Wednesday, May 4, 2022

RANCHO SPRINGY DINGY

 


Here's one of our harbingers of spring. This little female bird has camped out in our front yard and has been digging out Connie's planter boxes on the front porch. She's not a happy camper and has put netting over them to keep this noisy and obnoxious intruder out of them. It's a "Stellar Jay" and not one that I know likes them. 


Click on the pictures to enlarge them.



Here's more evidence of spring. Car shows/events are showing up all over the place. This line of cars greeted us when we were in Springville the other day. Model "A" and Model "T's" were lined up clear through town and others were still showing up. It was a rather big event so it must have been one of the collector's associations or such. 


Here's something that you don't see every day. It's a large can of "Cain's" coffee. This has been one of my favorite coffees since 1981. I drank it while in Tulsa, OK and then picked up a couple of cans when on vacation. The problem is that you can't get it any longer. It's only available at a few restaurants in Oklahoma and it's no longer in stores. I hate to crack it open but, if I don't, it'll get stale and undrinkable. Such is life. 




There are about 40 pods of "Peet's" and "Starbucks" coffee here ("Starbucks" owns "Peets"). The entire bunch of pods cost us 25 cents at the new "Falling Prices" store in Porterville. This is the small overflow box. The larger box has hundreds of these pods in it and cost less than 10 dollars. 





To the right is the newly poured cement base for the antenna tower for my ham radio station. It's planted at the back of the barn (north side). The station has been a work in creeping progress for a number of years. I'll park an 11 element 2M VHF beam on top and will also string a 300' wire inverted "V" antenna from the top. The long wire will allow for operation all the way down to the 160 meter band in addition to the others. The tower is to the right and will need to be erected when the base cures for a few weeks. 


I don't recall where or when I got this big beautiful Logitech MX5000 keyboard. But, when I wore out the previous keyboard, I found this one lurking in the barn. I looked it up online and the mouse and keyboard retail for 150 clams. I vaguely recall paying 5 bucks for it at a yard sale. 



Well! Shut the front door!! It’s May! We’re a third of the way through the year! Doesn’t that just make you want to hock your outhouse? Anyway, neighbors, it’s time to share the vernal adventures at Rancho Relaxo. I should have listened to J. R. Ewing.

Fun Fact: “Vernal" is from the Latin vernalis which means “of spring” . You can also use “primavera” which means “first spring.”

Stepping on up: We live in a two story home and my office/shop is on the upper floor. That may seem like a negative but it’s really plus. For instance, for 15 years I’ve had to walk, slog, jog, and sprint up these 15 steps. That means a lot of muscular and cardio activity has been executed. This is one of the reasons that explain why I was able to ace the “stress test” when I had a heart attack in ’14. In fact, the best that I can tell, I’m one of only a few folks that have gone the full (grueling) 9 minute treadmill test without breaking the 150 heartbeats per minute limit (I’ve not heard of another).

That’s also why my cardiologist was wowed when he saw my chart. He stated that, had he not seen all of my medical records, he would never have guessed that I had even had an attack! I was pleased with that report because my FAA flight medical was reinstated within three of weeks of getting his “all clear” (the previous FAA communication took three months).

Guess what? Here at Rancho Relaxo we’ve found that these stairs are even more utile than you may suspect. You see, Connie the Canner also uses the stairs. “So what?”, one may say. Well, let me tell you, cousin.  She’s about 5’ 6” which is a bit below my 6’2” highness. “So what?”, one may query again. It’s like this; on some odd occasions, she’s coming down the stairs and we meet at the bottom. Can you imagine the compensation a 7” rise stairs makes when two humans meet and they are now nose-to-nose? Yep. It’s “Rancho smootcho time” for the old folks! In fact, we have an official name for Connie the Canner at times like these; she’s my….step-wife. Works for us.

Them’s the Brakes or How trashy can you be?: This is springtime so we’re in high gear and are speeding along as much as our bodies, minds and the ever-present “farm issues” will allow.

During one of our frequent trips to town, we had gotten about 5 miles from home when we tried to pull out of the way of the cars behind us (bless our considerate hearts). That was interesting because the brake pedal went to the floor! We were at a fairly level place on the highway which was highly improbable. We were on Highway 190 which has very few level places seeing that that it traverses the foothills and the mountains. This is also to say that the hand brake wasn’t required. Thankfully, we were able to safely limp back (rather slowly, I should say).Once home, we called “AAA” for a tow to a shop in Hooterville.

