Greetings and welcome to the "Rancho Relaxo" blog for July. We’re running late with our post this month just like the previous few issues. And, like previously, there are lots of reasons for that but you will be spared most of them (it would help if I could get a day off around here). In any case, the Ol' Rooster and Ol' Hen just wanted to share what's happening here at our humble rancho nestled in the quickly-browning foothills of the Sierra Nevada Mountains. Thanks to La Niña, we have been having an exquisite summer! The daily high temps are almost like April and early May around here! Thanks for dropping in at the Rancho Relaxo global headquarters.
Feel free to click on the pictures to enlarge them.
Some folks have parakeets. We have a pair o' cuties. There are two more asleep behind these little guys. We got them from good friend and fellow hamster, Eddie O., who helped us track down them and their feral momma. We weren't quite fast enough to catch all little speedy chicks so we settled for these. They are growing by leaps and bounds!
Another brother, Ralph R., hatched out a ton of chicks then gave us a dozen of them! Connie has, once again, gained the title of, "Supreme Chicken Grandma" (she is supreme at a lot of things but she enjoys this above most others). We're almost ready to move these little peckers to the top loading cage we had the feral chicks in. It's certainly warm enough. The feral chicks have moved to a nice large cage inside the coop until they are large enough to be with the rest of the heard. These are "straight run" birds so we will likely have meat birds and layers. We can always use some of them for barter, I should think.
This is one of the big juicy rancho plums. They are plumb good! Our four trees only produced a light harvest due to the screwy cooler weather which produced a late crop. Nevertheless, they were quite tasty. They didn't make the freeze dryer due to the fact that the labor force around here was already frazzled with projects. It's frazzling to pit and slice buckets of plums and we were are already plumb out of the need for any more frazzling.
Well, the pre-occupied Ol' Rancher had to make a quick check for the mail and was greeted by fervently-flowing fountain of fresh water. Swell. Just what he needed. No one had seen the event but it definitely was the result of trauma to the riser because it was fractured. It was thought at first that it had simply came unstuck.
The first thing that needed to be done is to head to the back of the property to shut off the 2" main ditch water line (we get our irrigation water from the "Pleasant Valley Ditch Company" and get our personal water from a well). After that, I was able to get the project high up on the "fix now" list. Rancho Relaxo keeps lots of PVC connectors and pipe for just such occasions. But (why is there always a "but" around here?), the PVC cement and etchant were not to be found. That led to a trip to "Springville Building Supply" to fetch supplies. Once they were obtained and a hole dug (I just love shovel work, don't you?), the parts were cemented together and left to dry. The water was turned on the next day.
Here's Fuzzy and the next door neighbor's little pooch, Pedro. They are great pals. Abbie hasn't been in a good mood since the cage bouts with the bobcat and the bulldog so doesn't feel up to a good romp. So, Pedro has taken up the task of romping and cavorting. Fuzzy's a great neighbor and even lets the little guy win sometime!
Pedro is a "water dog" and can't get enough of it. He comes over when the sprinkler is on and goes to town! He's a hoot to watch!
This is Connie the Washer Woman's new LG Heavy Duty Extra-Large capacity washing machine. The previous machine was a "Maytag" that was purchased about 6 or so years ago with the thought that you likely couldn't get a better washer. In other words, the brainwashing from the advertisements from the 50's and 60's led us to believe that "Maytag" was the most reliable and dependable machine on the market. Well, they may well have been the case 50 years ago. However, today, the brand is just another name on a long list of machines that one huge corporation bought up. Almost all of the familiar washing machines and dryers manufactured in America today are made by just a couple of companies (and even some of them aren't even made in this country). They just brand badge them (like GM used to do with cars). Most of them are made in the same factory by the same people and using the same parts (other than the cosmetics). In other words, "same junk, different covers".
I'm familiar with LG and it's history so I bought it instead of what I wanted in the first or second place. The alternate would be the "Whirlpool" brand which I've always had a great respect for (I used to sell a ton of them). "Whirlpools" are now made in the same factory as the "Maytags" using the same (junk) parts so I passed on both. I had to rebuild the "Maytag" washer twice and the dryer twice. This time, the washer lost its electronic mind and wouldn't complete it's simple tasks. Add to that, is was rusting and falling apart! So, it had to go.
