RANCHO DUSTO STORMO

 

Greetings and welcome to the "Rancho Relaxo" blog for Novembre. This month's issue is not on time just like the previous 180 months or so. Things are still rather hectic around here. We're busier than a five pound bass in a bath tub full of minnows.  

Anyway, the Ol' Rooster and Ol' Hen just wanted to share what's happening here at our humble rancho nestled in the hopin'-and-prayin'-for- rain foothills of the Sierra Nevada Mountains. This should be our last month of drought. We've had a slight seasonal break in the weather and are mighty grateful for the "mad rain" we finally got (though just enough rain to get your windshield muddy). But, there's hope! We have a .05% chance of .0001 inches of rain just around the corner! Thanks for dropping in at the Rancho Relaxo happy huevos industrial complex.

Note: click on the pics to enlarge. 

I haven't seen this phenomenon since 1963. This is a genuine dust storm. They are rare because there is a lot more tilled and tended farmland in our area than prior to the '70's. Prior to that, dust storms were expected every few years (I've experienced two). What made this storm different was that it that it happened so late in the year and that there was a rainstorm that precipitated it. We had dust and rain at the same time! Wild! Thankfully, it was a rather brief event and we weren't choked by the dust. Rain is our friend!                                                                                    

When I first received this picture, I think I had about a dozen captions for it within about 30 seconds. But, there was a change of mind so it was decided to report it for what it is. Eldest son, Jeff, and his wife, Sandra, just experienced a new four-legged addition to their family. There's something cute about baby animals that we all appreciate and this little guy is sure a camera pleaser accordingly. The name that immediately came to mind was "Pepe". However, it was surmised that he would have been the three millionth donkey to be named that. There may be a need for a tad more creativity around here. Maybe "Ziggy" or "Honkey" will work, eh? 

The other day (when lots of things happen around here), we had to make a trip to a "real town"; that would be Visalia which is about 40 miles from our front door. It was decided that, before the trip home, we would stop for lunch so that we could crack a gift card for IHOP (I Hate Old People?) on Mooney Blvd. It was past lunch time so we certainly had a case of the "hongries". One item that has intrigued this old waffle eater is the "chicken and waffles" craze that seems to be growing around here. It's probably been here for years and in its dying phase but you just know which Luddite hasn't been paying attention. There was no better time to do it so the order was made while Connie the Side Kook ordered pancakes with a pile of blueberries on top. I’m now a paid-up member of the Chicken ‘N Waffles club.

To the left is a shot taken about15 seconds after the plate stopped moving. Naw....just kidding. It was more like 30 seconds or so. This was only the third time in 22-23 years that I've eaten at an IHOP. I was turned OFF the previous time about 3 or so years ago after they served me a "steak" that was little more than a                                                                        "Dr. Scholl's" shoe insert that had been microwaved to death. 

For the ex-pats: here's two shots of the two new bridges at River Island Golf Course. They have a new owner and, whoever it is, have overhauled everything and rebuilt things that the flood destroyed. Lookin' good!

Here's Fuzzy frolicking about with Abbie who is giving great diligence to keep up with his boundless energy. This is no small saying. She doesn't have his boundless (and bounding) energy but, because she can track a coon all night, take a ten minute nap, and hunt all the next day, she can keep up with him on the whole. They keep each other busy, to say the least. Fuzzy is also our "trash inspector" who pulls over and dumps out our 8 trash barrels to make sure they are solid and sound enough to be pulled over for inspection (bless his little doggy heart). Can't think of any other reason he'd do that since he also hauls his large stainless steel feed bowl thirty feet from the back porch every morning. My pal. 

Wanna see my soup stock?! The other day, Connie the Canner roasted up a big ol' turkey. She had run out of room to freeze or store it so she decided to can the thing. I don't mind at all what she does with it as long as the carcass ends up in the big ol' stainless steel cook pot! To the right is a picture taken just after stuffing the carcass and some spices (chicken stock, garlic, salt, and a tad of "Liquid Smoke") into the pot. The first application of the soup base was to make a turkey gravy over toast. Oh, my! What a delight! 

