THE LATEST FROM RANCHO RELAXO FEBRUARY 2011

Update from Rancho Relaxo

Well, what can I say? The sunshine around here is 12” deep and rising. I just had to turn on the A/C in my van to melt the two feet of heat that we had. It was almost like mid April! Not that I’m complaining, you understand.

However, it is a bit of a bummer that I have some really nice winter clothing but…land sakes alive! Winter hasn’t gotten to us yet!! Imagine having to leave your beautiful brown leather jacket (the one that makes you looks so “swave and deboner”) in the car all of the time! Who would think that you would almost always get to wear your “Jerusalem cruisers” in January and February?!

As part of the "joys of life", we just spent two unplanned days in LA. Such an event is called an “adventure”. That’s when your plans all fail or you don’t have a plan. We went down to pick up our trailer that we bought from a guy in Springville who recently moved to Santa Ana. He called us to advise that he was finished moving and that we could take possession of the trailer. When we got down there and hooked it up, the lights were DOA. Great! Come to find out, the guys that mounted our new hitch didn't check to see if there was any voltage at the connector! Say, WHAT?  That's a really basic and standard procedure! Soooooooo.....it was late in the day and we surely couldn't haul the trailer 200 miles in the dark and especially NOT on Interstate 5. That just wasn't going to happen. We had to head for a motel and call it a day. I can't say that I didn't appreciate the rest. I usually work until midnight or so. So, this was actually a respite of sorts even though it left me playing catch up with the rest of my work for the remainder of the week.

Believe it or not, I watched a few things on TV!! Back at home, we have elected to not sign up for Dish Network (or what all) and don't watch TV except when at others' houses our when we're on vacation. Not much is missed because we can catch most of the important news on the Internet. We haven’t watched Network TV in two decades.

It was enjoyable to watch the Discovery Channel. I prefer the Military Channel but not all motels subscribe to it. Most of the time, I don't have time to watch even the favored programs. It's no big deal since I enjoy what I do and prefer not to get too far behind in business and such. Besides, who will mow the lawn and take the weedeater for a stroll? Who will update the BLOG?! ACK!! LOL!

Anyway, we stayed the night at a motel in Downey. The next morning we finally located a dealer with the parts and pieces that would make it all work (this final one being our sixth stop for help). Two days, four hours at the last dealership in Hawthorne, and 200 bucks later......we're good to go. Ain't life great?! HAR! In the end, we needed three micro-relays and two fuses to power the towing package for the Freestar.

The good news is we now have a beautiful white 8X12 enclosed trailer that can help us out around the "ranch". She's sporting two new tires and a spare too! We've already boogied around looking for yard sales and things to haul!

Like I said, the "The Pick'em Up Truck Store" didn't check to see if the wiring was "hot" when we bought the nice new Class III receiver hitch. That would have taken a grand total of about 60 seconds to make the test. I called them and they were quite apologetic about the matter. When I advised them that I had lost two days work and had to spend a hundred bucks for a motel and a couple of unexpected meals et. al, they were very understanding. We were able to negotiate a 150 dollar "settlement" for the matter. I'm still upside down on the deal but that's about what I would have ended up with had I decided to take time off to sue them in court. "Life in the big city", eh?

The big Ford 4.2L V-6 (about 256 CID or about the size of an early to mid-‘60’s Ford V-8) engine hauls the trailer without even breathing hard, I’m pleased to say. There are a lot of things that we can haul but we can also save a few bucks by hauling our garbage about 1.5 miles to the dump instead of paying to have it done. We’ve saved at least 50% so far by doing it ourselves.

We’re also doing some major investing in the upgrading of the house and property. For one thing, there's a new Weber Genesis E320 grill with a rotisserie about to land on our turf in a week or two (it’s being held up by the snow, don’tcha know. That global warming thing, I suspect). We want to have options if the natural gas isn’t available. There is also a nice newer Weber charcoal briquette grill we can use as a backup but have thought to see if we can use it as one of the smokers. Still checking it out.