As a side note, you can bet we were mighty thankful for having the “Premium” subscription because it has unlimited towing. Anyway, we had the Coop DeVille hauled to “Big Brands” tires.

We found out later that the left front brake line separated! So, this was a shock as well as a mystery.

The repair took a few days because they had to get the brake line out of Bakersfield (or, “Buckersfield”, if you are so inclined). We picked up the car in a week and were quite happy to be back in business.

Ah, but this is Rancho Relaxo and you just know that things can get interesting around here.

For instance, two days after getting the van back home, it was time to make a “dump run” because our trash bins were full. Wooly Pulley was hooked up and we started out of the driveway. However, we only got to the main highway when the brake pedal went to the floor again! I backed up and unhooked and blocked the trailer and called “AAA” again for a tow to the same shop in Hooterville. Scratch one dump run!

It took more than a week to get the van back because they had to order another brake line from out of the area. The end of the matter is that the repaired the issue and we got our wheels back. 

During the wait time, our trash remained in the trailer for another week until a friend hauled it off. Without those 10 large barrels, trash started backing up pretty quickly. Swell. The little Camry, Toyo, doesn’t have a hitch (yet) so we needed to wait almost a week to resolve that trash problem.

What wasn’t a mystery was what would have happened had we been further down the road and had to brake but found ourselves freewheeling with a trailer trying to catch up to us. I don’t like to imagine such things but I’m quite sure that the result would have amused the bored masses. That was plumb crazy! The car had just been repaired!

This hilarious episode set our back our plans to haul stuff to and from the hangar, too. We needed to get stuff staged for the big yard sale in May on the 13th-14th. Some of these goods need to get down the road because we’re backed up to the gunnels with unused “stuff” that’s been around far too long.

Tractors, maintenance, and more: To make matters even more interesting, the lawn tractor has had issues. It lost air in one of the tires so I used “Fix-a-Flat” on it. So far, it still has a slow leak but I have an air compressor and a portable air tank.

It also has a weird habit of losing the power-take-off clutch when it warms up. As long as the PTO clutch is engaged, the mower runs fine. However, if you disengage it, it won’t re-engage until the motor mower cools down. That takes a while so you just go do something else until you can use it again. That’s rather inconvenient.

The grass in the front yard had grown to jungle proportions but was finally whacked when I got the tractor going (thankfully, no lions were found linger about). Its battery and starter was recently replaced so this season’s work should get done (if the lazy tractor driver can get to it, that is).

The Honda “FourTrax” ATV (which hauls dirt and other things all over the ranch) also had problems. Those issues had to be dealt with so I can get into “spring mode” and get some work done. It needed the carburetor replaced, the oil changed, and a tune up. It then openly declared that its battery was dead. Swell. So, now it has a new battery and all should be well. She starts immediately when the “Go” button is pushed or when you kick start it. Amazingly, it’s hard to tell the motor isn’t new. It doesn’t even smoke! I can deal with that. 

The other tractor, the 1951-52 Ford 8N, has a blown head gasket and is undergoing repairs as we speak. That isn’t a biggy but the drag scraper does come in handy from time to time.

Re-tired Camry: The Camry recently had tire issues, too. Seems we didn’t drive it enough and the tires got weather worn and fell apart. We had two flats within a couple of days of each other. We didn’t need any more tire grief so it’s now sporting a new set of 190/60R 14 “Kelly Springfield” shoes.

The little car is 24 years old yet only has a bit over 200k miles on it. It’s a mechanically sound as any car with half the mileage. We do keep our cars in tip top shape because we greatly depend on them.

More motor maintenance: Spring prep will include the Schwinn “Meridian” motorized trike. It was running well prior to the start of winter but I forgot to suck the gas out. So, there may be an issue with getting it started at first. The carb just needs blown out (as does the 3.5KW portable generator we keep at the ready: and the “Troy Bilt” 5hp pressure washer). The little 1.5 hp Honda has been trouble-free and holding up well so far (given that it probably has less than 7 miles on it). It shouldn’t take much to get back in service.

It’s a sweet ride that we call the “Ranch Rocket”. This is in spite of the fact that we are spared anything close to face-ripping speeds. If I recall correctly, the top speed on this little hauler is 22 mph. That should be quite sufficient a speed with which to carry our milk (and my larger pink fundament) to and from the grocery store 3.5 miles away.  It’s quite the “ute” since it has a basket on the back and one on the handle bars. Handy gadgets, I’d say.