And now, a word from our sponsor: This issue of Rancho Relaxo is brought to you by Mother Marsha’s Moby Mibby Moobers. Now, these are the best Moby Mibby Moobers that money can buy! They're made right here in the US of A. You cannot...I say...you can't get a better Moby Mibby Moober anywhere! You can get your bountiful supply of Mother Marsha’s Moby Mibby Moobers at the Wal-Mart, KMART, Speedy Mart, Rapid Mart, Quick Mart, and all those marts where them guys have those towels wrapped around their heads. Tell'em the Ol' Rancher sent you. You'll be glad you did!
Rancho hint for the day:
Red meat is not bad for you...
Fuzzy green meat is bad
for you.
Well...beat me with a brolly, Dolly! It's July! Doesn’t that just put a kink in your Speedo?! Time is whizzing by faster than a Sante Fe freight train with no brakes on Cajon Pass! Only 166 days until Christmas! *SIGH*
The good news is that our daytime temps have been more in the range that we see in late April through mid-May! Everyone around here is lovin' it!! It's like having an extended spring so we get to smell everyone's BBQ grill's that are in high gear! Moving along.....
Princess Abbie report: It gives me great pleasure to announce that our dear Princess Abbie is doing well and has healed up amazingly well and amazingly quickly! We seriously thought it was going to take a lot longer! It's difficult to tell by looking that she had been so torn up not so long ago (she looked like she single handedly took on Paulus's Sixth Army!). This despite the fact that we let the wounds heal by "secondary intent".
One wound was actually almost overlooked. We had bandaged her while she was lying down so as not to disturb her. This meant that a thorough exam wasn't conducted of her entire body. That could have been a terrible oversight given the severity of the wound. After a few days when she was able to stand and get around a bit while, we were changing her dressings and discovered the hidden wound.
The big cat had incised her breast area with a razor sharp claw! It actually looked like the cat used a box cutter! The antiseptic and the "Silvex" wound dressing were hauled out and the gash was properly treated and bandaged. Even in so short of a time, the wound is almost totally healed and no further antiseptic is required! Amazing!
She's still not in her usual perky good mood and tends to be a bit brisk with Fuzzball and Pedro, the neighbor's pup. Perhaps she's feeling remorseful about not being able to rout the intruders who threatened the ranch on her watch. She needn't worry since I always give her plenty of kudos and love whenever I can. She digs every minute of it!
A quick note: if you don't have any "Silvex", please do yourself a favor: get several tubes. This stuff is amazing. It's a type of colloidal silver and it aids healing like nothing I've ever seen (and I've seen a lot). We gave some to a friend who had some sort of open wound that was not healing properly. He used it then went to his doctor who wondered what on earth he did to heal so fast and so well! It's only about 8 bucks at Wal-Mart so grab at least a few of tubes the next you drop by to see Ol' Sam (or order it from Amazon or such). You won't regret it.
Fuzzy, the Horn Dog or Stuck Doggie Dog: The other day, some of the "indoor work" was being attended to (upstairs in the office) when a call rang out on the HT (our ever-ready Baofeng BF-888 handy talky radios) to come downstairs. Being disturbed isn't too big of a deal since it's difficult to not be disturbed when you live at Rancho Relaxo where disturbance is a way of life.
Lo and behold....the call for assistance came from Connie the Canner who had just been apprised that our dear playful young 40 pound pup, Fuzzy Doodle, just had his coming of age liaison with, of all things, "Stella", the neighbor's bulldog (who was very much in heat)! However, the liaison wasn't the issue; it was the fact that no one knew what to do when FuzzBall overstepped himself and got stuck on the job!
My lightning-fast mind thought, "This ought to be interesting!". I'd seen such things in the past but had no idea how to resolve the matter without changing the course of the dog's history. I can do paramedical things but vet things are pretty much above my pay grade. I mean...what do I do? Do I grab a hacksaw or will a crowbar do? Do I call for some "KY" jelly? Will a little dab do me or do I need the entire tube? Will there be parts of my hand in the dog's next bowel movement if I do any of this? Will Fuzzy even have a DNA distributor when he's all freed up? Will I be a hero or a zero? Many thoughts raced through my mind as I stood there.
Connie the Canner must have been praying because the matter resolved itself and Fuzzy, the horn dog, rather enthusiastically and, with all of his body parts intact, came prancing back into his own yard (I could have sworn he was smiling). As you can imagine, there was a huge sigh of relief expressed by the bewildered and helpless rancher. All was well again. Maybe it's time for me to give Fuzzy at little talk about the "birds and bees". Then again, his English language skills aren't all that great.
