BIENVENIDOS A LA MARCHA - WELCOME MARCH

 Welcome to the "Rancho Relaxo" blog for March! This month's issue is not on time. That’s probably because things are still rather hectic around here. We’re busier than a kayaker in white water! 

Anyway, the Ol' Rooster and Ol' Hen just wanted to share what's happening here at our humble rancho nestled in the almost lush green foothills of the Sierra Nevada Mountains. We've had about 4" of rain so far this season and it takes the full amount wetness for the trees of our hills to clap their hands for joy (so far, they're just humming). Just like last month, this is our rainy season and we finally got a couple of days of "soaker rain". Lots of smiles in the hood! Until the other day, we haven't had enough rain to slick the flap on a size 10 envelope. At least we’re in the middle of the annual “frog hatch” when we are usually inundated with baby frogs. We've heard only a couple of nights of croaking. It should be at least a week of  noise. We'll see what happens after the rain. Anyway, thanks for dropping in at the Rancho Relaxo happy huevos industrial complex. 

Wanna see my security team? Here are our two admirably brave doggies who have kept the rancho clear of Gypsies, ghosts, ghouls, banshees (not a shriek was heard!), tommyknockers (evil little buggers, they are!), hag witches, or vampires (and they didn't even need garlic!). Obviously, they had to rest their exhausted bodies after such strenuous evening patrols. 

There's snow on them thar hills! During our brief couple of rainy days, the temperature dropped down which led to some white precipitation down low. Downtown Springville is just behind the nearby hill in the picture and to the north about a mile. It actually snowed a couple of miles further up the road from town but not here. A lot of it stuck around for a short time. 

          Many thanks to Charlotte Pendragon for sharing this gorgeous shot of our hills and mountains! 

The other day, when lots of things happen around here, we needed to take Wooly Pully into Hooterville so we could haul home the timed-out produce trimmings for our biddy buddies. This is what greeted the Ol' Rancher when he started to hook up the trailer. Bummer. The good news is that it was only flat on the bottom. Despite such a good diagnosis, we had to resort to "Plan B" and head to town without our two-wheeled handy gadget. At Wal-Mart, we picked up a new wheel and tire (a little tire with a big price!) and will use the repaired one for a spare. No more surprises and delays. Spare tires are our friends!

Tip O' The Day: 

"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked" — Bernard Meltzer

And now, a word from our sponsor: 

This issue of Rancho Relaxo is brought to you by “Auntie Ashely’s Averated Albarded Addnasters”. Now, these are the best “Averated Albarded Addnasters” that money can buy! You cannot...I say...you cannot get better “Averated Albarded Addnasters” anywheres! And, folks, they're made right here in the good ol’ US of A. You can get your bountiful supply of “Auntie Ashely’s Averated Albarded Addnasters” at the Wal-Mart, KMART, Speedy Mart, Quick Mart, Rapid Mart, Save Mart,  and all those marts where those guys have them towels wrapped around their heads. Tell'em the Ol' Rancher sent you. You'll be glad you did!

Holy cheese fondu, Batman! It’s March! (altogether now and really loud) “Where did all the time go?!" Somebody’s been greasin’ the clocks! It's only 290 days until Christmas! Movin' along.....

Things are, indeed, moving along here at the rancho albeit at a rather slow pace. It sometimes seems that our wheel barrow is staked to the ground. But, other than being under the weather for a few days, all is well. We continuously wonder at the favor wherewith we are blessed! Wherever we go, we are blessed and are blessed going in and blessed going out! Our rancho runneth over! 

Spring is hunting us down like a wild-eyed coon dog on meth! Lot's of stuff to get done before it slams into us. But, it's difficult to determine how much we'll get accomplished given that we are still catching up with last spring. Ugh! Our heart is in the right place but I'm sure where our minds are. *SIGH*!

There's a new burger joint in town! It's "TASTY BURGER". Frankly, though they're a good sized chain, we had never heard of them. So, what are burger-lovin' old folks to do when there's a new burger place in town? Yep! We headed down there and ordered up a feast! 

