Greetings and welcome to the "Rancho Relaxo" blog for Agusto. This month's issue is about on time. Just like the previous 120 months or so, things are still rather hectic around here. We're busier than a sea lion in a sardine cannery. Anyway, the Ol' Rooster and Ol' Hen just wanted to share what's happening here at our humble rancho nestled in the toasty-brown tender-filled foothills of the Sierra Nevada Mountains. We've had a break in the weather and are mighty grateful that the tar on our roads isn't flowing. We're sort of back to being normal again with only low triple digit highs for the day. Thanks for dropping in at the Rancho Relaxo global headquarters.
Click on pics to enlarge:
Surprise! This is what greeted that OL' Rancher when he checked on the chickens this morning (Monday, 8-5-24). We have two brand new little birdie buddies. Most likely, we'll have one or two more in the morning. It really wasn't a surprise. Two biddies were brooding over the same batch of eggs (almost 20 of them!) for three weeks, now. So, it was a forgone conclusion that there would be some new "peeps" happening soon.
Just tossing this one in for grins. This is a huge /American flag flying over one of our strip malls in downtown Porterville (Olive and D Streets). God bless the USA!!
Not long ago (but longer than the other day), we had to make a run to the "real" town of Visalia. On the way over, we stopped for lunch at "Boss Hoggs" restaurant in Farmersville (about 5 miles east of Visalia). I was in the mood for their chicken-fried steak but didn't particularly want the baked potato. I asked if I could substitute French fries and the nice server said, "Yes. Of course!". I also asked if she could drown my steak in gravy to make sure that it was good and dead. She said, "I sure can!". So, this is what ended up in front me holding my nice clean fork. I really shouldn't have eaten so much but I justified my gluttony by reasoning that we only get over this way on few occasions and I could also just skip a meal the next day. Reckon it worked because my conscience was clear all day.
"Good advice is often annoying. Bad advice never is" (old French proverb)
Well....it's August and we're not only hot around here, we're busier than a hot dog stand at a baseball game! And....it's only 140 days until Christmas!! What's with that?! Didn't we just stow the wreaths and lights a few days ago? Sheeese! OK...enough carping. Moving along....
Big Bertha Runs Again or Which Switch is Which?: Last month, Big Bertha, the freeze dryer, decided to up and quit working. We try to pamper her by not overworking her so we do expect her to stay with the program and earn her salt. But, she was acting like someone slipped her a hundred mg of Thorazine. It was “lights out” for her. Her screen went blank and nothing could wake her. The dedicated 20 amp circuit breaker was double checked but it wasn’t at fault (some may catch that).
Harvest Right (the manufacturer) was called and a service ticket was filed. They called us back in a few days and the hunt was on for the culprit. The nice lady, Maria, had me shuck the back panel and then pull the jumper wire from the switch which then bypassed the switch and fed current directly to the machine. Lo and behold! She fired up straightaway! How wonderfully simple! Maria said she would send out a new switch as soon as she could.
It came in about four days. So, when the e-mail was opened that morning which alerted us that the switch had been delivered by UPS, it was determined that it should be retrieved immediately so we could get back on track with our drying.
Ah, but his is Rancho Relaxo where you just never know what will happen. When the Ol' Rancher went outside to fetch the switch, it wasn't there. That was interesting. A search was initiated and it was quickly noticed that there was packaging materials littering the front yard. It didn't take long to figure this mystery out. All it took was one look at a very guilty looking pooch sitting on the front porch. Fuzzy had immediately “taken delivery” of the package and even opened it for us (bless his heart). Anyway, the switch was recovered and taken inside for the next step. Good thing the switch didn't smell like a hamburger.
It only took a few minutes to install the new one and a few more to button up the back panel. Big Bertha is back in business! Well, it’s dryin’ time again…..(think Ray Charles).
Rancho Weedo
Lots of outside work to do around here. Most of the outside
work that was supposed to be done during “spring cleaning” just didn’t get
done. Most of the problem was that there are only twenty four hours in a day.
The rest of the problem was that there were forty hours of work to be each day
(that and there was a lazy rancher in the mix). What with all of this
heat, it would take Superman to get most of it done in a reasonable time.
