Rancho Greeno Bloomo

This was one of our small coops that we have had for a couple of years. It was intended as a discrete breeding coop had we decided to raise our own chicks. Since we decided against it, the coop was sold to a local couple who wanted to start keeping a few layers for eggs.
In the rear is our 3,200 gallon water tank (fire suppression resource). Behind it is Wooly Pully.

Who is that masked man?!! Well, let me tell you, pardner, it's the Ol' Rancher himself and he's treading the halls of the local "Smart & Final". Later, he traded his N95 mask for one that Connie the Canner custom made for him and herself.

The new building at the corner of Olive and Main is nearing completion. At first (and being an old nostalgic), there was some doubt that the old dude would like a modern replacement. Such is not the case. This new store and office complex suits him just fine. Guess he likes angles.

This is part of Connie's Petunia collection. She has these and other flowers all along the front and patio railings. She's the resident "flower girl".

Here's one of our Barred Rocks relaxing after helping to dig a deep chicken wallow. There are two large deep wallows out by the garden boxes and the dirty birds felt the need to dig one at my patio gate. Swell. It has since been refilled and the birds were admonished to cease and desist with their unsolicited excavations as we have no desire for our ranch to become "chicken wallow hollow".

Meet "Frack" the llama. He makes his abode in the corral behind the "Antlers" saloon on Hwy 190 across the street from the "Eagle Feather Trading Post" (colloquially: "The Indian Station").

 

The "Eagle Feather Trading Post" (on Hwy 190 across the street from the "Antlers" bar and grill where Frack lives) is usually a pretty busy place. Not so much now. We didn't have to wait for a pump. Gas is 2.05 locally. In Texas, it's 1.17. In St. Joseph, MO, it's .79. What's wrong with this picture?

In case you have never seen a mature asparagus plant before, this is what one looks like. They are only eaten when they are young shoots. The hope is that this little group will expand and produce a small crop of shoots (which will promptly be cut, cleaned, stuck in a sauté pan with some garlic, salt, and butter, then wolfed down without delay).

If this big guy is any indication of how our gardens are going to grow this season, we are going to be awash in squash! This is probably the zucchini but it may be the yellow summer variety.

"Betcha can't do this!" This is Abbie oozling for attention. A friend, brother, and neighbor, Greg Donaho, stopped by to service Ol' Swampy" and took an extra few minutes to gab with the old folks. Abbie must have felt left out of the conversation and needed her share of attention. She wiggled and squirmed a lot while under everyone's feet. Silly coon dog.

Well!  It’s May 2020 and we’re working on 5/12 of the way through the year! Doesn’t that just make you want to binge watch “Cheyenne Bodie”, “Have Gun Will Travel”, and “Mavrick” reruns?!

It’s also time for the “Rancho Relaxo Report” so everyone can see what the Ol’ Rancher and the Ol’ Rancherette are up to.

The hunkerers (is that a good name for a movie, or what?): what with the current ado about trying not to kill anyone with a sneeze in public, you would think that two old people, like all those who are not let out to roam about at will, would be suffering from a bad case of the “hunkers” and pining to be back in their happy place. Not so. Let me ‘splain that.

For one thing, Rancho Relaxo is a “no-hunger allowed” zone (hunkering, yes; hungering, no). So, you just know that the old folks haven’t lost any weight during this virus event. We have food and having food gives us options and he who has options can do anything (kinda like a guy who can catch a fly with his chopsticks. Eh, Mr. Miagi?). That takes a lot of weight off one’s mind when he isn’t concerned about starving to death in the most prosperous nation on earth. We have chow to chew and chew we do.

For another, we have so much to do here at the ranch that we’re actually glad to have the opportunity to get to it (though we will be glad when we’re not worried about giving everyone “cooties” [thank you, Luvena!]). We call it “homework”. It’s just a matter of prioritizing our work load.

Since it’s spring time, the garden boxes have to be tended, seeded, weeded, and watered. Bird netting has to be installed, too.

And…the chicken coop has to be overhauled and the nesting boxes need fresh straw or wood shavings.

And...the lawn tractor won’t start. The likely culprit is the starter since it’s happened before. It’s not an expensive hit but it takes...time...to order the new part and to put replace the old one.

And…the Ranch Rhino has an unknown issue. It wants to start but fires on 1 or 2 cylinders and may or may not continue on to fire on all 4 holes.

And…the Coop deVille’s engine just froze up. Swell. That will take a while to straighten out. I was thinking it would take far less time to just dynamite the thing but I forgot that I plumb ran out of the stuff.

And…the small trailer that I pull behind El Quatro, the Honda 4 wheeler ATV, snapped off a tire valve (a great trick but no one knows how it happened). The valve should be here in a couple more days (eBay is our friend!). It will only take a few minutes to install it and air up the tire.

And…after the repair, the trailer will be used to haul compost up to the new 5’ x 5’ x 8” square above ground garden box. After that, it needs to be prepped and planted. The starts are almost ready to go. The plan is to make a truck patch with mostly “greens” in it. The main green will be collards (and you just know that Ol' Brown Thumb loves his collards). After that, perhaps mustard greens but a turnip or two might show up. If it’s successful, then, next year, the other garden box (twin of the first) will be added to this one. That one could have shallots and other shallow-root plants. We’ll see.

And…in all of that, we’re getting ready for the big annual October yard sale. Preparation for that starts the day after the previous one ends. It will be interesting to see if the plague has run its course by then. We never run out of things to do to prepare for the “big sale”.

And…the boat only needs to be serviced and it’ll be ready for the lake. Not sure if the lake will be ready for the boat, though. The little aluminum dust catcher doesn’t seem to want to service itself so we know who will need to do that. 

