Rancho Wrap Up

Well….here we are at the end of another perfectly good year. I know that I say it all of the time but….where on earth has the time gone? It seems as though the first of the year has just gotten here. *SIGH*. Whoever coined the term “My! How time flies!” was certainly paying attention to details.

 This is also to say that I’m creeping up (as in, being dragged kicking and screaming) to the big “65” in a few days. That totally bums me out because I was starting to put some real effort into outlining what it was I wanted to be when I grew up. 

Anyway…..all is well here at the ranch. The trees are all going to sleep for the winter and the gophers are all at rest knowing that it will be too cold for me to be hunting them for awhile. I don’t know; maybe I’ll stage a surprise attack one morning and flush the little buggers out into the open where I can finish them off with a grenade or some such. We’ll see.

 The canning is over for this season. Connie is the “Green Bean Queen” for a day…or a month…or a year. On this last go around, she didn’t even know she had any green beans growing and ended up with 14 pounds of them! Not having our produce stand in operation yet (or planned yet), she opted to just can them. Add to that the fact we have plenty of bacon, salt pork, side meat, pork shoulder, and other pork products then you can imagine the options that we have for green beans in the future. The church potlucks will certainly benefit from a few of the casseroles, no doubt. “Green beans in the mornings. Green beans in the evening. Green beans at supper time” (surely all you old folks remember the song: “Sugartime” – the McGuire Sisters 1958).

 Our bees are doing whatever bees do for the winter. We checked them the other day and they have honey for the winter. But, we’ll make sure that they don’t run out prior to the next bloom by feeding them if they need it.  I’ve checked with a couple of resources and not one of them has recommended that you make sure that they have plenty of electricity for their tiny light bulbs so they can keep warm. I’m sure they’ll figure out how to survive the winter. So far, we still have two of the original four hives. The ants drove one hive off and the wax moth invasion ran the other one off. We'll see if we can hustle up another hive or two. There's usually a swarm to be found from time to time. Perhaps we'll end up with a couple of replacements.

We’re still eyeballing the concept of getting some chickens. I love chickens (especially with mashed potatoes and gravy). They’re great to have around and are a great source of fertilizer and such as well as being, of course, a great place to shop for eggs and meat. They do keep the insect population under control too.

The problem is that we live right on State Highway 190 which is all called “Mashed Flat Alley”.  We have one neighbor who has lost three pet dogs to the traffic. Yes, she should have been more attentive to the matter and do what we do. We have an “electric fence” that keeps Maggie the Wonder Dog from wandering into the path of a stray tire. She most certainly is a “wanderer” and is quick to exercise that undesirable trait if left to her own desires. The fence gives her a buzz when she approaches the limit. If she continues, she gets a hot shot of electricity which is enough to cause her to holler in pain. She’s learned not to do that.

 Wandering is doubly applicable to chickens. They seem to have an overpowering instinct to throw themselves under the first moving vehicle they encounter. I can’t count the number of dead fowls I’ve seen in my driving days. Likewise, who hasn’t seen a group of chickens on the shoulder of the road just idly pecking away at the nutritious dirt and asphalt?

 There are a couple of ways to approach the matter. One would be to fix them up with the same electrical fence that we use for the dog. Upon further examination, that would likely be a mess for a couple of reasons. For one, why would anyone want to hang a 25 dollar shock collar on a brain-dead 2 dollar chicken? Exactly. Not today.

 Secondly, a chicken is so stupid that, when the collar shocked them, they would probably just rebelliously continue on their marry way until the current just killed then cooked them (nothing like zap fried chicken, I always say). So, it’s best that we perhaps get a few chickens and practice watching them kill themselves naturally.

 Then, of course, there has to be a coop or protective enclosure of some sort too. That’s to keep the predators from having a free lunch. Our local coyotes are really into free lunches here. We can hear them all the time yipping and howling at night demanding their free lunch.

 There, again, is the issue of spending 600 clams to house 20 bucks worth of chickens. There may be a time when the math works but for now I’m not convinced that it does. Anyway, I'm gonna change the subject before you all think I'm the local chicken whisperer.

 The weather report is a bit odd for this early in the season. We’re expecting a hard freeze. Those are rare birds anyway but, to have one the first week of December is unusual. Must be all of the global warming we’re hearing about. You know: like the cold snap that hammered the east a few days ago. Nothing like brutal cold to make you a believer in global warming, don’tcha know. The climatologists in the early 1970’s were warning us about “global cooling” and we should be listening to them. Back then, they didn’t have computers that could be programmed to get the desired results. They just used hard evidence. How amazing.

 Before too awfully long, Ol’ Rancho Ran will have to grab each of his gas motor powered equipment and run them for awhile. They need to be started and run a bit to keep the gas from gunking up. I use “Sta-Bil” from time to time but usually don’t store stuff all that long to have to need it. The tractor needs a bit of attention but that can wait until warmer weather. I can still start it up and let it run for now and that's all it needs. Our mechanic is in Aridzona for the winter and will be back for his spring planting in late February or so. I'll give him a holler. He loves Ford 8N's and even has one himself.

 The weedeaters and 3.5K generator I think can be started with just a quick shot of starting fluid. It’s made mostly of ether which was the first anesthetic. So, you can just take a big sniff and have your tooth pulled while warming up your motor.

