RANCHO PERRO NUEVO

Hey, Y'all! Thanks for stopping into Rancho Relaxo! We're in a new month and lots of things are happening here at the ranch. Like...we have another pooch! He's a hoot! He looks like a fuzzy carpet so...that's what we called him, FUZZY! 

 

This issue of Rancho Relaxo is brought to you by Cloistered Clara’s Clibbidy Clabber Clobbers. Now, these are the best Clibbidy Clabber Clobbers that money can buy! They're made right here in the US of A. You can't...I say...you can't get a better Clibbidy Clabber Clobber anywhere. You can get your bountiful supply of  Clibbidy Clabber Clobbers at the Wal-Mart, KMART, Speedy Mart, Rapid Mart, Quick Mart, and all those marts where those guys have those towels wrapped around their heads. Tell'em the Ol' Rancher sent you. You'll be glad you did!

This is what can happen on a dark raining night where certain unlit objects are lurking about and waiting to pounce on an unsuspecting driver. The Coop de Ville took a hard hit the other day (when lots of things happen around here). We had just entered the huge "Eagle Feather Trading Post" parking lot and were heading up the hill. I made a  wide U-turn to the left and smacked into one of two totally invisible concrete stanchions that guard their RV blackwater dump. We took quite a jolt!  Thankfully, the van is still drivable but it looks a bit goofy. Insurance is our friend!

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas around here. Connie the Set Director unboxed the nativity scene and planted it out front and hung the draping swag lights on the porch. 

Speaking of Christmas, this is the wreath that Connie the Pastor's Wife hung for our church. 

Here's Fuzzy who must be paying attention to some of Abbie's teachings. He's lying in the same place as Abbie and is being a good guard dog. Uh-huh. 

Here's Fuzzy and Abbie conspiring with each other on how to get more doggie treats from me. They didn't know I was listening.

Abbie is teaching Fuzzy the secret Rancho Relaxo handshake. She's such a good doggie! 

Some folks think the world runs on love but I'm more inclined to think that it runs on coffee and spuds. The problem is that the price of spuds has risen dramatically enough to crack your granny's 100 year old Wagner skillet! Less than a year ago, 50# of Russets cost us about 22 dollars. A year prior to that, it was 15.00 bucks (on sale/special). Here's the same sack for 35.99. Not sure who to "thank" for that. Not sure that I'm willing to switch to rice yet, though. Tearing away from those totally tasty taters is tough to do.

    

Well, what can I say? We've used up another perfectly good year. It has zipped by so fast that it makes me yearn for yore. Can you believe it? I’ve been at Rancho Relaxo for 15 years and pastoring at His House Fellowship for ten years! It seems like it has only been a couple of years or so!! So goes life. *SIGH* Moving along….

It’s been a good year. There have been ups and there have been downs but we truly are blessed around here. There is a lot to be thankful for, to be sure. We’ve accomplished a lot but there’s also a lot left to accomplish. You can’t even imagine. 

Racking, Pack, and Stack: The upstairs storage area in the barn is a hard hat area and it was really difficult to find things, So, Ol' Ran, the Stacker, went to work racking, packing, and stacking stuff so there would be room to walk through the place and find stuff. It only took about an hour but it was time well spent. 

Everyone Loves a Slinky or Ham it up: Another positive consequence of my labor is that I moved a lot of stuff away from my indoor dipole ham antenna. It's been an ongoing project for way too long so I need to finish it so that it can be used. It's fashioned from 14" helically wound heavy gauge wire (no hogs were harmed in the making of this ham antenna) and is called a "Slinky antenna" because it looks like a giant Slinky toy. 

If this works the way I think it should, it will have no problems tuning all the way down to the 160 meter band. That band requires a really long antenna (a half wave dipole at that frequency is 253' which takes up a lot of real estate) or a shorter one with a lot of inductance. My barn is 30' in length so that's where the big Slinky antenna comes in. It is a large inductor which is precisely how antenna capacitive reactance is tuned out (i.e. you add serial inductance) thereby allowing a much shorter antenna to be used. If the antenna is properly tuned to resonance, the transceiver doesn't know the difference in length (and I won't tell). 

Ham operators actually do construct antennas out of Slinky's but those windings are quite a bit smaller than mine. Mine is made from discarded air conditioning ducting. I'll still use one of my large tuners because it'll need to be fine tuned. And, it should easily tune on the higher frequencies without difficulty, too. I have a really nice MFJ antenna analyzer which should help a lot in the matter. 

