch to a big Sony flat-screen and a booming set of speakers with a nice sub-woofer like my main station and Connie’s station (at my right hand….not so far to reach for a smootch, don’tcha know). That XP/ME set-up has a ton (not an exaggeration) of really nice music, video, and office software that includes the ADOBE CS6 PRO Suite, CakeWalk, Fruity Loops, and Band in the Box. I’ll be hooking up a lot more hardware to it including a audio mixer and USB microphone…..when I ….have time. *SIGH*.

 All of the stuff is networked wired and wireless using standard routers and hubs. It isn’t sophisticated but it works well for me.

 The van is next on the list to get fixed. This will be the repairs from Hurricane Fizzlebane that blasted through here last August. It will be nice to have my big Ford all nice and shiny again after being pummeled by the neighbor’s barn’s corrugated roofing material, trash from several neighbors’ property, and who knows what else.

The old hoopy is still running strong with 137K on her clock. She needed a new pair of shoes so we just bought her a set of P225 x 60R x 16 Pirelli’s.  Those babies are silky smooth and are “VR” rated. That’s good for 149 mph but, guess what? Ol’ Brother Ran is good for about 85 mph but only if he’s out in West Texas on I-10 or I-20. But, he isn’t... I repeat... isn’t going anywhere near that speed without being strapped to a set of wings.

I did take my ’67 Ford Fairlane GT four-speed with a 335 hp 390 CID engine to 130 early one morning in Jan on the “20 Bypass” on the south end of Rockford, IL in 1970. You can rest assured that that happened well before my brain cells awoke to sanity and while they were still soaked in youthful floods of testosterone. That’s nothing less than having Superman’s bravado stuffed in Superdork’s brain. I don’t recall ever driving too much over 105 mph but only a few times after that. That’s because I shifted from 3^rd to 4^th at 105 mph “when necessary” (I can still hear that big four-barrel carb sucking wind).

 

It’s springtime so the “Ranch Rino” is will need to have the exhaust manifold fixed. I don’t need it a lot but it is a handy gadget to have when you have a stuck vehicle needing a tow (don’t ask). A local friend is a mechanic and he’s back from AZ where he goes to avoid the winter here. He’s home early because…..we didn’t actually experience but a few days of winter. I actually had the A/C on today a couple of times to cool down the van after it was parked in the sun for awhile.

 

Also, “Tilly”, the Rancho Relaxo tined cultivator, will need some attention. It hasn’t been run in a couple of season so the spark plug will need to be pulled and such. I have some “hot shot” starting fluid that takes the pain out of starting motors so that should help (have I mentioned that I’m “convenience oriented”?).

 

Granddaughter, Liesl, 9 years, just spent the previous week with us. She’s a hoot from the git go. There is no end to her spunk and sass. Having been home-schooled, she’s quite the bright LED, too. There are no flies on her pies at all! We made sure to do our part to be scriptural in “making fat her bones”. She seemed to be quite amenable to the matter and turned away no good thing.

 

We know she’s normal because the kid loves hamburgers. When we took her back to her momma, we all gathered at the IN-N-OUT Burger joint at Tejon Ranch (on I-5 just across the street from the Petro Truck Stop about 35 miles south of Bakersfield before you start up the Grapevine).  The burger and fries didn’t have a chance. In fact, the world lost quite a large part of a steer that day when all seven of us descended upon the place with our fangs flashing.

 

It’s been awhile since my “spoil the grandkids” expertise has been hauled out of the cave but I found that, with enough prompting, it resurfaced fairly quickly. In no time at all, I was approaching professional levels of competence. Boy, did Liesl appreciate that!

 

She loves to ride horses so, thanks to dear friends and horse owners, Frank and Bonna Wittick, she was able to mount up and go. She and Connie also spent some time slaving away in the kitchen and in the “arts and crafts department” (that would be the dining room table) gussying up prizes and decorations for our church Valentine’s Day party.

 

Anyway….we fixed up the little lady and she had a great time at the ol’ Rancho.  And, we had a grand time practicing our grand-parenting.

 

That’s the news from Rancho Fixo for now. Hang around and grab a wrench; there’s a lot to be done.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

RANCHO AÑO NUEVO

Well, here we are kicking off a new year and looking forward to what 2014 has in store for us. I’m now officially another year older and, presumably, another year wiser. That should be interesting to watch.