 We got to go see the grandkiddies for a couple of days down in Harbor City. That’s next door to Torrance and is about 200 miles as the Armadillo crawls. It was a nice time of fellowship, food, and a bit o' frolicking (the kids did the frolicking part. I did the “watch the kids frolic” part while comfortably parked). They are all a hoot plus a bag of chips. I’ve never seen a batch of kids as sharp, thoughtful, caring, well disciplined, and talented all in one place. They’re all believers too and attend church regularly.

 A couple of them are even in the Easter pageant that their church conducts each year. They recreate paintings and works of art that depict scenes from the Bible by using costumed and made up characters. It’s actually wild to see a masterpiece like the “Last Supper” literally come to life before your eyes!

 The van rolled into the driveway about 10:15 PM that evening. Because we departed in the middle of the rush hour we had to do our penance by parking on the 405 for about an hour. That was brilliant. So, the 4 hour trip took an hour longer.

That’s the skinny on the Ranch and its ranch hands, El Cheapo y Abuela Guapa. Stay tuned for more adventures from Rancho Relaxo. Good night Mrs. Calabash, wherever you are.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

RANCHO ESPRESSO

 The main little work horse espresso maker. I think I paid about 5 bucks for this little guy at a yard sale. It was like new. They retail for about 100 bucks.

The "Big Bertha" of espresso machines around here. The Breville is a nice espresso maker. I go in spurts and use this one for awhile then use the other ones. It's parked out in the garage until called upon to perform.

The vintage Benjamin and Medwin stove top machine. I used it the other day but it's not quite as convenient as the others. And, you know just how convenience oriented that Ol' Ran is.

Ah, yes. Nothing like a nice hot espresso cappuccino to help one greet the day. It's super to be able to grab a cuppa after showering (or before) and start the day checking e-mail and getting ready for the work ahead.

You may have already guessed that the Ranch has a bunch of espresso hanging around just waiting to be broken into. That is a correct; there is a lot of it play with. And  just like women, not all coffees are made alike. Sooooo….Ol’ Ran likes to sample this one and that one from hither and yon. I’ve tried the expensive Eye-Talian stuff and like it. It tastes great and should since some of it costs about 50% more than Starbucks. However, my assessment is that it isn’t worth the price difference.

Then, there’s the Cuban "La Llave" which, for a relatively cheap coffee, is pretty darn good. I use that to make both espressos and Cuban coffee.  It’s actually not a dark roasted coffee yet is very flavorful. Other espresso brands available here in Podunk are "Pilon", "Cafe' Bustelo", "Medalgia D'Oro", and "Goya". Local supermarkets also have private brand espresso coffee beans available.

I’m finding that Italian roasts are pretty good too. The difference between it and the French roast is only about 30 seconds in the roaster. The French roast is 40% or more ash which is fine….if you like ash. I like French roast regularly brewed but 90% of the time use it to make espresso and usually blend it with something else.  

 Another revvy is that just about any dark roasted coffee makes for good cappuccinos. I didn’t know that until I started grinding and blending different coffees. It isn’t so much the roast but rather the type (e.g. Columbian, Sumatra, Costa Rica, et. al.) and blend of beans. Light roasts aren’t used at all in making espresso that I can tell but just about all of the others roasts are. That's on top of the other revvy that "espresso" isn't a roast but a method of brewing coffee. Don'tcha just love coming into the light from utter darkness.

About all of the beans I use are premium "Arabica". The cheap “robusto” beans are bitter and nasty tasting and even dark roasted ones aren’t all that appealing. That’s the “Dollar Tree” stuff which appears to be a bargain but really isn’t because you just throw the stinky junk out later. Even Motel 6 doesn't use it. You just can't doctor that garbage up enough to make it potable. I think it's recycled truck stop coffee grounds that have been dried and repacked after adding ground up old tennis shoes to it.

 So far, I’ve been mixing some of the major brands together and coming up with some interesting brews. Adding a bit of Columbian to the mix is usually a winner. So far, it doesn't seem to matter which brand is used. They all come out fairly tasty. However, a dark/French roast Columbian is pretty hard to beat as an espresso or regularly brewed coffee. Around here French roast Columbian isn't available. Even on our vacation trips I can't find it anywhere. Not sure what that's all about since it's a sure fire great tasting coffee. In times past we could buy it locally but it isn’t available any longer. That means that I have to mix a medium with a dark roast.

 Something similar may be hitting the shelves because I just saw a can of “Dark Roast Columbian” the other day at “Town and Country Market” on west Olive St. It’s by the same marketer as the old “French Roast Columbian” so it’s likely that it’s just been repackaged. That would be nice. Until then, I’m just tossing in some medium roast Columbian with the regular French roasted stuff and home brewing a nice cup of cappuccino or latte’.  When the new coffee goes on sale, I'll snatch a can.

Yuban is pretty good coffee so I tried mixing their French Roast with Folger’s Columbian (medium roast) and came up with a decent blend. I’m now trying Eight O’ Clock French mixed with what all. It's fun to tinker with the different options. If it turns out to be goofy, then I just put more milk in it and thin it out a bit. Or, I  just toss in a bit of Starbucks which seems to make even the worst coffee taste better. I've been trying out Folger's different roasts and haven't been disappointed. Trying to find their "Bistro" style has been difficult because Porterville isn't a real town yet and not that many folks here drink exotic coffees. I've not yet broken into the dark roast Maxwell House and Hills Brothers coffees. All in due time, I suppose. 