And…we’re still overhauling the patio. It was used as a weigh station and sorting depot for a ton of new goods acquired from yard sales and such. It’s nearing its normal state now but, there still much to do before we can have a “BBQ Sunday” in the shade.

Anyway, old Boy Sprouts like me need to….be prepared. 

The one that got away: Abbie has finally gotten the message that she’s welcomed to roam around just about anywhere in the back 40 (x .05). She just can’t get close to the big road (and, thankfully, she’s stayed with that).

So, you can imagine that it wasn’t very late in the day when, out back in the oranges, she up and began to bay her little coon doggie brains out. Of course, that caught the Ol’ Rancher’s attention and he just had to take a look see.

Sure enough, she had cornered a barking ground squirrel who had hunkered down (it’s the law, eh?) in a shallow hole at the base of one of our orange trees (probably no viruses there). She is rather predictable which means that, if the neighborhood didn’t mind her baying for hours, she would do just that.  Me being a good neighbor, it was decided to help Abbie extract her foe rather than listen to a coon dog baying all day.

There are a couple of long irrigation hoses in the oranges so that was the plan: flood the bugger out.  It didn’t take long for the hole to fill and it was evident that our foe hadn’t brought his scuba gear that day. Predictably, in a few seconds, a soggy squirrel rocketed out of the pool… but not in the direction that he was supposed to! He was supposed to head away from the hose and straight into Abbie’s steel trap jaws.

This surprise maneuver gave the fleet-footed fuzzer a split second lead. Abbie was on him quicker than you can say “Git’im!” and was right on his tail and about to catch it when it banked hard right around the trunk of a small oak tree.

The laws of physics being what they are, the smaller brown combatant was able to make an extremely tight 360° turn while the larger black and white pursuer took a longer and wider path (think: IJN “Zero” versus the USN “Hellcat”). This opened the lead by just enough to let the high-velocity varmint escape into the burn pile a few yards away (think: Br’er Rabbit). 

Abbie was fit to be tied and tried mightily to find a way into the brush pile. Had there been a bulldozer available, she surely would have used it. This is one of the few times that the enemy won the battle. The war continues.

Guard Chicken: the other day (when lots of things happen around here), I needed to haul one of my working girls out of the coop. She turned “broody” on me and needed to get some sunlight instead of being parked in an eggless nesting box. She protested by growling at me a bit (oh, yes. Hens can growl) then quietly acquiesced to her fate.

Well, there’s a big red rooster on the loose at the ranch and he happens to be king o’ the yard birds. When he saw me exiting the coop with one of his girls, he stormed towards me! He didn’t need to say anything (though I’m doing fairly well with my chickenese). I could tell exactly what he meant: “That’s not your hen! That’s my hen! You have exactly a tenth of a second ago to put her down! Do it!”.

Before I could try to explain to him that I’m old and don’t move as fast as I used to, he shifted into attack mode and headed for me like a bolt of lightning; all I saw was a blur! Lo and behold! I did move as quickly as I used to! I set Dirty Birdy Growling Gurty down so fast I almost bounced her! It’ll take her a week to straighten out her feathers! 

With Gurty between him and me, the newly enlightened bird herder managed to exit the combat arena without injury or further ado (but with enough adrenaline left over to share with a fighter pilot). With his mission accomplished, the victorious rooster proudly marched off with his hen in tow. 

The cockfight was narrowly avoided but you can be sure that it’ll be awhile before another stunt like that will be pulled again. You can also be sure that it’ll be when Ol’ Roo the guard rooster, is out front or way off in the neighbor’s yard!

To tell the truth, I am mighty proud of the big red proud and fearless rooster. I wouldn’t want him to be any other way. He takes great care of his (and only his) harem. He does a magnificent job. 

We got rain!: that’s no small thing. After this region suffered a five-year-long drought, getting the normal seasonal amount of rain is a really big deal. The area is now wonderfully green and my orange trees are hale and hardy. When our trees get adequate water, the oranges are almost as sweet as candy! Talk about “freshly squozed” orange juice! Nothin’ any finer from here to Caroliner (sic)!

Now, around these parts, we get rain but don’t get “cow-quaker” rain storms. This wonderfully evocative phrase describes a rainstorm so heavy that the cows shake. It refers specifically to storms in May, just after the cattle have been turned out into the fields from their winter quarters. What we do get is “soaker rains” which is a modest steady rain which has time to soak in. It isn’t like the “flash flood” rains that are experienced in such places as Arizona or the California desert areas.

This also means that the grass has stayed green longer and that we still look like a habitable land. Alas, a few  more weeks and that will all change and the savage pitiless heat will, once again, rule roughshod over us. C’est la vie.

Much grass!: of course, when you have a lot of rain, the grass will grow…and grow…and grow. That means that someone will need to mow the stuff.

Rancho Relaxo was beginning to look pretty shaggy so, the ol’ tractor driver tried to fire up the riding mower. Despite having a fully-charged battery, it was pretty hesitant but finally relented and jumped to life. Such hesitancy doesn’t bode well.

After getting most of the front mowed and the back badly needing to be mowed next,  Mo, the lawn tractor, decided not to continue participating and quit. All that was happening when the starter was engaged was ...nothing. It sounded like the starter was bad or at perhaps the solenoid was faulty. So, that ended mowing for the day.

Thankfully, friend, brother, and neighbor, Dan Freeland, noticed the incomplete mess. He grabbed his riding mower and weedeater and finished the job for us! The ranch looks livable again!!

There you have it: another short episode of the long happenings at Rancho Relaxo, home of Rancho Ran, the world's foremost authority (the previous one died) and Connie the Canner (world's greatest side-kook): where the air smells like freshly mowed grass and an overworked rancher: where things can get...interesting: where it’s all news to me: and, where...you just never know.