 An old Chinese blessing says, “May you live in interesting times”. An old Chinese curse says, “May you live in interesting times”. That certainly applies to this day and time. I'm tempted to think that the year 2014 must be the Chinese “Year of the Snake” because there are so many of them trying to run (read, “trying to destroy”) our nation. Maybe the Chinese are on to something.

What is my “resolution” for the New Year, you ask? I’ve made a resolution to never make another New Year resolution. I think I can keep that one. The decision to just do what I’m supposed to do anyway seems to be working so far.

For instance, instead of declaring a diet, I just let my membership in the “Oreck Smorgasbord Strip Mining Club” lapse. Voila! The buffets are now safe from losing money and Ol’ Ran is dragging out his next smaller sized britches. I’m still wondering if Connie will complain about it this summer when I’m not protecting her from the scorching sun by blocking out half the sky when we walk together. Correspondingly, there will be less heat in the winter time too. Hmmmmmm. I suppose I can just buy her a new pair of long johns for Christmas.  

Our hired hand, Gary, spiffed up the place the other day. The ranch was starting to look rather mangy but no one can say that the Clampetts live here now.  No, sireeee. The burn pile needs to be addressed, though. It has been patiently awaiting the torch for about 3 years now. I think it’s relaxed its guard and I can sneak up on it and light it off in a few days and make quick work of its demise. That’ll make the “back 40” look much better not having that pile of tree trimmings, grass cuttings, and what all stacked up in a pile.

It may seem a bit amazing to some but…..we’re still waiting for winter to arrive. It has been wonderfully (though unseasonably) warm lately. When I went to turn off the heater prior to hitting the sack the other night, I discovered that the heater hadn’t even been on all day or any part of the night! It was midnight, for crying out loud, and the heater hadn’t been on at all!

That also means that we have yet to load up a day with our winter “Tule fog” that our San Joaquin Valley is noted for. It’s not that we miss the bloody mist; it’s just that it usually arrives around Thanksgiving Day and shows up regularly until about the end of February or so. We haven’t even had the usual “high fog” which reduces forward visibility to about 1 mile.

If that doesn’t just dust your dungeon, we’ve just experienced our driest year on record. There’s no snow on the mountain, no water in the rivers, and no prospects of change or hope for rain. This could shove food prices through the ceiling by next harvest time. One California politician called the matter dire. Since the San Joaquin Valley is the produce capital of the country, that prognosis is rather scary.

The Democrats think we should resolve the issue by shutting off all the river and canal water except for three cups per farm or ranch so we can insure the survivability of some of the huggable watery denizens. I disagree and do protest and believe that the survivability of we humans should be a priority over small slimy fish. Silly me.

We still have water in our irrigation ditch out back which comes from the Tule River but we don’t take it for granted. There should be enough to keep our oranges from croaking and to keep the frogs in the front ditch croaking. I need to soak all points in between but can’t seem to get my duck in a row and get it done. I think the dumb duck is lazy. The lawn looks mowed and trimmed but rather anemic and about ready to receive its last rites.

The apple trees are looking puny too. After being planted for almost two years and after all of the baby sitting they’ve had they haven’t grown an inch that I can tell. *Sigh*. I reckon that, if I didn’t have a brown thumb, I’d have no thumb at all.

It’s likely that old ranch caretakers, will reorganize the barn this winter...or this spring...or this summer...or this next fall. We’ve calculated that there is just about room enough for a can of tuna to fit in there before we run completely out of space. If we reorganize, there may be room for a second can. We’ll see.

There’s just so much to do in 2014 that it's a real challenge to one's faith and stamina. The 60 rods and reels need to be overhauled and readied for service, a stack of fishing tackle needs to be organized and put into boxes, the ham radio shack needs to be populated and readied, the antennas, including my new G5RV dipole, need to be strung, the antenna tuners need to be readied, my discone antenna for my scanners needs to be mounted, the tractor needs work on the exhaust manifold, and my shotgun needs to be shined.

I've got some nice HF/SW, VHF/UHF receivers and a couple of smaller VHF/UHF Yaesu ham transceivers. But, I need to park them where they're more usable than here in my smallish shop that is stuffed full of computer oriented things. I keep the small SW receiver handy but don't want to hook up the big Icom R7100 VHF/UHF receiver in here (big is not an understatement).  