Then there’s the 10KW residential propane generator that was just delivered. We’re having a large propane tank mounted next to the house and inline with the generator. If the fertilizer hits the ventilator, politically and financially speaking, then we will have options. Options are our friends.

Add to that the new residential water filter that should arrive in a few days. The idea is to not have only have access to our well water (the 20 year old pump and tank are being replaced this next Thursday) but to also have access to our ditch water. We have Tule River water via a ditch/canal that we use for year around irrigation. However, if you just filter out the crayfish, frogs, and a few dirt clods, the water is potable. So, we’re tapping into our 2” irrigation line and filtering it with a course pre-filter that will then go to the other pre-filter and then to the main house filter. All we have to do is twist a valve and it will be immediately available to the house. It’s gravity feed so there’s no need for a pump. In other words, the commies and NAZI’s can’t keep us from getting water!

I just added a few thous and rou nds of am m o to the ar senal too. The gummit is watching for those pesky pa triots who actually believe that the Constitution is the law of the land and who believe the Second Amendment. So, this is how you defeat their Internet fil tering system). The hope is to have a heavy cali ber h and g un to the list along with a deer ri fle. We have deer in this area so it wouldn’t bother me a bit to eat venison for dinner if needs be. I’m not a sportsman. If I need to harvest a deer for meat, I can do so with all good conscience. But, I won’t just kill for sport unless the local deer population is under duress from over population.

Included in the larder are more than 30 rods and reels. I’ve managed to pick up fishing tackle for nickels on the dollar and then overhaul and re-line them. This makes sense when you consider that we live .6 miles from the Tule River and only 5 miles from Success Lake. Plus, I have probably 350 dollars worth of new lures and tackle which should last for a good while. Some of the tackle will can be used for barter and such.

There are several backup plans that include small propane cookers and there are numerous flashlights and lanterns. For some reason, I am particularly proud of my kerosene lantern collection! Not sure why that is but I’m betting that it has something to do with the fact that I used to do my homework by the light of a kerosene lamp in 1956 in the second grade at Twin Lakes, CO. We picked up several of them at yard sales along with the kerosene at a fraction of retail value.

We also just took possession of a big beautiful stainless steel commercial vacuum sealer. What a beaut! She sucks the air out and seals the bags with the greatest of ease! This will come in handy along with the huge new 21 qt aluminum pressure cooker/canner that also just arrived the other day. We can …can…with the best of them now!

Connie also has 4 dehydrators and we’re looking to get a couple of commercial models as well. These will be handy because we have 23 orange trees and a couple of lemon trees out back. In fact, we have a couple of apricot trees to boot. The neighbor has proven his disdain for his pomegranate tree so we may just “appropriate” some of them. I’ve been pruning it and nurturing it anyway….and the laborer is worthy of his hire, eh?

Then, there are the smokers. We hope to get a large smoker or two so that we can smoke and jerk our meats and game. There are quail, pheasants, wild turkeys, deer, squirrels, and fish of all kinds in our neighborhood.

If all goes well, we may be able to work in a garden. There’s plenty of room but the deer have a way of strip mining the place. We found that out a couple of years ago. If we can account for that, I’ll disc up the place and bring in some fertilizer. A nice tall fence will help, no doubt.

A medium sized hen house would be great too. Fresh eggs are hard to beat because they are so much tastier than the ones purchased in a store. That’s still in the planning stages, though. The hard part is that the local coyotes love chickens for dinner. We’re working on that one too.

The big deal is the new barn that we are having constructed. It’ll be 16’ X 32’ and will have an upper loft/story for storage. This means that the garage can be used for…gasp…..cars (or at least one car)!! The entire garage for now is filled to the gunnels with stuff of every imaginable sort. We’re going to clear the thing out and start all over! The contractor will probably get started within a couple of weeks or so.

Anyway...that’s the news from “Rancho Relaxo”. Stay tuned for more of the exciting and not-so-exciting adventures of “Captain Sweetie” and “Connie the side-cook” (she really meant to say “side kick” but her slip of the tongue STUCK! HEHEH!).