Son of a Beach - Long Beach

Piper PA-44 Seminole

Man! Talk about things happening at the Ol’ Ranch! Connie and I departed Springville on Sunday March 4^th for Torrance (who stuck March into this picture so soon, anyway?!). I had signed up with a flight school called “ATP” for multi-engine flight training. They are a big outfit based at the Long Beach Airport and other large airports around the country.

Connie has a dear friend who lives a mere ten miles from the airport and who was most gracious enough to allow us to stay with her until I was finished. How neat is that? I had actually tried to sign on with “Mazzei’s Flight School” in Fresno but they were booked! So, Long Beach was the next choice.

I arrived early as is my usual protocol and got acquainted with my instructor, Zach Bell. Zach, I was to find, was a consummate professional and a great instructor! We had some “getting onboard” formalities to attend to (like, paying to play and signing all of the papers) so that was taken care of. Soon, we were in pre-flight mode and then we boarded the aircraft. Ziggity!

The plane is the twin-engine Piper PA-44 Seminole. She’s basically the backbone of the multi-engine training fleet in this country. Strapped to her “Hershey bar” (big rectangular) wings are two normally aspirated Lycoming 0-360 engines pumping out about 180 hp per side. You won’t see her entered into any races but you will see her at just about every airport that offers multi-engine training.

The Seminole is basically the Piper PA-28R Arrow but with two engines. The Arrow is basically the Piper PA-28-181 Archer but with retractable landing gear and a “T-tail”. I’ve flown the Archer (and all other Cherokees save for the Cherokee Six) but have yet to fly the single engine Arrow. Reckon I just side-stepped that one to fly the Seminole. “Mazzei’s” actually has the Arrow and I hope to fly it while picking up my instrument rating if they can spare an instructor. They just hired three new instructors but still don’t have time for small town pilots like me. Heck…I told them that my money was good and that the ink should be dry by the time I get up there. HEHEH.

So, it appeared that I would actually be flying an old friend that had an extra engine. That pretty much was the case. Ah…but it sounds soooo simple. However, as you well know, when you have an airplane with one engine, taking care of the particulars is a handful. When you have two engines, the particulars are three handfuls. This is also to say that, actually flying the airplane is somewhat easy but handling the checklist, knowing the emergency engine-out procedures, and riding herd on the instruments is a much greater workload.

After the preflight and finding that all pieces were in close proximity to each other and that we had gas enough to fly without stopping at the local Shell station, we boarded the bus. Ol’ Captain Sweetie (thanks for the telling appellation, Connie) strapped himself in and settled in for the duration.

“ATP” had sent me a 50 page study guide. I was just so thankful that they only wanted me to memorize 40 pages of it. It concerned what they expected me to do prior to taking a check ride and also how the Seminole performed in flight and on the ground. After a week of memorizing everything but the names of the individual 6,000 rivets on the aircraft, I felt somewhat secure in steering this modest twin into the placid ether above Long Beach Harbor’s “Angel’s Gate” and all points west to Catalina Island and back. Ah, but there was more.

No self-respecting airplane would be caught dead without its checklist and the Seminole was no exception. I am used to using a checklist on all of the airplanes I fly with the exception of the Aeronca Champion. But…holy guacamole! I wasn’t expecting a thick bible! Each step of every part of the operation of the aircraft, from pre-flight to post-flight when the props stop spinning and the chocks are in place, is prescribed in the checklist. What to do if an engine stops, what to do during pre-take off, post-take off, climb, cruise, descent, while on approach, and while in the pattern, and what to do after landing is all detailed in the checklist.

Contrast this with the checklist of the 1946 Aeronca 7DC Champion that I’ve recently been flying. The list is basically: GO CART – Gas, Oil, Controls, Altimeter, Run-up, and Time. In other words, kick the tires and light the fires. It translates as, “Checklist? Checklist? We don’t need no stinking checklist!”. Of course, one of the other airplanes that I fly, a Cessna 172 with a 180 hp engine conversion, constant speed prop, and STOL kit, does have a real checklist but it’s nothing compared to the Seminole.

A strange thing happened while I was perusing the checklist. There are a couple of really interesting psychological phenomena known as “perceptual blocking” and “perceptual filtering”. It means that you can’t see what’s actually in front of your face. Now, you would think that a fully-growed (sic) fella like myself would be able to  see what was on his check list. HA! Silly you! I managed to look directly at the check list and erase much of it in a single bound! How on earth could a reasonably intelligent guy with at least one good eye do this?! Well, it’s easy….at least the best that I can tell. What wasn’t supposed to be there, according to my previous 30 years of single engine flight training, just wasn’t there. It didn’t exist in my world so it didn’t exist in this new world’s checklist. Oh, by the way, that’s not a good thing when transitioning to a twin-engine airplane where check lists are paramount.

I’ve been flying small planes since 1963. Not only that, I’ve been flying small planes at a small airport since 1963. The check lists are short and you don’t have to report to “Clearance” for permission to contact “Ground Control”, then report to “Ground Control”, and then call the “Control Tower”. So, I was looking at the twin engine checklist at the second busiest general aviation airport in the country and seeing “SINGLE ENGINE AIRCRAFT OPERTATION AT A SMALL AIRPORT”.  In other words, I was trying to fly a multi-engine aircraft like a single engine plane and missing crucial checklist items though they were right in front of my face. It was embarrassing and exasperating. If I were a Mexican I would be tempted to cry out, "Santa Maria y Teresa!".

If that doesn’t make you want to wash your didy in the new low-suds “Tide”, on my first attempt at getting the twin engined box of rocks back to the ground, I was trying to land it like a Cessna! Actually, in all fairness to yours truly, my instructor advised that all Cessna drivers do this but that they learn to overcome their previous training. I did overcome that part and drove the twin onto the runway at 70 knots as directed by the instructor and the checklist. It was a non-event. I just had to remember to land the aircraft without much flare at all and with enough airspeed to make a go-around if necessary (and, when they pull the mixture handle taking away a perfectly good engine, they make sure that it is necessary!).

Well, that’s called, “flying the plane”. I can do that part. However, the aircraft is equipped with two beautiful Garmin GNS 430 GPS/Nav/Radio units that have the HSI and VOR’s slaved to them. Unfortunately, someone forgot to train me in the use of these new fangled boxes of semiconductors. Oh, yes. Someone also forgot to apprise me of the fact that Long Beach Airport is the second busiest General Aviation airport in the nation (only Van Nuys, not far away to the north, is busier). This translates to a “work load” on a pilot from a small uncontrolled airport in the southern San Joaquin Valley.

Frankly, I loved the plane and its instrumentation. I’ve read about the GNS 430 and have even used it twice but am still learning how to use it correctly. It’s great! The handling qualities of the plane were quite familiar and were without intimidation. It flew like most other Piper’s with which I am acquainted. But, unlike its single engine siblings, it has the glide ratio of a bag of Oreos. Anyway, when thrust into such a busy environment without having sufficient training with the excellent instrumentation, and while flying in airspace that is completely foreign to me, the result was predictable; it was overwhelming.

Imagine having to have sudden and immediate recall of several unfamiliar frequencies (even though I did write them down and had them on my kneeboard), airspace parameters, altitude restrictions, and being required to have complete environmental awareness (i.e. being aware of the many aircraft that are in the practice area between Catalina Island and Long Beach and the nearby restricted airspaces) on the first flight! Now, try to balance that with actually flying the airplane through a number of flight maneuvers without “impressing” the instructor. *Sigh*. This is pretty tough stuff for a pilot who hasn’t flown into controlled airspace in almost ten years. I hadn’t fully realized that fact until I was looking down from 4,500 feet MSL and beholding the absolutely stunning beauty of Long Beach Harbor from Catalina Island. This is also to say that Ol’ Ran simply wasn’t proficient with flying at a “real” airport. All of this means that I wasn’t able to fully fly the plane as effectually as was necessary to complete the accelerated training program. It became clear that I was a candidate for the “un-accelerated” program. “Ol’ Slow Ran”, they call me.