The thought of a Bulldog and Labra-Doodle mix isn't an inviting one for this ol' dude. Let's hope that this is a "no go" fling with no call for a "shotgun wedding" and further hoping that the neighbors get the hint to have Stella fixed. EGAD! What a thought!
Beans! Beans! The musical fruit! Or, Hark! Hark! A Fark!: The other day (when lots of things happen around here), the Ol’ Rancher whomped up a mess of ham and beans. Now, I don’t have a clue as to whether or not y’all whomp up your meals or not. But, here at Rancho Relaxo, we do a lot of whomping. It’s sort of, “To whomp or not to whomp; that is the question”. Anyway, what do you do with three large ham bones and meat scraps that were just released for service after being carved out of three large hams? Obviously, the answer was, "It's “whomping time”.
The bones and ham were tossed into a large pot and the "Great Northern" beans were prepped (Navy beans work just as well with some folks preferring them instead). The usual ingredients were tossed in (celery, onions, and carrots) and some garlic, salt, and pepper, were added. Chicken bullion makes for a great soup base so that was included. A couple of cups of small-diced potatoes were also added. That's a North Carolina version that I really took a liking to. The beans were then added and the fire was lit. After a couple of hours of simmering, we had ourselves a feast with which to feed the old people!
Of course, there are always consequences when you mix high-fiber beans with hungry teeth and a cavernous maw (speaking for myself, naturally). It seems that the little tiny bacteria and enzymes in the human body are overwhelmed when they meet up with our tasty legume friends. There is an inefficiency in the digestion of sugars that results in a pungent, gaseous, and musical byproduct (try not to bring that or your banjo to choir practice, please).
This knowledge did give us pause. We were afraid that, if there was a boisterous gaseous
exchange between two old people, we would be reported as having enough noxious
gas emissions to affect climate change and get ourselves reported and arrested!
We could even get fined for disturbing the peace! Besides, what would we tell the neighbors while we collect our bed sheets from their front yard (isn't there a song, "Blowin' in the Wind")?
Thankfully, our enzyme friends and bacteria buddies were on the job and working overtime so their were no serious seismic events (although there were a couple of tremors). And, we didn't even trigger the CO alarm. Luck abounds.
Whackin' out back or Big ol' bundle of boundless beat: Sometimes, you've just gotta go outside and get some whackin' done. That happened a couple of days ago when the personal biorhythms and the stars were all aligned and the tired Ol' Rancher had a couple of sips of coffee to help jump start things.
The initial chore was to haul the hoses out, clear/purge the the irrigation system, and set the sprinklers for the orange trees. "No biggy", said the head hose honcho. Well, as you might imagine, things went downhill pretty quickly from that point.
There's a monster plum tree that had been planted in one corner of the orange patch that had grown too large. It prevented access to the two orange trees behind it. So, something had to be done to get water to them and soon, at that. It was time to do some whackin' out in the back forty (which is actually the back 1.5).
Whacking (otherwise known as pruning and which applies to most other work around the place that requires hand tools) requires a lot of energy. Energy is usually husbanded around here for good reason. There just isn't a major supply of the stuff so any commitment to use it must be given great thought. But, this is Rancho Relaxo and sometimes there just isn't any time for serious deliberation. The trees needed water.
The pruning shears were dragged out and employed....at noon....in the hot sun.... without warming up the muscles.... and without taking time to don a long sleeve shirt....brilliant. After about ninety minutes of full throttle whacking, the bloodied and beat rancher slowly made it back to the house. The watering would have to wait until the next day. There just wasn't enough "gas" left in the tanks. It took a couple of days to recover from that spur-of-the-moment decision. Note to self: try not to do that again, Obi Wan Old Fogy.
Well....there you have it: another short episode of the long happenings at Rancho Relaxo: home of Rancho Ran, the world's least-most greatest authority: home of the Yo-Yo twins and home of a retarded duck: home of Connie the Canner, the world's greatest side-kook and CEE (Chief of Everything Else): where the air smells and where alliteration reigns supreme: where being modern is optional and where there are no slaves to fashion: where the eggs are always mostly fresh: where things can get...interesting: where it's all news to me and where...you just never know.
