Welcome to the "Rancho Relaxo" blog for October! Surprise! Surprise! Surprise! (best Gomer Pyle). This edition of Rancho Relaxo is on time again! Wonders never cease!! It just turned out that "things" worked in accordance with the hopes I had to get the blog published in a timely fashion. Like last month, this month's issue is actually on time despite the fact that things are still rather hectic around here. Connie the Canner has family coming from Texas for a few days. That means that we are busy, busy, busy spiffing up the place so it isn't so reminiscent of a chicken ranch. There's lots to do since we haven't endured a good overhaul in quite awhile and "Springville insulation" has covered the entire rancho.
You can imagine whose muscles are really not in overhaul mode. But, it is what it is and things will get done somehow. Ibuprophen is our friend.
The region is still as dry as cow pies on the prairie. There is a slight chance of showers in the forecast but that usually only means that we'll get "mad rain" again. Mad rain is just enough rain to muck up your windshield but not enough to wash it off. Perhaps it will be different this time. The long-range forecast suggests showers may come our way in a week or so. We'll see.
Like last month, there have been a few small grass fires locally but we've been spared the devastation of massive forest fires this year. California lost more than 521,770 acres due to fires as of this writing. There are "only" about 30 fires burning as of today and this hasn't been a bad year. Seriously, though, our firefighters are doing a great job and are our heroes.
We trust that all y'all are enjoying the fact that 83% of this year is over with (not that there would be any dancing in the streets over the matter). You can say that it's the season for holidays which can be something to look forward too.
Likewise, we trust that things are going well on your part of planet Earth. That said, things are getting interesting in our country (I have a knack for understatement. I bet you noticed). It is considered wise to prepare for the worst while praying for the best. A good bet is to have plenty of dried beans and rice in stock just in case you need to weather a crisis of some kind (man-made or natural disaster).
Anyway, the Ol' Rooster and Ol' Hen just wanted to share what's happening here at our dry-as-zweiback humble rancho nestled in the foothills of the Sierra Nevada Mountains. Thanks for stopping in at Dirty Bird Central, the chicken ranch being run by two old turkeys
MORE FLASHBACK PICS
(Click on the pics to enlarge)
Sometimes, our sunsets are mighty pretty!
Here's some of the girls taking a dirt bath with which to get...clean. Sorta makes you glad you aren't a chicken, eh?
This is our hangar at the Porterville Municipal Airport. It's the second one in with the darker doors. Both of the first two hangars are the same size.
From 2012:
To the right is the "Central Market" in Kumasi (the second largest city in Ghana). The city has about 2 million people in it and it seemed that most of them were there. 20% of the population does not have running water or indoor toilet facilities (a recent program has helped to eliminate that issue by the government providing many public toilet facilities). Ghana openly considers itself a Christian nation but 15% of the population is Muslim (most of them purposely imported to Ghana by other Muslim nations per Pastor John Appiah).
Kumasi's International Airport has but a single 6,600' runway and no taxiways. In other words, when you land, you must "back taxi" on the runway! This entire dynamic only allows for smaller commuter jets and turboprops to use the facility. It's only 145 miles from Accra (the capital) to Kumasi. However since this isn't Kansas, it takes about four hours to travel it by car. And, that's on a good day! It can actually take twice that or more during certain times and under certain weather conditions. It's only a 30 minute flight. The jet I was on was my favorite passenger jet: the BAE 145, a four engine beauty that really likes to fly. This was my third trip on one. Most of them are now retired from service with a few exceptions like Africa.
"Always end the name of your child with a vowel so that, when you yell, the name will carry" - (Bill Cosby)
And, now a word from our sponsor:
This issue of Rancho Relaxo is brought to you by “Nana Nancy's Norbal Nuber Nuggers”. Now, these are the best “Norbal Nuber Nuggers” that money can buy! You cannot...I say...you cannot get better “Norbal Nuber Nuggers” anywheres! And, folks, they're made right here in the good ol’ US of A. You can get your bountiful supply of “Nana Nancy's Norbal Nuber Nuggers” at the Wal-Mart, KMART, Speedy Mart, Save Mart, Quick Mart, Rapid Mart, and all those marts where those guys have them towels wrapped around their heads. Tell'em the Ol' Rancher sent you. You'll be glad you did!