 Speaking of espresso, you can’t have a cappuccino if you don’t have an espresso maker. Rancho Relaxo has no shortage of coffee making contraptions. We do, of course, have the standard “Mr. Coffee” style coffee maker. It’s a nice little 4 cupper which serves my purposes. Then, there’s the big Keurig pod monster. I can mix and match till the cows come home with that big baby. And, there’s the French press coffee makers (one large and one smaller one) that await commissioning. If that isn’t enough to pluck your duck, I have a large Turkish style Ibrik so I can make Turkish coffee. Actually, since it's so big, I don't use it at all. Instead, the little stainless steel milk steamer pot with a long handle works just fine for Turkish style brewing. I can probably use the big one when the Imams and Ayatollahs come for a visit, eh?

 

I also have a vintage Benjamin and Medwin stainless steel stove top espresso maker. Dear friend and brother, Jackson Wallen, in Cayucos has one and loves it. You can get one eBay for 50 bucks or so. They are well built and should last at least another 50 years or so without failing.

But, the cake taker isn’t that one or the electric Melitta espresso makers (one white and one black…as a back up…a man’s got to have a back up, don'tcha know). It’s the big stainless steel Breville espresso maker. She’s a beaut and she retails for about 400 clams. Now….Ol’ Ran isn’t about to chip for such an expensive boat anchor. However, he can be convinced that spending 100 bucks for the same machine is a good deal. The folks we got it from received it as a gift and they had no more desire to drink espresso coffee than getting a case of lymphocytic choriomeningitis. I was pleased to spare them any suffering.

 

Connie (bless her little non-coffee drinking heart) found it on Craig’s List so we picked it up and gave it a new home. It creates a great espresso. I do drink straight espressos but most of my drinks are cappuccinos. I prefer that even over the latte’s though that was the original drink for a long time until I learned the differences.

It’s nice to stuff different blends in it and try this and that coffee. I can run a batch of decaff through it too which comes in handy at night when a guy doesn't want to stay up all night but just wants to savor the flavor. How nice to snuggle up next to a hot cappuccino and sip it while tinkering on computers or such.

 

It's also nice to have a couple of different kinds of coffee grinders. We have one each of the mill type and the impact (whirly) type. Both have their pluses and minuses but I end up using the blade type most of the time for convenience sake (did I mention how convenience oriented I am?). True aficianados spend as much for their coffee grinders as they do for their coffee machines. Guess I'll be an amateur for the time being. It's certainly a lot less expensive that way.  

 I won’t run out of coffee for awhile. We knock over Costco from time to time and haul a batch home. Then, there are the close-outs. I won’t buy Starbucks at retail or sale prices but will load up when they dump some prior to “sell by” dates. I can’t buy too much, though, or it gets stale.

 Anyway, that’s some of the every day happenings here at Rancho Espresso. You can bet….. we stay awake and alert around here.  Maybe we should change the name to “Rancho Wide Awake-O”.

 

RANCHO VENDO

 

Well…..the big annual “Rancho Relaxo Apple Festival Yard Sale” has been concluded. That’s all we can sells ….we can’t sells no more. Talk about a “smash hit”! There were 22 sellers this year and the place was alive and crawling with bargain hunters! We had cars lined up for quite a distance on both sides of the highway! Many people commented that we were the biggest thing happening at the entire festival! That’s interesting since we are three miles west of the actual “Apple Festival” in beautiful downtown Springville.

Connie asked one lady how she liked the “Apple Festival” and she replied, “I didn’t come to see the festival. I only came for your yard sale”! How cool is that?!

There was little that couldn’t be found here. We had furniture, car and pickup tires, miscellaneous hardware, bric-a-brac, tractor implements, a few tools, computer parts and pieces, home furnishings and pictures, collectibles of all kinds and categories, and enough clothing to fill a dump truck!

We ended up with two sets of above-ground swimming pool mounting stands. When assembled, they form a perfect 15' circle so Connie came up with the idea to set up the poles then hang clothes on them for the yard sale! It keeps the clothing up off the ground and nice and tidy and ready for selection. The lady is one sharp Ginzu steak knife, eh?

One couple, James and Fern Hill, had recently closed their consignment shop. They brought a ton of stuff to sell up here and did just that! They made out very well so are “cappy hampers”.

 Connie made sure that the troops were well fed, too! We started with hot coffee and banana muffins on Friday morning. For lunch, there was “Okie Style” beans and bacon with fresh cornbread muffins served with real butter! What a treat! She then served freshly baked cookies! Oh, my!

 On Saturday, we had hot gourmet coffee and donuts for the morning. At noon, she served nachos with cheese sauce and a friend brought a chicken casserole! That was a hit with our valiant vendors!

On Sunday morning (I had to be at church but was home by about 1PM), there was freshly ground coffee galore again and Connie’s home-built apple-pecan muffins. They were dreamy! She wasn't finished just yet, though. There was a hot crock pot full of pulled pork for sandwiches, home-made potato salad, and home-made pork and beans, plus home-made apple sauce for lunch! There wasn’t enough left to feed a starving gnat! Everyone licked their plates and the serving bowls clean! Heck! They were even tracking down the serving spoons!

The pork was spiced with a mix of “Pappy’s Seasoning” and “Kirkland” brand (Costco) “Sweet Mesquite” seasoning. It must have worked because they kept coming back for more until there was none left! Connie was the heroine of the festival! There was no way she was going to let our friends go without enough energy to endure the huge “Sell-o-rama” at “Rancho Relaxo”!