Fuzzy the Labra-doodle: Our new pooch now has a fitting name. Since he looks like a four-legged rug with a nose, it's Fuzzy Wuzzy. And, he's a papered Labra-doodle. His official name is "Sonny" but, that just doesn't have a pronounced ring to it. This is Rancho Relaxo and things around here have to have a ring to them or they can't hang. 

Anyway, he has settled in and is now firmly at home and part of Rancho Relaxo. It didn't take all that long because he's a sharp as a Wilkinson sword! Man, this doggie is smart! And, he's sweeter than your grandma's peach cobbler and can soak up a ton of love and attention better than a pickup load of sponges! 

Because he's still a pup, he's as energetic as a room full of kindergarteners and is happy and bouncing all the time. He is easily excited, too, but there's a catch. When he gets all excited, he piddles on Connie the Cleaner's floor. Whoooo, doggies! That won't work! So, we're training him to take his exuberant wetness elsewhere. So far, though, I think he's actually more of a Labra-piddle than anything else. 

He and Abbie are great pals, too. Since Fuzzy is on the wireless fence, he can romp and play all around the house. His perimeter is set fairly liberally but not so far that he's in jeopardy of our driveway or the big road out front. He and she can be found in a romp and tussle a couple of times per day. They seem to be having a ton of fun. Abbie's going on 8 years old so she could use a good workout now and again. There'll be no problem with that as long as Fuzzy is on the job! 

He's not quite house broke yet so we park him outside in the heated pooch hooch. It's "Maggie's Mansion" into which we placed a small electric conductive oil radiator type heater. Abbie loved the place last year and may move back in. For now she doesn't mind because she found a nice cove at the neighbor's place and just stays warm there. She comes home from breakfast, though (bless her little doggie heart). 

A washing we shall go! A washing we shall go!: Just a quick update on the Ol' Maytag washer. You may recall that it had the outer tub shaft bearings go out and the Ol' Wrencher had to pull the bloody thing apart and fix it. The good news is that it's running like a Swiss watch and Connie the Washer Woman is well pleased that her mile-high stack of clothes has vanished away into cleanness. 

But, the daunting task of tearing the big LG washer apart still looms on the horizon. There are so many other priorities around here (like one of our backup refers needing a new temp controller) that it's tough to get to it. We'll see. 

Chickening update: Things are not all that well at the B-Gaaaak shack. We lost three layers to a bobcat the other day. It may have been a coyote but we have evidence that a big cat was in our back 40. We're down to ten birds but only eight layers. It's not a dire situation but we want to keep our layer count up to a dozen if possible. It just works out well that way. There are enough eggs for us to use and store and enough to give away or maybe sell (though not very often).  

All hooked up or Chain, chain, chain: Not long ago (but longer than the other day), when we came out of Wal-Mart, I noticed that one of my two safety chains on "Wooley Pulley" was missing. After examining the hitch and tongue, it was pretty obvious that someone had swiped one my chains and connectors. I use a slip hook and quick connects meaning that they're easy to remove. That also means that only one of the two connectors would have broken off if the chain was bounced around or accidently got hooked onto something in the road. "Lowe's" hardware is on the way home so we stopped and I picked up another set of connectors. I always have chain at home.  

Well....there you have it: another short episode of the long happenings at Rancho Relaxo: home of Rancho Ran, the world's least-most greatest authority: home of the Yo-Yo  twins and home of a retarded duck: home of Connie the Canner, the world's greatest side-kook and CEE (Chief of Everything Else): where the air smells and where alliteration reigns supreme: where being modern is optional and where there are no slaves to fashion: where the eggs are always mostly fresh: where things can get...interesting: where it's all news to me and where...you just never know.

 Stay tuned, though. I'll try to post updates on this month's blog as I can get to it.

 

           

RANCHO SALE AWAY

 

Hey, y'all! Glad you could drop in to check on what's happening at Rancho Relaxo. We trust and pray that you all are doing well! 

We're "moving along" but are moving rather slowly after the big bash yard sale. It's done with and so are we. It was a great time but we paid for it physically. We overdid things and old people should be underdoing things instead. 

Nevertheless, aside from a mild seasonal cold, the Ol' Rancher and his XYL (ex-young lady), Connie the Canner, are prospering and in health even as their soul is prospering.