Rancho Relaxo Report:
Well, praise the Lord and pass the banjo! It's October...again...already!! If that ain't that enough to stir fry your shrimp, it's only 82 days until Christmas! *SIGH* Moving along........
Summer is officially finished and fall is here. Ain’t it great?! We’re looking forward to cooler temps and just leaving our doors open so we can let the gentle fall breezes cool the rancho and the chicken coop (though we didn't have to use the mister this year!). Trying to keep any home cool in this part of California is an expensive proposition. The thought occurred that we can take the savings and take.....a day off! Zowie! What an amazing concept!
We had a “rain storm” blow through and we got triple our usual
10 drops of rain. Thankfully, the drops were large enough his time so that we ended up with a wet driveway! It was as weirdly funny as it
was appreciated. People are drowning and flooding in other parts of the planet
and we get leftovers.
Lather Up or Soapy Sales:
The old rancho dude's favorite hand soap is "Lava" which has pumice (an abrasive material formed in volcanos) as an ingredient. There are memories of using this amazing product that go back to my childhood. For reasons that are not explainable, that valuable item wasn't in our stock of supplies for far too many years. But, sometime ago (which is longer than a while back which is longer than not long ago which is longer than the other day), we picked up a couple of bars and hauled them home.
Talk about being surprised! The first use of this stuff instantly reminded me of why it was used in the beginning. It works! There wasn't much thought to matter until all of the dirt on my hands was being rinsed down the drain and they were "squeaky clean"! The first thought was, "Where have I been?!". We haven't been without a bar of Lava since that time.
The interesting part is that it can be expensive (many good things are expensive but worth the price). A three-pack at Wal-Mart is $11.64 and a single bar is as low as 2.49 in some stores. Well, you just know that the old folks here at the rancho are not about to pay such prices on purpose. A quick check was made on Amazon.com where we found them for a buck-a-bar in bulk. OK! Quantities are our friends so we chipped for a case of 48 with free shipping (free is our friend!)! Works for me and my dirty hands since the plan is to always to have really clean hands since.....you just never know.
A New Mexican restaurant in Springville or Necesitas comida Mexicana.
There is a modest sized restaurant on the south end of our little berg that has gone through a number of incarnations over the years. Many years ago (as in, a quarter of a century ago), it was a really nice “biscuit house” ("Kathy's Kitchen", as I recall). Later, it became part of a Porterville area Mexican four-restaurant chain called, “Neuvo Mexicali”. The food was never impressive but we stopped going their altogether after it dawned on us that their food just simply wasn’t going to improve (and their chili verde dish was a ripoff as well as being mediocre).
When it closed, we, along with the rest of the “villains”, were curious as to what the new restaurant would taste like. Would it be another “biscuit house”, which would compete with “Cow Punchers” in mid-village Springville? Or (we actually thought this), would it be another Mexican restaurant (which would also compete with the new Taco Truck that came to town)? The Minnicks were fairly certain that it wouldn’t be a Vietnamese eatery or even a Chinese restaurant (which I believe had been tried once many years ago). There had been a really good donut shop, too, but all good things must come to an end, eh? So, we weren't shocked when it re-opened as...a Mexican restaurant. So, when the “Nuevo Amanacer” (“New Dawn”) restaurant opened, we figured we needed to be good neighbors and help boost the local economy by checking it out.
After being seated, we ordered the carne asada (spiced beef) combo plate. We usually share such meals because of the ample portions for most Mexican combo meals. If my stomach is screaming at my brain that it is more than sure that my esophagus has been compromised and that it’s dying a cruel death down there, then Connie fends for herself while I’m wielding the weapons of warfare against hunger. A screeching stomach shares with no one.
After only a couple of minutes into the meal, Connie, asked,
“Are you impressed?”. Me, knowing her as I do, knew what she was thinking, “We
coulda had a hamburger”. My answer was simple: “Nope”. Two “Nopes” is worse
than a “two stars” rating, in my opinion. We were glad that they weren’t soliciting
for post prandial ratings because it would have been embarrassing.
The refried beans were….well….they weren’t refried at all.
