PRIMAVERA EN FEBRERO

 

Primavera en febrero: cuando las altas temperaturas alteran la fauna y la flora!

      (Springtime in February: when the high temperatures alter the animals and flowers!)

Greetings and welcome to the "Rancho Relaxo" blog for February. This month's issue is more on time and the craziness has abated. It's not that we're not still hectic around here, though. We have so much on our plates that we're gettin' gravy on the floor!  The Ol' Rooster and Ol' Hen just wanted to share what's happening here at our humble rancho nestled in the awesome green and beautiful foothills of the Sierra Nevada Mountains. Thanks for dropping in at the Rancho Relaxo global headquarters.

Click on the pictures to enlarge

Welcome back, Big Bertha! You may recall that Big Bertha blew her cool a couple of months ago when she ingested her compressor (reckon she graduated last in her class. Probably why we call her Big Bertha and not Smart Bertha). Anyway, that left Connie the Canner without the ability to work herself half to death day and night as she merrily freeze-dried everything that didn't move out of the way fast enough (I stayed upstairs a lot). Bertha is cooling down here and we had yet to pull the protective plastic cover off the front door so it shows a condensation build up. 

Straightaway, she sliced up and prepped a batch of pears then tucked them into the dryer. This is three of the six trays. Since then, she's dried carrots, several dozen eggs (powdered eggs - about 10-12 dozen eggs or so per 6 trays), and other things. Freeze drying is our friend! 

Here's a couple of spoiled pooches vying for attention. They don't realize that I lured them over for a photo op with their favorite "Old Roy" doggie treat.

 Fuzzy and Abbie are doing great! Fuzzy is doing a bit too great since he realizes that he's a dog and that dogs really dig...digging. *SIGH*. Not long from now (but not tomorrow), the deep holes that he's planted all around the place will need to be filled in. 

They are both wearing an electric perimeter shock collar which keeps them from annoying the neighbors and also from exploring the other side of Highway 190 (where many dogs have met their fate). They have lots of room to romp and play without being pests and without being dead. 

To the right is "Peanut Soup" and fried plantains. It's a recipe from Ghana Africa. Recently, Pastor John Appiah, from Kumasi, Ghana, Africa, stayed with us for a week. He stayed with us about five years or so ago. While here, he prepared this dish so we asked him if would replicate the recipe this time. He did and we feasted on this delicious soup! 

It's made with tomatoes, bell peppers, onions, dead chicken, and peanut butter. Then toss in some steamed rice. My first thought (five years ago) was not a really good one. Ol' Ran is pretty comfortable with meat and potatoes with a few odd and interesting dishes thrown in from time to time. Peanut butter, mixed with bell peppers, tomatoes, and onions, really weren't on my menu. That changed when I was served this great dish! The fried plantains were the icing on the cake to make it a genuine and delicious African meal. Fun fact: plantains are much starchier than bananas and lend themselves well to cooking (unlike bananas which are usually just for deserts). 

Wanna see my relays? These are the  relays mounted in the engine compartment of our Ford van. Cute, eh? Actually, this was part of an attempt to resolve a strange issue where the car wouldn't start even though it had a new battery, new starter, new fuses, and all cables and connections were chased down and checked. We thought that the starter may have been misaligned but that wasn't the case. After that, we thought it was a bad ignition switch. Then, it could have been slack in the shift linkage. Anyway, it's all fixed and fine. 

For the ex-pats: this is looking at the far (west) side of Success Lake. That's the new widened spillway that is being constructed and they're doing a great job of it. It wasn't finished so we had flooding downstream when the lake overflowed. The recent rains washed a load of flotsam into the lake. Take from the vista point on Highway 190. 

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Got duck eggs? We do! These are our first duck eggs! Our new brown duck, Miss Lucky Ducky, is hard at work earning her keep (sure wish the other dirty birds would get the hint). These big beauts are ready for a big breakfast! The other day, we just had to fire up a skillet and whomp up (similar to whip up but louder) some taters and toast to go with our dyno eggs. 

My, oh, my! They were delicious (see photo below)!! I'm surprised there were any flowers left on the plate! 

Look at the size of those yokes! It almost made me want to kick myself for not getting ducks way sooner! I'm hooked! I've never had eggs that tasted this large before. Miss Lucky Ducky has a friend, Darla Duck, that we're hoping will take note and start laying soon. We were told that they were both females so we'll soon see if Darla is Donald or just mad at us. 

Click on the pictures to enlarge

Tip of the day: 

Always add a bit of coconut oil to your kale. It makes it easier to scape off into the trash.

 And now, a word from our sponsor:

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Holy fig bar, Batman! It’s February! And, baby, it’s warm outside! It’s impossible to tell that it isn’t April! It’s bad enough that years are ripping through the space-time continuum leaving major scars on our psyche. But, when the seasons are juxtaposed, it’s plumb crazy outside, too!! Moving along....

Feed me, Seymore! Or Pass the shrimp again…and again…and again:

Not long ago, but longer than the other day, Applebee’s restaurant ran a special menu ad. This old champion chow chomper isn’t swayed much by ads and offers and would rather watch (at gunpoint) an episode of “The View” (has anyone seen my barf bag?) before taking notice of a restaurant ad. But, this one was for an all-you-can-eat shrimp, barbequed ribs, buffalo chicken wings, and endless-fries meal for $14.99! Connie the Canner and the Ol’ Rancher were on that like a bass on live bait!

I think I ate until I actually made money on the deal. My tummy was so full that I couldn’t get my blood to pump above my shoulders so we went home and took a nap. Such a deal!