This issue of Rancho Relaxo is brought to you by Bouncing Betty's Beautiful Biddy Bobbers". Now, these are the best Beautiful Biddy Bobbers that money can buy! They're made right here in the US of A. You can't...I say...you can't get a better Beautiful Biddy Bobber! You can get your bountiful supply of  Beautiful Biddy Bobbers at the Wal-Mart, KMART, Speedy Mart, Quick Mart, and all those marts where those guys have those towels wrapped around their heads. Tell'em the Ol' Rancher sent you. You'll be glad you did!                                                                                                                                                                   

     NOTE: there's a shortage of pictures this go around. I accidentally deleted my pictures and can't find my other camera that had most of the yard sale pics on it. I'll add them later if I find anything.                                               

"Wanna see my tongue?!" Fuzzy is going to be a hoot to have around because he already grasps the spirit of Cornball Central (aka Rancho Relaxo). We thought about a few other (really good) names that had been suggested but we settled on something that was corny, silly, goofy, and unoriginal, just like his owner. 

Guardzilla. 

Abbie is saying, "I iz the big dog around here!"

A few pics of the aftermath of the sale. 

It’s November. We have worn out ten months in a row without even trying. It’s been an interesting ten months, to say the least (but you knew that). It’s hard to calculate just how much has happened in so short a time. It’s also hard to calculate just how much didn’t happen in the same time. Yet, here we are more blessed than ever. It’s absolutely amazing. There’s one more month after this one to grind into history so, hang on! Things could get interestinger (sic…this is Rancho Relaxo).  

I really don’t want to be the terror of Colorado Boulevard.

Fun Fact: Mommas and the Papas. In Spanish, it reads: “Mommas and the Potatoes”.

Nyet! Kaput! Fin! Finito! No mas! Done!: Well…we did it; the big annual mega-yard sale has come and gone. We managed to get three months of work done in a couple of weeks without calling “Imperial Ambulance” (but it seemed close). We really can’t say that it wasn’t a lot of fun because it was. The camaraderie was exceptional and getting to meet new folks and new neighbors is always a great pleasure. But, we drove ourselves into the ground not remembering that we’re old people.

You’re pushing too hard: We had to face the fact that we simply pushed ourselves way too hard on this go around and are completely exhaustipated. There’s the three weeks of prepping to start with. That’s pretty tough stuff. Things had to be moved from the hangar and the barn to the front yard. Then, it had to be prepped for sale. We should have taken 8 weeks! No joke! When all was said and done, we had another 50 more boxes and a slew of larger unboxed items to clean, price, and set out that didn’t get attended to!

Then, there’s the three days of grueling work at the sale itself. That’s three days that start no later than 6 AM. During the day, when we’re not dealing with people, we’re cleaning and pricing stuff that hadn’t been set out yet.

A lot of folks will start their yard sale at about 8AM or so and call it quits anywhere between noon and 3PM or so. Not us. This is a once-per year mega event that stays open from 8AM until people stop showing up. Most of the time, it turns out to be about 6PM or even later. By the time we shut down the shop and prep for the next day, the clock is indicating 10PM or later. After finally winding down, we hit the hay at midnight.

I’m up and at’em at 5:30AM or so building a fire under the big 40 cup coffee urn. Connie preps for the big lunch feast and it’s “hot heels” all day from there. We get to do it again the next two days. Fun stuff, eh?

It always includes ministry, too. Most of the vendors are Christian folks with some being bolder than others. So, it’s not unusual for there to be prayer in the air at any given time. Folks have testified of how blessed they are when they come here! We’ve had not any major issues here for the previous 15 years and everyone has been blessed and prosperous. That’s quite a testimony!!

Sale Away or The Thrill is Gone: Ah, but after the crowd has gone, the money’s counted, and, after the big sigh of relief, it’s Monday morning and there’s the cleanup to deal with. Imagine, if you will (thanks, Rod), two old people, who are already ground down to the ground and too tired to tear a “Twinkie” in half, saddling up to another monumental task. We couldn’t move much less clean anything up. Everything at the rancho simply stopped in its tracks. What happened next was entirely predictable.

“Cleanup on Aisle One…and Two….and Three”: It’s already three weeks past the sale and we’re only about half way cleaned up. The driveway is a mess and the rest of our unsold goods have yet to be hauled off. We let our immune system get compromised and ended up with a light seasonal cold which whacked our ability to clean anything but our nose. Progress has been made but you’d think that it was being made by the Lollipop Guild.

