RANCHO SALE AWAY

 

Hey, y'all! Glad you could drop in to check on what's happening at Rancho Relaxo. We trust and pray that you all are doing well! 

We're "moving along" but are moving rather slowly after the big bash yard sale. It's done with and so are we. It was a great time but we paid for it physically. We overdid things and old people should be underdoing things instead. 

Nevertheless, aside from a mild seasonal cold, the Ol' Rancher and his XYL (ex-young lady), Connie the Canner, are prospering and in health even as their soul is prospering.

This issue of Rancho Relaxo is brought to you by Bouncing Betty's Beautiful Biddy Bobbers". Now, these are the best Beautiful Biddy Bobbers that money can buy! They're made right here in the US of A. You can't...I say...you can't get a better Beautiful Biddy Bobber! You can get your bountiful supply of  Beautiful Biddy Bobbers at the Wal-Mart, KMART, Speedy Mart, Quick Mart, and all those marts where those guys have those towels wrapped around their heads. Tell'em the Ol' Rancher sent you. You'll be glad you did!                                                                                                                                                                   

     NOTE: there's a shortage of pictures this go around. I accidentally deleted my pictures and can't find my other camera that had most of the yard sale pics on it. I'll add them later if I find anything.                                               

"Wanna see my tongue?!" Fuzzy is going to be a hoot to have around because he already grasps the spirit of Cornball Central (aka Rancho Relaxo). We thought about a few other (really good) names that had been suggested but we settled on something that was corny, silly, goofy, and unoriginal, just like his owner. 

Guardzilla. 

Abbie is saying, "I iz the big dog around here!"

A few pics of the aftermath of the sale. 

It’s November. We have worn out ten months in a row without even trying. It’s been an interesting ten months, to say the least (but you knew that). It’s hard to calculate just how much has happened in so short a time. It’s also hard to calculate just how much didn’t happen in the same time. Yet, here we are more blessed than ever. It’s absolutely amazing. There’s one more month after this one to grind into history so, hang on! Things could get interestinger (sic…this is Rancho Relaxo).  

I really don’t want to be the terror of Colorado Boulevard.

Fun Fact: Mommas and the Papas. In Spanish, it reads: “Mommas and the Potatoes”.

Nyet! Kaput! Fin! Finito! No mas! Done!: Well…we did it; the big annual mega-yard sale has come and gone. We managed to get three months of work done in a couple of weeks without calling “Imperial Ambulance” (but it seemed close). We really can’t say that it wasn’t a lot of fun because it was. The camaraderie was exceptional and getting to meet new folks and new neighbors is always a great pleasure. But, we drove ourselves into the ground not remembering that we’re old people.

You’re pushing too hard: We had to face the fact that we simply pushed ourselves way too hard on this go around and are completely exhaustipated. There’s the three weeks of prepping to start with. That’s pretty tough stuff. Things had to be moved from the hangar and the barn to the front yard. Then, it had to be prepped for sale. We should have taken 8 weeks! No joke! When all was said and done, we had another 50 more boxes and a slew of larger unboxed items to clean, price, and set out that didn’t get attended to!

Then, there’s the three days of grueling work at the sale itself. That’s three days that start no later than 6 AM. During the day, when we’re not dealing with people, we’re cleaning and pricing stuff that hadn’t been set out yet.

A lot of folks will start their yard sale at about 8AM or so and call it quits anywhere between noon and 3PM or so. Not us. This is a once-per year mega event that stays open from 8AM until people stop showing up. Most of the time, it turns out to be about 6PM or even later. By the time we shut down the shop and prep for the next day, the clock is indicating 10PM or later. After finally winding down, we hit the hay at midnight.

I’m up and at’em at 5:30AM or so building a fire under the big 40 cup coffee urn. Connie preps for the big lunch feast and it’s “hot heels” all day from there. We get to do it again the next two days. Fun stuff, eh?

It always includes ministry, too. Most of the vendors are Christian folks with some being bolder than others. So, it’s not unusual for there to be prayer in the air at any given time. Folks have testified of how blessed they are when they come here! We’ve had not any major issues here for the previous 15 years and everyone has been blessed and prosperous. That’s quite a testimony!!

Sale Away or The Thrill is Gone: Ah, but after the crowd has gone, the money’s counted, and, after the big sigh of relief, it’s Monday morning and there’s the cleanup to deal with. Imagine, if you will (thanks, Rod), two old people, who are already ground down to the ground and too tired to tear a “Twinkie” in half, saddling up to another monumental task. We couldn’t move much less clean anything up. Everything at the rancho simply stopped in its tracks. What happened next was entirely predictable.

“Cleanup on Aisle One…and Two….and Three”: It’s already three weeks past the sale and we’re only about half way cleaned up. The driveway is a mess and the rest of our unsold goods have yet to be hauled off. We let our immune system get compromised and ended up with a light seasonal cold which whacked our ability to clean anything but our nose. Progress has been made but you’d think that it was being made by the Lollipop Guild.

Keep smiling!: The good news is that we made enough money to keep the tax man at bay. It’s nice when your rent to the government is paid so they don’t come and repossess their property. Some of you my already know that there is no private property ownership in America. I learned that in the CA Real Estate Training Class in ’89. PM or e-mail me for more on that, if you’d like.

Actually, we weren’t on the precipice of starvation. Earlier, we did have to dip into our “tax money” to cover some exigencies but the yard sale picked up the slack. No biggie. We got’r done and kept peace with “Big Brother”.

Fuzzy Wuzzy!! Not long ago (but longer than the other day), we were blessed with the “deal of the day” that we just couldn’t pass up. It was the opportunity to have a “Labradoodle” pup (a Labradoodle is a crossbreed dog created by crossing a Labrador Retriever and a Standard, Miniature, or Toy poodle). What’s wild is that he’s also a registered pooch with the official title/name of “Sonny”.

