RANCHO OCTOBRE BUENO

 

Greetings and welcome to the "Rancho Relaxo" blog for October. Once again, we’re running a tad late with our post this month just like the previous few issues. We hope to cure this matter prior to the death of Santa Claus but, hey, who knows. And, like previously, there are lots of reasons for that but you will be spared most of them (it would help if I could get a week off around here). In any case, the Ol' Rooster and Ol' Hen just wanted to share what's happening here at our humble rancho nestled in the dry-as-toast foothills of the Sierra Nevada Mountains. Thanks to La Niña, and despite everything being "California Gold" in color, we have been having an exquisite summer that even included rain (which is almost unheard of in the summer!)! The daily high temps are now about like April around here! So, autumn is here! Anyway, thanks for dropping in at the Rancho Relaxo global headquarters.

CLICK ON PICS TO ENLARGE

Well...what can I say? I just had to toss in a last glimpse of our super two day getaway to the magnificent Pacific Ocean that we took not long ago (but longer than the other day). 

Dear Abbie is looking longingly at me to see if I'm going to share my ham sandwich with her. It didn't happen this time but it does on some occasions which is precisely why she's staring at me without blinking.

Here's a pair of peros to draw to. They are completely mismatched with completely different outlooks on life. Abbie, the serious short-haired coon huntin' dawg and Fuzzy the fun-loving gad about Doddle Dog. Gotta love'em and we do!

To the right is the Upper Globe Road bridge that got washed out during our previous rain cycle which brought a flood upon it. They just about have it repaired so is should be open in a few days at most. There's another washout just down the road a piece and I'm not sure if that's been repaired or not. But, a lot of rock hauling trucks have been seen in the vicinity. 

The Ol' Rancher doesn't eat a lot of popcorn; but, when he does, he uses Connie the Canner's huge stainless steel bowl. And, it's a piece of cake to toss the butter with this big baby! There's no more chasing flyaway popcorn kernels, don'tcha know. That's even if you pop your popcorn in your blue-colored, 6 quart, "Rachel Ray", tock pot. I get successfully popped corn every time. 

Instructions: add about 6 tablespoons of peanut oil (or whatever else fits) to the non-stick pot. Yes, that's all. Then, toss in a single kernel of corn and turn the fire up all the way. Yes, all the way up on "HI". When it pops, add enough popcorn to cover the bottom then add about 50% more. Yes, 50% more. Then, put the lid back on and swirl the pot to make sure that all of the kernels are covered in the cooking oil. Put the lid back on and wait for the pot to fill up. When it's full and still popping, pull the lid off and dump about half the corn into your big stainless steel pan and put the lid back on and put the pot back on the stove while the rest of the corn pops. When popping stops, just add the corn to the pan. Pour on a goodly portion of melted butter, salt it, toss it, eat it. Easy peasy. You'll have very few "old maids" and the popcorn will turn out marvelous. 

To the right, what do you see (click on it to enlarge)? Yes, it's a ceiling fan (this isn't a trick question). How many blades does it have? Look closely at the blade angle and separation. How many? It's a five bladed fan. The other day (when lots of things happen around here), after taking a much-needed nap, I noticed that the fan appeared to missing a blade. That required some focusing and a rethink because I knew it had five blades (I'd worked on it before). Thankfully, it was an optical illusion. Strange things happen at Rancho Relaxo including disappearing fan blades. 

Speaking of fans, this is one of our biggest fans. This 20" beauty was one of the blessings tossed at us at the big estate/yard sale across the street from us. We bought a bunch of stuff and as we were loading up Wooly Pulley, they just kept giving us things. This was one of the two nice big fans they gave us. It'll be stored until next summer when it will be fired up and put to good use. 

This traffic accident happened yesterday on Highway 190 across the street from the "Antlers" bar and about 850' short of the "Eagle Feather" driveway.  I wasn't able to determine the injuries as of yet. I couldn't see the other car but it doesn't look all that bad. I've seen worse. This highway has seen its share of crashes and fatalities. Two men were killed in a head-on crash just a tad more than quarter of a mile directly behind this site and another was killed about three-quarters of a mile beyond that one. The list is extensive yet people just don't pay attention. 

Nailing it: The saga of the smashed fingernail is about over. But, it seems that few things are normal around here. The fingernail event is one of those "non-normal" ones. The blackened fingernail popped loose from the cuticle. That was a good sign that it was healing. Ah, but this is Rancho Relaxo and you just know that it won't be easy from here. The expectation was for the nail to just fall off and the new nail could grow out. Not so. the forward part of the nail was stuck to the skin of the finger. Great. The back part is flapping around and ready to get ripped off by the first snag that comes along. It was pretty sensitive so something had to be done so there wouldn't be a bloody mess with a weeping and wailing grimacing rancher clinching his teeth and clutching and flinging his hand around in pain. It called for a bit of "sidewalk surgery". Thankfully, though I didn't have a sidewalk, I did have a "scalpel". It was actually a fresh new box cutter blade (trust me. They are sharp enough), It took a bit of teasing to cut the fingernail away from it's grasp on my finger but, in a few minutes, the nail was lifted off and tossed. The new nail is growing and all should be normal again soon.  