Also, the two BBQ grills need to be buffed up and readied for use and the new long propane fuel hose needs to be installed on the gas grill so I can use the “hundred pound'er” tank instead of the smaller onboard 20 pound’er. You probably noticed that I refuse to run out of fuel when I run the grill. If I did it wouldn't be the end of the soap opera because I still have the standard charcoal grill. But...that's not as convenient as the propane grill. Have I mentioned that I'm ....convenience oriented?

Next, the recording studio needs to be set up. I have the computer and software all set to go and most of the soundboards and other equipment is at hand. That stuff will be set up at the workstation behind my main station where I slog along working on ailing computers. I’ll be running an XP machine for that and, believe it or not, will use a KVM switch to alternate with a Windows ME machine so I can have access to some older but still valuable software (and much of it is easier to use too). They will be hooked up to a big beautiful Sony flat screen monitor. I love it because it’s a square one and great for graphic arts. When you use the 16X9 screens, you get a stretchy distortion and it throws your design off.

After that (or before), the ministry recording and duplication will need to be established. And, the books I’ve authored need to be finished and published, and the songs that I’ve written have to be recorded and a copyright obtained. I think I’ll just have pizzas delivered for a few months so I can just stay home and work. 

Connie’s 1.5 h.p. 4-stroke Honda powered tricycle with the front basket, special seat, headlight, and tail lights needs to be assembled. That takes most of a long day (barring lousy weather, an attack of the Gypsies, or, more likely, being smitten with a hunger pang). Then, there are two two-stroke engines that need to be mounted on two other  bikes. Have I gotten to the part about needing to take care of the poor neglected hangar at the airport yet? Sheese.

And, there’s the normal home maintenance. For instance, I was jockeying my genuine made-in-China plastic toilet seat yesterday when it suffered a catastrophic bilateral hinge separation. Now, it’s been awhile since I’ve ground looped a toilet seat but I still did a pretty fair job of dragging a wing tip and beating up the pilot in command. He suffered a bit of airframe bending and a little reshuffling of his tail feathers. The thing needs to be replaced before my wife tries to fly this thing and augers in. I’m going to get a “real” one tomorrow.

The bees need to be kept, too. When you have a herd of bees, you just can’t ignore them. We’ve had help and advice from professional beekeeper and brother (he’s a professional at that too!), Dave Kruse and his wife, Maryann, are back out here from back out there in South Dakota. South Dakota, you may recall, is the place on the map that no one…no one (except those that live there and they certainly plan on keeping it that way)….knows anything about other than the weather (which has two seasons, cold and colder) and that there are “bad lands” there. I heard a rumor that the place is so conservative that it’s against the law to have a Democrat even show up anywhere in the state.

Anyway…..it appears that, if we don’t raise the rent, the bees will stay around for awhile and bless us with some great orange blossom honey. We ended up with about 15 quarts of honey last year so we’re expecting at least that much this year. We’d better ….we’ve baby sat these little winged critters and all but bottle fed them for almost a year now. Dave checked the hives the other day and there is enough honey to tide them over until the next bloom. “Ol’ Ran the Bee Man”….sort of has a ring to it.

So, that’s the latest from “Rancho BeesWax-O”. Hang around and see what’s down the pike for Rancho Ran and his sidecook, Connie the Canner. It should be…..interesting.

Rancho Wrap Up

Well….here we are at the end of another perfectly good year. I know that I say it all of the time but….where on earth has the time gone? It seems as though the first of the year has just gotten here. *SIGH*. Whoever coined the term “My! How time flies!” was certainly paying attention to details.

 This is also to say that I’m creeping up (as in, being dragged kicking and screaming) to the big “65” in a few days. That totally bums me out because I was starting to put some real effort into outlining what it was I wanted to be when I grew up. 

Anyway…..all is well here at the ranch. The trees are all going to sleep for the winter and the gophers are all at rest knowing that it will be too cold for me to be hunting them for awhile. I don’t know; maybe I’ll stage a surprise attack one morning and flush the little buggers out into the open where I can finish them off with a grenade or some such. We’ll see.