Because of the above (overwhelming) dynamics, and after more than 6 hours of dual instruction, I decided to voluntarily withdraw from the program prior to the check ride and resume at a time when I wasn’t so dusty and rusty and in airspace (e.g. Fresno) with which I was familiar.

My instructor was a prince. He understood and called me a good pilot. That may have been because I brought him and the plane back in one piece and without him needing a new Huggie. He was right thankful for that, I should suppose. It was also in light of the fact that I always hung the airplane on the assigned altitude and was more prepared procedurally (i.e. I did my homework) than anyone else that he could recall. Because of that, he commented that I would make a great “IFR” pilot. I was most humbled. The instrument rating is, in fact, the next goal.

It made sense to me because, had I not withdrawn, I was looking at being rather unprepared for the check ride. There was no way I was going to add a busted check ride to my shopping cart so it was time to “Take Me Back to Tulsa”, boys. “ATP” issued an immediate pro-rated refund.

I’ll be contacting “Mazzei’s” in Fresno again and see if they can sequence me into their program up there. Their program is six weeks long and I think to say that their longer (decelerated) agenda is right up my alley. Most likely, the training received in Long Beach can easily shorten their syllabus and I can take the check ride sooner. Anyway, I’ll keep everyone apprised as I can.

The next step is probably to head to Livermore and check out in their “Waco Classic” YPF5C and their Great Lakes 2T. This WACO is an all new model built in Battle Creek, MI. She’s a cutie that looks exactly like the antiques! She's equipped with the 275 hp Jake on her nose which I think is wonderful! The Continental powered WACO’s climb like homesick angels anyway so this one must be a hoot! I called “Attitude Aviation” and found that I merely need to schedule the program. It should only take about a week to nail down both planes.

They also have a Marchetti SF-260 hot rod with the big 260hp Lycoming on it. I understand them to be ex-Italian AF trainers and they currently use them for mock combat flights. Sounds like fun to me! Their Pitts S-2C is also available but I’m not really all that ready to tackle aerobatics. Plus, I think the Pitts is a bit more responsive and sensitive on the controls for a ham hand like me. I may reconsider after building some time in other ships.

We’ll be putting in an above ground garden if we can. It’s already pretty late to do so but it may yet work. The 2’ x 12” x 10’s are stacked but need to be painted and we need to get some compost. I figure we should be ready by Christmas or New Years at the latest. We have a ton seeds which should last for many more years.

The exhaust manifold on the Ranch Rhino (tractor) is being fixed and it should be back to work soon. It doesn't eat much but its wrangler is the laziest varmint I've seen in awhile. On one of the next “burn days” I hope to turn the huge pile of tree and grass trimmings and such that I’ve been collecting for the previous three years into smoke, heat, and gas.

More later as we can. Stay tuned for the adventures of Ol’ Sky Jack Ran (I was buckin’ for “Sky King” but it’s already taken) and his side-cook, Sweetie Pie Connie.

FEBRUARY?!! You Can't Be Serious!

Well, well, well. It’s February again and ….so soon, too! Someone needs to ‘splain to me how it can be 2012 while I’m still waiting for Y2K. Perhaps the new fangled high-performance Lithium Ion batteries on the market are pushing my old clocks into overdrive. For all I know, the new Star Trek DiLithium batteries are probably being used. Hey, I stick a memory chip in my computer and it talks to me just like it does when Spock does it! Who’s to say that these potent little space ship powering battery packs aren’t already on the market?

Things are moving along briskly here, to say the least. Not a complaint, of course. We don’t mind kicking along here at the ranch (though we would like to make a bit more dust in the process). We’ve had a number of new clients and our regulars are still showing up. It’s great when your business is located on the only road in and out of town, eh? Most of our clients are dear friends by now and a few of them are at least third cousins. It’s great!

We’ve just about wound down from our vacation trip. For some reason, all of that great Texas cookin’ and fresh Texas air has given us a heapin’ helpin’ of Texas-sized blahs. We seem to be short of steam lately. There seems to be about enough steam to blow the dust off a small chicken but that’s about all (and that’s if we double team him).  

Here at the ranch we’ve been waiting for Old Man Winter to drop in but he’s somehow lost his way. My guess is that his Garmin 430 GPS is broken. There was a rain storm forecast for Tulare Country the other day. Springville managed to get its share of the six drops that made to the ground.  My hope was that we would at least get enough rain to wash the coffee off the side of my van. I parked a cup of warm Starbucks on top when I loaded my guitar after church but….forgot it and drove off. Reckon the old girl will soon get a new year’s bath (the van, that is). El Cheapo wanted to save ten bucks but it didn't happen. Though not particularly vain, I do try to at least knock the chunks off the hoopie when I drive in public. Most folks around here are about ready to hire the local tribe of Tule Indians to do a rain dance. The trouble is that they own a Casino now and they’re too busy and prosperous to fuss with such low-paying seasonal events.

Can you imagine experiencing “winter” and only getting to wear your nice leather jacket twice all season (and that was actually more for decoration and not that I needed it)? Connie decked me out in a long sleeve shirt a couple of times too. If that isn’t enough to make you bark at your bulldog, we’ve had the A/C on in the van several times so far!  We visited the kids down in Harbor City/Torrance not long ago (January is supposed to still be winter) and it was 79 degrees! During our trip back east this previous December at Christmas time, it was 72 degrees in New Orleans. The A/C system has had no time to rest!

The lack of rain also translates in to a lack of green. The hills around here are usually alive with the sound of music but music doesn’t make the grass grow. So, the hills are brown and ugly just like in the summer time when the grass becomes oven-baked hay. It really makes me wonder if we will get our splendiferous crop of wild flowers this spring. We usually take the 25 or so mile drive from Springville to Exeter through Yokhol Valley. The curvy mountainous route is usually awash in white, gold, and purple wildflowers. Everything is painted green. It’s absolutely stunning.

And, our front yard is lacking as well and is starting to get really ugly. I am about to fire the hired help because he won’t get our there and set the sprinklers and ride the lawn tractor. I would do it but I am the hired help and I need the job.

The back yard…hoo, boy….that is a hopeless cause. It hasn’t been attended to in a year! That’s because the barn project took almost a year to complete (so much for “Aw, it shouldn’t take more than three months”). By the middle of last summer, I basically did not have a back yard. The place was littered with everything from tools to fools. All of the previous years’ yard work was laid waste. Once our lone duck gets back in a row I’ll take the Ranch Rhino tractor with its drag scraper and rework the area. A few bags of seed and a bit o’fertilizer, a liberal splash of agua, and things should be back in the green.

Don’t ask about the orange trees at the rear of the property. They have been dry-land farmed for too long and the fruit looks like big orange raisins. The sprinklers are in place so they may get a drink of water soon. Where’s a good Mexican laborer when you need one?

Speaking of having a lousy memory….someone has stolen at least half of my RAM chips. I can recall the days when I had a memory like a Cray super computer. Well….almost. I could, however, at least keep up with a good used Commodore 64.  Work schedules, appointments, dates, concerts, and what all were never missed and were remembered weeks in advance. But, now?….Holy moly!...I have to keep a bungee cord hooked between me and the calendar so I don’t miss appointments set for the next day! *SIGH*

Connie keeps trying to remind me to close the bedroom blinds before taking a shower (the bedroom faces Highway 190). Time and time again she has raced in and twisted the blinds shut just in time to spare the public from serious injuries to their eyeballs. But, Ol’ Flash somehow just can’t seem to get the point to stick to his Teflon lined noggin. She is also hoping to not have to bail me out of the hoosegow but loves me enough to hock the henhouse if I get busted for "aggravated nutidity" (being stupid enough to be nude where people can see you). Actually, it could even be worse. I could be charged with being "nekked" in public. Being nude is when you don't have any clothes on. But, being "nekked" is when you don't have any clothes on and you are up to something.