 

A word from our sponsor:

This issue of Rancho Relaxo is brought to you by "Fabulous Fanny’s Funky Fried Flakey Friggers" Now, these are the best Funky Fried Flakey Friggers that money can buy! You cannot...I say...you cannot get a better Funky Fried Flakey Frigger anywhere! And, they're made right here in the US of A. You can get your bountiful supply of " Fabulous Fanny’s Funky Fried Flakey Friggers” at the Wal-Mart, KMART, Speedy Mart, Rapid Mart, Quick Mart, and all those marts where those guys have them towels wrapped around their heads. Tell'em the Ol' Rancher sent you. You'll be glad you did!

                                       Tip of the Day:

"Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there."

                                                                                       -- WILL ROGERS

 

Well!! I’ll be double dipped and rolled in Panko if it ain’t October…already! In a couple of blinks of the eyes, it’ll be Christmas! Oh, my! Speaking of Christmas, it’s only75 days away! Time is flying as quickly as the proverbial black winged mammal out of that notorious nether region meant to be the everlasting destination for the wicked (that shouldn't even offend a deacon in a Pentecostal Holiness Church). Moving along….

Rancho Relaxo Report: Well, we’re moving along and making a lot of dust as we make progress. There is more dust on some days and less on others. But, there’s still enough dust to make it worth the effort (and to keep Connie the Cleaner busy).

We’re in good health and in good spirits so that’s worth a lot. There are no major issues with which to contend other than the ranch, the dogs, the chickens, the barn, the tractor, the trailers, and the hangar (the cars are running well, so far). Other than that, everything is pretty tame. After all, we did get two days off this year! That should last until Christmas (did I mention that Christmas is only 75 days away? Oh, yeah, and the memory thing, too).

From here, it’s “prep for winter” time. The orange trees will need a big drink of water as will the grass (which is now brown and ugly) and vines (which are a bit stressed). We may not have any significant rain for a couple of months so it’s prudent.

That calls for “pulling sprinklers” which, as you know, is one of my favorite things to do around here. That’s right up there with the gagging and retching inducing job of cleaning the grease traps at “Gang Sue’s Restaurant” (which, thankfully, I haven’t had to do since 1963 when I swore off grease trap cleaning).

It would be a good idea to stockpile chicken feed (layer pellets) and dog chow (wet and dry), too. That’s especially true since the “Swell Joe” (literally) doubled the price of chicken scratch and layer pellets. Bags of dog chow are 30% higher, too. We keep them in 33 gallon steel or plastic containers so the critters can’t get to them. I used to one-hand those things but it takes two, now. Reckon they’re over-filling them just for me, eh? Bless their darlin' hearts. 

And, the barn will be overhauled if it doesn’t rain too much. That’s a chore for ten men but I think I can handle it. But, it looks like “El Niño” may give us a wet winter. So, that’ll entail hauling everything down to the hangar so it’ll stay dry (Gosh! That should be fun!). Otherwise, I have to tarp everything and that has not proven to be an effective way of doing things so far. If we get right to it, we should be through by Christmas 2024 (which is only 440 days away!).

No Sale: It’s not likely we can make vacation plans this year. We’ve decided to not conduct our “vacation money” generating event this year. I’m referring, of course, to our huge 15^th annual yard sale which has been the source of much joy and much more exhaustion.

I must say that it’s been a great run. We’ve been able to go either north or east (and, one year, to both places) to see family every now and again. And, our vacations haven’t cost us anything but a year of preparation: acquiring goodies to sell, storing and cleaning those goodies, a week of back-breaking exhaustive work to set up, three 14-hour days of extreme aching and exhaustion during the event, an arduous two weeks of tearing down and restoring/re-boxing a ton of stuff that didn’t sell while almost dead (it took six weeks last year), then at least six weeks of slow aching recovery to normal. Ain’t nothing like a free vacation.

Planning a getaway anyway: Our last real trip out of Dodge was north to Washington to see family up there. That was a few years ago when we picked up our (previous) Ford Freestar van in Boise (our latest Freestar came from Irvine near LA). We shagged on up to WA then back home. It was more of a mini-vacation (it was really closer to a drive-by hugging) since we were only gone for a week. It’s only a thousand miles so it’s a bit more attainable and the drive is two bits easier on the old people’s airframes.

On the other hand, our furthest destination in Texas is 1,728 miles away so it takes a lot more planning and, of course, the cost is greater. But, we are still hoping to find a way to make it back there to see the rest of the folks. We haven’t been to Texas in about 5 years which makes it an overdue priority. We are really determined so see what happens when they regularly feed those grandkids all that good Texas cookin' (that good stuff is what keeps your bellybutton and your backbone from getting together)!