Next we'll likely try the soup base with Ramen noodles in it. I can go for that, too! We'll see. 

'

About a week or so after the soup base was made, there was a big cache of Portabella mushrooms that came our way. It didn't take long to know what to with them. Out came the stainless steel sauté pan, olive oil, and butter. Add some heat from out vintage O'Keef and Merritt range, shake the pan a bit, and voilà! "Ze 'shrooms are fineeshed, monsieur!".

 

Tip of the Day:

“Never go full retard” (Robert Downey Jr. “Tropic Thunder”)

And now a word from our sponsor:

This issue of Rancho Relaxo is brought to you by “Happy Hannah’s Heepy Hoogie Hadder Hudders". Now, these are the best “Heepy Hoogie Hadder Hudders” that money can buy! You cannot...I say...you cannot get better “Heepy Hoogie Hadder Hudders” anywheres! And, folks, they're made right here in the good ol’ US of A. You can get your bountiful supply of "Happy Hannah’s Heepy Hoogie Hadder Hudders" at the Wal-Mart, KMART, Speedy Mart, Save Mart, Quick Mart, Rapid Mart, and all those marts where those guys have them towels wrapped around their heads. Tell'em the Ol' Rancher sent you. You'll be glad you did!

Well....it's November and I'm still waiting for spring so I can get my cleaning done. Doesn't that just sink you new canoe?! If that doesn't, it's only 42 days until Christmas!! It'll be here before you finish using the leftovers from your Thanksgiving turkey! Moving along..........*SIGH*

Chickening Report: 

How are the Gluttonous Gallos doing? or Yes, we have lots of huevos; we have lots of huevos today.

Well, we up to our hips in itsy bitsy, teeny weeny, yellow fluffy chirpy thingies. Our gallo gang has now grown to 55 birds! All seriousness aside, we really hadn't wanted to re-start our career as professional chicken sitters. The previous time, we went more than two years without a day off! I mean, just who are you going to call to baby sit almost a hundred hens?! So, it is with some trepidation that we are committing to such a feat again. 

This latest endeavor wasn't a planned operation but it may well turn out for the best. This is to say that we can always treat the birds as "currency" and barter or sell them at will and be unencumbered forthwith (and take a day off). And, it is a rather positive thing to never having to give thought about running out of eggs. In any event, all of these new chicks came upon us fairly quickly (about a month) so something had to be done. And, there's really not a way for the chicks to receive sufficient nutrition in the coop until they are big enough to eat crumbles and scratch without a momma to help them (we separated the chicks as day-olds). 

So, we started with Connie, the Chicken Granny, who conducts our chicken “pre-school”. Since we snatch the little guys away from their mommas, there’s no one to protect them. We maintain a chicken pre-school/pre-coop for them and that’s where a chicken granny comes in. We can’t just toss our little birdies into the main coop; the big birds will peck them to death unless a big ol’ mother hen says, “Touch my chick and the only thing that'll be left of you is three feathers and a bloody beak!”. 

The little birdies really do need to be "chicken sat" so we have a large plastic tub that we maintain as a coop of sorts. We place a watering bottle at one end and a feed pan at the other. There is also an incandescent hooded bulb parked over it at one end to provide some extra heat. When they get big enough to get out of the tub without assistance, they graduate to the small 4' x 3' x 3' "hootch" inside the coop. When they're there a couple of weeks and can get out without assistance, they are added to the general population. They are guarded for a few minutes or so to make sure they integrate without issues. 

I’ve not yet figured out why chickens are programmed to try to commit chick-o-cide (you probably won't find that in your Funk and Wagnalls). You would think it would end the species rather quickly. But, it must work since there are ten times as many chickens on earth as there are humans (who seem to be set on genocide…and we think we’re smarter than birds).

The big birds are doing well but are still rather inconsistent with their egg production. It's likely the change in weather. They were used to nightly lows of around 50 degrees or higher. Lately, the temps are in the 40's. Layers are prodigious egg factories but only when they decide to be. That means that we have tons of eggs for awhile and very few at other times. We're not concerned since we have plenty of eggs in storage (e.g. water glassing). C'est la vie. 