And….what’s with the salt-and-pepper mop on my head? I truly recall not being born with a need or desire have salt or pepper on anything but my eggs. Yet, my hair has been deftly and silently re-decorated with an extra color. Hmmmm….my barber was awfully quiet during my previous couple of haircuts. Maybe he’s practicing for a hair styling talent contest and forgot to advise me of the matter. He probably figured that, if he didn’t get screamed at by a client, he stood a good chance of winning. 

Stay tuned for more adventures of Captain Underpants and his side-cook, Connie, the Sweetie Pie.

Home Home on the Ranch - Part Two

Day 7

One of the delights of traveling is that you may get to see friends and/or family whom you have never met. That happened to us twice on this adventure, once in Missouri and once in Oklahoma (more about the Oklahoma surprise in a bit). After some coffee (for me, given that Connie is smart enough to settle for OJ, hot chocolate, and the like) and a light breakfast (i.e. enough to feed a small cat), we departed Fort Scott and headed east.

The first stop in MO was Eldorado Springs where we met sister in Christ and friend, Pat Gerster for the first time. It was a really blessed time of sharing and chatting over coffee and sodas. We are privileged to stand in prayerful agreement with our friend for the fullness of the will of the Lord be done for certain personal prayer requests. After a good while, we were back in the van and on our way to Bolivar, MO which, interestingly, is not all that far from Eldorado Springs.

Once in Bolivar, we hooked up with long time friend of the family, Dave Taylor, of “Taylor-Made Stone”. We had tried to connect last year but our schedule was too tight to be able to see him. So, it was great to get to visit with him. We had only seen each other once in the previous 40 years and even then it was only for a few minutes!

Wouldn’t you know that Ol’ Dave was smart enough to park his business across the street from a super Mexican restaurant! A smallish town in Missouri isn’t where I would think that you would find one of the country’s best Mexican restaurants! However, the vote is in; this is one of the best at which I’ve dined! What a treat! Reckon Dave can expect to see us again! HEH HEH!

After lunch and great visit, we had to depart and Dave had to get back to tending the biz. The Lord willing and the chickens don’t die, we’ll be able to return.

By early evening we were in Marshall, MO (near the top of the state) at dear friend and prayer partner, Melanie Campbell’s, home. Last trip, we were able to visit her for awhile prior to heading to Illinois. Since we arrived right at supper time (how convenient, eh?), she decided to take us to an out-of-the-way diner called, “

Lukes Place”.     

It looked like it may have been an ex-Lion’s Club or such and it certainly wasn’t anywhere near the beaten path. But, the food was outstanding! I can only imagine what their breakfasts are like!

Among other things, Melanie is an excellent writer/author and has recently won (actually swept) local writing awards. She is also a seasoned minister with much wisdom and council to offer the body of Christ. I suspect that we will be seeing more of her teachings as she contributes to various websites and newsletters. After hugs all around, we were BOI again.

From Marshall to St. Louis, we experienced misting and light rain. It was just an inconvenience and nothing serious. It was time to call it a night, though. Lights out… near St. Louis.

The next stop was Hillsboro, IL (a couple of hours NE of St. Louis) where we were able to visit with long time friend and brother, Gene Sales. Gene and I go back to the 8^th grade. We were both comic book collectors and had other things in common including another dear friend and brother, Jerry Lewis. We were…uh-hum….quite the trio. We being lads of the ‘60’s, you can ascribe certain random thoughts to what that may mean and…..you’d probably be spot on. We have all remained close friends for this entire time. Gene moved to Illinois a few years after I returned from WA in ’96. This is only the second time we had the opportunity to visit in all that time. After a swell time of visiting and belly filling, we had to go further north yet. Hugs all around and we’re BOI.

As can be imagined, after such a fairly tight schedule, and after 2,600 miles of being in the saddle, our bodies were starting to “talk” to us. In Dwight, IL (right along the old “Route 66”) there is a super “Super 8” motel that just happened to have a…Jacuzzi! Zowie! Jacuzzis are our friends! After luxuriating in the tub until we were a couple of ancient prunes, we looked at each other and said, “Can we bring this thing home with us?”. It surely helped us in having peaceful rest for the night.

OK….it’s Friday and day 9 for the brave and tired travelers. We’re on our way to Plainfield, IL to see beloved friends and brother and sister Ben and Mary Garwood. Ben and Mary moved to Plainfield from Rockford, IL a few years ago after he retired from teaching there. Their children and grandchildren are in Plainfield or nearby so it makes it much easier to be a family.

I met Ben in Rockford while I was on the police department. He was attending a school sponsored music event (he’s a music teacher) and I had been hired to chaperone (in uniform) the event (there’s another story here but I think I’ll save it for “Randy’s Rant Roost”). Though we had just met that evening, Ben offered to help me move across town! We have been fast friends and brothers from that time.

Ben and Mary (consummate animal lovers) are also the custodians of a most interesting petting zoo there in Plainfield. It’s difficult to quantify their labor of love as they pour heart and soul into helping, feeding, doctoring, and nurturing this amazing collection of animals! It would seem to me to be almost overwhelming but they continue to be the linchpins that make this marvelous place available for the public to enjoy. I can only stand in amazement!

I’ve been to a few zoos but had yet to see things like the coatimundi (Ben is state certified to handle wild animals) or a water buffalo. There was also an amazing collection of ducks, geese, pigs, miniature horses, bison, dogs, and deer! Ben and Mary actually built some of the housing structures and they certainly are “out of pocket” on many items including food for the animals. It is a labor of love, to be sure and I trust that any and all who are concerned with the zoo will understand this to the fullest.

Ben, being the wise man that he is, remembered where they parked a “Golden Corral” buffet. Now, Ol’ Brother Ran has yet to meet a “Golden Corral” that he didn’t like so I concurred with his decision to haul our pink fundaments over there for lunch! I know that I keep saying it but, it’s true; we hurt the steam tables.

It was great to get to see them again and I’m ever so thankful that they could share their time and the zoo with us. I would that everyone had such family as Ben and Mary. They both had music lessons for the remainder of the day and into the evening so it was hugs all around and we were BOI. All we need is a nice fast airplane and we can visit them more often.

As was planned, we retraced our route back to Hillsboro to see Gene again. We are thankful to be able to visit for friends and family at all but when we can actually get to visit twice, we are elated! After spending the night in nearby Litchfield, we drove the few miles to Hillsboro.  Litchfield is on the main highway but Hillsboro is one of those places that you have go to on purpose. You are not going to find Hillsboro while on your way to someplace else unless you are lost.

Once again we visited with our dear brother for a good long time. It was grand to share old memories from so long ago and to rehash old events many of which I had forgotten about. Ah, how nice it was to dust off the old stories and tales…er…most of them anyway. Tee hee.

It was difficult to have to leave my brother behind but we had to “ease on down the road”. Hugs all around and we’re BOI.

Gas was 3.03 when we departed Litchfield. The weather was nice!

The next stop was Jefferson City, MO at another “Super 8”. This was an exceptional motel this time. “8’s” are usually fine but this one was a cut above.

Day11: We’re headed south from Jeff City because I wanted Connie to see the Ozark Mountains. I was fortunate to see that region many years ago but she hadn’t been to Missouri.

There was more-than-a-pleasant surprise awaiting us in Ozark. I almost fell out of the van when I saw the big “Lambert’s” sign along the highway! “Lambert’s” is the “home of the throwed rolls” (sic). Thanks to dear friend and sister, Becky Sanders, I had become acquainted with the “Lambert’s” in Foley, AL and had actually stood at the door of the one in Sikeston, MO. The one in Sikeston had the nerve to be closed when I showed up! I had totally forgotten that the third restaurant was in Ozark! And, we were there just in time for lunch! Such a deal! Whoo hoo!