 The canning is over for this season. Connie is the “Green Bean Queen” for a day…or a month…or a year. On this last go around, she didn’t even know she had any green beans growing and ended up with 14 pounds of them! Not having our produce stand in operation yet (or planned yet), she opted to just can them. Add to that the fact we have plenty of bacon, salt pork, side meat, pork shoulder, and other pork products then you can imagine the options that we have for green beans in the future. The church potlucks will certainly benefit from a few of the casseroles, no doubt. “Green beans in the mornings. Green beans in the evening. Green beans at supper time” (surely all you old folks remember the song: “Sugartime” – the McGuire Sisters 1958).

 Our bees are doing whatever bees do for the winter. We checked them the other day and they have honey for the winter. But, we’ll make sure that they don’t run out prior to the next bloom by feeding them if they need it.  I’ve checked with a couple of resources and not one of them has recommended that you make sure that they have plenty of electricity for their tiny light bulbs so they can keep warm. I’m sure they’ll figure out how to survive the winter. So far, we still have two of the original four hives. The ants drove one hive off and the wax moth invasion ran the other one off. We'll see if we can hustle up another hive or two. There's usually a swarm to be found from time to time. Perhaps we'll end up with a couple of replacements.

We’re still eyeballing the concept of getting some chickens. I love chickens (especially with mashed potatoes and gravy). They’re great to have around and are a great source of fertilizer and such as well as being, of course, a great place to shop for eggs and meat. They do keep the insect population under control too.

The problem is that we live right on State Highway 190 which is all called “Mashed Flat Alley”.  We have one neighbor who has lost three pet dogs to the traffic. Yes, she should have been more attentive to the matter and do what we do. We have an “electric fence” that keeps Maggie the Wonder Dog from wandering into the path of a stray tire. She most certainly is a “wanderer” and is quick to exercise that undesirable trait if left to her own desires. The fence gives her a buzz when she approaches the limit. If she continues, she gets a hot shot of electricity which is enough to cause her to holler in pain. She’s learned not to do that.

 Wandering is doubly applicable to chickens. They seem to have an overpowering instinct to throw themselves under the first moving vehicle they encounter. I can’t count the number of dead fowls I’ve seen in my driving days. Likewise, who hasn’t seen a group of chickens on the shoulder of the road just idly pecking away at the nutritious dirt and asphalt?

 There are a couple of ways to approach the matter. One would be to fix them up with the same electrical fence that we use for the dog. Upon further examination, that would likely be a mess for a couple of reasons. For one, why would anyone want to hang a 25 dollar shock collar on a brain-dead 2 dollar chicken? Exactly. Not today.

 Secondly, a chicken is so stupid that, when the collar shocked them, they would probably just rebelliously continue on their marry way until the current just killed then cooked them (nothing like zap fried chicken, I always say). So, it’s best that we perhaps get a few chickens and practice watching them kill themselves naturally.

 Then, of course, there has to be a coop or protective enclosure of some sort too. That’s to keep the predators from having a free lunch. Our local coyotes are really into free lunches here. We can hear them all the time yipping and howling at night demanding their free lunch.

 There, again, is the issue of spending 600 clams to house 20 bucks worth of chickens. There may be a time when the math works but for now I’m not convinced that it does. Anyway, I'm gonna change the subject before you all think I'm the local chicken whisperer.

 The weather report is a bit odd for this early in the season. We’re expecting a hard freeze. Those are rare birds anyway but, to have one the first week of December is unusual. Must be all of the global warming we’re hearing about. You know: like the cold snap that hammered the east a few days ago. Nothing like brutal cold to make you a believer in global warming, don’tcha know. The climatologists in the early 1970’s were warning us about “global cooling” and we should be listening to them. Back then, they didn’t have computers that could be programmed to get the desired results. They just used hard evidence. How amazing.

 Before too awfully long, Ol’ Rancho Ran will have to grab each of his gas motor powered equipment and run them for awhile. They need to be started and run a bit to keep the gas from gunking up. I use “Sta-Bil” from time to time but usually don’t store stuff all that long to have to need it. The tractor needs a bit of attention but that can wait until warmer weather. I can still start it up and let it run for now and that's all it needs. Our mechanic is in Aridzona for the winter and will be back for his spring planting in late February or so. I'll give him a holler. He loves Ford 8N's and even has one himself.