The problem is that it is geared so high that it can’t negotiate the steep entrance from Highway 190 to the “Eagle Feather Trading Post” (2.6 miles from here). So, the rider (that would be the Ol’ Rancher) has to push the thing up the hill (the gearing is too high for it to be peddled upslope by a human). We’ll see. Perhaps someone will help me mount a wench on the front (preferably a light-weight one with brown hair).

I still need to build Connie’s Meridian trike. It’s been patiently waiting for quite a while. Just can’t seem to get to it.

 Wired-Not wired or The Unexpected Magic Show: Missy, the well-fed-but-bored pooch, just ate my wiring harness on the trailer for grins. At first, I thought she ate the whole thing but I found it a few days later. Perhaps she hid it so that she could retrieve it, play with it, and then show me what a great job she had done of it. It was fixed by replacing it with a new harness and connector (10 clams added to the list of “unanticipated expenses to date”).

Three days later, when the van was back in the shop, a friend offered to tow the trailer to the dump. Except that, the new wiring harness and connecter were…gone (swell x a whole bunch)! Since the trailer had been parked in front instead of in the back (where Missy could have such great fun with it), we really have a mystery on our hands. The thing simply disappeared. We’re still looking!

Well….that ended up necessitating a complete rebuilding of the wiring of the entire trailer. That took more time out of the Rancho schedule. Swell. Thankfully, my friend (quite professionally) glued it back together. Friends are our friends.

Bye, bye, Birdie: We lost our Barred Rock the other day (when lots of things happen around here). She developed some sort of tumor on her bottom but we didn’t know anything about it until the day prior to her demise. She just suddenly became lethargic and plopped down in the grass. I examined her and noticed that the tumor was far advanced and that some of her skin was already necrotic. I ruled out an “egg bound” issue.

We still have Rooby Doobie (nee “Speck”) and Feral Fawcett, though. Rooby is faithfully laying about an egg-and-a-half in a day-and-a-half. Miss Fawcett has gotten broody and is under one of our many tarps keeping unfertilized eggs warm (remembering that Missy ended Roo’s career as the head DNA propagator). I really love that little feathery bird because she's so tame. It's just that she's not that bright. The tarps will soon need to be cleared so she’ll likely be discovered and her broodiness will be discouraged.

Chicken Tenders: We already have plans to repopulate the ranch with more birds even if we have to start with chicks. Not a pleasant thought but “You gotta do whatcha gotta do”, eh? Eggs are our friends and we are in need of as many friends as we can get. The Ol’ Rancher and his side kook, Connie the Canner may soon be tending an entirely new flock of birds. Don’t touch that dial; we’ll have updates.

“Falling Prices” and Dropping Jaws: We were recently introduced to a new store in town. It’s been awhile since I gave two rips and a single ding-a-dang about such things. But, it looks like some folks think Porterville is large enough to actually start a business in (though I can’t imagine who). I suppose that 67,000 or so people would have a few bucks between them to keep at least one store afloat for a while.

The business is, “Falling Prices”. It may just as well be, “Falling in love with prices” because that’s exactly what the Ol’ Rancher and Connie the Canner have done. Low prices attract old yard sale’ers like us like “The Beatles” attracted screams. After all, we’re the ones who squeeze a nickel until the Indian rides the buffalo.

When you get inside, you see about 15 or so 6 foot square boxes elevated about 3’ off the floor. Contained in each box is a plethora of mixed items including cell phone protectors, wireless mice, toys, tools, hard backed books, and even expensive coffees. It’s wild!

Image what it does to your lil’ ol’ heart to purchase a 14.00 bag of Pete’s Coffee for…hold on to your old gray bonnet...one dollar! ONE BUCK! How about getting three wireless mice for five dollars and three 15.00 HDMI cables for 75 cents! It was a true jackpot! We likely won’t need coffee around here for a year or more (noting that most of the coffee was in sealed pods and metalized bags so that they stay fresher longer). All this brown treasure is sure to put some miles on our new “KitchenAid Pro Line” burr coffee grinder.

Connie the Canner got hundreds of canning jar lids for less than three bucks!  She almost did an Irish jig in the middle of the store (and doesn’t even know how to dance!)! She was in giggle mode when buying expensive vitamins and food supplements for a buck-a-throw! Zowie!

So, it’s no wonder we are so taken with this new store. It even cured us of dumpster diving!