To say that the food is “good” at “Lambert’s” is like saying an aircraft carrier is a nice boat. All you have to do to enjoy their sumptuous feast is…wait for about an hour. Yep. You have to stand in line and work up an appetite. God created all men equal and “Lambert’s” abides by that rule. Everybody waits.

I had the grilled pork chops while Connie selected the chicken fried steak. The pork chops were each as large as a size 12 tennis shoe and Connie’s steak was the size of a Chevy hubcap! The sides were: black eyed peas, turnip greens with ham, fried potatoes and onions, baked potatoes, and more! Then they toss or throw you a large yeast roll! “Doggie bag, please!”.

After stuffing ourselves silly, we again headed south. When going through that part of Missouri, almost everyone immediately thinks of Branson. Yep. Being the really sharp “Weedeater” that I am, I thought of that too. I didn’t expect there to be much happening during the day and I was correct. That’s fine for me. I really only wanted to drive around and take a few pictures of the big theaters they have where all of the big names perform. We grabbed a Pepsi refill and continued our trip on Highway 65.

Not that I was planning it but, we really did take the “scenic route”. We’re not afraid to follow the path less traveled and did so this time. This is to say that we followed what appeared to be the obvious route to I-40 West. This leap of faith led us to Eureka Springs, AK where they have the “Passion Play” during summer time. I had heard about the play when I lived in Tulsa but had never been there. They have a neat train station/depot where steam engine trains rides are available for a nominal charge. The entire town is also quite photogenic so we took a lot of pictures.

Then next big town was Fayetteville, AK. After fueling, we made our way to Salisaw, OK for the night. Sallisaw, you may recall, is the home of the notorious gangster, Pretty Boy Floyd who was killed by law enforcement officers in Ohio. That pretty well ended his career as a bank robber.

A really interesting stop was at the little burg not far from Sallisaw. It is the quaint town of Vian, OK. Connie and I had stopped there four years ago or so while on our trip to Memphis and back. Turns out that, not only did we get to stay at a quiet and out of the way locally owned motel (read: "The smell of curry was no where to be found"), Vian is where our aunt, Bobbie Sanders Foster, used to live as a young girl! Bobbie shared with us many of her experiences there when she was younger. This trip we took the time to take some pictures so that we can show her how the place has changed (or not).

Next stop was in Moore, OK where we had hoped to find cousin, Danny Phillips. Though unable to do so due to a scheduling conflict, we were able to visit with his mother, Shirley. Imagine our surprise when Danny’s brother, Jack, showed up! We hadn’t met him yet (or the younger brother either) so it was a real treat to get to meet him. You could call us the “chatterbox clan” because we had a great time sharing our respective recollections of family and events. Shirley is a natural writer and has a powerful recall of many things including her family history. Since Connie and I will be publishers soon, we hope to be able to help her get her information out to others! Yet again, it was hugs all around and we’re BOI (back on the Interstate). We called it quits in Denton, TX (not far from Dallas).

Please stay tuned as things are about to get really interesting! We’re going to New Orleans!

Home Home on the Ranch - Chapter 1

Man! We are really really glad to be back home! Talk about bushed-and-a-half! If I were a ’39 Ford, my axel would be dragging! It will take a couple of weeks to unwind from R&C’s Big Adventure.

Only a few bags and suitcases made it into the house the night we returned. The remainder of the “stuff” (not sure what else to call the compendium of trip snacks, yard sale items, foodstuff goodies, clearance sale items from Wal-Mart, and what all) would have to patiently wait until we had the energy to haul it into the inner sanctum. This could take awhile.

It was a hoot to hit the hay and find that our expensive heiney-fit mattress had Alzheimer’s and lost its memory while we were away. After flopping onto our weight resistant, buttock supporting, supercalifornyrealistic wonder bed, we found that it was like diving into a swimming pool that had no water in it. We basically are going to have to take a week or so to re-mold the bloody thing to our aging and fatigued airframes. Being too tired to argue with a demented bed, we just called it a night. Surprisingly, it was at least as good a night’s sleep as we got in the Super 8 Motels.

We missed some of our dear friends and family on the outbound leg of the trip. So, it was our desire to catch them on the flip-flop. Though our spirit was willing, our flesh was weaker than my mother’s coffee. Our sincerest apologies to all. We will try again when we can. When your body screams vile and opprobrious epithets at you for not giving it enough time to rest, you need to listen. After my body finally threatened to sue for a divorce, we turned the grill west instead of north. Had we slowed down there would have been a body parts revolution. 

In fact, Connie and I are trying to find ways to be able to make more than one annual trip to the east. I advised dear friend and brother, Ben Garwood of Plainfield, IL that all we needed was a couple of dump trucks full of hundred dollar bills and it would all work out just fine! Uh huh.

It will be difficult to express just how great this trip has been but I’ll try. To begin, we actually got started rather late in the game. The plan had been to be in Texas by the first week in November. That simply was impossible for us to do. We were taking care of the completion of our barn project (you know…the “8 weeks” project that has taken nine months to complete). Plus, there were other factors that were governing our life like business and such. As it turned out, our timing was perfect.

When you travel in the winter, the concern is always about the weather. I-40 through Flagstaff, AZ is always a messy area. I’ve been through there in January and it can get your attention. Being an arrogant, ignorant, and/or inconsiderate driver on an snow road can leave you upside down in the median with your luggage packed tightly around your shoulders and your fresh cup of Starbucks filling at least one ear. It isn’t uncommon to see stretches of I-40 closed from Flagstaff to Winslow or from (much of) Albuquerque to Tucumcari. The reasonable solution is to take I-10 which affords fewer weather assaults.

Our trip actually commenced from Harbor City/Torrance where we were guests at granddaughters, Liesl and Cosette’s, birthday party. Their birthdays are close together so we can opt for the one-bash-for-two-cuties party schedule. That also means that we started our trip picking up I-10 from the I-405 at Santa Monica. “Go east, old man”, and so it was on a warm and bright day.

There really is an awful lot of I-10. It stretches from Santa Monica, CA all the way to Jacksonville, FL. Talk about being able to see a “slice of America”! I’ve been on I-10 as far as Pensacola, FL and can testify to the awesome beauty and diversity of the southern parts of our country. There are stretches of I-10 that can also provoke comments such as tendered by my daughter, Jennifer, when we drove from California to Abilene for son, Jeff’s, wedding in ’98. After three days on the road she blurted, “Does the scenery ever change?!”. It did.... once we entered downtown Abilene.

On this journey we decided to not “drive ‘til you drop” before taking up camp. Both of our bodies were delighted about this decision. The first camp was made at the “Super 8” in Blythe. We’re somewhat fond of “Super 8” particularly after an extremely pleasant experience at one of the inns in southern Oklahoma last year. However, we soon discovered that not all watermelons are created equal. Being individually owned, some of the “8’s” were sub-par both in service and maintenance. You pays your money and you takes your chances when lodging at a motel of their modest price range.

From Blythe we meandered up to Prescott Valley, AZ to see friends and fellow ministers, Tom and Jan Luke. Unfortunately, our timing was a tad off. Wouldn’t you know that we would pick a time smack in the middle of “Volante Academy of the Arts’s” big Christmas pageant in downtown Prescott. So, we didn't get too hook up with them on this go around. We had hoped to make it back there on the return trip but were unable to this time. Check them out at: http://volanteacademy.org/. You can help support a ministry of excellence!

What we did do was head over to Sedona. The route there takes you through the old mining-town-turned-tourist-trap of Jerome. Given the fact that it was about 4 PM and that we had worn out our breakfast, we knocked over “Jerome Palace”. One of the specialties is the “Haunted Burger”. After we cast the spirits out of it, it was quite tasty! After taking a lot of pictures of the area we continued our trek.

However, by the time we reached Sedona it was dark. That was an unqualified "bummer dude" event.  However, the drive north through “Oak Creek Canyon” was still nice because the various inns and motels along the way were decked out with Christmas lights. We hit the end of the rope at Winslow. Had it not been at night, we would have stopped at the Meteor Crater near there. I've been there before but Connie has not. It cost one arm, one leg, one grandchild, and a well-polished hubcap to get in, but, it's (argueably) worth it to see a mile deep chunk of 15,000 year old history.