 The weedeaters and 3.5K generator I think can be started with just a quick shot of starting fluid. It’s made mostly of ether which was the first anesthetic. So, you can just take a big sniff and have your tooth pulled while warming up your motor.

 We got to go see the grandkiddies for a couple of days down in Harbor City. That’s next door to Torrance and is about 200 miles as the Armadillo crawls. It was a nice time of fellowship, food, and a bit o' frolicking (the kids did the frolicking part. I did the “watch the kids frolic” part while comfortably parked). They are all a hoot plus a bag of chips. I’ve never seen a batch of kids as sharp, thoughtful, caring, well disciplined, and talented all in one place. They’re all believers too and attend church regularly.

 A couple of them are even in the Easter pageant that their church conducts each year. They recreate paintings and works of art that depict scenes from the Bible by using costumed and made up characters. It’s actually wild to see a masterpiece like the “Last Supper” literally come to life before your eyes!

 The van rolled into the driveway about 10:15 PM that evening. Because we departed in the middle of the rush hour we had to do our penance by parking on the 405 for about an hour. That was brilliant. So, the 4 hour trip took an hour longer.

That’s the skinny on the Ranch and its ranch hands, El Cheapo y Abuela Guapa. Stay tuned for more adventures from Rancho Relaxo. Good night Mrs. Calabash, wherever you are.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

RANCHO ESPRESSO

 The main little work horse espresso maker. I think I paid about 5 bucks for this little guy at a yard sale. It was like new. They retail for about 100 bucks.

The "Big Bertha" of espresso machines around here. The Breville is a nice espresso maker. I go in spurts and use this one for awhile then use the other ones. It's parked out in the garage until called upon to perform.

The vintage Benjamin and Medwin stove top machine. I used it the other day but it's not quite as convenient as the others. And, you know just how convenience oriented that Ol' Ran is.

Ah, yes. Nothing like a nice hot espresso cappuccino to help one greet the day. It's super to be able to grab a cuppa after showering (or before) and start the day checking e-mail and getting ready for the work ahead.

You may have already guessed that the Ranch has a bunch of espresso hanging around just waiting to be broken into. That is a correct; there is a lot of it play with. And  just like women, not all coffees are made alike. Sooooo….Ol’ Ran likes to sample this one and that one from hither and yon. I’ve tried the expensive Eye-Talian stuff and like it. It tastes great and should since some of it costs about 50% more than Starbucks. However, my assessment is that it isn’t worth the price difference.

Then, there’s the Cuban "La Llave" which, for a relatively cheap coffee, is pretty darn good. I use that to make both espressos and Cuban coffee.  It’s actually not a dark roasted coffee yet is very flavorful. Other espresso brands available here in Podunk are "Pilon", "Cafe' Bustelo", "Medalgia D'Oro", and "Goya". Local supermarkets also have private brand espresso coffee beans available.

I’m finding that Italian roasts are pretty good too. The difference between it and the French roast is only about 30 seconds in the roaster. The French roast is 40% or more ash which is fine….if you like ash. I like French roast regularly brewed but 90% of the time use it to make espresso and usually blend it with something else.  

 Another revvy is that just about any dark roasted coffee makes for good cappuccinos. I didn’t know that until I started grinding and blending different coffees. It isn’t so much the roast but rather the type (e.g. Columbian, Sumatra, Costa Rica, et. al.) and blend of beans. Light roasts aren’t used at all in making espresso that I can tell but just about all of the others roasts are. That's on top of the other revvy that "espresso" isn't a roast but a method of brewing coffee. Don'tcha just love coming into the light from utter darkness.

About all of the beans I use are premium "Arabica". The cheap “robusto” beans are bitter and nasty tasting and even dark roasted ones aren’t all that appealing. That’s the “Dollar Tree” stuff which appears to be a bargain but really isn’t because you just throw the stinky junk out later. Even Motel 6 doesn't use it. You just can't doctor that garbage up enough to make it potable. I think it's recycled truck stop coffee grounds that have been dried and repacked after adding ground up old tennis shoes to it.

 So far, I’ve been mixing some of the major brands together and coming up with some interesting brews. Adding a bit of Columbian to the mix is usually a winner. So far, it doesn't seem to matter which brand is used. They all come out fairly tasty. However, a dark/French roast Columbian is pretty hard to beat as an espresso or regularly brewed coffee. Around here French roast Columbian isn't available. Even on our vacation trips I can't find it anywhere. Not sure what that's all about since it's a sure fire great tasting coffee. In times past we could buy it locally but it isn’t available any longer. That means that I have to mix a medium with a dark roast.

