Sunday, April 5, 2026

BABY IT'S WARM OUTSIDE!

 The warm spring weather is finally here. All of the locals acted like a bunch of ectotherms and headed for the nearest patch of sun rays to thaw out. All of the large flat rocks down at the river were mostly populated by snakes but there was still a lot of competition. The snakes finally gave up and slithered off (well…that’s the story I was told).

Of course, this lovely weather will only last for a couple of weeks or so then the good folks will all head for the nearest shade. It’s a hoot to drive into a large parking lot in Porterville where the lots that have trees on them will have cars huddled together in the meager shade. Folks don’t seem to mind walking long distances to get inside where they have free A/C (we like taking our time to shop, don’tcha know).

The times, they are a’changin’ around here. For instance, we’re chicken and pig free, now; we’re a real residential zone again. It feels really strange not to be critter sitters and not having to have to regularly feed demanding beaks and hog maws. It’s hoped that feeling guilty for not being responsible should soon fade away.  

The chickens went to a brother on Yokhol Valley Road. The piglets went to the freezer. It just happened sooner than we had planned but we’er done.  

 Tip Of The Day: Just don't.


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Rancho Report

 It’s April….again!! Doesn’t that just put stitches in our britches? If that doesn’t just ranker your panger, it’s only 262 days until Christmas! *SIGH*. Moving along……


 Wired

Not long ago (but longer than the other day when lots of things happen), there was an issue with Wooly Pully’s wiring....again. his saga began with It had been damaged and needed to be replaced. “No problema”, said the ol’ wire guy who has already worked on the trailer wiring a number of times. The thought was that it would be fixed in no time. But, you already know that this is Rancho Relaxo where….you just never know. The tool boxes, splicing connectors, shrink tubing, and heat gun were piled up and it was time to fix things.

Trailer wiring is pretty simple stuff. "Flat Four" connectors are just that: four wires. How can this get messed up? Perhaps an explanation is in order so you'll know exactly how it goofy it can get. The old section of wiring was resected and a new section was wired in using new tech solder lugs. You simply shove each end of the splice into the lug and hit it with high heat until the solder melts. If you've stripped the wires properly, the two ends will mesh and that renders a decent mechanical connection while the solder gives you a good solder connection (having both is the desired product). The shrink tubing insulation was already in place so the tubing was slipped over the solder lug which made everything look spiffy. Having been tricked by wiring on no few occasions, a pat on pat was held in reserve until it could be tested. 

That turned out to be a wise move because things didn't go as planned. The trailer was hooked to the Coop DeVille and the lights were turned on. No joy. Great. This was ridiculous because you can't screw up four color-coded wires. Not even I can mess that up! A quick scan of the rest of the trailer wiring was in order. Sure enough; further up the wiring and hidden beneath a plastic protector shroud was a broken wire. Great. Out comes all of the tools again and another splice was soon in place. Time for another test. Would like to guess the outcome? Yep; you're correct. No joy times two. Great. 

This simple repair job is now really getting silly. The only thing that made sense was to troubleshoot the wiring on the van. After a quick scan of the connector and the wiring that disappeared behind the gas tank, it as determined that everything was fine. But, it wasn't fine. Going back to the fact that this was a simple project that can be done in your sleep, there could only be one thing wrong. The connector had to be bad. 

A new connector was grabbed from the box of supplies and the old one was whacked out. In a little while, the new connect was in place and looking mighty fine. Time for a test. YEP. That was the problem even though you couldn't tell it at first. There's still a small problem that needs to be remedied but which won't disallow the use of the trailer. 

Pork Be Gone or Pass the sausage, please.

Well, the pigs are gone. They were taking up too much time and effort to deal with. Much effort was made to sell them to some other local who had pigs or who wanted to try their hand at raising them. The "patience bucket" ran dry after a few weeks so a friend was called for any advice. You can imagine my relief when he advised that his brother-in-law was a meat cutter. Well...bless his heart and all his vital organs!! I was stoked! 

It was only about a week later that the gentleman came and hauled off the piggies for processing. Piglet and Squealer are now Patty and Link and we should have some boss hog breakfasts around here. 

 Bye Bye Birdies or A Feathery Fairwell

Well, the Ol’ Rancher is no longer the head chicken sitter around here. Enough is enough. The birds are gonzo. It's time to take care of and pamper the occupants of the old folks' home. We have an ample supply of freeze-dried eggs and the brother we gave our bird herd to said he would bring by eggs once in awhile for us. Works for me. 

It’s really a relief to not be chained to a bird herd. Seriously. Not only that, we no longer have to pick up as many as 15 boxes of produce trimmings twice per week. And, we don't have to break down and haul those boxes to the dump every few weeks (at 25 bucks per trip!). 

The Henhouse Hilton will have to be cleaned up and ready for either the trash heap or maybe for the old people to decide to undergo another decade of abuse as eggheads. I’m thinkin’ it’s the former. It’s difficult to imagine that next occupants of the ranch will want to take on a bird herd so we may just tear it down. Who knows. 

In any case, it's time for the Ol' Rancher and Connie the Canner to take a couple of days off. I really want to take her to the Monterey to see the Aquarium there. I went there no long after it opened and it was awe inspiring then! It should be just as great now.

 

What’s that engine light doing on? Or Tune Me Up Daddy

Our faithful ol’ van, the Coop de Ville, had been struggling for a while. It was starting to run a bit rough and it felt like it starting the day after already running a marathon; it lacked more energy than the Ol’ Rancher. So, when the “check engine” light came on, the ol’ hoopie was taken to our local (Porterville) mechanic.

 RUH-ROH or We don’t need no stinking engine light coming on

No long ago (but longer than the other day), the "check engine" light come on. Everything seemed to be running but the van was a tad sluggish. The first thought was that it just needed a tune up. That was sensible given the fact that the Coop deVille has 140K miles on it and had yet to be in the shop for serous servicing.  

The van was driven to our mechanic on Sunnyside in Porterville. He used the diagnostic tools which then revealed that there was some sort of a manifold leak which allowed the engine to run on too lean of a fuel mixture. You know, the manifold which is situated below all of the parts of the engine and which calls for removing the entire top part of the engine. Great. 

Since the car was going to be down anyway, the mechanic was apprised of a few other minor squawks so they cold be fixed, too. Oh, yes; as long as you're at it, it needs a tune up. Would you like to guess what the final ransom tab was? It was $1,400. Let me tell you, cousin; that’s enough to put tears in your tacos. But, it needed to be repaired or it would have been your basic refrigerator with spark plugs. 

The good news is that the van runs really nice and we're not afraid to drive it anywhere in the country. That'll work. 

So....there you have it: another short episode of the long happenings at Rancho Relaxo (aka “Dos Acres”): home of Rancho Ran, the world's least-most greatest authority: home of Connie the Canner, the world's greatest side-kook and CEE (Chief of Everything Else); together we are the Yo-Yo  twins who are always having to return to the rancho for something: home to one duck that we try to keep in a row (which is difficult since he's retarded): where the air always smells and where alliteration reigns supreme: where being modern is optional and where there are no slaves to fashion: where the eggs are always mostly fresh: where things can get...interesting: where it's all news to us, and where...you just never know.