The first time there, we split a large 20 piece order of chicken nuggets and fries. The nuggets were fresh and hot as were the fries. That was good enough for us to grab a couple of friends and head back over there for a second round of goodness. 

The second time, one friend got the spicy chicken wings, the other friend got the shrimp combo, Connie the Canner got the chicken strips combo, and the Ol' Burgermaster got the "Tasty Burger" combo. Everyone was satisfied but Connie won't likely try the chicken strips again. She said they were too difficult to eat. In any event, we'll likely check out some of the other goodies on the menu (hopefully, soon!).

Chickening Report

 It has taken what seems like an inordinate time but most of the pullets are now starting to step to the plate and have started to do what that God designed them to do: lay eggs. Reckon you just can't rush Mother Nature. However, they’re still laying what I call “practice eggs”. Not to worry, though, because my experience leads me to believe that they will be laying huevos grandes really soon.  

And, with the pullets are coming into season. we're finding that so are the cockerels. Whoo, boy! These guys are classic examples of just how good proud and presumptuous male birds can be. They're all now trying out to be the next cock o' the walk and to be the sole shining standard of studding in the entire poop coop. It's a real rodeo when the sun comes up.  

I had to have a little señor-a-papagallo talk the other day with Harvey Henbanger II. We’ve been getting along really well as of late. So, I was a bit put off when I strolled by and he pecked me (had he been really riled, he would have attacked me). He was parked on the large cage that’s in the coop that we use  as an isolation ward for the little birds until they’re big enough for the general population. If he does peck me, it’s usually from behind so this was a bit unusual. 

I stopped and looked him straight in the beak (it’s easier that way since his eyes are on the side of his head). “Hey”, I said. "What’s with pecking? I wasn't even in your way much less challenging you, you dumb cluck! Don’t you think it’s way too nice of a day to start a war? Besides, I'm not looking to end up with maxillofacial disfiguration today" (I usually leave that to the hens). It didn’t take long to chart this matter through my brain cells. He wasn't bucking a beak-to-beak. He just wanted me to feed him right then and there! Ol' Bang is spoiled rotten! Having correctly assessed the matter, the big lug got a pass this time. But, he needs to stop being such a pesky pecker so he doesn't slow down the workers (all one of us).  

One of the newer larger boys has taken the art of "chickening" to great heights. He's a pretty boy (no kidding. He really is a handsome guy) and he knows it and comports himself accordingly. I don't think he has left any of the hens without him forcefully introducing himself upon them (literally upon them). It's become obvious that he has purposed to flood the land with his DNA and has pulled out all stops to git'r done! I've named him "Tyrone F. Horneigh" (thank you Arte Johnson and "Laugh In"!) since he fits the bill to a tee! Harvey Henbanger II is still the stud duck around there and it's not likely that Tyrone will ever be big enough to topple the real cock o' the walk. But, I'm not sure if his ego will allow him to submit without him first getting his feathery butt kicked a few times by the more powerful reigning rooster! We may lack peace in the coop for awhile. In any case, it's "meat bird" season and we can always fit the fighters into the freezer where they can...um...cool their heels. 

Hamster Report: 

There has been considerable progress being made at the Radio Active Rancho (well....relatively considerable when compared to how little progress was made during the previous ten years or so). 

The crank-up tower is now up and vertical. However, "someone" will need to find three 15' steel pipes (or equivalent) to which the guy wires can be attached. The tower will otherwise sway and tear itself form it's moorings. This is not a good thing. After being stuck in the  ground, the pipes still need to be about 10' above ground level so that passersby (most likely me) won't garrote themselves. 

The issue is finding pipes that length and then getting heavy enough equipment to bust through this concrete-like ground that we have here. If we can get started while the ground is wet, we can beat the system. Rotsa ruck, Ran. 

Part of the agenda up here in  the hills is to have a radio network for Springville and the local 5 odd mile surrounding area. It's a great idea especially since we've had numerous thefts of packages and mailbox thefts. Likewise, there seems to be a number of bad guys roaming around and suspiciously casing the neighborhoods. We have a lot of loose cattle and horses and no few missing doggies and cats, too. 