With our coffee and soda cups full, the next day (day 3) found us enjoying an uneventful trip on I-40 to Amarillo, TX. Actually, we did have an “event” in Gallup, NM. Someone (bless their darlin' hearts and all of their vital organs too) left a “Golden Corral” open for lunch. We stopped in for a bite and found that, when we left, we had made money on the deal. There were only light snacks that night because we were still full!

There was great delight taken over the 2.89 gas price at the locally owned pit stop! Our California fill-up was at 3.54! Wonder who we can blame for that? The southwestern motif place was exceptional in that it harbored a gorgeous red 1950 Buick sedan and a  red and black 1941 Chevy flat bed truck! They also had lots of bric-a-brac with which to temp tourists but…we had already prayed, “Lead us not into temptation”. So, were able to leave the place with full fuel and an empty bladder and nothing else other than a Pepsi refill. Moving on down the Interstate....there was a bit of snow left lying around on the roadsides but the highway was clear and dry.

From Amarillo, the route was straight to OKC then I-44 to Tulsa. There was a light rain most of the way but nothing like the mid-west “frog strangler” storms. It was a piece of pie (hoping to conjure up thoughts of the movie "2010"). The laundry was attended to then we called it a night. Gas 2.87 to 2.94.

OK…time to sleep in. The continental breakfast was not substantial enough to keep us from lazing our way into the morning. Besides, there was a coffee pot in the room (did I tell you that I prefer “Super 8” motels?). When we finally did crack an eyelid, I asked Connie for the bag that contained my toiletries. She handed me this dinky rectangle that I was sure could only hold a pair of socks and an eyebrow pencil. “You’re kidding!”, I thought. But, when the pouch was opened, lo and behold, there before my coffee assisted eyes, lay my two brushes, my deodorant, my slick’em smell’em (“Old Spice”, don’tcha know), a can of shaving cream, my regular razor, and my electric razor! If anyone ever asks if they know anyone who can pack 3 pounds of sugar in a 2 pound sack, tell them that my wife can! We sort of wallowed our way into the day after that.

Dear friend and brother, Red Polston and his wife, Patty, met us at 71^st and Memorial for lunch. Red is the leader of the pack for “Halo Jordan” Christian ministry band. You need to check these guys out but only if your feet aren’t broken because you’ll need to tap at least one foot: (http://www.halojordan.com). If your pocketbook isn’t broken, you will be blessed if you would be a part of their ministry. Red is a “prayin’ man” and knows how to pray blessings upon us.  

Now, you need to understand that “his Redness” is a great cook and that he is not known to dine at dives. That’s why his and Patty’s discriminating palates took us to “Famous Dave’s BBQ”. It is absolutely no wonder that Dave is famous! The waitresses fetched us, get this, a large trash can lid (lined with wax paper) loaded with BBQ ribs, brisket, and grilled chicken along with side orders of fries and corn on the cob! A couple of us dang near needed knuckle replacements after vying for the scrumptious goodies.

After barely making it out of the place due to overstressing the flooring and after hugs-all-around, the two California travelers eased out of the parking lot. Can you imagine our surprise when a huge ‘possum waddled his way across our path! My camera wasn’t at hand so I missed the “shot for the day”! The critter ducked underneath the wooden deck of “Famous Daves”. Uh…I wonder…naw. Anyway, it was time to go to Uncle Ron and Aunt Sue’s place.

Ron and Sue greeted us with hugs and smiles. We settled in for a great visit. After awhile and due to all of the non-union jaw work, we had worked up yet another appetite (my...but we humans do have our frailties, eh?). I had remembered a favorite burger place from when I lived in Tulsa in the early ‘80’s. Come to find out, “Goldies” was still around and still providing one of the best burgers anywhere so Ron and Sue took us there. They have a condiment bar from which you can load your flame-grilled burger and bun. Life is good at “Goldies”. After that, we headed back to the house, visited awhile longer, then made for the snore sack.

Day 6: After a nice home-made breakfast with Ron and Sue, some general lollygagging, and, after straightening out a few computer issues with their computers (computer dudes are handy gadgets to have around), it was time to bid “adios” to our hosts. Both are great at spoiling relatives so we wanted to testify that they scored the highest of marks on our score cards!

With Tulsa in our rearview mirror, our route was northbound to Fort Scott, KS via I-44 Will Rogers Turnpike. On the way we encountered the famous former world’s largest MacDonald’s over-the-freeway pit stop at Vanita, OK. Though we’d stopped there before a few years ago, we simply had to stop again. It was nice to sample the “Blue Bell” ice cream again! Connie had pumpkin spice and I savored the mocha madness.

It's only a few hours to Fort Scott, Kansas from Tulsa. Fort Scott is noteworthy for a lot of things. One is that it’s my mother’s home town. OK. She’s not all that famous. I “Googled” her and all that it said was “Who?”. However, it is where the first national cemetery is located. Also, it was one of the way points on the Pony Express route. If that isn’t enough to wax your mustache, they rebuilt the original fort after which the town is named (Gen. Winfield Scott)! It’s complete with tourist traps which reach out and grab passing folks by the legs and that don’t let go until you pay for a ticket to tour the place. I stayed out of reach because I’ve already been there some years ago and paid for my release.

Cousins Rick and Carol Singmaster and daughter Sylvia along with cousin Gary Singmaster and his full-time special lady, Kelly, all got together for supper at a rather unique diner near Pittsburg, KS. The place is called, “Chicken Annies” which, of course, serves the best chicken in the land. We did our part in making a dent in the chicken population that evening. To say the least, it was fabulous! The side of fries and the garlic coleslaw boosted the meal up even higher on my list. Though many folks don’t doubt their claim, the other restaurant next door, “Chicken Mary’s” apparently takes exception. Guess where we will pig out on chicken the next time we come through this way again?

With "God bless you" and hugs all around, we headed back to the motel for some much needed rest prior to the next leg...and thigh (heheh...I crack myself up).

Stay tuned for the next chapter of “Connie and Randy’s Big Adventure”

November Already?! What the ....heck?!

A lot has been happening at “Rancho Relaxo” in the past month. Connie and I have managed to make it to the new grandson’s dedication in Palos Verdes and the barn project is actually coming to a conclusion …after ten months!

The trip to see the kids in Harbor City was wonderfully uneventful. That simply means that we didn’t encounter but few fools who tried to kill us on the way down there. In fact, I-5 and I-405 were comparatively tame. We did get slowed down a bit on the return trip but that was anticipated. Sometimes you almost have to shoot your way out of town.

So, we now have a dedicated grandson whose name is officially, Kuyper Churchman Howden. He is a rather big boy, over 20 pounds at 7 months old. He’ll be the family “rolly polly” boy for now. We may end up calling him “Champ” since there isn’t another kid around that can whip him in his weight and age group. It seems somewhat incongruous since he’s also a big marshmallow and marshmallows aren’t particullary known for being a top name on the boxing charts. The dedication was at the “Rolling Hills Covenant Church” which is a rather large worship facility in Palos Verdes.  It's the home church of Kuyper's parents, Trixie and Dan Howden (who also just happen to be the parents of Thatcher, Liesl, and Cosette Howden).

After the dedication we all went to a super duper eatery called, “Ruby’s” in Palos Verdes. It was a “retro” place with a 1950’s motif that had a rebuilt carnival bumper car in their front window. I’m sure the car had to do with the motif because I didn’t see barbequed bumper cars on the menu. They also have a skating rink in the middle of the mall. That’s something that you don’t see around Porterville or Springville. Of course, Porterville isn’t exactly a real town yet and Springville is still a village inhabited by cavemen in comparison. Connie knocked out a “Hawiaan Burger” and I took on the fish and chips. Burps all around.