“Maggie the Wonder Dog” was in her element. She had a great time of greeting folks. All of that greeting must have taken a great toll on her because she would flop down on the concrete driveway in the middle of one of the aisles between the tables (we had 12 long tables that held just our stuff!) and take a nap right under foot (bless her lil’ darlin’ doggie heart). The good news is that there weren’t as many stuffed animals as last year. She would discover someone’s pile of stuffed toys within reach and would help herself to them. It was a hoot! She must have thought that the Lord was blessing her with a bunch of new play toys so she just hauled them off, baptized them in dirt, tore their eyes out, and made them her own. “Maggie the Klepto Dog”….yeah…that’s her.

It took a year to prepare for this event. Connie was packing, racking, and stacking stuff hither and yon but mostly in the designated “yard sale” section of our barn (what? You don’t have a designated “yard sale” section in your barn?! Silly you!). She carefully cleaned and priced each item (hundreds of them!) and packed them away for the "big day". It made me tired just watching her, don'tcha know! It took three days to set up, there were three days of selling, and it’ll take almost a week to do the cleanup work.

What we didn’t sell and folks didn’t want to hassle with will be sent to a local thrift store (similar to “Good Will” or “Salvation Army”). They come up here with a small truck and pick stuff up. It just works out really well that way.

One cool thing is that Connie and I get to browse through all of those left behind goodies and see if there’s anything that we want! We’ve seen a couple of things that we can probably post on “Craig’s List” and make a few bucks. You may recall that free money is our friend here at the ranch! On top of that, people stop by even when we’re closed and buy stuff! We made 18 bucks on the Monday after the event was ended. One lady said that she had tried to stop the day before but couldn’t find a place to park anywhere reasonably close so she just skipped it. We said, “No worries” and took her money. She was happy and ….we were too. Today, a lady came by and bought some stuff so we're more than 20 clams to the good with that. I hadn't even showered yet (I'm delaying that chore as long as I can get away with it).

We’re all tired (“beat” is a bit closer to what we are) but it’s what you could call a “good tired”. We all had a great time of selling (making a profit is fun!), food, and fellowship. Though we now have the calm after the storm, everyone is looking forward to next year when we can all get together and sell, sell, sell! There were a couple of new faces this year, too, so we now have a couple of new friends. Most likely, there will be a couple more new friends next year too as this event takes on a life of its own. That’ll be grand!

We had to greet the day at about 6 AM for the duration which, of course, precluded my getting to be “Captain Underpants” while I drank my coffee, checked my e-mail, and checked my eBay listings, and otherwise prepared for the day. Things are wonderfully back to normal so I can return to “un-lax” mode in the mornings. Can you imagine how difficult it would be for Ol’ Ran to have to suffer having to greet the day without properly preparing for it? Perish the thought! Comfort zones die hard here at the ranch.

So, y’all stay tuned to the next adventure sure to follow here at “Rancho Vendo”. We’ll be looking out the venders to see what we can see and looking forward to what Vender Ran and Vender Connie are up to next. I can’t help but vunder.

 

P. S. sorry for not posting pictures. I had planned on doing that but things were so hectic that it slipped my Teflon-coated noggin.

 

 

 

 

RANCHO FIXO

The feed line to the water heater had to come over the top instead of the wall like before.

Sooooo....that's what our kitchen sink looks like from behind!

 

 Above and to the right are the same picture of the exterior wall looking from the patio toward the kitchen. The garage is on the left.

Another shot from the patio.

This is one of the three solar powered attic fans that we had them install. If we had not installed them, the county (great oracles of wisdom and thievery) would have required us to install "eyebrow vents" with the new roof.

 The pair of vents. The windows on the left are where my office/sweat shop is.

The vent on the garage is a different brand and model. We weren't quite sure at the time if we were going to put a single vent on the house so we just ordered two. Later, our contractor advised that having two on the house would be a good way to go so we boogied over to "Lowe's" and picked this one up.

A close up of the garage vent.

All three vents.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Well….the fix is in. We’ve finally got the new roof stuck on and the plumbing leak has been arrested (and charged with a misdemeanor). We’re officially back to square one….which seems to be a lot further away from my pocket book than I remembered.

Did you know that roofers and plumbers don’t work for free ….or peanuts? I think I may have missed my calling. You know….”Roofin’ Ran” sort of has a ring to it, eh? Maybe folks would call me “Ol’ Rufe” for short. I’m not trolling for votes at this time so….don’t. Besides, I don’t need no stinking hanging chads.

 Anyway, it’s nice to not have a bog or swamp in my back yard. Had we waited much longer I’m confident that we would have been alligator ranchers. Now, alligators do make great shoes and such but they really are tough to keep if for no other reason that they eat a lot….and….rather indiscriminately. I’m sure that we could explain away a few missing dogs and cats from the neighborhood but, after awhile, folks would, no doubt, encourage us to raise hogs instead (probably at the point of a gun).

 Maybe we could have raised guppies or minnows for fishing. After all, Lake Success is a mere 6 miles from here. At 3 bucks per bucket of 25 or so, I could make a bit of extra gas money for my boat (that hasn’t been wet yet). That, on the other hand, would have necessitated moving Connie’s clothesline to some other location. I didn’t ask her opinion about relocating it given that I knew what the answer would be. I was prepared to offer great evidence of how advantageous it would be to have another income source. But, I wasn’t prepared to see the scowl and grimace on her face even after presenting such compelling evidence. So, there was no way that the “Minnick Minnow Marketing and Management" maneuver was going to fly. We just fixed the dang leak. Part of the good news is that the water pressure is back up in the shower. No more having to run around in the shower to get wet. I hate that.