Keep smiling!: The good news is that we made enough money to keep the tax man at bay. It’s nice when your rent to the government is paid so they don’t come and repossess their property. Some of you my already know that there is no private property ownership in America. I learned that in the CA Real Estate Training Class in ’89. PM or e-mail me for more on that, if you’d like.

Actually, we weren’t on the precipice of starvation. Earlier, we did have to dip into our “tax money” to cover some exigencies but the yard sale picked up the slack. No biggie. We got’r done and kept peace with “Big Brother”.

Fuzzy Wuzzy!! Not long ago (but longer than the other day), we were blessed with the “deal of the day” that we just couldn’t pass up. It was the opportunity to have a “Labradoodle” pup (a Labradoodle is a crossbreed dog created by crossing a Labrador Retriever and a Standard, Miniature, or Toy poodle). What’s wild is that he’s also a registered pooch with the official title/name of “Sonny”.

Of course, as an old farmworker, I needed to straighten out all that highfalutin stuff and give him a real name that fit my rather logical and painfully linear thinking (I keep a chisel close). So, that which was obvious was the solution. He’s now, “Fuzzy”: it’s profoundly simple, profoundly accurate, profoundly silly, profoundly unoriginal, and profoundly uncreative, but it works magnificently for us.

I have to tell you; I am in love with this new little guy! I think he was custom made for Ol’ Ran who is used to a high-spirited short-haired coon hound and not a fluffy “froo-froo dog”. For some reason, this little guy was instantly my buddy. When I held him, he just settled right into my arms and let me love on him.

Though he is meek and quiet of spirit, he can romp with Abbie with the best of them! He’s also the only pup that’s so fuzzy that, when I first tried to pet him, he was so far down under his fur, I had to hunt for him! It’s kinda neat to own a rug with a nose.

He’s still getting the lay of the land and learning how to fit in but he’s a really smart doggie so everything will be fine.

No fly zone.  Y’all know that Connie the Canner runs a clean tight ship but you may not know that she hates house flies as much as Jenks the Cat hates meeses to pieces. That means it’s a “No Fly Zone” in her kitchen. She has no use for them at all.

Now, she’s also a very practical gal so she doesn’t allow shotguns in the kitchen at all (other than to transition to the outside, of course, where other varmints await their fate). So, the flies still have a fighting chance (albeit, it’s a very slim chance). Having taken up the task of having a fly-less house, she has sharpened her aim with a tea towel or large washrag and is now a real “dead eye” fly git’r. If a fly or two makes it past the front or back screen door, they’re goners if they show up in the kitchen. It’s usually one “WHAP!”, one kill. She’s getting so good at killing them that she’s starting to feel disappointed when she doesn’t see one (of course, that’s just one guy’s interpretation of the matter).

Dirty recka-fretcha-pecka-loomer!: Our big LG super washer stopped working the other day (when lots of things happen around here) and it was giving us a "door latch" error. No biggies, says I. I just ordered a new one. However, when the new switch came in things took an interesting turn. I pulled the top off and, lo and behold! A rat had gnawed the entire control wiring harness in two and shredded the bleach feeder hose and another pressure sensor tube!! Just installing a new switch would only take about 20 minutes. Dealing with the entire harness and hoses will require a complete disassembling of the entire washer (Johnny 5, "Disassemble!!"). Now I'll need a day off so I can work on this thing! The LG is actually our backup washer. It’s been hanging in there and doing a great job. 

The other issue is that the outer tub bearings are going out on the big Maytag washer. Can you believe that; both washers going down at the same time?! And, it’s happening just when most of my day’s supply of energy is being used to tie my shoes! So, everything is going to have to just remain un-fixed until the Ol’ Rancher gets back in the saddle. It shouldn’t be much longer.

You may remember that Maytag was the brand that advertised that they had the loneliest repairman around. I’m here to call “BULL!” on that. It’s just another cheap piece of junk designed to fail (i.e. planned obsolescence).

What burns my biscuits is that I was sold on their quality from way back in the ‘60’s. Maytag was “the” washer to get. I wanted one so I got one. Should I have gone with the Whirlpool? I almost did. I used to sell tons of Whirlpool products and have (had) great faith in them. However, Whirlpool owns Maytag so most of them are made in the same factories. What does that tell you (how about that we shouldn’t buy either one?)? To make matters worse, the issue is such a common problem that there are tons of “how to fix your Maytag” tutorials on the Internet.