That is to say, they’re weren’t the traditional (and expected) wonderfully-thick
thoroughly-mashed beans topped with a tad of queso fresco or such on top. Instead, they were “frijoles rancheros” (regular pintos with a bit of seasoning and whatever meat). Not
that I don’t like that style or that the beans tasted awful because that isn’t
the case. It’s just that we were both expecting frijoles refritos which is what
all of the other Mexican restaurants serve. You can scoop those tasty time bombs
up with your basket full of corn chips that way (“Mas chips, por favor”).
The next item was the Spanish rice. It was there….on the plate…it was OK…just OK; not less than OK and not more than OK. You might even say it was “fair to middling”. The cook must not have checked with his abuela (grandmother) since all (and I mean all) abuelas can fix great Mexican rice. He could have snatched an abuela off the street and ended up with better rice. In fact, he may not even have an abuela.
Next came the beef carne asada which was tasty and
acceptable (but a bit too vinegary for my taste buds). However, it wasn't enough to pull off an additional star or a single thumbs up.
Ditto the service. It was OK but we’re not going to be hanging flyers around
town about this place. On the whole, “Nuevo
Amanecer” rates about a “C minus”. I’ve since learned that their chili verde is
great so we’re sure to give them a second chance (bless our hearts). But, it would be nice if the tortillas impressed us this time (we're still trying to figure out how you can mess up the tortillas).
Thankfully, we have the “El Tapatio” Mexican restaurant in
town (another local multi-store chain). For us, it rates about a “B” so we don’t go there
except on certain occasions (like when out of town relatives need a taco or
they’ll die).
It’s interesting to note that “El Tap” replaced the “9 Iron”
restaurant which was the best restaurant that has ever been in Springville and rated
(in my opinion) better than the restaurant that was at the old “Springville
Hotel” more than ten or so years ago. The “9 Iron” had a management meltdown when
the owner’s marriage disintegrated so this fabulous eatery is history. Boy! I loved
that place!
Treed or Lop me off one of those limbs
In a week or so, Connie’s daughter and her family are coming in from Texas to stay a few days. After that, they'll be heading north for other business and to see other family. So, it was time to tidy up the place including the low-hanging branches around here. Now...lopping and sawing branches is what they call "work"...hard work: the kind that Maynard G. Krebs has nightmares about. But, a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do, eh? Out came the loppers and tree saw and out came the sweat...a lot of sweat.
The front of the house was almost totally covered by tree limbs from our two large trees so you almost couldn't see it. We loved the shade and privacy but having that much cover wasn't practical because we often back the van up to the front door for unloading.
After the trim job, the front was opened up and the front now looks nice again. Thankfully, the chore only lasted about an hour because that was exactly when the Ol' Rancher's rusty old airframe gave out.
Would you like to guess how long it took to recover from that trick? It took awhile because the ol' tree trimmer had to overhaul his back porch for the next three days, too. Did I tell you that Ibuprophen was my friend?
The water in our galvanized metal 8 gallon water tank in the
coop had been mysteriously losing water for the previous couple of months. Some days
it would take a couple or three days to disappear (meaning that all of our
chickens can’t possibly drink that much water in two days even if they were all taking daily showers). At other
times, it seemed like the water would last a day or two longer. At the last,
the bloody thing was empty every day. At no time was there ever a large enough pool of
water that explained why there wasn’t any water in the dang thang (not
referring to that small village in Vietnam).
So, my lightning-fast mind had to have an answer of some kind as to why the water was disappearing when there appeared to be no leaking. The method to resolving the issue was to use the Sherlock Holmes dynamic: “When you’ve eliminated all other possibilities then, however improbable, whatever is remaining is the answer”. Ah, ha! That made sense to me! This meant that, though there was no obvious leak, there still had to be a leak (boy! Do I ever want to put a big “DUH” here).
The only thing to do was to make a close and thorough examination of the big metal can. So, it was plucked up and parked on the big cage inside the Henhouse Hilton for examination. Sure enough, the bottom had rusted but it had done so in such a manner as to have several small rusted out places instead of just one large area. That mean that, if the can was placed a certain way, most of the small holes were covered up and could only leak just enough to empty the can but slowly enough to keep from making a big mess. Swell,
You can imagine what happened next. Within a couple of days,
we knocked over “Tractor Supply” and picked up a big beautiful plastic 7 gallon
water tank. Though made of plastic, they priced it as though it was made of
silver and charged us 50 clams for it (we were out of clams so they allowed us
to use US dollars). Problem solved except for the pain of
surgery to my wallet (no anesthetic, don’tcha know).