When going east, we made the commitment to take it easy on the Ol' Rancher and Ol' Canner by not pushing them until they drop (especially when they start trip completely wrecked after the yard sale). Driving 12 hours per day is no longer considered part of trip planning. That means, instead of stopping for one night on the road like we do when travelling to Washington, there’s two or even three nights planned when eastbound. That adds up to about $600.00 or so just for lodging (roundtrip) so the yard sale profits are helpful. I used to drive straight through to both states but that was 25 years ago when doing so didn't require CPR at the end of the trip.

When we do go to Texas, we’ll make stops in Abilene to see Jeff and Sandra Minnick and their son and his wife, Randall and Hannah. Then we’ll head southeast to Kingsbury to see brother Roger Freeman and dear sister, Charlotte Parker, brother Chris and Carol Freeman, and brother Steve and Paulette Freeman. From there, it will be on further east to see daughter Trixie and Dan Howden and their family in Magnolia (near Houston). It’s difficult to be so far away from loved ones. At least we don’t have to travel by covered wagon.

One place in Texas that I can hardly wait to go to again is the “City Market BBQ” in Luling. That place is “feast city”! Their BBQ is the talk of town but not just their town! They are even known in Austin (50 miles away) and San Antonio (57 miles away)! The great news is that it’s only 11 miles from Roger’s place! Zowie! In fact, it’s close enough that I call the place Lunch-n-Back, Texas!

Our first encounter was about 12 or so years ago when Roger took us there for lunch and I’ve been hooked ever since. After tearing into their pile of BBQ brisket and sausages, I became a believer and big fan!

Oh, what a card he is or How to embarrass the Ol’ Rancher without half trying: The other day (when lots of things happen around here), we had to stop by the bank drive-through to crash (sic) a couple of checks and such. I hauled the debit card out of my wallet and sent it over for ID along with the checks. The speaker came alive again with “This is a Wendy’s card”. WHAT?! I took a quick look at Connie who was instantly enjoying this event far more than she should have been. I mean, laughing so hard you can’t breathe is entirely too much entertainment for an old granny, if you ask me. When she returned to her normal color, she was most gracious and stated, “Well, they are the same color and do look alike”. Thank you, dear. The nice young teller lady (who was probably laughing at the old dude in the van) sent the red card back and it was replaced with the other red card and all was well after that. *SIGH*

Weather or not: This has been a really nice summer and early fall. Normally, the daytime temps at Rancho Relaxo don’t fall below 95 degrees until the last week of September. Thanks to “El Niño”, our temps weren’t even close to that! Though we did have a few summer scorchers, all-in-all, it’s been great!

We’re cooling down now to very pleasant daytime temps in the mid-70’s. It makes working outside (of which there is no small amount to do) much easier. “Let it cool! Let it cool! Let it cool!”.

Rancho Pero Report or Doggin’ it: Abbie and Bella, the next-door neighbor’s bulldog, just can’t seem to see eye to eye, for some reason. Abbie had healed up well from their previous scrap. Then, for indeterminant reasons, they hooked up in battle again. Abbie showed up one evening and was seriously wounded again. She was treated and allowed to rest in the house as much as she wanted for a week or so until her wounds healed. They did heal very quickly and very well.

On one occasion, I happened to be in the back yard when Bella sprinted across the yard to attack Abbie. She was intercepted and run back home. Had I not been there, there would have been another nasty clash and Abbie would have gotten the worse of the deal.

I had a talk with the neighbor and we’ll both try to keep a watch on the situation.

A relative matter or Fuzz Daddy: It looks like I’ll need to consider Bella as part of the family now. Remember when Fuzzy recently had his coming-of-age moment with Bella? Guess who heard puppies yipping at the neighbor’s house the other day? Yep. Bella now has a litter of Doodle Dogs (or is it Bull Doodles?). Criminy! No one at the ranch is in a hurry to see what these pups look like! It just isn’t possible to imagine what such a mix looks like. We may have set a world record for ugly or weird dogs. Reckon it will become apparent in due season, though. At least they can honestly answer the question, “Who’s Your Daddy?”. We’re also hoping that there’ll be no “pup support” demanded of us. Wouldn’t that be interesting?

Well....there you have it: another short episode of the long happenings at Rancho Relaxo: home of Rancho Ran, the world's least-most greatest authority: home of the Yo-Yo  twins and home of a retarded duck: home of Connie the Canner, the world's greatest side-kook and CEE (Chief of Everything Else): where the air smells and where alliteration reigns supreme: where being modern is optional and where there are no slaves to fashion: where the eggs are always mostly fresh: where things can get...interesting: where it's all news to me and where...you just never know.