Business has been brisk. During one recent week, we had five people drop off six computers. Ol’ Ran didn’t have time to even go get a haircut. That left me trying to dodge the county dog catcher for awhile until I could find the time to get my ears lowered. I was pretty shaggy by the time I climbed into the barber’s chair. That’s not a complaint, though, because all those nice folks paid on time to redeem their beloved box of microchips.

One client opened up a file that appeared to be from FedEx. It basically gutted Windows XP. I had to re-install the operating system, drivers, and such. The obvious moral of the story is not to open any such files without confirming their origin. No, your antivirus program (regardless of brand) will not protect you when you authorize a toxic download. It’s more or less an override of the A/V system when you do that.

The weather has cooled down and we’ve been experiencing wonderfully mild autumn days. The day times are mostly sunny but we’ve had a day or two of cloudy weather with a tad of rain. The evenings cool down to the high 30’s and low 40’s. We could get a bit of rain in a day or two. The low 40’s environment didn’t stop the Wednesday evening jam session at the “River Ridge Ranch” here in Springville. On Wednesday evenings, folks gather for a “BYO” gig in a super nice outdoor facility and listen to local musicians do their thing. Some folks bring their dinner, some bring their dessert, some bring their wine, beer, or booze, and some just bring their ears. Everyone has a good time. The ranch is located a couple of miles up Balch Park Road and on the north fork of the Tule River. Different styles and different instruments ranging from banjos to cellos are deployed along with excellent singing talent. There is even a poet and story teller that show up.

Ol’ Ran the Picker usually turns up with a bass guitar, a lead guitar, and an accoustic rhythm guitar and a couple of amps. Of course, I bring both tonsils so that I can warble a song or two. I do a mix of stuff that includes a Bluegrass number or two but usually like to make sure that a Ray Price song is incorporated in the jam at some point.

And now the barn. After too many months of dealing with a big mess gone wrong, we’re coming to a delightful conclusion with our barn project. The steps to the upper floor are no longer a hazard to mankind (in the beginning, an elephant would have been at risk!). We had the contractor move the landing up one step which eliminated the dangerous 14” drop. He then rebuilt the stairs up to the landing. It worked out great!

Next, we now have shelves that can hold an enormous amount of stuff (and the Minnicks have a lot of stuff!). At first it appeared that we would only have an 8’ x 40’ area with no shelving at all in which to store things. However, once we understood what was happening, we changed the program. Now we have a 20’ x 40’ storage area with shelves.

A really nice aspect is that there is now an 8’ x 10’ room upstairs in the barn for the Ham radio operator in the family. Ol’ WA6IXI now has a place for his Short Wave and Ham radio equipment. It’s well insulated so it won’t take much to heat and cool it. There is a cool studio lighting system over where the desk will be and there will soon be a ceiling fan with a light fixture overhead as well. The built-in shelves will allow for storing radio and computer goodies too. Toss in a cot and pillow, a small 4 cubic foot refridgerator full of Diet Pepsi and Diet Royal Crown Cola, and maybe some gedunks, and the old brass pounder will be good to go.

All I have to do is to convince the old Ham dude to string some antennas so that he can have ears to hear. I’ll be keeping one of my Short Wave receivers in my main office upstairs in the house. That’ll require a longwire antenna. I can tune it with my MFJ-949 antenna tuner with no problems at all. When I acquire a Ham transceiver, the other MFJ-949 will be used to tune its antenna. Most likely, the antenna will be a vertical. I’d rather not deal with a directional/beam antenna for now. At some point I may string a multi-band dipole. We’ll see. With the MFJ tuner I can almost load a lawn chair (i.e. make resonant to a given frequency).

Not long ago we had the opportunity to go to Fresno to see an old friend whom we hadn’t seen in several years. After a pleasant but all-too-short visit, we made our way to my favorite Japanese restaurant. It’s the “Central Fish Market” at Kern and G streets in the golden west side. It’s situated across from the venrated “Komoto’s Department Store”. Instead of ordering my usual “Kitsune Udon” noodle dish, I engaged the seafood side of the menu and had the shrimp tempura while Connie dug deep into the chicken teriyaki plate. Nobody left the place hungry.

We also shopped in their store for a few oriental foodstuffs to take home. Perhaps the chef of the house can whip up a nice Japanese soup dish, eh?

The Lord willing and the toilets don’t overflow, in a couple of weeks we will probably be eastward bound. We had hoped to make it to Kingsbury, Texas for the semi-annual “Old Kingsbury Aerodrome Fly-in” on November 12^th. That simply didn’t happen. Rancher Ran and Rancherette Connie were just too loaded down with things to do to be able to comfortably pull the trip off this early. Usually, the fly-in is only a week before Thanksgiving. This time it was two weeks prior. As it was, we would have had to scurry to make the fly-in. The activities at “Rancho Relaxo” were just to many and too formidable to be able to depart that early. We couldn’t even finish servicing the ranch Freestar van in time. The best that we could muster was new tires, an oil change, and new wiper blades. The tranny still has to be serviced and something isn’t quite right with the CVJ’s. They make a noise when I’m in reverse.  If that isn't enough to make you chase a duck, the windshield wiper cleaner system isn't working properly. It spits instead of spewing. I need that to be functioning prior to a long trip into parts of America that are known to have inclement weather.

In fact, it appears that we aren’t going to make to Texas for Thanksgiving Day either. That isn’t necessarily a “bummer dude” environment though it was our first hope. After pondering the matter, by waiting, we would actually have additional quality time with the family. Quality time is our friend so we will delight in it.

The downside is the weather. Only God knows what the weather will be like in Texas in December. I’ve been there in January. Without controversy I can attest to the fact that it is as cold as an Ophelia crab’s bottom in the Bering Sea during the winter time.

I had a flat tire just outside of Sweetwater some years ago. Unfortunately, I have not tasted their water so I cannot attest to its sweetness. However, though great story tellers, I am not aware that Texans are great liars so I am yet convinced that the good folks of Sweetwater do, indeed, drink sweet water (although it may now be sweetened with a bit of “Sweet-N-Low” due to health considerations, don’tcha know). Anyway, my cell phone had about 30 seconds of battery left and went dead as I was apprising my son that I would be a tad late getting to Abilene. Had the Texas State Troopers not stopped to help only a couple of minutes later, I would have been a frozen Randy-cicle in no time.

Stay tuned for more adventures from the “yo-yo twins”, Randy and Connie (yo-yo  meaning that we leave the house only to return [sometimes more than once!] for whatever items that we forgot in the first place).

Rancho No Relaxo

Rancho No Relaxo

There just isn’t a lot of “relaxin’” going on here at the ranch at this time. Man! Talk about “hustling”! We got back from the trip to Washington and hit the decks a’runnin’!

For one thing, we had business to take care of. Our clients were considerate enough to wait until we got home to have computer issues (ain’t they sweet?). But, once we were firmly on Rancho Relaxo turf, they were quite demanding (isn’t it great to be missed?).

It took us a few days to get re-acclimated to our old stompin’ grounds and chasing down our one duck to get him in a row. But, after that it was merely chaos with which to contend.

For another thing, we are still gluing together the mess that our building contractor made. We were told that our barn would be built and finished within “a few weeks”. Seven months later our barn is not completed and some of the other items with which he dealt are completely unacceptable! So, we had to deal with that. If this is your day off and you don’t mind taking the “long way to Tulsa”, here we go!

The first thing we had to do was to fire our contractor. I hated to do that but the man was simply an incompetent fool. I have little or no time to deal with fools of any sort or caliber. Being a fool is optional as far as I can tell so it isn’t necessary. This is particularly applicable when the fool is also a liar and a con man. He is on the drop edge of going to jail unless I can get some satisfactory resolutions to this matter from him.  