This isn’t a simple part failure. This is a failure of the backbone of the entire washer. No spin, no wash. You have to remove the tub, remove the motor stator, manually knock out the upper and lower bearings, and remove the shaft. Then, you get to rebuild it with the new parts in reverse order with the special bearing tool (i.e. the bearings are press fit).

If you can find the Maytag repairman’s phone number (I’m being silly), he’ll gladly charge you about 500.00 including parts and mileage to help you resolve your issue. That’s almost half the price of a new machine. This is all because the top seal failed and allowed water to access the bearings. Can you spell "C-H-E-A-P"?

Thankfully, it isn’t brain surgery and I can do it without any problem other than the wrestling of the machine into position so it can be worked on. Wrestling appliances is not what I signed up for in life (but especially at this age).   

 Rain! Rain! Don’t Go Away! Stay Around Another Day!: We finally got a dab of rain. It was a greatly needed and nice “soaker” rain for about three hours or so then it abated into oblivion. The best I can tell it was the tail end of the tail end of a storm that was quite a bit further north of us. It wasn’t at all like the real rain storm Longview, WA got hit with at the same time. Friend and brother, Jeff Edgecomb, advised that they got 5” in about 8 hours! He said that he was pretty sure that he saw Noah rounding up animals two by two! The pictures  of flooding he sent convinced me that he was only partially joking. Man! It's wet up there!

Anyway, we have another storm that is moving in and should be here to wet this issue of the blog as it’s being sent out (Sunday night). Not sure how much we can expect to get but it does look like it’ll be hanging around for about four days! There will be lots of rejoicing happening in our land.

Well....there you have it: another short episode of the long happenings at Rancho Relaxo: home of Rancho Ran, the world's least-most greatest authority: home of the Yo-Yo  twins and home of a retarded duck: home of Connie the Canner, the world's greatest side-kook and CEE (Chief of Everything Else): where the air smells and where alliteration reigns supreme: where being modern is optional and where there are no slaves to fashion: where the eggs are always mostly fresh: where things can get...interesting: where it's all news to me and where...you just never know.

RANCHO RELAXO ROCKS

 

Hey, y'all! Glad you could drop in to check on what's happening at Rancho Relaxo. We trust and pray that you all are doing well! The Ol' Rancher and his XYL (ex-young lady), Connie the Canner, are prospering and in health even as their soul is prospering. We are getting blessed all the while that we are taking care of business and such. In fact, it's amazing how blessed we are and how much favor we have with everyone! 

This is one of my favorite scenarios. It's when a "fuzzer" sneaks into pipe, culvert, or similar small space but isn't able to avoid my coon dog that has a nose that knows everything. 

The other day (when lots of things happen around here), she cornered a section of PVC pipe with a squirrel in it. You could hear the thing barking so there was no doubt that the game was afoot. I merely had to lift up one end and shove a water hose in and turn it on. In no time flat, Abbie had the little bugger in her bone-crushing jaws and was shaking it's eyeballs loose. Abbie - 1; Fuzzer - 0

Click on pics to enlarge

Here's Missy who got a chance to romp a bit with Abbie while waiting for her new owners to show up. They had a ball and did it up right and had a good time of it. 

It was a rather hot day when the Ol' Rancher was taking his big Echo weed eater out for a stroll. The crepe myrtle trees needed a shot of water so I turned the water on and placed the hose next to one of them. As the water pooled a bit, Abbie came over and plopped down in the middle of the pool in the shade! Sharp doggie! No flies on her pies!! 

Here's our little bitty birdie buddies. They still are unnamed but we're considering some pretty cool ones that folks have suggested. They're growing like weeds and are happy and healthy. Momma bird is doing a great job of taking care of them. 

While setting up for the yard sale, our herd of bug wranglers decided to appear in the middle of things. Not sure we needed their help but they wandered off after a while anyway. 

Rancho Relaxo Rocks! Here's a bunch of new rocks that a friend gave us. There were enough of them to make a ramp onto the concrete driveway. It's nice to not hit that bump all the time! After a few times of being driven over, they'll be compacted and will smooth out and look nice. Free rocks are our friends!

The other day, "Giffords" food mart in Springville experienced an issue with their freezer and their ice cream wasn't staying cold enough. So, they were giving away the stuff with a purchase. Connie the Canner and I bought a couple of bags of stir-fry veggies and they said, "Help yourself"! We did! Here's about 40 bucks worth of ice cream! It was a "diet free" zone at Rancho Relaxo that evening! Free is our friend! 

This is one of our fight fighting aircraft stationed at the Porterville Municipal Airport (KPTV). We've had a fire attack base here since the early '50's that I can tell. 