Of course, as an old farmworker, I needed to straighten out all that highfalutin stuff and give him a real name that fit my rather logical and painfully linear thinking (I keep a chisel close). So, that which was obvious was the solution. He’s now, “Fuzzy”: it’s profoundly simple, profoundly accurate, profoundly silly, profoundly unoriginal, and profoundly uncreative, but it works magnificently for us.

I have to tell you; I am in love with this new little guy! I think he was custom made for Ol’ Ran who is used to a high-spirited short-haired coon hound and not a fluffy “froo-froo dog”. For some reason, this little guy was instantly my buddy. When I held him, he just settled right into my arms and let me love on him.

Though he is meek and quiet of spirit, he can romp with Abbie with the best of them! He’s also the only pup that’s so fuzzy that, when I first tried to pet him, he was so far down under his fur, I had to hunt for him! It’s kinda neat to own a rug with a nose.

He’s still getting the lay of the land and learning how to fit in but he’s a really smart doggie so everything will be fine.

No fly zone.  Y’all know that Connie the Canner runs a clean tight ship but you may not know that she hates house flies as much as Jenks the Cat hates meeses to pieces. That means it’s a “No Fly Zone” in her kitchen. She has no use for them at all.

Now, she’s also a very practical gal so she doesn’t allow shotguns in the kitchen at all (other than to transition to the outside, of course, where other varmints await their fate). So, the flies still have a fighting chance (albeit, it’s a very slim chance). Having taken up the task of having a fly-less house, she has sharpened her aim with a tea towel or large washrag and is now a real “dead eye” fly git’r. If a fly or two makes it past the front or back screen door, they’re goners if they show up in the kitchen. It’s usually one “WHAP!”, one kill. She’s getting so good at killing them that she’s starting to feel disappointed when she doesn’t see one (of course, that’s just one guy’s interpretation of the matter).

Dirty recka-fretcha-pecka-loomer!: Our big LG super washer stopped working the other day (when lots of things happen around here) and it was giving us a "door latch" error. No biggies, says I. I just ordered a new one. However, when the new switch came in things took an interesting turn. I pulled the top off and, lo and behold! A rat had gnawed the entire control wiring harness in two and shredded the bleach feeder hose and another pressure sensor tube!! Just installing a new switch would only take about 20 minutes. Dealing with the entire harness and hoses will require a complete disassembling of the entire washer (Johnny 5, "Disassemble!!"). Now I'll need a day off so I can work on this thing! The LG is actually our backup washer. It’s been hanging in there and doing a great job. 

The other issue is that the outer tub bearings are going out on the big Maytag washer. Can you believe that; both washers going down at the same time?! And, it’s happening just when most of my day’s supply of energy is being used to tie my shoes! So, everything is going to have to just remain un-fixed until the Ol’ Rancher gets back in the saddle. It shouldn’t be much longer.

You may remember that Maytag was the brand that advertised that they had the loneliest repairman around. I’m here to call “BULL!” on that. It’s just another cheap piece of junk designed to fail (i.e. planned obsolescence).

What burns my biscuits is that I was sold on their quality from way back in the ‘60’s. Maytag was “the” washer to get. I wanted one so I got one. Should I have gone with the Whirlpool? I almost did. I used to sell tons of Whirlpool products and have (had) great faith in them. However, Whirlpool owns Maytag so most of them are made in the same factories. What does that tell you (how about that we shouldn’t buy either one?)? To make matters worse, the issue is such a common problem that there are tons of “how to fix your Maytag” tutorials on the Internet.

This isn’t a simple part failure. This is a failure of the backbone of the entire washer. No spin, no wash. You have to remove the tub, remove the motor stator, manually knock out the upper and lower bearings, and remove the shaft. Then, you get to rebuild it with the new parts in reverse order with the special bearing tool (i.e. the bearings are press fit).

If you can find the Maytag repairman’s phone number (I’m being silly), he’ll gladly charge you about 500.00 including parts and mileage to help you resolve your issue. That’s almost half the price of a new machine. This is all because the top seal failed and allowed water to access the bearings. Can you spell "C-H-E-A-P"?

Thankfully, it isn’t brain surgery and I can do it without any problem other than the wrestling of the machine into position so it can be worked on. Wrestling appliances is not what I signed up for in life (but especially at this age).   

 Rain! Rain! Don’t Go Away! Stay Around Another Day!: We finally got a dab of rain. It was a greatly needed and nice “soaker” rain for about three hours or so then it abated into oblivion. The best I can tell it was the tail end of the tail end of a storm that was quite a bit further north of us. It wasn’t at all like the real rain storm Longview, WA got hit with at the same time. Friend and brother, Jeff Edgecomb, advised that they got 5” in about 8 hours! He said that he was pretty sure that he saw Noah rounding up animals two by two! The pictures  of flooding he sent convinced me that he was only partially joking. Man! It's wet up there!

Anyway, we have another storm that is moving in and should be here to wet this issue of the blog as it’s being sent out (Sunday night). Not sure how much we can expect to get but it does look like it’ll be hanging around for about four days! There will be lots of rejoicing happening in our land.

Well....there you have it: another short episode of the long happenings at Rancho Relaxo: home of Rancho Ran, the world's least-most greatest authority: home of the Yo-Yo  twins and home of a retarded duck: home of Connie the Canner, the world's greatest side-kook and CEE (Chief of Everything Else): where the air smells and where alliteration reigns supreme: where being modern is optional and where there are no slaves to fashion: where the eggs are always mostly fresh: where things can get...interesting: where it's all news to me and where...you just never know.