After firing the man, who has cost us about ten thousand dollars (so far) beyond what we had expected, we contacted a local contractor who was immediately available to help. We love this guy! Bob Sanford gave us a light at the end of the tunnel and advised us that he could handle the matter and bring it to a conclusion. I am placing this guy way high on my Christmas list!! He’s my hero!

So, some of the speed skating happening around here was to find this reputable contractor. When we did, we also found that our previous contractor had “lost” the inspection card, plans, and relevant paper work for our barn project. Great. Does this sound like the work of a “professional”? That meant that we had to drive to Visalia (about an axel greasin’ from here – about 30 min.) to the Tulare County permit department and get duplicate copies of the requisite paperwork. That’s just great given the fact that I have computers that are in need of my golden screw driver. My clients are suffering computer withdrawals and here I am chasing all over the place cleaning up after a less-than-reputable contractor and there is a lot more to this story!

For instance: we had him build us a 15’ x 40’ patio cover. The morons who put the roof on basically destroyed it in the process. Now, that’s true professionalism. For one thing, they used the wrong materials to cover the lower pitch roof. They used 30 pound felt instead of the requisite “Stick and Peel”. For another, they didn’t cover our beautiful 5/8” tongue and groove roof with OSB (oriented strand board, which is basically a competitor for plywood). This means that, when they used their jackhammer nail guns, they blew through the shingles and the wood and cracked, split, and otherwise destroyed the soft tongue-and-groove roof. Ain’t that just swell?

Then, the painters didn’t seal it on the underside. So, now the knot holes bleed through. Can you spell, “I D I O T S”? Our contractor hired a crew of unlicensed illegal aliens. And, guess what? We paid the price. We found out later that he “used to be a good contractor but then he got greedy and began to cut corners”. Oh, really?! That was no surprise by this time. 

Speaking of painters, they didn’t do hardly any “cut-in” work. Some places were bare wood. Others were the wrong color while others only had an insufficient coat of paint. The local Girl Scout troupe could have done better.

If that wasn’t enough to make you slap your grandma, the roofers left places on the roof that were bare of the undercover felt material and they didn’t use the small sealers used to isolate the nail holes when installing the flashing against the house. This means that any water or rain would have immediate access to the wood and probably the house! In only a few years we would have had a monstrous wood rot issue on the roof and with the house! Imagine my chagrin when I noted that they even had the 30 pound felt undercoating material over (instead of under) the composite roofing material in one place! I was dumbfounded!

The new contractor put OSB over the tongue-and-groove and obviated the issue of further damage to the roof. He also put down to the proper “Peel and Stick” material for the lower pitch roof. He then properly installed the composite roofing material and actually covered the entire roof instead of just most of it. His son and business partner will be painting the underside after sealing it. Amazing, eh?

To deepen the concern, the previous lout installed the incorrect piping for our propane powered stand-by residential generator. It had to be dug up and replaced. The new contractor fixed it right away.

The good news is that any trip to Visalia means that we get to knock over Costco’s hot dog stand. Connie always has the hot dog combo with ketchup and I always have the Polish dog combo with mustard. Doesn’t it just make your day to get a nice huge hot dog and a soda for a buck and a half? Such a deal! It just touches this old yard sale-er’s heart, don’tcha know.  But, there was no rest for the weary. We had to boogie on back to Springville to get ready for our big yard sale.

We also just hosted a huge 16 family yard sale that coincides with the Springville “Apple Festival”. Let us get a perspective on this. A yard sale is brutal in and of itself. Multiply that by a factor of 16 and you have a “chore” on your hands. Yes! We had 16 individuals/families parked on our front lawn! You should have seen it! It looked like a carnival of some sort! HAH! There were canopies galore! We supplied three of them. One was a 10’ x 10’ job while the other two were 13’ x 13’ covers.

It was hard even for us to comprehend. We had cars lined up on both sides of 32874 Highway 190, Springville, CA (Google it) for ….a block! It was constant foot traffic aaaaaaaaall daaaaaaay loooooong for three days! One car would pull out and one or two would pull in! We found out later that we were the “talk of the town”. I shouldn’t wonder!

All-in-all, it was a great time for all but I must admit that it was a bit taxing on our aging airframes. If we continue at this pace, we’ll be grounded by an AD (“Airworthiness Directive” from the FAA) until we can fix our broken bodies. There is talk of another such wallet shaking event this coming spring but, Ol’ Ran and Ol’ Con are not so sure yet. We’re going to wait until our muscles are not influencing our thought processes.

To add a bit of velocity to our dealings, this morning we were conversing with the contractor, answering the phone, and handling two new clients, all at the same time! Within a short time we also had to prepare to go to “Hooterville” and then on to the “real town” of Visalia. We were headed that way so that we could shop in real stores but then we had to go to Kaweah Delta Hospital to see cousin, Sharon Sanders (we covet your prayers).

Back at the Ranch, we also had the A/C man, a good friend from high school, come out and follow up on our evaporative cooler that he installed. It has a “purge” function that the old one didn’t have. So, he had to add a drain line that emptied into the (new) gutter.

It’s actually nice to be busy and perhaps even hectic from time to time. There are no complaints issuing from the ranch foreman and his sidecook (sic) Connie (though their bodies are in revolt). All is well. We are blessed.

Stay tuned for the updates as the new contractor makes the place look presentable so that the “Yo-Yo Twins”, Connie and Randy (more on this later) won’t be ashamed of their new barn and patio cover. It will be the “New Rancho Relaxo”.

They're Back!!

Rancho Relaxo Update 9-14-11

After a whirlwind week of packing, stacking, racking, and driving, along with seeing relatives and eating our way through three states, we have landed back at “Rancho Relaxo” where we plan on…relaxing… for a couple of days. Ha, ha, ha! You thought I was serious, didn’t you?! We hit the deck a’runnin’ and haven’t been able to do much resting.

From another perspective, though we are certainly running to catch up to the freight train, it’s still more like the old saying, “I have to go back to work so I can get some rest”. We’re tired. Well, we started tired so I think we are now “exhausticated”. There are few body parts that are not protesting their abuse.  I haven't noticed my left ear lobe complain as of  yet. So, we’re still getting our one duck in a row. We're trip spun but are otherwise doing about as good as dull knife in a butcher shop.

The weather was most accommodating while away and the espresso coffee up yonder was outstanding. When you are in the Pacific Northwest, you can throw a rock and hit a place the sells espresso. Even McDonalds sells the sweet elixer of life! The place where I used to buy latte’s twenty years ago is still making them at the same “half price” deal. “Brew me up a triple latte’”, says I. You can bet that the special deal added some extra savor to the mix. After searching around a bit, a couple of nice bags of coffee found their way into our bags too.

It was nice to see friends and family again. We only get to see them once per year so we savor the reunion. Reckon Ol’ Ran will have to come up with a nice fast airplane so that he can see his kith and kin more often. Anyone feeling sorry for Ol’ Ran may feel free to contribute to the “Feel Sorry For Ol’ Ran” benefit fund. I think the starting contribution is around 100 bucks (tee hee). A free tear towel and handkerchief is included for no extra remuneration. I'm thinking about starting a website too so I can garner mega contributions (you can't possibly think that I am serious, eh?).

One treat was an absolutely super BBQ'd pork and baked salmon fest hosted by long-time friend and brother, Jeff Edgecomb. I think the guy is a magician when it comes to BBQ’ing stuff. His pork was incredibly tasty and fell apart in your mouth. Unreal! He uses a dried tomato rub and apple juice (I may be incorrect given the fact that he was speaking English into my one good ear. He should have used Morse Code). I couldn’t figure out the combination until I tasted it. I’m a convert, to be sure! The baked salmon that he and his mother prepared was absolutely stunning in its simplicity. They tossed some butter on it along with a pinch of salt and wrapped it up on aluminum foil. It was fabulous!