This big baby is a BAE 146 four-engine hauler. I've been on a BAE 146 twice. Once was in the mid-80's. It was in the PSA (Pacific Southwest Airlines) livery. The other one was on a flight from Accra, Ghana, Africa to Kumasi, Ghana. I don't have a more favored jet airliner than this one. 

Here's the Coop de Ville attached to Wooly Pully. We're hauling stuff from the hangar to the house and getting ready for the big yard sale. Notice the  scratching crew at work in the forefront. 

Here's Ma and Pa Kettle. This time, they're full of pork chops. In case you didn't know, pork chops are our friends! After cooking for 9 hours on low, they will be falling apart tender. Connie the Canner will can them in Big Bertha, the 22 qt pressure canner. We may freeze a few for later since they look so good on a grill, don'tcha know.

The chops were on sale at SaveMart for...get this...99 cents per pound! 

Tell me girls don't do pretty work!! It sure makes things easier at Easter time, eh? 

It's October. It's October. Ugh...it's October. It's the end of the year. What happened?! I'm too flubbergasted (don't look that up in your Funk & Wagnalls) to even get a grip on how fast this year has flown by. OK...no more carping. 

I refuse to die until I get a ride in the Oscar Meyer Weinermobile.

It's whole lots of difficult to grasp that our huge yard sale is only a week away and that we only have six weeks of prep and setup work left. *SIGH*. The next few days are going set a new precedent for the word "hectic". 

We will be setting up the tables on Monday (tomorrow) then finish picking up stuff from the hangar and hauling it up the hill. The hope is to unload some of the stuff in barn. A real concern is that we won't have room to display this stuff! No joke. We'll have 14 or more sellers and each needs space in which to operate. 

And, we only have fewer than 20 tables. That may seem like a lot but, a few years ago, we had 22 tables but still had 50 boxes that didn't get set out for sale! We'll see what happens. Stay tuned for next month's blog. It could be....interesting. 

No Mas Missy or “So long, Missy. You will be missed”. How can you possibly not miss a “love dog”? Missy always had a ton of love to give even if she only received a couple of pounds in return. She loved to see me coming and hated to see me go. I was God to her and she liked it that way. And, a prettier pooch I’ve never owned. Abbie is handsome, to be sure, and a delight to the eyeballs. But, Missy is just plain pretty.

We posted a picture and blurb on “Craig’s List” and only had to wait a few days for someone to contact us. It was a strange number so I was hesitant to answer but I’m glad I did.

The lady on the other end of the line was such a nice person. She explained that she had a retired friend and neighbor who was looking for just such a furry friend. When I started to explain more about Missy being a Husky, the lady explained the she understood because she used to breed and raise Huskies! I was blown away! A couple of days later, she and the friend drove from Posey (about 45 miles SE from here) and picked her up. 

So, Missy now has a nice home with some someone who will show her lots of lovin’ and care and I couldn’t be more pleased.

Now, on to the chore of finding a “chicken sitter” doggie that can also be Abbie’s buddy!

Free at last!  Or Chickens gone wild! Now that Missy is not longer in the picture, our dirty birdies are free to roam about at will. They are now happily free ranging and having a great time of it! No bug is safe on their watch! 

Even or new chicks are growing by leaps and bounds and are able to keep up with the rest of the herd. It's a hoot to watch them flit about and scratch for chow. 

Well....there you have it: another short episode of the long happenings at Rancho Relaxo: home of Rancho Ran, the world's least-most greatest authority: home of the Yo-Yo  twins and home of a retarded duck: home of Connie the Canner, the world's greatest side-kook and CEE (Chief of Everything Else): where the air smells and where alliteration reigns supreme: where being modern is optional and where there are no slaves to fashion: where the eggs are always mostly fresh: where things can get...interesting: where it's all news to me and where...you just never know.

I may add to the blog during this next week or so. Not sure that I'll have time to do it but you may want to check back. 

RANCHO CRISPO DOS

 

RANCHO CRISPO

          

Hey, y'all! Glad you could drop in to check on what's happening at Rancho Relaxo. We trust and pray that you all are doing well! The Ol' Rancher and his XYL (ex-young lady), Connie the Canner, are prospering and in health even as their soul is prospering. We are getting blessed all the while that we are taking care of business and such. In fact, it's amazing how blessed we are and how much favor we have with everyone! 