Before long (but not next month), it'll be a good idea to replace the plastic curtains on the west side to attenuate the breeze that comes in from that direction. They're hardy enough to handle the cold but adding wind isn't a good thing. All I need is a....day off....so I can get to it. 

Well, it's eatin' time again. I guess I'll see yuh or What's for Lunch?!

It may have been a good idea to label this edition of RR, "Rancho Fiesta" or "Rancho Comida" since there's so much food happening this time. Not long ago (but longer than the other day), we had to go to the nearest "big town" which is Visalia. As it happened, we were finished with business and ready to head back home a little after 11AM or so. And, since we hadn't had breakfast, and since we just happened to  have a gift card to "Red Robin", we figured it was time for a "free lunch" (free lunches are our friends!). 

The problem was that, the previous time we were in there (a year or so ago), the music was deafening and far too unpeaceful for us to enjoy their tasty burgers. Taking a chance, we peeked in and found that their music was playing but at a comfortable level. "Table for two, please!". 

We had gone to the "Red Robin" on Ming Avenue in Bakersfield and once there in Visalia so the two old people had great expectations of having a super burger this time around. It was difficult to be disappointed what with the "bottomless fries" component of the meal (I didn't wear out the server, this time) and having an excellent server helped a lot, too. That said, they use a standard (i.e. small) bun for their burgers which was a minor but real "thumbs down" matter for this old burger gnasher. Tall burgers are more difficult to eat because their guts fall out when you try to eat them. It wouldn't be an issue if I just did what Fuzz Doggy Dog does and just gulp the whole thing down in one gulp without caring if any part of it hit any teeth or not on the way down. 

No, I didn't pout and whine. It's just that it made the lunch a four star event instead of a five star one. If folks keep throwing gift cards at us, we'll gladly gain weight at "Red Robin". Just keep them fries a'comin'! 

Wouldn't you know that October was "eatin' out" month for the old people. And, you know me. I'm all for eatin’ good in the neighborhood!

We had yet another  trip to Visalia (making three that month) at about noon time or so. This time, we had a sister from church with us and it didn't take long for a consensus to be made. We all agreed that, prior to returning to Hooterville, we would head down to Tulare (Tulare is ten miles south of Visalia and right on the way home) to knock over a "Popeye's" for a chicken sandwich. It had been at least a month since we had had a "Popeye's" fix so it was nigh unto time for another one. 

Now, both of the old folks find that chicken, in just about in configuration, is our friend. We've been to "Chick-Fil-A", "Popeye's", "Big Boss Grill" and "Super Burger" in Porterville, and a few other places thither and yon for their chicken sandwich. But, the winner seems to be "Popeye's". We've never left their hungry or displeased for any reason. 

This time, yours truly added the "red beans and rice" side dish since it hadn't been tried yet. There's two parts to this event. First, it truly was delicious; no doubt about it. However (I hate howevers, don't you?), it seemed to me to be a bit presumptuous that they charged 3.99 for a total of about 5-6 tablespoons of beans and rice. It was especially sad that there were only about 3 or 4 beans and a smattering of rice in their skimpy serving. All the rest was just gravy of some kind. Didn't make since to me given that there isn't much on any menu that's cheaper than beans and rice (wholesale, that is). I was expecting at least a half cup and they wouldn't lose money if they had served a full cup (especially at that price and being so watered down!). So, though not disappointed or dismayed, you know who will never again be taken advantage of in their restaurants again. 

Well....there you have it: another short episode of the long happenings at Rancho Relaxo (aka “Dos Acres”): home of Rancho Ran, the world's least-most greatest authority: home of the Yo-Yo  twins and  three ducks that we try to keep in a row (one of which is retarded): home of Connie the Canner, the world's greatest side-kook and CEE (Chief of Everything Else): where the air smells and where alliteration reigns supreme: where being modern is optional and where there are no slaves to fashion: where the eggs are always mostly fresh: where things can get...interesting: where it's all news to me and where...you just never know.