I guess that that's why I still miss the Pacific Northwest after having lived there for about 5 years. There seems to be no lack of fresh fish (trout, steelhead, and salmon for the most part) and no lack of elk. Not only that, the weather is fairly moderate, all things considered. There are times that come to mind when I lived there that it was 106 degrees in this area yet it was only about 78 degrees or so in Longview. Granted it does get rather chilly in the winter. But, I have long sleeve shirts and a couple of nice leather jackets to help with keeping the "California Kid" comfortable.

Now the good part: the yard sales in Longview, WA have officially been strip mined by the "Dynamic Duo of Yard Sales", Connie and Randy. Talk about some bargains! Folks were almost throwing goodies at us!! Fortunately, we had the 8' x 12' covered trailer, "Heffalump", with us. The treasures are almost too numerous to list. However, some of the items include a nice grass seed spreader, an AM/USB/LSB Cobra CB radio, a marine communications receiver, all kinds of stuff and collectibles to sell on Ebay, cords and wires galore, fishing rods and reels (I only have about 50 rods and reels so I have to be prepared, don’tcha know), a router, an new antenna mounting kit, a battery free (grind your own) flashlight, cook books (yum yum), and a host of other really neat things.

Add to that, my buddy, Jeff, gave us a like-new Bow-Flex exercise machine! All I have to do now is hire someone to use it! HAR! All seriousness aside, we hope to find a spot in the new barn (which is already way too small) in which to install this large chunk of man-humiliating pulleys and iron.

If I fit an exercise regimen into the daily calendar I will have to arise and greet the day at about 4AM so that I can study for my instrument rating, mow the lawn and do the farm work, shoot a few ground squirrels, study the Bible and pray, and make my daily espresso while getting ready for work. Seeing as how I usually work until midnight or later each day, this could be…how you say…”very interesting”.

We're tiiiiiired to be sure but had a great time seeing the kids and EATING. I have to mention that because we got to knock over the “Five Guys’ Burgers and Fries” place in Arlington (just north of Marysville). It’s ranked as one of the top burger places in the entire country. I have no doubt about it. This was our second go around with the place and we were not disappointed at all. If we lived up there, I'd weigh 400 pounds in no time.

As far as the calorie counting is concerned, we also hit the “Golden Corral” in Marysville. I honestly don’t try to eat until I make money at a buffet. It just seems to happen that way with only my fork getting a vote because my brain slid into neutral and just watched things happen. How on earth is a human being suppose to resist the incredible stack of food they offer? My frailty was upon me that day. I hurt the breaded shrimp population and thinned the school of deep fried fish planks.They'll need to re-build their shredded pork, ham, and cheese biscuit supply, too.

Anyway…it's nice to be back at home where we have a bit more control over dietary concerns and sleeping provisions. I don’t mind bunking at a motel because it’s something different and we can watch the news. That may seem insignificant to some but we don’t have TV service of any kind here at the ranch. It's on purpose because we simply don't have time to watch it and, other than a few things like PBS, there is almost nothing on network television that's worth watching anyway. We'll be dipped in "Cheese Whiz" (or horse whiz for that matter) before we shell out big bucks for cable or satellite. So, it’s nice to turn on the “Discovery Channel”, "The Travel Channel", "The Food Channel", "The Science Channel" and then drop down to “Fox News” or such and look at what’s happening around the world to see who is about to blow us all up.

Daughter, Brandi’s, significant other, Brian, hosted an excellent spaghetti dinner that was as good as any that I’ve ever tasted! We stuffed ourselves with garlic toast and spaghetti and a nice batch of brownies that grandson, Cade, a newly minted Kindergartener, and Connie prepared earlier. It was so terribly difficult to not overeat that....I didn't try. I succumbed to gluttony that night but will make it up by eating sawdust and worms for a few weeks. I'm probably kidding myself since my wife will not allow me to do that. She's not a big sawdust or worm fan. Guess I'll have to just eat normal things like hamburgers, tacos, stews, beans and hamhocks with cornbread, Pho (Vietnamese soup), BBQ'd and grilled steaks, pork, and chicken, and such. Oh, poor Ran.

Part of our big agenda was to see Cade off to his very first day at school. We hauled his young and wide-awake  carcass (at least two older folks were not quite that perky that early in the AM) to the old “Highland High School” building in nearby Arlington that is now being used as a Christian school. It’s a perfect fit.

His mother, grandmother, and I doted about and watched him settle in. Of course, you almost couldn’t hear yourself think what with all the parents snapping pictures all during the break-in period. Once settled in, Cade was left to himself to capture the attention of those about him (which he seems to do rather easily). Brandi was a bit teary due to the strain of dealing with a beloved child who is growing up and out but we all managed to survive the first day at Kindergarten. I told her, "It's amazing what happens when you feed children".

After our stay in Marysville, we loaded up our stuff and headed south to Longview which is about 3 1/2 hours away. It's not all that bad a drive but you do have to pay attention as I-5 can be quite treacherous. Some folks seem to have a death wish but, unfortunately, they seem to kill others and not themselves (to which I can attest having been in the paramedical profession for most of ten years).

The stay in Longview was really nice as well. It was son, Michael's, 39th birthday. You can't help but notice that, when your youngest son is pushing the big FOUR-O, your descending colon begins to erupt in spasms of joy. We got to spend quality time with them but really wish we had one more day so that Mike and I could jam a bit. He has his drum kit set up and ready so he just needs someone to make some noise on a G-tar to be able to rock on.

 Mike, Roxanne (Mike's wife), Connie, and I took down the "Red Lobster" in nearby Kelso and had a great time. The servers seemed to enjoy singing "Happy Birthday To You" to Mike since he is a former employee there and knew some of them. My pick of the menu was the fish and chips. Connie dug into the chicken sandwich. Mike and Roxanne clobbered the chicken strip dinner. No one left the place hungry, I can assure you.

Connie and I hadn't been to a "Red Lobster" since last year at the same time and same place on our previous visit north. We have a "RL" store in Visalia but haven't bothered to drop in. I suppose it's because there is a "Home Town Buffet" just down the street from them.

After hugs all around, we departed Longview on Sunday at approximately 4:30PM and drove to Grants Pass, OR (about 5 hours if you are hauling a large trailer). The next morning we departed at about 9:30AM due to the fact that we were tired and had slept in. Also, it was our day off and we wanted to avail ourselves of the continental breakfast at the Shiloh Inn. Some places are rather skimpy on their continental breakfast but this place was a definate "thumbs up".

It was a long long day but we made pit stops to get gas and to load up on food. At one "Pilot" truck stop we grabbed a couple of chili cheese hot dogs. At that point we became "myth busters". That myth is that you can eat a chili cheese dog in the car without making a mess.  It can never be said after this time that you can actually accomplish this feat.

I should have gotten the hint at the register. The guy behind the counter said, "Do you know that you have chili on your left hand?". Then he said, "You also have chili on your right wrist and....your pocket". Great. A true friend, eh?  I should have just walked away, dumped the dogs, and grabbed the "two for $2.22" tasteless and cold hamburgers. Instead, I plowed my way back to the van and settled in with my teeth in full battle array. Alas, before the dog-noshing event was over, I was looking for a hose and a couple of wheel barrows full of dry towels. No telling what a professional would have charged to make this big of a mess. *Sigh*

When we hit the manicured rock driveway at home a full twelve hours later (9:30 PM), the trip odometer had clicked a tad past 2,300 miles for the round trip. The van had valiantly made the trip without complaint but her tires are going to require some attention as will the transmission. We'll service the old trooper prior to our trip to Texas.

Our bodies are tired and some parts are even flattened, deflated, and/or calloused. Some parts are aching and some are yelling at us while others are threatening us with dire consequences if we don’t discontinue the abuse. In order to quell the uprising, we came back home and crashed in wonderful peace (at least until the next morning when it was "business as usual"). It’s not often I’m in alignment and agreement with my body parts but this time I was glad to be allied with them. In November, when we head for Texas, I’m betting I’ll have to battle against another body parts rebellion.  

Stay tuned for more reports from the overweight middle-aged white guy.