 We still have to have the contractor glue our siding back on for us. The plumber did a great job of not destroying the wall and siding but he’s a plumber and not a builder. We decided that it would be best to call the guy (now a good friend) who finished our barn and patio. Nice guy and quite competent (unlike Klepto The Clown who built the barn in the first place. We’re still smarting from his complete lack of concern for us and our project).  Though our wall looks like it barely survived the bombing of Berlin, it will look just fine.

 And, we won’t have to concern ourselves with rain drops falling on our head for about thirty years (the warranty on the new roof). The tradesmen (only one spoke English that I could tell and that was the contractor) did a great job and tidied up after themselves. They installed our three solar-powered attic fans for us too. That should help with the utility bill by a few percentage points. We stuck two on the house and one on the garage.

 The big “Springville Apple Festival 2013” yard sale extravaganza is almost upon us. It’s slated for Oct. 18-20 and Connie has been hustling around like a duck in a dry pond getting stuff (ours and others’) ready for the big sale. We will have around 20 sellers this year and could even tally more in the next week or so. Last year saw 22 vendors (I run Vendors 7 on my computer, yah sure!). It’s a lot of work but it’s also a lot of fun. We usually whip up a batch of stew and baked goods for everyone and just have at it. Everyone dips into their ice chests and grabs their goodies and away we go.  It works out great for us because there is a lot of stuff that doesn’t sell on eBay that we can sell and recoup our investment. To make matters even better, we often find a “free box” at random yard sales that we haul off. We may profit only a few bucks from it but, it’s FREE MONEY and free money is our friend. Also, it’s not all that rare that someone will simply give us their yard sale tailings because they have neither the time nor inclination to deal with them. No problemo. We have a solution that we can all live with. That’s why we have a nice 4’ x 8’ stake side trailer and, if that isn’t large enough, a really nice  6’ x 12’ covered trailer (aka “Heffalump”) with which to haul our booty.

Maggie the Wonder Dog will be in her element making sure that, after she sniffs and greets everyone, she'll be in their way. For reasons known only to her and God, she likes to flop down in the middle of the driveway where a hundred people are and insure that folks have to walk around her. *SIGH*.

 That’s what’s happening (for now) at “Camp Swampy”. Stay tuned for the further adventures of the Not-So-Dynamic Duo, Connie and Randy the Yard Sale Champions.

 

 

 

 

 

 

RANCHO BLASTO!!

This is genuine "stuff" lying peacefully on the floor after being flung from its resting place on the counter. It was on fire so it didn't mind.

The black junk that you see in the pic to the right is from the batteries themselves. I really didn't want to see all of the insides of a LI-ion battery today.

This is what's left of the LI-ion batteries that partially reverted back to their molecular state. The little headlight you see is a powerful LED that thinks it belongs on a Harley. I actually think it would work! It was to be hooked to the battery that was recharging.

Here is the now-unplugged charging unit to which the battery was hooked. You can see a scorched area at the top right.

What a mess.

What's left of the "b o m b" battery.

Another messy shot.

The second battery. There were two batteries in the one pack that powered the LED headlight. I really loved this setup but will need to find another source for headlights. This was a real confidence buster.






Well…..there I was (.....again........being wherever it was that I hadn’t started from in the beginning but not where I was when I last said, “There I was….minding my own business....” in the last Rancho update)......minding my own business and taking a 10 minute rest break from doing as little as possible on a marvelously beautiful 75 degree day that screamed “DAY OFF!!”. The allure of even the thought of that was a bit difficult to comprehend but we did managed to skirt much of our non-planned day as we could….up to a point. The “point” was when I had just stretched out on the bed to relax and wonder what I wasn’t going to do next. There was a loud “POP!” kind of like the sound of 24 gallon bottle of Champagne being opened. It grabbed my attention like a starving gorilla grabs a chimps last banana.

Thinking that maybe Connie had lost her grip on something that weighed about 200 pounds and it smashed into the floor (which should have spoken a bit more loudly to my not-quite yet foggy brain), I slipped back into “un-lax” mode. That lasted for all of about 15 seconds or so when another loud “POP!” scorched the air. Knowing that I couldn’t possibly have two 24 gallon bottles of champagne in the house, there was cause for concern.

 In only a few seconds Connie’s voice made a potentially disconcerting affirmation: “Honey! There’s a fire in the kitchen!”. The last time I checked, fires in the kitchen were not our friends. Before you could say, “Randy, you need to go into the kitchen and check out the fire and maybe do something about it before it burns the house down”, I was in the kitchen checking out the fire before it could burn the house down.

 The fire was on the counter of what we deem the “sewing room” (adjacent to the kitchen) and near the rear door to the outside. Thankfully, it was localized to about a 24” square area but fires double in size every 60 seconds. That meant that Captain Molasses Brain would have to refrain from thinking and simply allow his experience and instincts to take control.

 Just as thankfully, that did happen. I simply slid the stuff off into the floor (I have considerable training in “stuff sliding”) while directing faithful Head Cook and Assistant Fire Chief, Connie, to grab the fire extinguisher from the garage (only a few feet from the kitchen….and…yes…there will be an extinguisher much closer to the rear from now on). She dutifully complied while I did the “Loo-zee-anna Fire Stomp” on the mess. It sort of came naturally so I didn't have to think and I didn’t even need lessons (you would have been proud!). Hey! It could even be the next dance rage!