 Something similar may be hitting the shelves because I just saw a can of “Dark Roast Columbian” the other day at “Town and Country Market” on west Olive St. It’s by the same marketer as the old “French Roast Columbian” so it’s likely that it’s just been repackaged. That would be nice. Until then, I’m just tossing in some medium roast Columbian with the regular French roasted stuff and home brewing a nice cup of cappuccino or latte’.  When the new coffee goes on sale, I'll snatch a can.

Yuban is pretty good coffee so I tried mixing their French Roast with Folger’s Columbian (medium roast) and came up with a decent blend. I’m now trying Eight O’ Clock French mixed with what all. It's fun to tinker with the different options. If it turns out to be goofy, then I just put more milk in it and thin it out a bit. Or, I  just toss in a bit of Starbucks which seems to make even the worst coffee taste better. I've been trying out Folger's different roasts and haven't been disappointed. Trying to find their "Bistro" style has been difficult because Porterville isn't a real town yet and not that many folks here drink exotic coffees. I've not yet broken into the dark roast Maxwell House and Hills Brothers coffees. All in due time, I suppose. 

 Speaking of espresso, you can’t have a cappuccino if you don’t have an espresso maker. Rancho Relaxo has no shortage of coffee making contraptions. We do, of course, have the standard “Mr. Coffee” style coffee maker. It’s a nice little 4 cupper which serves my purposes. Then, there’s the big Keurig pod monster. I can mix and match till the cows come home with that big baby. And, there’s the French press coffee makers (one large and one smaller one) that await commissioning. If that isn’t enough to pluck your duck, I have a large Turkish style Ibrik so I can make Turkish coffee. Actually, since it's so big, I don't use it at all. Instead, the little stainless steel milk steamer pot with a long handle works just fine for Turkish style brewing. I can probably use the big one when the Imams and Ayatollahs come for a visit, eh?

 

I also have a vintage Benjamin and Medwin stainless steel stove top espresso maker. Dear friend and brother, Jackson Wallen, in Cayucos has one and loves it. You can get one eBay for 50 bucks or so. They are well built and should last at least another 50 years or so without failing.

But, the cake taker isn’t that one or the electric Melitta espresso makers (one white and one black…as a back up…a man’s got to have a back up, don'tcha know). It’s the big stainless steel Breville espresso maker. She’s a beaut and she retails for about 400 clams. Now….Ol’ Ran isn’t about to chip for such an expensive boat anchor. However, he can be convinced that spending 100 bucks for the same machine is a good deal. The folks we got it from received it as a gift and they had no more desire to drink espresso coffee than getting a case of lymphocytic choriomeningitis. I was pleased to spare them any suffering.

 

Connie (bless her little non-coffee drinking heart) found it on Craig’s List so we picked it up and gave it a new home. It creates a great espresso. I do drink straight espressos but most of my drinks are cappuccinos. I prefer that even over the latte’s though that was the original drink for a long time until I learned the differences.

It’s nice to stuff different blends in it and try this and that coffee. I can run a batch of decaff through it too which comes in handy at night when a guy doesn't want to stay up all night but just wants to savor the flavor. How nice to snuggle up next to a hot cappuccino and sip it while tinkering on computers or such.

 

It's also nice to have a couple of different kinds of coffee grinders. We have one each of the mill type and the impact (whirly) type. Both have their pluses and minuses but I end up using the blade type most of the time for convenience sake (did I mention how convenience oriented I am?). True aficianados spend as much for their coffee grinders as they do for their coffee machines. Guess I'll be an amateur for the time being. It's certainly a lot less expensive that way.  

 I won’t run out of coffee for awhile. We knock over Costco from time to time and haul a batch home. Then, there are the close-outs. I won’t buy Starbucks at retail or sale prices but will load up when they dump some prior to “sell by” dates. I can’t buy too much, though, or it gets stale.

 Anyway, that’s some of the every day happenings here at Rancho Espresso. You can bet….. we stay awake and alert around here.  Maybe we should change the name to “Rancho Wide Awake-O”.