Click on the pics to enlarge them

This is Missy saying, "I just wanted you to see how pretty I am and to show you my beautiful heterochromic eyes!". I had hoped to use the electric fence to keep her contained so she could roam about the yard but things are just not working out as hoped. Trying to fit her with the collar is like trying to put a bicycle inner tube on a gallon of galloping pudding. We need to let our flock of feathers free range and can't do that until she gets the message that "free range" doesn't mean "free lunch". That's not likely to happen soon.

Here's Feral Fawcett with her pair of day-old chicks! Ain't nothin' but cute all over! 

Here's another shot of the new baby birdies. I'm heap proud of Feral Fawcett. She's a great momma bird. This is her third batch of fluff balls. I pity the person, pullet, or pompous pollo that tries to mess with her chicks! It wouldn't be pretty! 

Here's one of our recent blessings. This is a new Shimano Sienna 4000 open face spin cast fishing reel. They retail for about 30.00. We just picked up four of them for 5 bucks each! Zowie!! It's sitting up against a new Plano tackle box that retails for more than 20.00. I paid 10 clams for this one! We also went to "Falling Prices last Saturday and came home with about 300 dollars worth of NEW stuff. We paid 13.75 for it!!

This is the weather forecast for this week. The updated versions shows the highest temp to be 112 to maybe even 113. I've seen these temps before but wasn't looking forward to seething them again. 

"Uh...look....I've been up all night guarding this place. I've chased off two cats, one coon, and a MiG 21. Unless you have a doggie treat or want to lay some lovin' and scratchin' on me, keep it down!". 

One of the unfortunate happenings of life in our part of the country is the ever present danger of fires in the mountains. Due to the state's utter mismanagement of our forests (nearby Sequoia and Kings Canyon National Forests), there is some sort and size of fire happening every season. Here's a fire fighting Boeing-Vertol CH-47 picking up a load at a local ranch (photo borrowed from a FB report about the matter). Other larger fixed-wing aircraft are kept busy as well. 

It’s September! How’d that happen?! That can’t be right! I’m not through with spring cleaning yet!! OK….I’ll hush up my mug and move along. *SIGH*.  

I’ll take door number three, Monty!

Fun fact: a flat wooden spatula is called a “flatula”. Every kitchen needs at least one of these, don’tcha think?! In fact, I may opt for a franchise so I can sell these babies.

Well….here we are in the “…berrrrrr” months. The problem is that the temps are still scorching along like they’re being preheated by a propane torch.

I really liked living in Idaho where it was 42 degrees and raining on the Fourth of July and and there was frost on the pumpkin at the end of September. Around here, on average, we don’t dip below 95 degrees until the third week in September. Since it’s 108 degrees outside today with more of the same for a few days, it may take a tad longer for us to drop to even that mark. Our lows are in the upper 70's.

Jungle Jive - Things are still humming along around here. Some of it is “ho-humming” but, it’s humming nonetheless. For instance, the front yard has regained its ability to completely hide a herd of local mountain lions and a wild turkey or two. I’m almost afraid to tackle the mess because there may be something lurking out there than I can’t out run. I’m just not in the mood to get eaten by something I disagreed with.

All of the motorized farm equipment is fueled and ready but it’s difficult to face the day when I have to put them to use. The first rattle will be made by the big Echo weed whacker. The grass (which is starting to look a lot like Buffalo Grass from the Kansas Prairie) is too high to cut without using the whacker first.  Add to that the fact that, even in the morning, it’s pretty warm. It was 77 degrees for a low the other day: not at all inviting.

Rancho Seco - It’s been a scramble to keep things hydrated, too. We’ve lost most of our orange production and may have lost half the trees. The small avocado tree almost bit the dust (literally) but I think it’s salvageable. Ditto the small plum tree start. The asparagus ranch (all three square feet of it) may petrify soon. Not sure that I care since it’s mostly an ornamental experiment anyway. The two pomegranate trees are quite hardy and seem to have a tap root that reaches down close to the water table. They keep getting overlooked but they are still alive. A hose was finally tossed on one of them and second one is next.

Special attention was given to the 15 grape vines our front, though. But, I almost forgot about the four vines on the pump house. Those may have to be replanted. We’ll see. It’s been a hassle since I didn’t get a single bunch of grapes this year due to the birds and such. My huge grape bunches simply disappeared in a flash. Nothing was left…nothing. Bummer.