The fire extinguisher wasn't used this time as the fire was out by the time Connie returned with it. But, I then called for a pan of water with which to quench the still smoldering mass of formerly good stuff. “No need to drown the place, Ran”, I cautioned myself and merely localized the dousing. Still, it would have been comforting to have a charged 1 ½” fire hose at hand just in case things got out of hand. 

 While all of this was transpiring, I wondered what on earth would precipitate such a dynamic that would so rudely deprive me of my doping off time. Ah, then the 30 watt LED’s kicked in. Earlier, I had been mindlessly tinkering (tinkering is not working) with my motorized Schwinn Meridian trike and had pulled the compact battery pack from the headlight so as to recharge it. Some of you boys are already getting the picture on this. I had plugged in the Li-Ion battery to the charger which is located….near the back door on the counter in the sewing room. For whatever reason, the batteries malfunctioned and overheated which caused them to explode. Many thanks to Chinese battery manufacturer, Zing Pow Ding, for helping me lose my catnap and for the mess we had to clean up.

 There was sufficient energy release to actually penetrate the counter top in one small spot. The items that were ignited caused  major blistering as well. Most likely, the counter will need to be replaced. Black stuff and junk from the batteries was hurled across the isle and onto the opposite counter making for a bit of a mess. It could have been much worse, though, so we’re not complaining. Besides, I may not be able to retrieve my ten minute catnap but I can take two of them tomorrow, eh?

 A couple of days ago, right out of the blue (literally), we had a bunch of clouds cruise in from the east. Though there was no forecast for clouds or anything other than “sunny and clear”, the wind picked up to about 25 knots or so with gusting that gave every indication that we were in for a rehearsal of the previous (unannounced) blow. Great. Guess what it was time to do? Yep…we zipped out to the carport and took down the cover that we had just installed (with new rope) a few days ago. Want to know what the “bummer dude” catch was to this event? 30 minutes later the wind was calm. Can you spell, “GRRRRRRRRR”?

More “News to Make You Snooze”….we are suffering from a diagnosed “Slab Leak”. Nope….. that’s not when your ham shank is loosing its smoke flavoring all over the shelf in the fridge. It means that there is a water line leak under the concrete slab on which the house was built.

One option is to localize the event then start breaking concrete out, fix the leak, and cover with more concrete. The first impulse is to do that. However, because all of the pipes are copper and all of them have been sitting peacefully under the slab, any one of them may leak at any time. It may be a week, or a year, or a decade but there will be another leaky pipe.

 That possibility leads to another option which is to “plumb over”. That means the plumber will cut the existing water supply and re-pipe the place with the piping going over the and through the house. It’s twice as expensive as the other way but it all but eliminates above ground leak issues. We’re probably going to go that route and simply buy the peace of mind.

 The estimate is in for the roof damage too. The roofer from Bakersfield gave the insurance adjuster a quote of 2200 bucks and change. They, in turn, sent us a check for 700 dollars for the amount above the deductible. However, we had already advised the nice adjuster lady to contact us prior to having the insurance company pay us. If the amount was only a small amount over the deductible, we were simply going to just pay for the damages so we wouldn’t have a claim against the insurance policy which would make us subject to a rate increase. She didn’t do that. So, we contacted the claims agency and unwound the deal altogether.

As if that were not enough to feed your catfish, we had wanted to keep our business locally and got a couple of bids from our area. Come to find out, the local guys were half the price of the clown from Bakersfield! All things tallied, we’ll just pony up and get everything done ourselves.

Instead of repairing a 20 year roof, we’re going to replace it and have them install two nice solar powered attic vents while they’re at it. Those things are supposed to cut cooling costs by a few percentage points and I'm into the "saving" thing. We’ll still have to fix our fence and our well house gates and such but that’s no biggy.

That’s the story….going from blow to blast here at the Ranch and setting the stage for other overhauls. We'll end up with a completely new house if this keeps up! Stay tuned. The hits just keep coming.

 

HUH?!

. 

Limbs and such from our poplar trees on the west side of the house. We don't have room for a wood burning stove (bummer, dude) or we would cut and stack this stuff up for next winter.

 

 
 
 
 

Here we have a perfectly good lawn tractor being used as a door stop. The wind wrecked the hinges on the pump house and the door won't stay closed so we...exercised one of our options.

 

 
 
 
 
 



This is looking east toward the mountains. The debris is actually from the east side of the roof of the barn. Connie and I watched in awe as the wind lifted it up and dumped it on the opposite side. Then , it hurled a bunch of it at us and whacking our car and fence. I had to dive for the dirt to keep from getting smacked with one of the 2' x 10' slices of metal roofing. I can only do that once but I did do it well this time.

More roofing material. This same neighbor replaced the entire roof on his home which sits back to the left of this picture.

"Hey! Anybody seen my shingles?" We got off light on the deal. There were some missing shingles and the flashing has to be hammered down but not much else.

We just replaced this fence a couple of years ago. A chunk of roofing from the neighbor's barn hit it. This is Connie's clothesline area.

The neighbor also lost half of his oak tree. Later, the fallen parts were cut up and stacked then hauled off.

 
 



This is the front carport without the canopy. We had to pull it off during the big blow so that it wouldn't sail off to the coast.

The "Minnick Computer Services" sign was propped up against the white wagon wheels and presented such a "barn door" when the wind blew that it shoved the wheels over. They are mounted in concrete too.

Because the wind was blowing from the east, the limbs and branches fell away from the house. That was nice.