Pardon my Garden: Last year’s garden was a bust. It was the first year that we’ve not had an abundant harvest. In fact, the ‘harvest” was so scarce that Connie the Canner could only can a few quarts of green beans and nothing else. That was pitiful because we planted an entire garden box of them. During an average harvest, she should have been able to can 30 quarts or more. This was despite the fact that the Ol’ Rancher toiled diligently for seven months. It was discovered (thanks to the Internet) that there was a fungus among us and it wrecked our soil.

The boxes are all in desperate need of repair so, instead of trying to rebuild and replant this year (which would keep us from the rest of the major work needed to be done around here), we’re going to forgo the matter for now. Unless the price of lumber requires us to hock the house, the idea is to just start all over with new boxes and fresh material/soil.

 Lowe’s has slotted concrete corner blocks that allow you to build the size of garden box you desire. Ours are 3’ high so that the old people can forgo any stoop labor. The remainder of the year will be dedicated to this major project. “Go, team!”.

Tripping or On the Road Again: Other than a too-quick trip to Boise to Seattle to home (when we picked up the new van), we haven’t been away from home for any reason in about five years. So, we’re going on a three week vacation. It’ll be great to see friends and family (our friends are pretty much our family, too). It’ll be even greater to just get out of Dodge.

The plan is to depart after church on Sunday, May 22 and return on the 13th or 14th of June. If things work as planned, Abilene, TX will be the first stop. Eldest son, Jeff and his family are there. We're up against a pretty hard clock so we'll see. 

We have a new granddaughter-in-law that we have yet to meet so that will be super! Her name is Hannah. She and grandson, Randall, were recently wed at a really cool place in Thurber, TX called the “Greystone Castle Sporting Club” (you should see the pictures!). Their fam will be headed to CA to see other fam right after we see them but they won’t be there when we return home. Bummer.

Next, will be just east of San Antonio in Kingsbury where Connie’s brother, Roger, and his lady, Charlotte, abide. Charlotte is also a pilot so she fits right in with the rest of us “wing nuts” (she’s a great cook, too!). Together, they run the “Old Kingsbury Aerodrome” in Kingsbury, TX. Their activities also include building and maintaining the “Pioneer Flight Museum” there.

Roger is a commercial pilot and world-class A&P mechanic. His works can be seen at the “Museum of Flight” in Seattle (a WW1 Nieuport 28) and at the Hong Kong airport (a 1910 Farman biplane replica). Check’em out at their website (https://pioneerflightmuseum.org) and on “YouTube”(https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=Old+kingsbury+aerodrome).

After Kingsbury, we’ll be on our way to Magnolia (about 200 miles and north of Houston) to see Connie’s elder daughter and her family. We have seven grandkiddies there who are now loving Texas. We haven’t seen them since they moved there three years ago from Harbor City/Torrance, CA.

Time permitting, we’ll get to see long-time friend and brother and sister, Red and Patty Polston in Tulsa. It’s been ten year or so since we’ve seen them. They are evangelists. I’ve had the privilege to minister in Idaho, California, and Canada with Red. Part of his ministry is the “5 West Outpost”, a Christian music ministry in Sand Springs.

Last but not least, we will be in Vienna, IL. That’s located where Missouri, Kentucky, and Illinois converge. I’ve been near there before but being in Kentucky will be a first for us. We’ll spend the night in Paducah which is only 30 miles south of Vienna. That leave only S.C., VA, and Georgia as the only southern states that I haven’t been to yet.                                                                                                                                                            

We’ll be having lunch in Sikeston, MO. The place is called “Lambert’s”. It the “home of the throwed rolls” (https://throwedrolls.com/our-menu/). There are three of them: Foley, AL, Osark, MO, and Sikeston, MO. I’ve been to all three of them but have only eaten at two of them.

If you ever have the chance, you need to stop in. You’ll  get a kick out of this place, I guarantee it! They have huge home-style meals and serve the side dishes from buckets. Then, a waiter/waitress will toss the bread rolls at you from as far away as they feel comfortable with, It’s a hoot! The chicken fried steak is huge. I’m a pro when it comes to chicken fried steak but I couldn’t eat the “Rooster size” meal. Next time, I’ll probably order the “Hen  size” instead (if I don’t get the fried catfish or hog jowl plate).

Well....there you have it: another short episode of the long happenings at Rancho Relaxo: home of Rancho Ran, the world's foremost authority (the previous one died): home of the Yo-Yo Twins, home of a retarded duck, home of Connie the Canner (world's greatest side-kook): where the air smells, where alliteration reigns supreme, where being modern is optional, where there are no slaves to fashion, where the eggs are always mostly fresh, where things can get...interesting, where it’s all news to me, and where...we just never know.