So, Rancho Relaxo is being set up to be the hub station of the local radio network. You can call it a "Citizens Band" network because, whether licensed or not, we are all citizens who are banding together to help one another. So far, the hub will be called "Station X" (no relation to Musk). Many of the users will be using the small inexpensive FRS/GMRS handy talkies. They are rather low powered but they will easily be within relay range if necessary. Most FRS radios struggle at having about 1/2 watt of output power but they are FM transceivers which has a great advantage over the older AM radios. 

Next is CB radios. Good used CB rigs are readily available and easy to set up and use. They're mostly "plug and play". They are restricted to 4 Watts output but you can use just about any kind of antenna that you want (mobile, mounted on the house, a beam mounted on a tower). Most mobile units can be mounted indoors and used as a base station. This is what I do and just use a coax switch to change between my mobile CB transceiver and my Yaesu FT-817 ham transceiver. I also tune both rigs with a single MFJ-949E antenna tuner. Both even use the same 3 amp power supply. It works out really well that way. 

For VHF/UHF ham comms, there is Yeasu mobile rig running to a Comet daul-band vertical antenna for VHF 2 Meters (144-148 Mhz). It's tuned with an MFJ-921 VHS tuner. If I need to, I can switch over to one of the low-powered UHF handy talkie radios and use the same antenna so I can increase the range. That's an alternate option for now. Currently, for UHF, I've elected to just use my other  antenna which is a "J-Pole" vertical. So, that's the antenna being used for all 400 Mhz comms (FRS/GMRS and HAM). It's being tuned with an MFJ-941 UHF tuner. 

The odd ball radio is the 1 1/2 Meter band handy talkie made by Radtel (tri-band). This is the newest of the Rancho Radio HT collection. It seems to be a good radio with a nice heftiness to it. But, there's a need to track down the CHIRP software so it can be programmed (you may not want to let it get out that the Ol' Rancher is "convenience oriented" and doesn't want to fuss with learning how to manually program it). CHIRP doesn't have it yet but they're pretty good about staying up to date with newer radios. In any case, it was easy enough to just enter into "frequency mode" and just plug in the 1 1/2 Meter simplex call frequency of 223.50 Mhz. 

As for actual HF ham operation, the 10 Meter band has been open a lot this winter. So, the other day, the Ol' Hamster decide to dial in his equipment to see what would happen. There was an operator calling "CQ" but I didn't recognize the nationality of his callsign. It was a strange one. I was most pleased when he heard my signal and answered me!! He identified himself as being in Guadalcanal in the Solomon Islands (about 650 miles east of Papua New Guinea) in far south Pacific Ocean! That's 6,100 miles from Rancho Relaxo! That was a real treat because I was only running 5 watts output. Guess who was wearing a pretty wide grin?! 

But, that wasn't the biggest of the kicks! I'm still getting used to operating the Yeasu FT-817 so was fiddling with settings and trying to dial in things (especially for working CW which is Morse Code). Can you even imagine the look on the Ol' Ranchers mug when he discovered that his RF output was not 5 watts but was only 2.5 watts?!! Whoa! The default setting on the radio had been change to 2.5 watts prior to my owning it (it can even be dropped down to .5 watt)! That was a blast! 

If there's enough time, the ICOM IC-730 will be fired up soon. It's running 100 watts output so that really will liven things up a bit. At least I'll be on par with most of the other operators. After that, I'll try to tinker with the ICOM IC-706MKII-G. It's a super compact unit that still has a respectable output. It has some sort of an issue but it appears to fixable. We'll see. The "big rigs" will be powered by the quite stout 35 amp Pyramid power supply. It can be used as a boat anchor if it ever up and dies on us. Big box!

Well....there you have it: another short episode of the long happenings at Rancho Relaxo (aka “Dos Acres”): home of Rancho Ran, the world's least-most greatest authority: home of the Yo-Yo  twins and  three ducks that we try to keep in a row (one of which is retarded): home of Connie the Canner, the world's greatest side-kook and CEE (Chief of Everything Else): where the air smells and where alliteration reigns supreme: where being modern is optional and where there are no slaves to fashion: where the eggs are always mostly fresh: where things can get...interesting: where it's all news to me and where...you just never know.