Now, I’m not terribly critical of waitresses most of the time. It’s just that, after a ton of orbits around the sun and eating at all types and sorts of restaurants and experiencing excellent service at most places, I know what good service is. And, I know what it isn’t (coming from an old busboy, at that). Thanks to a couple of gift cards, this was our second trip to Applebee’s and the help was severely lacking both times.

The first time, after waiting 45 minutes, my meal never arrived. Seems it was never registered and so it was never prepared. That was a first. We paid for the "Connie Burger" (it came late but still in a reasonable time) and departed. 

This recent second time, it was as if old people weren’t important for whatever reason. Never mind that some of them are great tippers. Reckon our waitress didn’t need our tip. We weren’t mis-treated and I don't mean to say that. We were just….almost treated…sorta kinda treated as an adjunct to her shift of trying to exist in Porterville. It was as though helping us was more of an imposition on her wanting to be at a Swift concert (people paid 20K for one ticket!). I doubt if she could spell “service”. It's just that it's disconcerting when you have to crane your neck looking for your server and then flag her down all of the time. 

Maybe she discerned that neither of us knew the latest scoop on the Kardashians (has anyone seem my back up barf bag) so why bother. Her demeanor wasn’t really condescending, either; that was a plus. I’m confident that she would have been ready to help the old people get their bibs on straight in a pinch. Was it her first day on the job? In any event, we were able to keep her busy long enough so that, by the time we were filled to the brim with our lunch, we lacked for nothing and were satisfied on the whole. Oh, we did leave a nice tip. Perhaps she will great us with a big smile and a hug next time.

Now, there may have been some questionable decision making (concerning dietary practices) happening here. This is especially prominent when you consider that the waitress was probably begging for relief by the time we departed. She probably needed a new pair of tennis shoes by that time; she didn’t get any slack (not trying to brag here. Unlimited meals seem to inoculate me with a unique immunity to reason. But, I won’t tell if you won’t). Bottom line....I ate too much. 

Anyway, Applebee’s has one more strike then it’s back to Taco Bell. 

“Bully not lest ye be bullied”: We have a very pretty and very vain Ameraucana rooster who, for the longest time, was the rude ruler of the roost. Though he wasn’t aggressive for the most part, he was all “kaiser of the coop”. That attitude caused him to have a serious issue with one of the younger cockerels and he bullied him mercilessly and relentlessly.

Guess what? The little “97 pound weakling” cockerel grew up and is now about 25% larger than his adversary. Guess who’s getting mercilessly bullied and run around the coop now? Yep. His name is now “Ol’ Shy Guy” and he spends a lot of his time in the back part of the coop where the laying boxes are at. He knows that the youngster rooster will just chase him back there anyway. Reckon he should have read the Bible. 

All is not lost, though. His picture is going to be posted on "Facebook Marketplace" and "Craig's List" soon and he'll have a nice new home where he can, once again, be the stud duck. 

Egg me on: Egg production is still not at a high but things are improving. That's because the pullets are just now starting their career in life (if not, they’ll end up as a poster bucket for KFC). We’re getting a dozen eggs per day (plus one duck egg) but suspect that we’ll be getting at least three and perhaps four dozen soon (depending upon the weather, the feed, and the mood of the cluckers at any given time). Our legacy layers are spotty with their egg production so we’re hoping that the new crop never sees an egg that they didn’t want to lay. Thankfully, none of this is affecting our lower marginal tax rates (uh-huh). The hope is that someone is slipping them some high-octane Starbucks when I’m not looking.

So, now we have three ducks to get in a row (but the resident one is still retarded). 

Dos Ducks or Ain’t it ducky, Doc?: Not long ago (but longer than the other day), a friend of ours advised that his gal pal's mother was no longer able to keep her seven layers and two ducks at her home in Porterville. He asked if we wanted them. Does Lois love Superman?! "You bet!", I said. So, now we have seven more dirty birds and two darling ducks (they'll be dirty soon enough, don'tcha reckon?). 

One is a Khaki Campbell and is such a sweet little bird that I almost named her "Sweet Georgia Brown" instead of "Lucky Ducky". She's laying regularly and the old people here at the rancho really dig that part and have fallen in love with this little cutie quacker and her large delicious eggs.  

The other one is a white American Pekin and is considerably larger than Lucky Ducky. I named her, “Darla Darla Fo Farla Fo Fanna Fanna Fo Farla”. We’ll likely just call her, Darla, Farla, or Dee Dee (Darla Duck) for short. 

A Ducky Breakfast: We recently experienced our first breakfast containing duck eggs. In short, it was fabulous! Duck eggs are a tad richer and contain more protein than chicken eggs. In fact, bakers love them for that reason since they make a better baked product.

The ingredients aren't spectacular and were just eggs, biscuits, and fried taters (taters seem to taste better than plain potatoes for reasons that I don't yet know). The duck eggs were the highlight. Man! Talk about delicious! We knocked the breakfast out in no time! We'll do it again soon!

Well....there you have it: another short episode of the long happenings at Rancho Relaxo (aka “Dos Acres”): home of Rancho Ran, the world's least-most greatest authority: home of the Yo-Yo  twins and  three ducks that we try to keep in a row (one of which is retarded): home of Connie the Canner, the world's greatest side-kook and CEE (Chief of Everything Else): where the air smells and where alliteration reigns supreme: where being modern is optional and where there are no slaves to fashion: where the eggs are always mostly fresh: where things can get...interesting: where it's all news to me and where...you just never know.