So, it was determined that, to try to overcome all of the inertia required to exit the the Ol’ Rancher’s “cool-as-a-clam comfort zone”, would be a waste of really-good-but-really-limited energy. Besides, there's "inside work" to be done, too and because of the heat, I still envisioned myself as having the strength of an un-weaned kitten.
The solution? Hire someone who punishes and tortures himself for a living: the “yard work guy”. Time to rent some brawn.
Thankfully, there just happened to be a new younger (than us) friend that has lots of muscles and who isn't afraid to swap sweat for shekels. Arrangements were made for him to begin the program of spiffing up Rancho Dumpo. When our helper is finished with the refurbishing of the ranch, our neighbors may think they have new neighbors and that the trashy old folks next door have moved to Texas (now, there's a thought).
That was the correct decision because it has now been assessed that, not having a guilty conscience for exchanging money for comfort, is OK (as long as Connie the Canner doesn’t introduce me as “The Incredible Bulk”). Besides, Connie the Sew and Sew already made a really neat apron out of my Superman cape.
In any event, this means that the Ol’ Rancher can conserve his exiguous super powers for a later date when the world needs to be saved (hope I remember Batman’s number. He’ll need my help, for sure).
This brings us to the conclusion which is that I love it when you can pay for someone else’s muscles. Of course, you always have to pay more for their muscles than you would pay yourself for using your muscles. I’m good with that. In fact, I think my iced tea tasted better, too.
Dough Nots or No more dough for the dough!: The other day (when lots of things happen around here), we decided to take some donuts to my 95 year old mother. The best place to get them in Porterville is “Hergersheimers” (owned and operated by a Vietnamese family. Go figure) which is a small donut shop at Henderson Ave. and Porter Road at the strip mall there (“Franks” on Mill St. was another great place but they closed some years back). We hadn’t been there since before the insanity that started in 2020 so hadn’t kept up with the “price of rice”.
Donuts are not a staple at our place and never have been. On
some occasions, we would grab a couple of them on the way to church and that
was about it: a couple bucks and you’re on the road again. So, imagine, if you
will, the shock on the Ol’ Rancher’s mug when he picked out two buttermilk,
two old fashioned, and two plain glazed donuts, and the bill came to….$18.98
(try not to gasp. You’ll suck your donut down the wrong pipe)!
Folks.....this is more than "sticker shock". This is like forgetting to duck and walking smack into a low-hanging beam with your forehead. One dollar short of a twenty dollar bill! Sure, I remember the "dozen for a dollar" box of donuts. Sure, I remember when the "big donuts" were twenty-five cents each. I also remember when the big cinnamon rolls were fifty cents then, sometime later, a dollar. But...this!....this is way more than the "four percent inflation" that we were lied to about! The two chunks of sweetened dough we call "buttermilk donuts" were a tad less than four dollars each! In 2022, they were a dollar fifty! The "old fashion" donuts aren't big donuts and neither were the "plain glazed! They were two-fifty each!
Needless to say, that'll be the last time I get donuts on purpose except, perhaps, for a special occasion (my mother's 96th birthday which is coming up soon). Donuts are a luxury and there a lot of luxuries out there that are far less expensive than donuts (the "New China" Chinese buffet is $11.95).
Sizzlin’ or It’s Really Sweet to Eat: Not long ago, but longer than the other day, we had to make an unexpected trip to “Visalia”. The old folks that drive the blue Ford Freestar on such trips try to take advantage of such situations the best that they can so they try to scout about for things that can only be found in a…real town.
One of the “givens” was “Hometown Buffet” where we would stuff ourselves with a couple of day’s worth of vittles and then take a nap in the van. Sadly, they were a victim of the cruel and unlawful shutdown during the COVID situation and have since vacated the perfect location on Mooney Blvd. The last account that can be remembered is that the entire chain will likely be bankrupted.
It was a good thing that the minivan driver (no relation to actress Minnie [cab?] Driver) remembered another great place that had recently
recovered and had opened back up for business: “Sizzler Steak House”.