 

That's the neighbor's house to our west and this is the west side of the house. The metal on the ground is from the barn to our east.

Anybody want to buy some good used shingles?

It was mighty nice of our neighbors to babysit our tree limbs until we could get them all cleaned up.

 

Another casualty of the big blow

The canopy for our carport ended up on the front porch when Connie drug it over there to keep the wind from stealing it.

 

I don’t know about everyone else, but Connie and I are standing around (running around, actually) shaking our heads and wondering where on earth the time has been going. It’s like being on a bullet train where you get on and, instead of taking hours to complete the trip, you’re there in no time plus a pit stop.  Perhaps Stephen King was correct and the Langoliers are chomping away at the minutes and hours. 

 The first of the month just got here and yet…..we’re in the middle of the month already. We greet the day only to find ourselves ready for bed in what seems like only a couple of hours. The year is ¾ used up and it’s as though we have accomplished so little. That probably wouldn’t be such a big concern except that there is still so much to accomplish.

 F’rinstance, though I did complete the trike project, Connie’s trike is patiently waiting to be assembled and the motor is certainly abiding in silence so that it can be allowed to express itself in noise and bluster.

 And….there are the longsuffering trees that could use a nice drink of water. They don’t complain though their portion is river water (and we know what fish do there). They’re a bit stressed but then, I would be too if I were starting to wilt around the edges.

 And....we now have to account for the repairs from our big blow. That was a mess. The neighbor is having his roof replaced on both his home and his old barn. The east side of the roof of his barn (400 free to the east) ended up in our yard. One chunk of corrugated roof hit our van and scuffed the paint on the back and top as it flew into and then over it. How nice that we had just had the rear re-painted and the previous damage fixed. Then a 10’ x 2” x 4” rafter flew over and landed on our (newer) back yard fence and smashed a section of that. It’s a smallish area for Connie’s clothesline with cute white fencing (until now).

 And….we have a few trees and a couple of vines that need to be replaced simply because they croaked on us. Try as I might, I’ve only been able to kill a very few plants while the rest of them mock me with their leaves and limbs and thrive anyway. For whatever reason we did lose a couple of apple trees (saplings), peach and plum trees, (ditto), and a couple of grape starts that failed to thrive. The rest of the 12 vines are struggling but I suppose that that isn’t any wonder given the fact that our front yard area is about as fertile as a Sears parking lot. I’ve had to maintain a pretty strict water regimen lest I end up with dried grape leaf table ornaments. Ah, but that’s some of the problem; I’m having difficulty with the “strict” part. I just don’t recall that term being used much in connection with my name. “Strict Ran”…naw…not much of a ring to it.

 And….the pump house lattice gate hinges were trashed when the wind wrenched them free and commenced to violate them by whipping them like a red headed step child. It may be best just to pull them off and replace them rather than try to fuss and fight with them to straighten them out again.  

 And….we’re dealing with a roofer who will be replacing the shingles that were hustled into the next county. While we’re at it, we have determined to install a couple of solar powered attic vents to help assuage the cooling costs during the summer time. We estimate a utility savings of about 3-5% or so. One of the vents will go on the garage so that our stored goods will remain usable for a longer time. The barn sports two nice ones and we like them and the idea of their being self sufficient. The ones we’re eyeballing have a life-time warranty (I keep wondering whose life).

 And…wait folks….there’s more (your Ginzu Knife commercial for the day)! We are getting ready for the big “Apple Festival” yard sale that we host each year. Most likely, there won’t be quite as large a turn out as last year but this will still be a major event. There could be 15 or more venders this year as compared to 22 last time. Some folks have little to sell and others have little time to spare. Connie (“Yard Sale’er in Chief”) has been prepping for this thing since the last one ended and is getting her boxes in a row. It’s a tough job but…I support her all that I can …when I have time…and if my pom-poms are working. A big hug usually works now and again.

 It’s a hoot because we go dumpster diving for boxes when we go to town. We’re getting good at it! I could change my name to “Delbert” so they can call me “Delbert the Dumpster Diver”. Has kind of a ring to it, eh? On one occasion, we ran across a dumpster in the ally (downtown) that had a ton of personal items in it. I appeared that it could have been the tailings of a broken relationship where the gal pal tossed her bad boyfriend’s goodies into the trash. There was some really nice “stuff” including clothes for our yard sale and even a couple of things for eBay. You just never know what you’ll find. In any case, it evolved into some free money….free money is my friend.

 Speaking of water…there is no (N O) water flowing in the Tule River below Springville. It’s almost eerie to go to the Lower Globe Road bridge (.6 miles down the road from us) and see puddles of water instead of a stream. There is a small flow into Springville but the ditch company siphons off what little water there is for its clients (among whom are the Minnicks). This is the driest season in recent history (at least since the 1930’s when they began keeping records). We received less than 6” of rainfall this season (about 11” is the norm). A couple of T-storms in the high country helped a tiny bit but it still only manifested as a trickle by the time it got to us. The trout are seen hitch-hiking to the lake.

 Contrast that with places like Oklahoma where they have seen a few times when the rain was falling at the rate of one inch per hour. In other words, they get is much rain in one day as we get in one year! In the rain forest area of the Olympic Peninsula in Washington state, they get around 200 inches per year! Talk about “green”!