Can it! - Connie the Canner has been in 8th over gearing (she uses a 13 speed transmission, don'tcha know) getting ready for the winter months. She’s putting away hamburger and even bell peppers: all of this without neglecting the rest of the rancho chores and trabajo. I’m not sure how she does it.

What really helps is that she picked up hundreds (!) of canning lids at “Falling Prices” for pennies on the dollar. She got a couple of hundred lids one time for about a dollar (4 packages of 50 at .25 each). On our last outing there, she picked up a lot of rings, too. She was stoked!

Beans! Beans! The Musical Fruit! or Don't Let the Wind Catch You Crying – 

One of the canning sprees lately has been to can pinto beans and ham hocks. The hocks were on a special sale at “Grocery Outlet” so we loaded up on what was left of them. The sale price was 1.69lb while the regular price is twice that and expected to be almost double that again when the new “anti-eating” laws go into effect.

This is to say that we live in nutty California where the card carrying communist governor, Gavin “Gruesome” Newsom, has passed legislation where, if you don’t treat your hogs like they are your grandchildren (including gifts for Christmas), you can’t sell them in California. Bacon prices have nearly doubled and are headed north from there. I suspect bacon will be at 10 dollars per 12 oz. package (13.33lb) within a year (mark it down).

The pinto beans were already on hand (man does not live by bread alone; he has to have pinto beans….trust me!) so everything just fell right in place for the chief cook and canner.

After rinsing and “picking” the beans, they were cooked to perfection in the big “Power Pressure Cooker” (which can be, and was, used as a crock pot). From there, she fired up Big Bertha, the big 22 quart pressure cooker, and had at it.

Wouldn’t you know that a couple of the jars didn’t seal properly so somebody needed to rescue the beans before they perished from neglect. And, you just know who stepped up to the plate (bowl, actually) and volunteered to remove any concern about those poor beans and tasty ham hocks going to waste. God forbid that I should permit this to trouble the canner lady.

So, that’s what we had for dinner that night. Had it not been for the fact that the Ol’ Rancher is on a casual diet, there would have been a pile of fried taters (we're talking about one that was difficult to see over the top of) to dig into, too!

Alas, a man has to know his limitations (I learned that from Clint Eastwood in 1973). I settled for a handful of buttered sourdough bread. This is true “comfort food” and I felt really comforted that night.

Of course, there is another concern. There’s no such thing as “windless lentils”. Not all beans are the same, of course, but all pintos are notoriously windy. This is especially true when they are mixed with a goodly portion of pork.

And, it is why lots of folks eschew this tasty staple of life. It’s understandable. I mean, just who purposely wants to hear a tuba playing the William Tell Overture at midnight? Who wants to risk having to hunt for their covers in the morning? Something had to be done!

“Beano” to the rescue - Yes, folks, the night was saved by our friend, “Mr. Beano”. In case you hadn’t heard the good news, “Beano” is a special enzyme that takes the wind out of the sail of any pinto bean ever made. You just add a few drops to your bowl and you can breathe easy (and without a Mil. Spec. gas mask).

The next go around will likely be beans and bacon or white beans and ham. In any case, “Mr. Beano” will have a special place at our table.

Clucking Crew - The chickens are doing marvelously well and are laying regularly (it may have something to do with the fact that I advised them that I would let Missy be their new chicken sitter if they didn’t straighten up and lay right). That’s good news because we have gotten used to having fresh eggs around here. There is a world of difference between store-bought and home grown egg, let me tell you!

The other day (when lots of things happen around here), the water mister finally got overhauled and was working nominally. It was repositioned so that the slight cross breeze would direct the mist onto the chickens and not out the other side. The idea was to avoid having baked chickens at the end of the day.

That part is actually working but (….yeah…another but…) can you guess what happened when the Ol’ Rancher forgot to turn the water off for the night? Hooooooo…..boy. The next morning, when it was time to feed my dirty birdies, there was a nice mud hole waiting for me to slip and slide in. Great. The water didn’t get turned on again for a couple of days so the “Happy Hen Inn” could dry out. Thankfully, no chickens croaked because of that faux pas.

Well....there you have it: another short episode of the long happenings at Rancho Relaxo: home of Rancho Ran, the world's least-most greatest authority: home of the Yo-Yo  twins and home of a retarded duck: home of Connie the Canner, the world's greatest side-kook and CEE (Chief of Everything Else): where the air smells and where alliteration reigns supreme: where being modern is optional and where there are no slaves to fashion: where the eggs are always mostly fresh: where things can get...interesting: where it's all news to me and where...you just never know.