Now, there isn’t an issue in making sure that the smaller watering canisters are filled every day. That was an extra chore that has been eliminated. One is still used as a backup and the others are on hand if needed.
The Ol' Rancher fixed the issue and things are back to normal. But, even after all these years, it still feels kinda
strange being the crew chief of a chicken coop.
We got taters! We got taters! We got taters! Who could
ask for anything more?! Or: Spuds R Us!
The other day (when lots of things happen around here), we ended
up with more than 40 pounds of potatoes (to add to the ten or more that we already had). I love me some spuds and can serve them
at every meal and in any fashion at all. But, that’s more taters than we can store, can (we're out of jars and space), or handle for now so it
was time to fire up Big Bertha, the freeze dryer (the new replacement which is operating flawlessly!).
Connie the Freezer stepped up to the plate and stated whacking
away at the bags and bags of spuds until they were prepped and set to go. She placed
them on the seven trays and pushed “Go” button on the dryer. After they were
dried, she parked them in mylar bags where they were sealed for the next 20
years (if necessary. Let’s hope not unless I'm still eating taters when I'm 96). She had to make a number of runs but left
some out to be used for now.
Having so many potatoes on hand also means that there will likely be some crazy spud cooking around here for a while. Latkes are fun to cook as are the German kartoffelpuffer recipes. Hasselback style is wunderbar as are breakfast hash-browns. Good ol’ baked potatoes are always in style, too, as are the air-fried, French fried, and, certainly, cottage fried spuds (with lots of onions).
One way that we found to be exceedingly good was to first boil or
microwave them. Then, place them one at a time on a plate then smash them with
another plate. If you leave them unpeeled, they tend to stay integral a bit
better. They also taste great with the peel left on. Just fry them up, stick a
fork in them, and enjoy the treat. They're even better when you plop
a couple of eggs on top. Man! That’s good eatin’!
Of course, many will be sliced and diced for soups and stews.
In fact, one of the Ol’ Rancher’s favorite stews consists of just a few
ingredients with the humble potato being the star of the show. Just whack up
some spuds, onions, add some celery for color, then toss in chunks of chuck
roast (floured and seared first, of course), a tad of beef bouillon, season to taste, then boil for a couple of
hours. It’s usually thickened a little bit with some corn starch. When it’s
done, grab a pack of saltines (better make that two packs) and enjoy the feast!
This recipe always has a positive outcome (you really can’t mess it up unless
you get crazy with the spicing) and there’s always plenty left over because it
is guaranteed to taste even better the next day.
Wrapping it up: well, the chickens are chickening but their egg production is down a bit. It's the change of temperature and maybe some molting, I should suppose. They could just be mad at me for not pampering them more than I do. Spoiled chickens; who woulda thunk?.
The doggies are dogging but Fuzzy has been a real "diggity dog" and that ain't good. I spent a lot of time filling in some of his larger holes along the back patio only to find them re-dug the next day. GRRRRR! (doggie translation: "My growl is bigger than your growl, Fuzzy!").
The freezers are freezing, the refrigerators are doing their jobs, and the freeze dryer is working like a champ. We're moving along albeit somewhat more slowly than we'd like and need to speed up because of getting ready for company. But all is well here at the ranch (pass the "Ben-Gay", please).
So....there you have it: another short episode of the long happenings at Rancho Relaxo (aka “Dos Acres”): home of Rancho Ran, the world's least-most greatest authority: home of Connie the Canner, the world's greatest side-kook and CEE (Chief of Everything Else); together we are the Yo-Yo twins who are always having to return to the rancho for something: home to one duck that we try to keep in a row (which is difficult since he's retarded): where the air always smells and where alliteration reigns supreme: where being modern is optional and where there are no slaves to fashion: where the eggs are always fresh: where things can get...interesting: where it's all news to us and where...you just never know.