 Not long ago, Longview, WA was undergoing a “drought” and folks were complaining. I was unable to wrap a brain cell around their “problem” because they only got about 30” of rain for the year and had the confluence of the Columbia and Cowlitz Rivers at hand. And, unlike California, there was not so much as a smudge of brown to be seen. Hmmmmmm. Wonder what those folks are thinking?

 In any event, things are mighty brown around town (his says with a frown as he wears his britches upside down). I’ve started trying to do the “drip irrigation” gig and will probably stay with that. It would be nice to just use the “soaker hoses” too but the ditch/irrigation water has a lot of particulate matter so it clogs all the filters/screens and small holes in the hoses in short order. It works great for about 5 minutes. There is a screen at the weir but, for some reason, it still isn’t 100% effective in junk removal. That is actually an issue even when using the impulse/impact sprinklers. I’m always having to carry a crescent wrench around so I can pop off the sprinkler and clean it out or replace it. It’s a full-time job (which fits right in with my other two full-time jobs).

 But, that’s part of the point; I don’t have time to keep up with all of this stuff the way that it needs to be done. Some of our orange trees are getting stressed and I don’t like that. Our oranges are usually as sweet as candy but not this time.

 Also, we have four loquat trees that have yet to have anyone (wonder who) harvest them. They produce a marvelously sweet fruit and are so bountiful that some of the limbs break down. They would be excellent for canning but I simply can’t get to it and they go to waste. I hate that. Now that we have our canning and dehydrating supplies and equipment pretty much ready we can (hopefully) prevent this lamentable loss next season.

 Our tangerine tree is a mess, too. The fruit is almost dehydrated on the tree. Eating one is like eating a shoe box dipped in Kool-Aid that has not sugar added. I was able to put some water on it for a few days and let it get a good soaking. We won’t lose the tree but I think it’s still mad at me.

 Maggie the Wonder Dog (“Maggasaurus” for short) is still happy and healthy and still as sweet as a box of Ju-Jubes. She’s still goofy too but at least she’s worthless. She loves us and we love her so all is well in the pet department. And, apparently, so is her crop of fleas. The poor dog has been treated (twice) with that expensive goop that you apply along the spine area and she is still suffering. There is a new collar that is suppose to work miracles at killing fleas so I’ll try to get one. I think it has an army of nano-bots parked inside that flood out and track down the fleas and whack them with tiny laser weapons. The dog will turn me in to the ASPCA or PETA if I’m not more mindful.

 I have a new espresso maker! She’s a beaut! It’s a “Melita”/”Salton” brand. Talk about a “deal-and-a-half”! We were in the thrift store the other day and Connie saw this white espresso maker sort of hiding behind some other appliances (all of her kitchen stuff is white including my small old espresso maker). When we looked at it, it was new! Well, it was the white version of the black model that we recently acquired as a backup unit! That meant that I could ditch the small one for this one that has more control over the steam for frothing! This particular model retails for 119.95 (on sale for probably 89-99 bucks, no doubt)! We purchased it for….6 bucks! Of course, I had it on the counter in no time and making great espresso coffee with which to please my discriminating palate (uh-huh). It brews in less than half the time of the other one, too! Zowie! It makes enough foam to cover the entire kitchen counter, too….but I only did that once. I know how to use it properly now.

Most of the time the coffee used around here is a blend of “whatever dude” that I have around the place (many pounds of many roasts, grinds, and brands). For instance, lately I’ve been using a 50/50 blend of med-dark roast Folgers “Columbian” coffee mixed with a 50/50 blend (pre-blended) of generic S&F “French Roast” de-caff and regular “Espresso” dark roast. It’s produced a truly excellent coffee latte’. Another experiment was using Folgers “French Roast” with a generic “French Roast” de-caff. Interestingly, the Folgers “French Roast” is a bit lighter than the usual FR. To me, it’s more of an “Espresso” roast because it doesn’t have the deep black oily presentation. In any case, it was a fair cup of java but I’ll likely just use it (Folgers) in the regular coffee maker (my little white four cupper) for now.

“S&W” brand used to have a “French Roast Columbian” roast that was the bee’s knees but they stopped marketing it for some reason. I loved that stuff! When still playing music with the “Cedar Grove Bluegrass Band” with Don and Shirley Gerber, Shirley would brew us up a jug of that stuff and …my oh, my! …what a treat! After they discontinued it, we were all bummed out.  However, I did notice that “Town and Country Market” has recently started carrying “S&W” “Dark Roast Columbian”. My guess is that, if it’s not the same exact coffee that I miss so much, it’s close enough to be used in an espresso maker for making latte’s. We shall soon see since our church is right around the corner (literally) from there!

The “borate bombers” are flying over again. We have a fire up on the “Western Divide” not far out of the “Peppermint Creek” area. Thankfully, it’s not a large one like the latest “Rim Fire” at Yosemite. It’ll be the largest California fire in our history when they finally stomp that one out. It’s amazing to me…the forests have been around for….how long?....and we come along and try to “save” them by “managing” them. So, what happened when we started tree hugging? We are losing millions of acres of forest and kill who knows how many animals. Brilliant, eh?

 Earlier this summer, there was a fire only a few miles from here on one of the hillsides near the lake. The bombers swooped in and brought that one under control in no time. It was just the brown grass and a few trees and not a forested area. My guess is that the fire only scorched about 150 acres or so. It was uncomfortably close to the “Montgomery Ranch” estates, though, and the good folks there were probably sweating bullets and changing “Huggies” for awhile. This entire area is a tender box so everyone is in “high alert” for fire hazards.

Stay tuned for more of who knows what. It could be interesting.